Tumor is an ugly word...

So, SURPRISE!!! I figured out (thanks to one of my awesome friends who posted a link) how to put up the donations link!! I will try to donate to myself shortly so I can be sure it works :)
I also figured out (all by myself!) how to add a ticker to the bottom of the page that shows how many times the blog has been viewed. I linked it in, refreshed the page, and my jaw dropped. At the time we were at 788!! SEVEN HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EIGHT!! That's FABULOUS!! Maybe 100 of those views are mine, I don't know... But even so, that's a TON! So, as always... THANK YOU for reading, sharing and following.

I am amazed, as usual, by how many people are touched by our story. We got many friend requests on Facebook last night, from people who read our story which was shared by a mutual friend. We also got SO many messages. Some were people just thanking me for sharing our story. Some were just telling us that we are an inspiration. Others were from people asking me to hurry up and set up that donation box. And then there was my favorite message...
One of our favorite people sent us a message, wanting to help out with the fundraising. She also happens to be an amazing photographer (who photographed our wedding and did our engagement session, and her pics are the big ones on this blog, my profile pic is from another Jennifer who is also a photographer!) and wants to set up a day in March where she will do twelve 15-minute sessions with proceeds going to us. For about $35 (that number is not final), the people will get about 15 pictures on a CD! First of all, that's a great price. Second of all, she takes AMAZING pics!! She is really putting herself out there, thats a lot of time on her part not just to take the pics but to edit them and make 12 CDs. I'm SO excited about this, and all the fundraisers. I'm basically on cloud 9 right now :)

I don't have any other updates yet about the other fundraisers. So many people are volunteering their time, resources and ideas. All for us. I would tell you how much this all means to us if I could find the words... but I can't... for once I'm speechless!

Yesterday's blog post gave me a massive headache. Reliving that day wasn't easy, even when I was taking breaks to watch the Winter Classic and look around on Pinterest. Today's post won't put me through that, surely.

So I left off when we passed out from exhaustion after that awful day at the emergency room....
I wish I could say that WE slept well that night. We were exhausted, and I slept like a rock. If you have ever had a colonoscopy and had to do the prep, you probably know how well Danny slept... or didn't... He was up many times throughout the night to go to the bathroom.
My alarm went off, before either of us were ready to get up and head to this appointment. I decided to take a book to try to keep my mind off of things. Vickie was meeting us at the doctor's office. The three of us were the first people there besides a receptionist and nurse. They had Danny fill out his paperwork and then took him back. I pulled out my book, read a word or two... looked around the waiting room. Read those same words again, looked around again. Who can concentrate on a book at a time like this?!?! Not me!! There was a TV  on and I tried to pay attention to that, didn't work...
Dr Hyder came in, told us good morning. He stood in front of Vickie and I and was so positive.
"I have looked at those scans again a few more times. I'm really thinking this all might actually be his appendix. Those emergency room scans aren't always dependable. And I really think I should've been able to feel that tumor myself if its that low in his colon. We are going to do the scope to check still, but I'm really thinking he needs a repeat CT." To say a weight was lifted is an understatement. Dr Hyder headed to the back to begin on Danny. I sent my mom a text, telling her what Dr Hyder had just said. I think I may have sent a few friends a text too, telling them I was feeling so positive and happy and just KNEW he was right. I knew it. Finally I could concentrate on the tv or my book. No need to be worried and stressed, all will be fine!
A short while later (it's still crazy to me how fast they can do a colonoscopy!) a nurse came out and got Vickie and I. "Go ahead and have a seat in here, Danny is getting changed and he and Dr Hyder will be right in." Oh look, another waiting room! This one at least had posters... of your digestive tract. Oh look, there's your gallbladder, I had that removed a few years ago. There's the appendix that Danny needs to get rid of... There's... what is that? Colon cancer. Ugh, awful drawing. Time to look somewhere else.
Danny came in and I told him what Dr Hyder had said before he went in for the scope. I was still so happy! He was sipping on a 7-up or sprite or some other kind of pop. Said he felt okay and was ready for some food...
And in comes Dr Hyder.... He didn't look so positive, but I can tell you one thing, he looked DETERMINED. Paperwork in hand (with pictures, oh joy!), he sat down.
"Ok, so we did a colonoscopy on you as you know. This is what we found... There is a tumor in your sigmoid colon." At this point he showed us using the diagram on the wall. I HATE THAT STUPID DIAGRAM. Then pointed to the picture on the paperwork. A PICTURE of his tumor. I HATE THAT TUMOR. Oh, I've got to stay positive, that's right. Snap to it, Destiny. Pay attention...
"It's so low in your colon that if it was ANY bigger at all, I would recommend radiation first, to shrink it. But, I'm confident that we can get in there and get it all out and I won't need to take any more colon any lower than here..." More pointing at that diagram that I hate.
"Now, when is your honeymoon cruise I've heard so much about?"
"Uhhh.... ummm... it's...." Crap! When is it?! I've been planning this sucker for a year and I can't remember the dates?! My mind is blank. It's an empty fish bowl. There's nothing in here... Tumor... radiation.. surgery... oh, he asked me about the cruise didn't he? JULY... July what?!?!
"Oh uhh we leave July 17th for Florida and the cruise is July 19-26th."
"Plenty of time. Ok, we will get you in for surgery next week. You will recover in time to make it on that cruise, I will be sure of it!!" At this point a nurse peeks her head in and tells Dr Hyder something that at the time I didn't hear because again, all I could think was TUMOR, radiation, surgery, TUMOR TUMOR TUMOR I hate this I hate this I hate this. Tumor is such an ugly ugly word. And now here's a picture of this tumor and it's an ugly THING.
"Ok, then it's all set! Great!" Wait, what? What's set? Dang it, I've GOT to get with it here!! I think my face showed Dr Hyder that I had NO idea what was set... so he repeated...
"Your surgery is set for Wednesday morning. ___ will get all of it down on paper for you. You will need to go in for a pre-op CT scan on Monday, and bloodwork will need to be done then too." Who will get it on paper? That nurse that was just in here? What was her name?
"You will need to be in the hospital for about 5 day." FIVE DAYS?!?! Oh my gosh. Ok, Danny is out of school for summer break, so that's good. But he will be out of work. Danny never misses work.  He doesn't have vacation or sick pay or anything... Ohmygosh... FIVE DAYS!!!!
"We will do this without cutting you all the way open. That way you'll heal faster and will be able to go on the cruise and do everything you were wanting to do. You have my word, you will make it on that cruise." The cruise? Oh, right. Our honeymoon. Did he just say we can still go? That is in less than a month, he really thinks we can still go? Seriously?! How is that even possible? I should've paid extra for that dang insurance.... 
"Okay so I think I've covered everything... Do you have any questions?" He had gone through what the surgery will consist of, actually drew it out on our paperwork... on the paperwork with that stupid picture of that stupid tumor.... the tumor I hate... Okay, I hate all tumors, but this one especially... We may or may not have asked a couple of questions, I can't remember asking any but if I had any, I asked them.
"If you think of anything, here is a number where you can reach my office. They should be able to answer any questions, or get ahold of me so I can give the answer." Dang this doctor is nice.. He really cares, doesn't he? I can see it. I can see in the way he looks at us, talks to us. He wants us to know and understand what he's going to do to my husband... my husband... still weird to call him that.
Walking out of that office I was numb. I don't know what Danny was feeling, but he looked energized. I had no idea how he could have energy, he hadn't had food since Wednesday's dinner, and it was Friday now. We hugged Vickie goodbye and thanked her for coming with us. Danny wanted food. So food he would get. We had breakfast, and then drove to the Union Hall, Danny needed to get paperwork (ohh more paperwork, joy...). I sat in the car and waited and he came back out with a few things.
"Okay, I'm all set up to get on disability during the surgery and everything. I just need to get this signed and this and they need to send this in and..." and he kept talking. Why didn't I think of this? Of course he could still get paid, from disability! Duh! His mind is amazing.. he's such a problem solver... I love this man... who is still talking, whoops...
 "...I told her that I'm not sure how long I will be off for. Colon cancer surgery shouldn't be hard if they don't open me all the way up but you never know..."
"Colon WHAT?!?! You have a tumor. They don't know that it's cancer! He didn't say you had cancer! It could just be a THING. It doesn't have to be CANCER!!!!!" Ok, I may have gotten louder than necessary... Why is he giving me that look?
"Ok Destiny. That's right. It's not necessarily cancer. But he mentioned radiation, and the CT scan and bloodwork... So. I'm preparing for the worst. But it's okay, because we've got this, remember? I'm going to do whatever I possibly can, for you and for Faith. Okay?" Radiation... CT scan... bloodwork... is that what this all meant? Cancer? I know tumor is usually associated with cancer, but can't a tumor NOT be cancer? Why does it have to be cancer? It's not cancer. It's not. It's a tumor yes, but it's not cancer. It's not. Because I say so.
I didn't go into work that day. I stayed with Danny. He had already started the paperwork for disability because the testing would start monday (or rather, they started that day with the colonoscopy!) and the surgery was Wednesday. I had to quickly do the math in my head... I took off a few days before the wedding so we could decorate, do the flowers, etc. I took off Monday so we could take Danny's best man to the airport and then we went to the zoo. I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. I worked part of yesterday. I can take today off, and I should still have enough time to be off next week with Danny. I called my mom, she was at work and I'd already filled her in on everything. I had forgotten about having to take time off work myself. She called me back a little bit later... I worked for an amazing company who offered to let me "borrow" some of my vacation time for the following year (my year starts over in August) so I could get paid while on our honeymoon. FINALLY some good news!

So Danny and I went home. Where we basically spent the rest of that day on the couch. I don't think I let him out of my sight or touch at all. I needed him by me. I needed to hold his hand. I needed to sit on his lap. I needed to curl up on him and cry. And I did. I did all of those things. He held me, he pushed my hair out of my face and wiped my tears. He told me everything I needed to hear. He let me break down, he let me completely lose it. Shouldn't I have been doing all of this for HIM? Shouldn't this be completely reversed?? Oh right, he's a big bad man. He's got this... Thank God someone does....
That entire weekend consisted of me randomly breaking down. And every time Danny did what I needed... he held me. He told me if it was cancer, that he'd beat it. He never told me to stop crying. He never told me that I was being ridiculous. He just let me be me, and cry it all out.
I eventually turned those tears into action. This medical center where we were going to spend almost a week was about 40 minutes away. I couldn't kennel up two of our dogs for the entire day and night, the one dog we had (at the time, RIP Kira) that didn't need kenneled would  be fine. But the other two needed to go somewhere for that week. I sent a friend a text.
"I really HATE to have to ask this.. and I know you already have a house full of animals. But you're the only person I can think of.... could you keep Pixie and Zeus while we are at the medical center for Danny's surgery? I will be home twice a day to let Kira out and to shower and stuff, but they need out of their kennels for more than 20 minutes a day, and I have no idea what to do. It's okay if you can't. But I had to ask."
I don't know if you've noticed, but my friends all ROCK. The reply text made me cry. A good cry!! They would do it, and everything would be great!

So we had a plan, we had a schedule. We had it all figured out... Tune in tomorrow if you want to hear how our Monday went... Thanks for reading!!