He's talking to me?

Happy Friday!! I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was busy all day and then ended up going to a fundraiser quartermania for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. There was a pretty good turn out, I won some great stuff, and I hope they raised a lot of money!!

A quick update on the cut-a-thon!! It looks like we will be having this fundraiser on the first Sunday in March. That isn't completely official, but it looks like the best day for everyone working it. I will have bracelets there for sale if you haven't been able to order them. If you have ordered them, I promise I will get them out asap! There just aren't enough hours in the day lately.

I wrote an ACTUAL letter to Ellen Degeneres yesterday, and I'm mailing it out today along with a bracelet. I know a multiple people have written in to her online and I am so thankful! I don't want those entries to stop!! Keep writing! If you want to help but can't afford to donate anything or participate in any fundraisers, writing in to Ellen helps too! I hope she gets so many entries from so many people, that she can't help but come over to the blog and read it!!

I think that's all the updates I have today.................................................................................................


Danny recovered well from his wisdom teeth removal. He had zero complications, and was a trooper! He was swollen the next day of course, but he said the pain wasn't even too bad! The dogs and cats got along well, and things were going great! Danny's follow up appointment at the oral surgeon went smoothly, and then it was time to mentally prepare for the appointment with the urologist.
We googled the place, to be sure we knew where we were going. Danny recognized it, and knew how to get there. We decided not to do any more research on the complication until we talked to this amazing doctor. I was hoping he would tell us that there was no problem and everything would be fine... The problem with being optimistic is that you tend to set yourself up for disappointment.
The day of the urologist appointment, I was nervous. I went with Danny, and sitting in that waiting room was awful.
"Danny, what are all those doors for over there?"
"Well, what do you think they do a lot of testing on here?" Ewwwww!
"Ohh.... Nevermind..."
"I could explain more if..." OH NO!!
"Shush it!! No more!"
He got a good laugh about it all, but I didn't. I didn't want to think about what all those men were doing inside those doors. I didn't want to think about ANYTHING really.
"Daniel Crabb?" Ahhhh it's time! We stood up and went over to the nurse who led us back to a small exam room. She asked Danny a few questions, and then left the room.
"Hey... the diagrams on these walls are not nearly as scary as the ones that show cancer at Dr Hyder's office..."
"Speak for yourself, some of those diseases are awful!" Ha... men...
Dr Gilbaugh walked in with a big smile on his face and Danny's chart in his hand. He introduced himself and we shook hands.
"Okay, I've talked to Dr Johnson and Dr Hyder, I've looked through your chart. I'd like to do an exam really quick..." I scanned through the paperwork they gave us when we checked in (MORE paperwork!!!!) while the doctor went through all of the tests or whatever it was he was doing. I wasn't looking. I wasn't even facing them. I had no idea what kind of tests and exams would be going on and I didn't WANT to know.
"Okay, we are done. Now I've got a few questions, just so I can pinpoint the exact problem..." He asked Danny questions, Danny answered. I was as red as a tomato. These were private questions and I'm just not used to talking about those types of things out loud. Thank goodness men aren't!
"Okay, after the exam and everything you've told me, I think you have a type of complication from the surgery. Your nerves were damaged, that's what's causing the issue. Sometimes when the nerves are damaged because of surgery, the nerves will repair themselves. It can take years, but it is possible for some. Then, in theory you would be able to have children naturally." WE CAN HAVE KIDS?!?!?! YES!!!!!!
"HOWEVER, since you will be doing radiation... I wouldn't suggeset waiting it out. The radiation will kill the sperm you have now, and you won't make healthy sperm again for another two years at least. Some people never do. It can take years for your nerves to repair themselves, if they do, so even after the two years after radiation, there may be no way to see if you're producing sperm. Without surgery anyway. So, I recommend going in for surgery. I will remove the sperm from the..." Blah blah blah, he shouldn't use big words. Maybe he's speaking Greek.
"Okay..."
"Since we will remove the sperm surgically, you'll only be able to have children through In Vitro Fertilization. IVF is...." OH MY GOSH. I know what IVF is dang it, but there's no WAY we can afford that!!!!!!!!!!
"Here locally it runs around 10-15 thousand dollars, depending on what else they have to do. Mrs Crabb, do you have a normal cycle?" What? He's talking to me?
"Oh ummm, yeah. Like clockwork. But I'm also on birth control so..."
"Okay, well you're young and as long as your cycle is normal once you're off birth control, I have no doubt that you could be successful with just one round. For some people it takes up to three. I think you really will only need one."
"So when can we set up the surgery?" What did Danny just say? He wants to do the surgery??
"Well, I will check with my scheduler, but we do have to do a few more tests just to be sure I'm right about the complication. If I am, then we will contact your insurance to see what they will cover. I will write a letter explaining that this surgery is needed because of a complication from your last surgery." Oh no, insurance won't cover this? Obviously they don't cover IVF, but they may not cover the surgery???
"So, let's go check out. I will get you set up with everything for the tests we need. And then you can just bring it all back and we will call you with the results.." I hope Danny has paid attention to all of this, I have no idea what he is talking about. Tests, at home? That he brings back? What?
We checked out and Danny got a whole packet full of I don't even know what.
Danny dropped me back off at work, where I did what became the norm... Threw myself on to the bench and bawled. I told my mom that we would have to have IVF if we want kids...
"Mom, we will NEVER be able to afford that! I will never ever be a mom!!"
"Destiny, where there is a will there is a way. If you want to be parents, you WILL be parents. You will find a way, and we will all help in any way we can."
"But do you know how much it costs?! $10,000!!! And UP TO $15,000!!!"
"I know, that's a lot. But if you set your mind to something, you succeed. And you will in this too."
I eventually calmed down. My dreams didn't go up in smoke, they just got pushed back. We could do this. We WOULD do this...


That's all I've got for you today.  It's another busy day, but I had to give you all a little piece of our story since I haven't since Tuesday! I will try to write this weekend sometime, to make up for not blogging as much this week!
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