Thank God for that abscess!!!

Thanks to my mother-in-law for giving me some Children's Mucinex (that crap for adults makes me sick to my stomach!), I am feeling quite a bit better today :) I can't breathe all that well still, but at least my ears stopped popping!
The donation I made to myself is still in limbo, so the Donate button is still missing from the page. Hopefully I get it worked out before the weekend at least!
Let's see let's see... I don't have any updates on the fundraisers I have talked about so far.... BUT, yet ANOTHER is in the works. Have I mentioned how awesome my friends are? Another stepped up yesterday and told me her plan, which she'd been working on for a few days. She's a Mary Kay consultant, and any profits she makes in THE ENTIRE MONTH of February, is going to our fund!! She should have her website set up soon, so people can order from anywhere! I'm excited about this (and need some eye makeup remover anyway, I'm running low! Ha!)!!
We are so thankful for all of the attention this blog is getting and for all of the people who are coming up with fundraiser ideas. It's an amazing feeling to know we are loved by so many people, and seeing so many friends offer to help with any and everything is heartwarming!
I will keep you all updated on ALL of the fundraisers as I get more information. If you have any ideas, tips, etc, please feel free to leave a comment here or message us on facebook.

One more thing before I get on with our story.... I am trying very very hard to keep this personal. Everytime I see our story "shared" by someone on Facebook, I try to thank that person myself. It's quickly becoming overwhelming and my evenings are full of Thank You's (I refuse to complain about that). I am often brought to tears by how many people want to share our story with others, and by the comments and messages from so many. BUT, for some reason, I can't see every time our name is "mentioned" on Facebook anymore. So I am missing a LOT of shares. If I miss your "share," I'm sorry. I plan on thanking everyone personally on their posts for as long as I can keep up. So you may get sick of seeing "Thanks for sharing!" But I will continue to say it because I cannot thank you all enough. Please, continue sharing! Share with anyone! You don't just have to share on facebook, feel free to link our blog into emails. A couple people have asked if they could write about us to the media (news stations, radio stations... ELLEN!!!). My response to this is and will always be: HECK YES! The more people that hear our story the better. Not just so we can raise funds to have a baby, but also to raise awareness of colon cancer. March is colon cancer awareness month but I want people to think about it all the time. I want people to know this isn't an old person's cancer! I want people to know what a blue cancer ribbon stands for! I want to see blue cancer ribbons EVERYWHERE. Okay, I may be getting carried away there. But really. There are many MANY colon cancer facts out there that are shocking. I will be posting those often, so stay tuned.... Ooh look, I went off and rambled, whoops. Anyway, YES, feel free to share with the media! Please do! I wrote into Ellen last year myself, but it's very hard to tell our story in so few words... Obviously, as you all can tell because you've been reading our story for days! I still watch her show every day and love seeing her do such amazing things for so many people. Go ahead and write to her about us. Maybe if 100 people wrote to her about the blog, it may get some attention :)
Danny told me the other day "You know, with all the attention this blog is getting, the news stations may catch wind of it and they could want an interview..." The color drained from my face because some of you know that I'm actually rather shy in "real" life. I don't like a lot of attention, etc. But you know what, this story DESERVES attention. I wouldn't have started this blog if I didn't believe that. So I will get over those fears and I will do whatever I have to do if the media wants an interview. I would go on Ellen without thinking twice about it, so I will do the same for any station that is interested.

Now, on with our story!
Waking up the day of the surgery was awful. We didn't want to get out of bed. We didn't want to face reality. We stayed in bed as long as we possibly could, then got up and got around. Danny's bag was packed, everything was ready, and we were off. Danny drove, of course. And I was trying to pay extra attention to all the turns and exits so I wouldn't get lost when I was making this drive myself later. We checked in and headed back to the weird waiting room with the random phone... After a few minutes people started showing up. My mom, Danny's mom and uncle. Danny's brother and sister-in-law. Two of our friends (who were expecting their baby any day!). Danny was sent to the back to get his IV in and gown on. Another one of Danny's friends showed up who I had never met. We took up over half of that waiting room, and I didn't care! I needed support. I needed people to just BE there with me while Danny was being operated on.
The phone rang and someone on the other side of the room answered it. "Is the family of Daniel Crabb here?" Someone in our group walked over faster than I could get up, but I can't remember who. They were told that Danny was prepped and could have people back there (only 2 at a time) until surgery time. We took turns going back and keeping Danny company. He didn't seem nervous at all. He was reclined back with a couple of warm blankets piled on him... Those warm blankets look nice, what do they keep it like 33 degrees in here?! A couple of nurses came over, Danny was joking around with them. The nurses adore my husband. I LOVE these nurses. These ladies will make sure Danny is taken care of. We are hitting the nurse jackpot!
It was almost surgery time and I went back so I could be with him one last time before he was tumor-less. Not like you would know any different by looking at him that the tumor was gone, but I would know. He was already getting some good stuff in that IV and you could tell. I want some of whatever it is they're giving him! Where is my IV?!
The nurses came in, started getting the bed ready for transport from this room to the operating room. No no no, I'm not ready yet. I need a few more minutes. I'm not ready for this!! Too bad... The bed is rolling. I had to say goodbye, and it took every ounce of EVERYTHING in me to not cry. There was a a weight in the pit of my stomach and I had to just kiss him and walk away. Walk back to that waiting room, and wait for what? Another call on that random phone?
Sitting in that waiting room... I was tired of sitting. Tired of waiting. Tired of the news shows that were always on the tv's in the waiting rooms. Waiting waiting waiting. And then, there's Dr Hyder!
"I just want to go over with you again what we will be doing..." Do normal doctors do this? Is this mandatory? I love this. I love knowing that he wants us informed. We lucked out with this doctor!
"Do you have any questions? Does anyone here have any questions?" He isn't just talking to me, he isn't just talking to Vickie. He is talking to everyone, because everyone here knows and loves Danny. This doctor ROCKS.
After answering a few questions, he shook my hand, held it for a second longer. And told me he would be back after the surgery, which would last a couple hours. I had complete trust in this man. He held my husband's life in his hands, and there was noone I trusted more!
After a bit, I couldn't sit around anymore. I was starving (Danny couldn't eat that morning OF COURSE, so I didn't eat around him), so my mom asked if I wanted to go down the hall to the cafeteria. The food smelled delicious so I agreed. Danny's surgery isn't even close to being over, there is plenty of time...
OR NOT... We ordered, ate, and were about to throw our trash away. Danny's friend rushed into the cafeteria "Destiny Destiny, come on. Dr Hyder is out here and he needs to talk to you." OH. MY. GOD. This is absolutely NOT good news. There is no possible way this could be anything but bad. It's too early. He shouldn't be out of surgery yet. Oh please don't tell me that it's spread so bad that he can't do anything. Oh my God please don't say anything like that.
I could feel the grilled cheese and fries I just ate trying to work it's way UP. I couldn't decide if I felt cold or hot but I was one or the other and it was NOT okay... I couldn't walk fast enough, and this hallway never seemed so long...
"Destiny, here you are. Okay, so here is what is going on. When I went to cut out the tumor, it was stuck. I can move it, but I can't move it enough. It's stuck to his bladder, and I will need to open him up completely so I can make sure I get it all. I will get it all. The surgery time is going to be longer. His recovery time will be a bit longer. The incision will be from here" he is pointing to his own belly, or rather, around his sternum "to about his pelvic bone." That's a long scar. Danny didn't want this. He very much just wanted to small scars. He doesn't want this... But what other option is there? There isn't one.
"So, will you have to take any more of the colon than you originally planned? Do you know yet?"
"We shouldn't have to take any more. He shouldn't need a colostomy bag. I just need to get in there and make sure I can get all of the tumor." Danny's biggest fear is that bag... He will have a big scar, but he won't have a bag. He will have to be okay with that... I trust this doctor, he says he shouldn't need a bag, so I'm going to believe him. He says he will get all of that tumor, so he will... I hate that tumor... I hate this...
"Okay.... Okay. Thanks for keeping us informed." And off he goes, back to my husband... My husband, who is about to get cut open just like he DIDN'T WANT...
I was shaking so bad I could do nothing else. My mind was on a million different things, and I couldn't control that shaking. Danny's sister-in-law noticed and touched my arm.
"Destiny, you're shaking like crazy. I'm not going to ask you if you're okay... but I can hold your hand while I pray aloud, would that help?" I couldn't find my voice so I just nodded, profusely. She prayed and I felt a little better. I felt better because she didn't just pray that God watch over my husband. She prayed for the doctors and nurses in there working on my husband. She prayed for everyone involved. That's the right kind of prayer right there.
My next thought, shortly after, was that I needed to cancel the cruise. There was NO WAY we could still go. Not with them doing a full blown operation. I guess I said it outloud, I don't think I meant to. Vickie and my mom both said I should absolutely NOT do that. Danny needed a say in it. Danny's friend that I was still getting to know agreed with me to cancel. HA! At least she is in my corner! In the end, the moms laid down the rule. I couldn't cancel without Danny approving...
Time ticked by... slowly... I began to wonder if that clock was even WORKING. Everyone was talking to each other, but I was really trying to just stay out of conversation.
"...I better update the hockey guys...."
"...Hungry... Cafeteria..."
"Blah blah blah blah blah blah"
"My mom has a colostomy bag. It's awful. She needed help changing the bag the other day and I really couldn't handle it" Ohmygosh, THAT IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR!!! For the love of all that's holy, do NOT talk about that right now, around me... UGH!!! Time to tune out again, obviously!!
I couldn't concentrate on my book. I couldn't see the tv. I stared at my phone, watching the time change...
I'm not really sure how much time passed. I just know I was staring at that phone and I seen a pair of shoes I recognized in my field of vision, DR HYDER!
"Okay! We're done. As you know, I had to make the long incision. What had happened was the tumor had rubbed against his bladder. That was rubbing and rubbing and that created an abscess. The abscess prevented the tumor from growing into the bladder, and also is what caused the pain he was experiencing." THANK GOD FOR THAT ABSCESS!!!!!!!! Oh, he's still talking!!!
"It's going to take quite a while to drain all the infection out, so although we closed him up, he still has a drain tube in. It's called a JP drain and the nurses will empty it out quite often over the next few days. It shouldn't cause him any more discomfort than he will already be feeling from the surgery. I still think he will only need to be in the hospital for the 5 days we originally planned." THANK GOD FOR THAT ABSCESS!! I don't care about a drain, THANK YOU GOD for that abscess!!
"So, now, back to the tumor. I took the tumor and surrounding areas of the colon. There were two other questionable spots I noticed once I opened him up completely, so I cut those out and they will be sent along with his tumor to the lab. I'm not sure why his biopsy results never came back from his colonoscopy, I put a rush on them. But we will just wait for the results from this labwork now. I took 26 lymph nodes and they all FELT great. I'm very confident I got everything."
The look on his face showed success. He was proud of the work he had just done. I was proud of the work he had just done!!
"They will call  you back to see him as soon as he wakes up. And I will be back to check on him tonight. Have a good day everyone!" Another hand shake. I am shaking the hand that could've just saved my husband's life! This is the best doctor we ever could've asked for!
I looked around the waiting room with an entirely different outlook. Wow, that tv is pretty nice! We could use one that size in our house! That picture on the wall is beautiful... I wonder if I'm going to have to fight any of these people to be the first person back there to see Danny...
By that time some of our group had left. They had asked for updates but couldn't stay the entire time which was completely understandable. They were there when I/we needed them, and it meant so much... But I was NOT about to let anyone else see my husband before I did. I needed to feel his hand. I needed to tell him about the change of plan with the surgery and why he now had a huge incision. That was my place.
The phone rang, Danny's brother rushed over to it. I sat patiently, waiting for him to tell me to go back. He didn't, he told me they wanted to talk to me on the phone. As I walked towards the phone he had rested on the table I heard him tell Vickie that the lady had asked for Danny's wife.
"This is Destiny Crabb" Crabb, I really am Destiny Crabb... I am married!! And I am ready to see my husband!!
"Hi there, Danny is awake but he is asking for only you to come back. He's in pain and is still tired." I get to see my husband, I get to see him! Finally!! Oh, I shouldn't walk right past everyone without telling them where I'm going should I? Whoops!
"He is awake but hurts, he asked for just me..." I'm not sure if they heard it all, because I was still walking as I was talking. I needed to get back there!!!
Danny was back in the spot he was in before surgery. And he looked... awful. He was pale. You could see in his face that he was in lots of pain. I wanted to take it all away, but I couldn't. So instead I stood there, held his hand, and talked. I told him all about everything that had happened. Explained to him why they had to open him up. Voiced my excitement over the lymph nodes that "felt" great, whatever that meant. And he didn't catch any of it. He was so out of it because of the pain and the medicine that I had to repeat myself later, and again the next day. But it didn't matter, I needed to get it out there right then.
A nurse came around a bit later and prepared everything so we could go to the room he would be staying in for the next five days. She then led the way to what seemed like the OPPOSITE side of the medical center. In reality it wasn't that far, but I was mentally and physically exhausted and Danny needed more pain meds! Once he was hooked up and plugged in (he was on two IV type things that pumped meds into him every so often and that battery didn't last long) I went to get everyone from the waiting room. I told them that he was still in pain, was tired, and that I wasn't sure he had heard a thing I had said. They all decided to just poke their heads into the room, wave, and head home. And that's what they did.
Then we were alone... Just Danny, me and the nurse that was, again, amazing!! I'm not sure how we lucked out as often as we did with nurses, but we were so grateful! This nurse helped me pull the "bed" out of the chair that was in the corner, and brought me a couple of blankets and a pillow. She assured me that she would take good care of him while I went home to have dinner and let the dog out, and I believed her.
I left, but couldn't get back fast enough. I ate dinner but didn't taste it, let Kira outside and then fed her even though I knew she wouldn't eat. She was very much DANNY's dog. If he wasn't home, she didn't eat. I told her that Danny would be fine, but she didn't look like she believed me. I knew she wouldn't be a happy dog again until her master was home, and I couldn't blame her one bit!
The long drive out to the medical center was boring but at least on the way there I knew I was only __ minutes away from seeing Danny. And when I got back that night he already looked better. He could talk louder than a whisper and he seemed as comfortable as possible... I settled on to my "bed," and was about to complain that the floor would probably be more comfortable, when I checked myself. Who am I to complain about a hard bed? Do I have a foot long incision down my torso? Am I hooked up to multiple IV's? I am ridiculous...
"Can I get you anything? Another blanket? Do you have the remote within reach?" Danny didn't need anything. He was fine. He didn't even want the remote because he didn't care what we watched.
We eventually shut the lights off and attempted sleep. Poor Danny couldn't get good sleep despite having some great meds. The nurse came in quite often to check on his meds, his temp, empty his JP drain, etc etc. I woke up every time she came in, and passed right back out as soon as she walked out of the door. I was ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a better day all around, I just knew it...

Tomorrow I will blog about the rest of the days we spent at the medical center. Please come back and read, and remember to share comment and follow! Thanks for reading!!!