Is this what HE wants?

Monday Monday Monday... We reached 9,000 over the weekend!! 9,000!!! I can't believe it! It's still January and we already hit such a huge number of views!! It's so amazing!!!

Fundraiser updates! The Mary Kay fundraiser WILL be going on in March. The website link will be set up for anyone out of town to order, and if you're local you can order through Mandi if you'd like!

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days of the year, and this year we will have a fundraiser during it! A cupcake fundraiser!! My friend Lynds will bake a bunch of cupcakes and I will post pics on Facebook. You can order through facebook, or if you'd like you can comment here and I can take your order a different way. They will be done in time for Valentine's Day, so you can have some yummy treats to celebrate with!

The Scentsy fundraiser is still ongoing!

I think that's all the updates I have today! ..................................................................................................


The tests were done, and the different things taken back up to the urologist's office. We just had to wait on the call that told us the results. And hope and pray the results were good.
"Dr Gilbaugh called..."
"He called? Himself? Or his nurse did?"
"He did." Doctors never call, this can't be good....
"Well??"
"He said he was right about which complication it was. And that surgery is necessary to remove the sperm."
"Okay..."
"I'm going to do it. It's the only way we'll be able to have kids, and it needs to be done before the treatments ruin our chances for ever..." Is this what HE wants?
"It's entirely up to you. It's your decision."
"It's our future, it's OUR decision. And it doesn't matter anyway, I'm doing it."
"But babe, we will have to have IVF when we want kids. And I don't see how we'll afford that."
"Yeah, and when that day comes we will figure out a way to do it." He sounds like he's thought this all through. He's on a mission.
"Okay. Well, I'm still saying it's your body and therefore your decision."
"Yeah, and I've already decided." Okayyyy.
Now it was time to wait. Wait for the insurance to decide if they would cover it. Wait to find out the amount of money we'd have to come up with if the insurance said no. And we had to wait on the scheduling of the surgery.

 In the meantime Danny had a CT scan scheduled through the cancer center.
BzzzzzBBBZzzzzzzzzz. That pager is so annoying.
"Daniel, I need to just see what flavor of drink you want for the CT scan. Vanilla or chocolate?"
"Chocolate."
The nurse walked off and was back pretty quickly with the drink. Danny drank it, and we joked about how nasty it was.
"Do you want to try it?" EWWW NO.
"No thanks, I can smell it from here, that's nasty."
"Are you sure?" Sluurp sluuuuurp "Yummmm."
"You are such a liar, I know that stuff doesn't taste good!"
"I know... It's actually really gross." Duh!
"Why can't they just give you an IV or something with the dye or whatever in it?"
"That would be a lot better than this...."
Danny finished the drink and then waited to get called back.
Bzzzzz BbbZZZZZZzzzz
"Have fun getting scanned babe!"
"Ha! Thanks"
He left and about five minutes later a lady went and locked the door. It was late, Danny made the appointment for after work so he wouldn't miss any more time than necessary. There were still a couple other people in the waiting area though.
I listened to some people who were talking loudly enough for people to hear down the hall. They were there for their mom, and weren't happy with how she was responding to the chemo. I then tuned out. Not something I wanted to hear!!
The door handle jiggled and then I seen Danny's head at the window. He couldn't get in because it was locked so I got up and headed to the door.
"Oh is he done with his CT already?" So she did realize I was still here and he would be back....
"I guess so... It's alright if I unlock the door?"
"Oh yeah, I just locked it out of habit. I'm sorry!"
"Not a problem...." I opened the door and Danny came in and asked if he was free to leave. He was, so we got out of there.
"So, do you have to wait on the results then? Or did they say anything after you were done?"
"They said before the scan even started that I would get the results at my next appointment with Dr Johnson. Which is in almost a month."
"Well, it's just a normal scan, right? Just to have something to compare to after chemo is over? I'm sure nothing is there. You just had a CT scan right before your surgery. It won't show anything new."
"I'm sure you're right." I AM right....

The next few days were uneventful. More of waiting waiting waiting. And then Danny got another call from Dr Gilbaugh himself. We were both at work, so he called me when he got off the phone.
"Okay, insurance won't cover it. They won't cover anything fertility related, even though this surgery is only necessary because of a complication from another surgery."
"Okay. So. Did he give you a number?"
"Yeah, and it all has to be paid for up front. The number is _____"
"Oh my God."

"I guess we can just wait and hope that your sperm production comes back after the treatments..."
"NO. We are NOT doing that. I'm going to figure this out. I told him that we would have to figure out a way to pay for it, and he said he would call me back."
"Why does he need to call you back? For what?"
"I have no idea." What the crap?!
"Oh, he's calling now. I will call you back."
I did what I always do... I went to my mom. I told her how much the surgery would cost.
"Mom, we don't have much left from wedding gifts... and we didn't get anywhere NEAR that much money anyway."
"Okay, well, I think you should call our bank. See if you can get a signature loan."
I had no idea what that was, so she explained it all to me.
"Okay, I think we could afford a payment on that..."
"I will just call the loan officer. We're friends, I can explain it a little and see what she says." I have the best mom in the world!!
I went back to work and she came out a few minutes later with a list of information I needed to call the lady back with. I still hadn't talked to Danny, so I figured I should call him and fill him in on my plan, and get the information I needed.
"Hey! I've got good news!"
"Okay... What news is that?" He doesn't sound excited... Booo on him!
"We can get a signature loan, to at least cover part of it. It'll cover the cost of the sperm shipment, the first year's storage fee, the testing, all of that. We will still have to come up with the other costs, but it's a start. I just need some of your info...."
I asked him for everything I needed and wrote down all the answers.  I called the loan officer.
"Okay Destiny, with all of that information plugged in, I can give you $____, and your payment will be $105 a month."
"That will work."
"Okay, when you come in to sign the papers, we can decide which day you'd like your payments to be taken from your account. Or if you'd like to transfer the money yourself we don't have to do automatic withdrawal."
"I'd rather do automatic, so I CAN'T forget."
"I completely understand that! Okay, just come in today or tomorrow with your pay stubs, and we will get your money into your account."
"Thanks so much!!"
I called Danny and we decided we would go after work with our pay stubs and get the money. We had pushed everything back long enough, it was time to get the ball rolling.
As we were pulling into the parking lot of the bank, Danny's phone rang. It was Dr Gilbaugh again. They chatted for a bit, and when Danny got off the phone, he had a big grin on his face.
"WHAT?!?!"
"He said he talked to the surgery center, They will accept payment later, instead of up front, for their fees. He said he will take payments once we get on our feet, and the anesthesiologist will just bill us. We only need enough money for the sperm bank stuff, which this loan will cover!"
"Ohmygosh Danny!! THAT'S GREAT!!!!"
"We still need to come up with the money to cover everything once the billing starts, but this is a great start!" It's better than great!
We went into the bank and signed everything we needed, and the loan amount was transferred to our account. We could FINALLY do this!!

The next day, Danny's mom came over while I was gone. When I came home, Danny told me she'd stopped by and seen the kittens and asked him why we were waiting so long to start chemo.
"She's mad you haven't started yet, right?"
"She isn't mad. She was trying to understand what was taking so long."
"Well?"
"I told her about the fertility stuff." Which most people don't understand...
"Okay. What did she say?"
"She said she would help us. And to come over tomorrow to get the help."
"Are you serious?! OUR MOMS ROCK! Seriously!"
"I know. That will help pay for the surgery center at least."
I was happy. Things were finally starting. We had hope for IVF in the future thanks to this procedure and thanks to the amazing doctors and our moms and the bank!
And then the guilt set it...
"Danny... Maybe we shouldn't do this. Maybe we've pushed the chemo back too long already. What if it causes a problem?"
"Destiny, don't. We still have almost a month before chemo HAS to start. That's plenty of time for the surgery to be done and me to heal. Dr Johnson wouldn't have said waiting was an option if it was a bad idea. He has my health as his priority. We have to trust that decision." He's probably right... This time...
"I just feel like people don't understand. Everyone we know that wants kids HAS them. They can't imagine how I feel, not having a child and wanting one someday. And that isn't an option without this surgery. I love Faith, I consider her mine. But I will never replace Wendy. I don't WANT to. But I want to be number ONE to my own child someday. I want to be the favorite. I want a baby. Not right now, but I want one."
"I know babe. You can't let this bother you. Some people don't understand, but that's their problem. The people that matter DO understand. And they are the ones that are willing to help." True..
"I'm glad our moms understand at least. I guess because they both have kids and grandkids. I mean, they probably can't imagine life without all of us in it, so they don't want that to be a reality for us. I can't imagine only having Faith. I want more. I want to see a baby that's a perfect mix of me and you."
"Babe, I know. Don't stress over this. The surgery is scheduled, the sperm fees are in our bank waiting for the day. Things are going to be fine." Ahhhh it's hard not to stress!!!
"Okay..."
"Everything is going to be better than okay..." And here he is, being the rock AGAIN. I'm supposed to be the strong one, right??


That's all for today!! Please remember to follow and SHARE SHARE SHARE!! :) Thanks for reading!!!!