How I USED to think....

Infertility Awareness Week has begun.

Did you know there was a such thing? I didn't... Not until we found out we couldn't have kids the old fashioned way.

I strive to be completely 100% honest about all my thoughts and feelings in this blog. So, it's time for me to fess up.....
I USED TO THINK that if I couldn't have kids "naturally" that God must not want me to be a mother, and that I would be perfectly content never being called Mommy.
I USED TO THINK that if someone was infertile, there were many options available to them no matter how much money they did or didn't make.
I USED TO THINK that being infertile meant there was something wrong with you. Your body wouldn't allow you to have a baby. That stinks. But that's the way life is.
I USED TO THINK that IVF was strange and scary and was essentially playing God.
I USED TO THINK that since IVF seemed to be playing God, that it was something I would never ever ever choose to do. EVER. No matter if I couldn't have kids "naturally."
I USED TO THINK that infertility was an old person thing. (Ha, like colon cancer, right?)
I USED TO THINK that if people didn't try so hard, that a pregnancy would just happen.
I USED TO THINK that I didn't know ANYONE who could ever possibly have that problem. Myself included.

I USED TO THINK that I had my life planned out. Marry the love of my life. Have a baby a year or so later. Be a perfect little family, perfectly healthy, perfectly happy.

Boy was I wrong!!!

I have many close friends who have been there for us since day one. I know I can count on them to really give it to me straight. No sugar coating. No bologna. Just the facts. What I need to know. One day I was feeling really down about things. I was reading Inconceivable. And I read about how this amazing couple who was doing an amazing thing, was really having a rough time. Not because of what they were going through necessarily (carrying a child that wasn't their own biologically because of a mix up at the IVF clinic) but because of the fact that they had to use IVF in the first place. Because God wouldn't approve. Because if you can't have kids "naturally" then that's not the path you were meant to take. And for a minute, I remembered that that was basically how I used to feel. How I used to think. And what if I was right???
So I went to Facebook. And I made a comment about how I didn't really realize how MANY people felt that way. It's everywhere, you know. And that it hurt. Some of my amazing friends were there to throw those ridiculous theories out the window though.
I can't find the quotes word for word (it was that long ago), but they basically said that God doesn't work like that. If so, He wouldn't bring children into the lives of child abusers and molesters. Etc. I think they were right, of course. Because my friends usually are ;)
I also think that THAT was when I realized how I feel about it....
God is wonderful. God put FANTASTIC people on this earth who have changed (and are changing) this world for the better. Doctors, scientists, teachers, parents, leaders, I could go on and on. Doctors have helped people live longer. Did God want Danny to die? He had cancer. Should he have died? NO. There is TECHNOLOGY and MEDICINE available to him thanks to amazing doctors and scientists, and there was a solution. He had surgery, chemo and radiation. And he's alive right now. ALIVE AND HEALTHY. God put those people on this earth for a reason. So. We are infertile. That DOES NOT MEAN that God doesn't plan for me to be a mommy... No more than He meant for Danny to die because he had cancer. There's a way to change things. Surgery, chemo and radiation for cancer. And loads of treatments for infertility. And that's what we'll do. We will travel that path of IVF so we can get around this obstacle in our way.


I now hate the way people refer to having kids "naturally." That used to mean no meds during delivery. Then it meant no c-section. Now it basically means any sort of pregnancy except if you've had fertility help. Whatever. My baby(ies) will be human. That makes them natural. I will carry them in my womb. They will be mine. They will be Danny's. They will finish off our family. And that's OUR "natural."


When we found out we couldn't have kids the old fashioned way, we were devastated, as you've read in my posts before if you've been following long enough. And honestly, I felt alone. I felt like the only person in the WORLD with this problem. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't care who knew but I just wanted them to ask someone else, anyone but me. I didn't want to face it, and that's what I'd have to do if I was asked about it....
Do you know what's worse than that??
Knowing that some of your dearest friends are in the same boat. No, not the EXACT same boat. But, a similar make and model.
Infertility is when you've been trying for over 12 months and have had no success. There are other factors, yes (take us for instance!), but that's the easiest way to look at it. I am 25 years YOUNG. I am not old. I'm in my PRIME. I'm in my fertile years. As are my friends. Girls I grew up with. Girls I went to school with. And of these girls, I know almost 10 right off the top of my head that suffer from infertility in one way or another. I am sure there are others that haven't told me, too. But almost 10 have. And every story is different!
Some have unexplained infertility (which IS a medical term, believe it or not!), one is currently undiagnosed, two have gotten a diagnosis and are undergoing some sort of fertility treatment. One dear friend has two kids and wanted more, but they found out she had cancer, so WHOOSH, just that fast, there went her chances of expanding her family. Two other wonderful young ladies had hysterectomies because of endometriosis. One of those friends was only 19 years old. Am I alone? NO. Do these other young women know basically every emotion I've felt? Yes. Is it nice to talk to someone who understands? Of course. But I would MUCH MUCH rather be going through this alone. I would MUCH RATHER have to try to explain my feelings and face the facts by myself, than have such dear friends who deserve to be mommies know the same feelings. I want them to all be mommies. I want them to never have to feel what I feel. I want them to grow a baby inside them. I want I want I want. Hopefully, some of my wonderful friends will get babies. Maybe all of them will, one way or another... Only time will tell.... But, I'm not alone. And frankly, that sucks.


So now you know how I used to think. I used to think I knew it all. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad all those thoughts I USED TO HAVE are wrong. And you'll probably never hear (or read) me say again, that I was wrong and I'm happy about it ;)
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A quick update on the fundraisers before I go...

Cherry Berry was WONDERFUL! It was absolutely fabulous to see so many people there! I should be picking up the money order this week, and will fill you all in on that number as soon as possible.

The cookie fundraiser is still on going!! And going GREAT!!! Be sure to put  your orders in!!

Scentsy is still on going!!! Everyone always need Scentsy!!

That's all I've got for today... But I'm already working on another post for tomorrow, about infertility. I hope you all come back for more! I will get back to our story once I get all of these other feelings and facts out there. :) Thank for reading and please remember to SHARE SHARE SHARE!!!