SART Reports (Success Rates made easy)

A few posts ago, I told you all about IVF, ICSI, etc. I have heard from many people who appreciated all the information and the chance to broaden their knowledge.
With one in eight couples suffering from some sort of infertility, the likelihood that you know someone going through it is pretty high. So I hope my little lesson in IVF helped you to understand that side of it. I know most people I talk to about the different procedures are really trying to understand, but having never gone through it, just don't get it. I know that my post helped those people at least.

Today I will be going over success rates (published through SART), and how they can differ so widely from place to place.
The SART reports also vary from year to year, some clinics rates going up, some going down. Regardless, it's how I've narrowed down the possible clinics we will go to. I've got it narrowed down to two. Okay, really I've got my heart set on one place now. BUT, my heart was set on the other place just a month ago, so, we shall see!

So. This is what you see on the SART report.... (obviously with different numbers, depending on the clinic!)
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Fresh Embryos From Non-Donor Oocytes	<35	35-37	38-40	41-42
Number of cycles	70	15	17	2
Percentage of cycles resulting in pregnancies	60.0	8 / 15	8 / 17	0 / 2
Percentage of cycles resulting in live births	52.9	8 / 15	6 / 17	0 / 2
(Reliability Range)	(41.2 - 64.6)
Percentage of retrievals resulting in live births	52.9	8 / 15	6 / 16	0 / 2
Percentage of transfers resulting in live births	55.2	8 / 14	6 / 15	0 / 2
Percentage of cycles with elective single embryo transfer	10.4	2 / 14	1 / 15	0 / 2
Percentage of cancellations	0	0 / 15	1 / 17	0 / 2
Implantation rate	49.6	35.7	19.0	0 / 7
Average number of embryos transferred	1.9	2	2.8	3.5
Percentage of live births with twins	48.6	2 / 8	0 / 6
Percentage of live births with triplets or more	0	0 / 8	0 / 6

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Thawed Embryos From Non-Donor Oocytes	<35	35-37	38-40	41-42
Number of transfers	24	11	5	0
Percentage of transfers resulting in live births	41.7	6 / 11	2 / 5
Average number of embryos transferred	1.8	2	2

So, the above is some pretty stinkin' good numbers. Above average as a matter of fact! The average for <35 (in 2009, because I can't find the average for 2010 for some reason... even though these reports I'm posting are from 2010 results) is 47.6 (pregnancy rate) and 41.4 (live birth rate). So. Better than good :) Now you can see why the above is an option for us.

Now, for another clinic that is in the running... With even better numbers (but the traveling would be expensive)

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Fresh Embryos From Non-Donor Oocytes	<35	35-37	38-40	41-42
Number of cycles	213	76	48	15
Percentage of cycles resulting in pregnancies	62.0	52.6	58.3	3 / 15
Percentage of cycles resulting in live births	57.7	38.2	43.8	2 / 15
(Reliability Range)	(51.1 - 64.4)	(27.2 - 49.1)	(29.7 - 57.8)
Percentage of retrievals resulting in live births	60.3	41.4	50.0	2 / 13
Percentage of transfers resulting in live births	61.8	41.4	50.0	2 / 11
Percentage of cycles with elective single embryo transfer	4.0	1.4	0	0 / 11
Percentage of cancellations	4.2	7.9	12.5	2 / 15
Implantation rate	49.6	30.9	36.3	7.1
Average number of embryos transferred	2.0	2.2	2.4	2.5
Percentage of live births with twins	39.0	41.4	42.9	0 / 2
Percentage of live births with triplets or more	2.4	0	0	0 / 2

I am having some issues posting their frozen transfer rates, so, I will just not post those I guess...

So, now you've seen the two clinics that I'm seriously considering... Now you'll get to see one clinic I will NOT go to. The hospital is wonderful and I know they are great. But their numbers aren't high enough for me to risk it.

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Fresh Embryos From Non-Donor Oocytes	<35	35-37	38-40	41-42
Number of cycles	158	55	51	29
Percentage of cycles resulting in pregnancies	33.5	30.9	21.6	20.7
Percentage of cycles resulting in live births	26.6	23.6	13.7	6.9
(Reliability Range)	(19.7 - 33.5)	(12.4 - 34.9)	(4.3 - 23.2)	(0 - 16.1)
Percentage of retrievals resulting in live births	28.0	26.5	15.2	9.1
Percentage of transfers resulting in live births	32.6	29.5	21.9	10.0
Percentage of cycles with elective single embryo transfer	2.3	0	3.1	0
Percentage of cancellations	5.1	10.9	9.8	24.1
Implantation rate	23.9	15.4	16.2	7.4
Average number of embryos transferred	2.1	2.8	2.5	2.7
Percentage of live births with twins	28.6	2 / 13	0 / 7	0 / 2
Percentage of live births with triplets or more	0	0 / 13	0 / 7	0 / 2

These numbers aren't far below average, and average is really just AVERAGE. But. I am focusing on numbers better than these. This clinic was very quickly wiped off my list of possibilities. And I'm so thankful I found the SART reports online when just doing random searching one day.

If you're curious about clinics in your area, you can search here: http://www.sart.org/find_frm.html

I thought this post may interest those "numbers" people. I'm one of those people and I could sit and look at these charts all day long!  Hopefully this post helps others out there who are suffering from infertility and don't really know where to begin, or assume that their local clinic is their only option.

Thanks for reading!!!

What NOT to say, continued

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What NOT to say

Infertility Awareness Week continues... And is what I am devoting my post to again today!

We have known for almost three years that we can't have kids without IVF. Three years is a long time. And throughout the three years I have heard some really awful things. Some of the people saying those things were just trying to help. Others, not so much. Some of my friends have asked me what not to say. And that's what this post it about today...

WHAT NOT TO SAY!!!
What not to say to your infertile friends. What not to say to infertile step parents. What not to say to ANYONE, period.
One note though, everyone is different. Some things that don't bother me REALLY REALLY bother others. So I am including those things here.
Also, if you've ever said any of the following to me, don't feel bad. It happens. I'm guilty of saying some of these things too, before I was on the "other side" or the issue.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO ANYONE:
"So, when are you two going to have kids?"
This question seems so so innocent. But it hurts SO SO BAD.
First of all, it's frankly none of your stinkin' business. But, beyond that, you have no idea what they're going through. Maybe they've been trying and trying and aren't getting anywhere. Maybe they've been trying and have had a miscarriage. Maybe they've had multiple miscarriages. Maybe they have been going through different types of treatment for years. You don't know.

"You don't have kids? What, don't you want any??"
Just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't mean they don't want them. The process of diagnosing infertility can be long. And if the couple tries different kinds of fertility treatments (clomid, then IUI, then IVF for example) THAT process can take years and deplete all of their savings and then some. So even if they decide they want to adopt, it can take years longer just on the financial side of things. Not to mention how LONG it takes to get through an adoption process.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO INFERTILE PEOPLE
"So, is it you or is it him?"
The correct answer to this question should always be US. A relationship isn't a "him and me" it's an "us." It's a team. It's nobody's FAULT if there's a fertility problem. And again, it's none of your beeswax where the exact problem lies. AND for many infertile couples, there is a problem on BOTH ends of the spectrum. Regardless, just because we in particular have male-factor infertility (due to Danny's cancer treatments), that doesn't mean "it's him." It's not. It's US. It shouldn't matter to you where the issue is. The point is WE can't have kids the old fashioned way. WE. Do not try to alienate one side of the relationship by asking this question.

"Want mine?"
You lucky duck, you had a kid. Now you're joking about just giving him or her up. DO NOT TEMPT ME. And really, that's not nice. What a tease you are. What would you do if that couple said "YES, let's start the paperwork!"

"Why don't you just adopt?"
There is no "just adopt." Adoption takes years, thousands upon thousands of dollars (more than IVF in most cases). Home inspections, family checks, I could go on and on. Not just ANYONE can adopt. Not to mention, it takes a very very special person to adopt a child not biologically related to them in any way. It's a huge, personal decision. And I don't think it should ONLY be infertile people that are pushed to adopt. Just because you have kids on your own doesn't mean you shouldn't look into adoption too. So, before asking that question, how about you consider adoption, too?

"Well I don't think MY insurance should have to go up because PEOPLE LIKE YOU can't have kids."
Really? Well, I guess if I never have IVF, then I'll never be pregnant. So, I don't think MY insurance should be so high just to cover YOUR maternity ob/gyn appointments. I don't think MY insurance should be so high because YOU need birth control. I don't need it. So why should my insurance be set at a price because birth control is covered? Do you not like that argument? You may never be diagnosed with cancer, but that doesn't mean that nobody you know will be. And that their insurance shouldn't cover that, just because not EVERYONE has it. Infertility isn't a rare thing. ONE in EIGHT couples of child bearing age have some form of infertility. THAT'S NOT RARE.

"Isn't your love for each other enough?"
This is a ridiculous argument. If a couple wants to have a child, they likely love each other very very much. If they are struggling through infertility, they shouldn't have to just "settle" for never making a family. I love my husband more than you can possibly imagine. I WANT kids with him. Some people WANT to travel. Some people WANT to focus on their careers. We WANT to have kids together. Period.

"If you can't afford IVF, how are you going to afford a child?"
This one ticks me off the most, honestly. I do not know ANYONE who got pregnant and as soon as the baby was born had to drop 15-20 THOUSAND DOLLARS. Diapers, wipes, daycare, formula if needed, yes they all add up. But that is not 20 grand right off the bat. Danny and I can quite easily support a child. We have amazing friends and family who I am sure would help us with any furniture we need, etc. Heck, I even have a wonderful friend who is willing to babysit for us for an outrageously low price! We can SUPPORT a child just fine. We CANNOT just pop 20k on the table and be good (especially after all the cancer bills we are paying off). And heck, that's just for one try. It may not even work. It could cost three times that much!

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO INFERTILE STEP PARENTS
"What? His child isn't enough for you?"
I will just say that I've got it good. I am married to a wonderful father of a fantastic 7 year old, and it gets even better... that 7 year old has a FABULOUS mother who I get along with extremely well. We parent as a team. But not all step parents get the chance to be so involved in their stepchild's life. I know some people who can rarely even get a HUG from their step child because that child's mother has basically said that would be choosing the stepmom over her. That's not fair to the child OR the step parent.
So, in short, don't assume that everything is fine and dandy in that relationship. Because you likely have no idea.
ALSO, even if their relationship IS great, like ours, that doesn't mean that the step parent can't want a child of their own.... Take me for example. I love Faith like she's my own. I made a vow to her during our wedding. I tell her all the time that she may not have come from my body but I sure do see a lot of myself in her anyway! BUT, I am not her mother. I could never dream of taking her mother's place, and I wouldn't WANT to, like I said, she has a wonderful mom already. Moms are the favorites. Period. Faith will draw five pictures. She will give me one. The rest go to her mom. Because moms are the favorite. Does this hurt me? NOPE. I know I'm just the step mom. I know they have a bond that doesn't compare to a bond that Faith will have with ANYONE ELSE EVER. Just like she'll never bond with anyone else the way she does with her dad. That's the way of life. BUT, I want to be someone's favorite. I want to have that bond with my child.

"Well, if you have kids of your own, your step child will probably not be treated as well."
This is sure to make the momma bear in me come out. No, I'm not biologically a mother, but my love for Faith is just as good. I will protect her from anything and everything. I REFUSE to treat her any differently than I would my biological kids. Heck, she really gets treated BETTER than my biological children would be. Why? Because we parent as a team, and that means there are two other views when it comes to parenting and discipline. My biological children will only get my view... Oh, and my hubby's too of course. ;)
Really though, I've seen how it hurts a child if they are the "step" and therefore don't get treated the same. That's not the case with US. My family doesn't think of Faith as a "step." She's just got a lot lighter hair than the rest of them. My nephews can't remember a time without her and get all confused when she's not with us and ask where she is and I reply with "she's at her mom's." That to me means I'm doing something right. That they don't even realize that she's not "technically" mine. And you can bet your paycheck that my biological kids would never get treated any better than their big sister!!


Now, in it's own section will be....
The WORST thing someone has EVER said to me about infertility.... (and I might add that this was said at the first baby shower I had attended, since finding out we were infertile)
This person (who KNEW our issue, she was one of the first people we told): "So when are you having kids?"
Me: "Well, as soon as we come up with $10k. Wanna donate?"
This person: "PFFFTT!! I wish someone would hand ME over ten thousand dollars to raise my kids!!!"
I walked away, shaking, and trying not to cry. We are not asking for $10k to help raise our kids and put them in designer outfits and blah blah blah. If it was as easy as going to bed with my husband and instantly getting pregnant, we certainly wouldn't need anyone's financial help. Saying something like that is a quick way to lose all respect though.


And... now on to a few things you shouldn't say.... Unless you KNOW your friend really well and you know they won't get ticked or annoyed....
"Maybe you aren't doing it right."
I think this is probably not up for debate for most people. Say it to me all you want, it'll make me giggle. But don't expect for me to tell you how we do it ;) And remember, some people may get really offended by that.

"Well I know this one couple who couldn't have kids... And they ended up pregnant!"
Great for them. Really, that is amazing. I don't mind hearing these stories. Actually, I LOVE hearing these stories. Those couple deserve little miracles. Others aren't so happy to hear stories of others like that. Not because they aren't happy for them. But because that's almost implying that it'll happen to them too. And they may know that there's absolutely positively ZERO chance of that happening, when it comes down to the medical side of things.

"If you stopped trying so hard, it'll happen for you."
That's not technically true. Yes, stressing about things doesn't help. BUT for many people, there really is A PROBLEM there. A problem that must be addressed in order for the female to ovulate or in order to even get any sperm (Danny's had to be surgically removed!!!) or so on. Do not imply that the stress of the infertility is the problem. That's basically blaming them. 


That's about all I've got for now. Just remember, you know your friends well. You should be able to send some feelers out and see how they'll respond. Some couples do not want to talk about the infertility issues. Others are open. Some people are okay with talking about it if you ask questions, but won't bring it up themselves. YOU know your friends, and YOU know the type of relationship you have with them. Just tread carefully and be supportive!!!

How I USED to think....

Infertility Awareness Week has begun.

Did you know there was a such thing? I didn't... Not until we found out we couldn't have kids the old fashioned way.

I strive to be completely 100% honest about all my thoughts and feelings in this blog. So, it's time for me to fess up.....
I USED TO THINK that if I couldn't have kids "naturally" that God must not want me to be a mother, and that I would be perfectly content never being called Mommy.
I USED TO THINK that if someone was infertile, there were many options available to them no matter how much money they did or didn't make.
I USED TO THINK that being infertile meant there was something wrong with you. Your body wouldn't allow you to have a baby. That stinks. But that's the way life is.
I USED TO THINK that IVF was strange and scary and was essentially playing God.
I USED TO THINK that since IVF seemed to be playing God, that it was something I would never ever ever choose to do. EVER. No matter if I couldn't have kids "naturally."
I USED TO THINK that infertility was an old person thing. (Ha, like colon cancer, right?)
I USED TO THINK that if people didn't try so hard, that a pregnancy would just happen.
I USED TO THINK that I didn't know ANYONE who could ever possibly have that problem. Myself included.

I USED TO THINK that I had my life planned out. Marry the love of my life. Have a baby a year or so later. Be a perfect little family, perfectly healthy, perfectly happy.

Boy was I wrong!!!

I have many close friends who have been there for us since day one. I know I can count on them to really give it to me straight. No sugar coating. No bologna. Just the facts. What I need to know. One day I was feeling really down about things. I was reading Inconceivable. And I read about how this amazing couple who was doing an amazing thing, was really having a rough time. Not because of what they were going through necessarily (carrying a child that wasn't their own biologically because of a mix up at the IVF clinic) but because of the fact that they had to use IVF in the first place. Because God wouldn't approve. Because if you can't have kids "naturally" then that's not the path you were meant to take. And for a minute, I remembered that that was basically how I used to feel. How I used to think. And what if I was right???
So I went to Facebook. And I made a comment about how I didn't really realize how MANY people felt that way. It's everywhere, you know. And that it hurt. Some of my amazing friends were there to throw those ridiculous theories out the window though.
I can't find the quotes word for word (it was that long ago), but they basically said that God doesn't work like that. If so, He wouldn't bring children into the lives of child abusers and molesters. Etc. I think they were right, of course. Because my friends usually are ;)
I also think that THAT was when I realized how I feel about it....
God is wonderful. God put FANTASTIC people on this earth who have changed (and are changing) this world for the better. Doctors, scientists, teachers, parents, leaders, I could go on and on. Doctors have helped people live longer. Did God want Danny to die? He had cancer. Should he have died? NO. There is TECHNOLOGY and MEDICINE available to him thanks to amazing doctors and scientists, and there was a solution. He had surgery, chemo and radiation. And he's alive right now. ALIVE AND HEALTHY. God put those people on this earth for a reason. So. We are infertile. That DOES NOT MEAN that God doesn't plan for me to be a mommy... No more than He meant for Danny to die because he had cancer. There's a way to change things. Surgery, chemo and radiation for cancer. And loads of treatments for infertility. And that's what we'll do. We will travel that path of IVF so we can get around this obstacle in our way.


I now hate the way people refer to having kids "naturally." That used to mean no meds during delivery. Then it meant no c-section. Now it basically means any sort of pregnancy except if you've had fertility help. Whatever. My baby(ies) will be human. That makes them natural. I will carry them in my womb. They will be mine. They will be Danny's. They will finish off our family. And that's OUR "natural."


When we found out we couldn't have kids the old fashioned way, we were devastated, as you've read in my posts before if you've been following long enough. And honestly, I felt alone. I felt like the only person in the WORLD with this problem. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't care who knew but I just wanted them to ask someone else, anyone but me. I didn't want to face it, and that's what I'd have to do if I was asked about it....
Do you know what's worse than that??
Knowing that some of your dearest friends are in the same boat. No, not the EXACT same boat. But, a similar make and model.
Infertility is when you've been trying for over 12 months and have had no success. There are other factors, yes (take us for instance!), but that's the easiest way to look at it. I am 25 years YOUNG. I am not old. I'm in my PRIME. I'm in my fertile years. As are my friends. Girls I grew up with. Girls I went to school with. And of these girls, I know almost 10 right off the top of my head that suffer from infertility in one way or another. I am sure there are others that haven't told me, too. But almost 10 have. And every story is different!
Some have unexplained infertility (which IS a medical term, believe it or not!), one is currently undiagnosed, two have gotten a diagnosis and are undergoing some sort of fertility treatment. One dear friend has two kids and wanted more, but they found out she had cancer, so WHOOSH, just that fast, there went her chances of expanding her family. Two other wonderful young ladies had hysterectomies because of endometriosis. One of those friends was only 19 years old. Am I alone? NO. Do these other young women know basically every emotion I've felt? Yes. Is it nice to talk to someone who understands? Of course. But I would MUCH MUCH rather be going through this alone. I would MUCH RATHER have to try to explain my feelings and face the facts by myself, than have such dear friends who deserve to be mommies know the same feelings. I want them to all be mommies. I want them to never have to feel what I feel. I want them to grow a baby inside them. I want I want I want. Hopefully, some of my wonderful friends will get babies. Maybe all of them will, one way or another... Only time will tell.... But, I'm not alone. And frankly, that sucks.


So now you know how I used to think. I used to think I knew it all. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad all those thoughts I USED TO HAVE are wrong. And you'll probably never hear (or read) me say again, that I was wrong and I'm happy about it ;)
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A quick update on the fundraisers before I go...

Cherry Berry was WONDERFUL! It was absolutely fabulous to see so many people there! I should be picking up the money order this week, and will fill you all in on that number as soon as possible.

The cookie fundraiser is still on going!! And going GREAT!!! Be sure to put  your orders in!!

Scentsy is still on going!!! Everyone always need Scentsy!!

That's all I've got for today... But I'm already working on another post for tomorrow, about infertility. I hope you all come back for more! I will get back to our story once I get all of these other feelings and facts out there. :) Thank for reading and please remember to SHARE SHARE SHARE!!!

Tornado destruction

Happy Tax Day...
Not really. We had to pay the state. I just finished up filing and submitting our payment. What a pain. At least I am back to work and we will HOPEFULLY therefore not OWE next year. We shall see!

Have you all ordered your cookies yet?! No? You better get on it. It's like heaven in your mouth! Really!! And the crabs are SO STINKIN' CUTE!!!!!!! You can order here:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/388112987876732/

Also, the Cherry Berry fundraiser is Thursday. DON'T FORGET!! All sales after 4pm (and until close) will be added up and we will get 10%!!! It's the one at Central and Maize! I've had multiple people mention that we should do this at the one in Derby as well. I have no idea how this one was set up (my dear friend Rhonda took care of all of it), but I will look into it! :)

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I'm not posting any more of our story today. I know I've done that a lot lately, and I apologize. But, I almost feel bad about continuing on with the fundraisers right now. If you aren't local, I will tell you why....
We live in Wichita, Kansas. Have you heard about it in the news over the past few days?
We had a tornado rip through on Saturday night and some areas really look like a bomb went off. People lost homes. And I'm supposed to feel good about continuing on with our fundraisers to have a baby? Well, I'm not going to cancel or reschedule. We've put a lot of time and effort into our fundraisers. BUT, I will have you all know that Danny and I plan to help with the relief efforts in any way we can.
So, while people are helping us, we are also helping others. Which we would've done anyway. My first way of helping will be to donate pet food, which I just seen a post about a few minutes ago. If you're local and love animals the way we do, and want to help that way, here's what they need:
ONLY unopened, unexpired food please. Dog and cat food, and cat litter are in high demand. Donate at Skaer Veterinary Clinic for the next 7 days and animal control will pick it up. It will be available at the Community Center 2937 E Oaklawn on Oaklawn Drive each day at 1 pm for 1 hr each day for the residents of Oaklawn. Sedgwick County Animal Control will be transporting the food and Skaer Veterinary Clinic at 404 S Edgemoor will be accepting the donations. Thank you! For more information, please call 619-1723

Of course the United Way and the Red Cross are involved with the relief efforts, and Danny and I plan on looking into how we can be the most beneficial. Monetary? Volunteering to help clean up? We will figure it out. If you're local, I urge you to help out, too.

If you're not local, but are near, I urge you to help any other city that was effected by the tornadoes. READ: There were 120 tornadoes Saturday night. Many areas were effected. People need help all over. Kansas had ZERO fatalities (thanks to the DAYS of warnings we were given, many were well prepared).
However, Woodward Oklahoma didn't get so lucky. Last I heard (I haven't been on the news much today) they had six fatalities. Some of those were children :(
Woodward got about a 3 minute warning. And even then, some of their sirens weren't working because of damage from the storms that had hit earlier in the evening. ALSO, many were still without power, so it wasn't possible for them to watch it on tv and prepare that way.
The pictures I've seen from Woodward have been absolutely awful. It's really a destruction zone. They need tons of help!!! If you're in/near Oklahoma, help them out!

That's all I've got today. I'm just urging everyone to help these people if they can, in any way they can. I absolutely can NOT imagine no longer having a home (the Wichita tornado was too close to our house AND to the building I was in during the storm, but we were safe and our home had no damage! SO thankful for that!). I can NOT imagine losing a loved one because of a storm. I can't imagine how any of them are feeling right now. But I hope they find some sort of comfort through the love and support from others.

If you say so...

I was going to blog yesterday, I really really was....
BUT it's NHL Playoffs... And the Pens game was actually on tv. So, we watched it. Ate homemade pizza and watched the game. The only thing that could've been better is if my favorite player Malkin had scored, and we had won.

Fundraiser  updates!!! The cookie event has begun!! I've seen pictures of the ribbon cookies that are done, and they look AMAZING!! Have you ordered yet? You can do so here:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/388112987876732/
Oh, and do you all want to see the cookies? I guess I can share the picture ;)

Don't they look great?!

The Cherry Berry fundraiser is NEXT WEEK!!!! Don't forget!!!!

AND I have another announcement... In May we will have......
A THIRTY-ONE GIFTS FUNDRAISER!!! It will be another fundraiser open for anyone! I will have catalogs for those of you that don't want to look at the online link I will be posting. And we'll get 20% of the sales for our fund!!! I LOVE Thirty-One!!! :)

I think that's all I've got for now!!

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So, we went and had fun... And had to wake up early the next day for the Toy Run.
"How are you feeling babe?"
"I'm fine. I only drank a couple beers." That is so not what I meant.
"I know THAT. I meant, do you feel sick? Tired?"
"Of course I'm tired... It's early in the morning and we were up kind of late last night." Again, NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!
"Babe.... Be serious."
"I am serious. I'm fine. I maybe need some sinus meds, but I've felt like that for days... I'm good." Ugh. Sinuses.
"Okay. So you still want to go?"
"It's the Toy Run. We aren't going to miss it. We've had these awesome toys for the kids for weeks. We are going." Of course we are...
"We could drop the toys off in the box at WalMart if you aren't feeling up to the ride."
"I am FINE. I'm serious." If you say so...
So, we went. We met up with some friends, went to McDonalds for a quick bite to eat, and then met up with some more friends. We then headed to the Toy Run.

There were a TON of motorcycles out at the run. SO many!! It was a great turn out and I wish I'd gotten pictures of the huge MOUNTAIN of toys that was donated. But, here are some pictures that I did take.

Danny and I, before we took off for the ride, but after it had started to warm up! PERFECT weather!

 Jamie and I (our backpacks were FULL of toys!) in the morning... it was still chilly out!

All the bikes that were in ONE parking lot. There was another one behind this one!! ALSO full!!



The day was fun but exhausting. Being out on the bike felt great, it brought back many memories. Danny and I were constantly on the bike the entire first year we were together, unless it was his night/weekend with Faith. This was the first time we were on the bike since the cancer diagnosis though, and it was really exhausting. So, we went home and took a nap! :)


That's all I've got for today!! Tried to keep it short, and I will try to blog again tomorrow!! :) Thanks for reading everyone! Remember to SHARE SHARE SHARE!!!!!

I don't feel like doing anything fun

Today is a crap day but what am I doing about it? I'm blogging. Not about my crap day. But about all the things I have to be thankful for, which will help my crap day turn around! What will make it even better would be to see lots and lots of page views (hint hint)...

If you aren't on our Facebook (or friends with one of our friends that have shared the event) then you haven't heard our latest fundraiser announcement.......
COOKIES!!!!!!!
My wonderful friend Mandi (she was in charge of the Mary Kay fundraiser) came up with this idea a couple months ago and we had planned it for the summer but we moved it up to this month! Starting TODAY you can place your cookie orders and she will SHIP THE COOKIES TO YOU, meaning YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE LOCAL!!! You do need to be in the US, though, if you don't want to have to pay a lot more for shipping, of course.
$15 per dozen, shipping included! You have two options. Ribbon cookies or Crabb cookies. Or a dozen of each. Or two dozen of each. Heck, order as many as you'd like! :)
Here are the pictures of the cutters, the ribbon cookies will have blue buttercream marshmallow fondant on them and the crab cookies will have red buttercream marshmallow fondant.

I was in charge of taste testing the cookies and they are DEFINITELY Destiny-Approved!! Order yours now!! Orders will be baked/shipped in the order they are received. The event page is up on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/388112987876732/) or get a hold of us some other way if  you'd like to order.

The Scentsy Fundraiser is still on going!!

The Zumba fundraiser is sort of up in the air at the moment, but as soon as I know anything I will be posting about it!!

And don't forget!! Next Thursday (April 19) is our CHERRY BERRY fundraiser!!!!

That's all I've got fundraiser wise today. so, on with our story :)
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Danny's energy was gone, his numbers were all low, and I had lost my kitten. We were a mess. Or rather, I was a mess. Danny was as strong as ever.
"We have the Halloween party this weekend, are we still going?" Ohhh no, no no no. I don't want to do any kind of partying right now. I don't feel happy. I don't feel like doing anything fun.
"I don't think so. I don't want to do anything. And you shouldn't be around so many people."
"Destiny...." What? Why is he Destiny-ing me?!
"What?!?!"
"You have been looking forward to this party for weeks. Deena made our costumes. My numbers are fine, I will just try to stay away from the big crowds of people." Why doesn't he see that it is not a good idea?
"Your numbers are low enough that it's not smart to go."
"If you don't want to go, it's not going to be because of me. I won't get sick. I will stay away from people. I will wash my hands. I will do what I have to do."  Blah blah blah There's SO many reasons not to go...
"Whatever. I miss Dahlia."
"I know you do..." Of course he does, he knows everything!
"When will it stop hurting?"
"I can't tell you that. You'll always miss her. And you'll always wish this hadn't happened the way it did. But there was nothing we could've done differently." I love this man.
"I hate this."
"Of course you do. But I still think we should go to the party you've been looking forward to for weeks and we've already gotten costumes for." Ahhhhh, FINE.
"Fine, we will go."
"And you'll try to have fun?" Fun? I don't even WANT to have fun.
"I promise nothing of the sort."

We went about our days and that weekend we did go to the Halloween party. I loosened up and did end up having fun. I missed Dahlia. I was worried about Danny. But, I had fun. And here are two pictures to prove it... One is me, being me and I can't even tell you what I was doing because I don't remember... The other is of Danny and I pretending to dance... Why? Because we were dancing, and my friend tried to take our picture and we stopped. She forced us to pretend so she could get a pic. So, that's what we did.

The moral of this post is, we went. We had fun. We left early because we had the Toys For Tots run early the next morning. And, just as Danny said, he didn't get sick. Of course. Because (as much as I at times dislike it) he always seems to be right.


That's all I've got for you today. I'm going to keep the posts short from now on, and maybe post more often if I can. Hopefully that will bring readers back and make the page views shoot back up again! Thanks for reading everyone! And remember to SHARE SHARE SHARE

So, we are getting hit double time by this... awesome

Today is going to be another different kind of blog post. After I update on fundraisers, I'm going to bring to light some facts on infertility. I did it with colon cancer, and I feel the need to list the facts on infertility. Why? Because we suffer from it because of the cancer surgery, and we're not the only ones. I know MULTIPLE people going through fertility treatments of some kind right now, or who are trying unsuccessfully to make a baby on their own. I don't think people really realize how COMMON infertility is, so I want to open your eyes a bit!

First, fundraiser updates!

As you all know, the cupcakes event this month was cancelled. Because of this, a wonderful friend offered to open up her month to a fundraiser we'd discussed doing over the summer. I am sworn to secrecy for a few more days though... I will be announcing it on Facebook as soon as she will allow me ;) And on here as soon as I post again, after she's given me the go-ahead. And a hint... This is NOT just an event for local followers... and it's YUMMY!!

The CHERRY BERRY fundraiser!!
It is still a go for the 19th!! We will be there and we hope you will be, too!!!

The Photography fundraiser with Jennifer should be this month sometime, when I get the for sure date, I will let  you all know :) The weather is crazy here during the month so I'm hoping it will work for us, instead of against us, on the day she chooses!

I think that's all I've got for now? Or all I can think of at this moment. I will edit the post if I think of anything else to add!!

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Infertility Facts (As with my post about IVF, I am not a doctor or a scientist or anything like that, if I get any of these facts wrong or they are outdated, I apologize. If you want to add/correct anything I post here, comment and let me know what needs to be changed!)

First of all, I am going to post a picture of three of the books I've read in preparation of IVF. There are others I've ready, too, but these three were great. (Note, Inconceivable is another book I highly recommend but that's not necessarily a book on IVF, so I didn't include it here. It is well written though, and their story is heart wrenching.... Read it!)

My favorite of these three books is The Couple's Guide to In Vitro Fertilization by Liza Charlesworth. It's not only a wealth of information, it's also sprinkled with actual accounts from people who went through it. It makes it relatable and an easy read. It will be the book I take with me to all my IVF appointments when that time comes!
When Nature's Not Enough by Diana M Olick has good info, too, but is mainly interviews of couples that have gone through the different types of fertility treatment. It is divided into sections so you follow the steps of IVF with the couples that went through it.
IVF: The Wayward Stork by Sarah A Tursi and Lea McCarthy is a small book that is a very quick read. It answers lots of questions and is packed full of information on IVF and all of the steps you'll go through.

So, now to the facts (these facts I found in my favorite of my IVF books:The Couple's Guide to IVF):
~Approximately six MILLION American women are affected by infertility.
  ~That's one in ten women of child bearing age
~Only 21% of infertile women seek medical care to determine the cause of their infertility and/or treat it
~Research shows that the levels of depression faced by infertile people are as high as those dealing with life-threatening illness (When I read this fact all I could think was:So, we are getting hit double time by this... awesome!)
~Only 15 states have mandated infertility coverage (Arkansas, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, West Virginia, California, Connecticut and Texas). These do not all cover IVF, but they do all cover fertility treatment of some kind, unless they find a loophole!
~Less than 20% of all IVF patients actually have substantial insurance coverage
~A recent study found that if insurance companies chose to cover all infertility benefits (including IVF) the cost to each policy holder would be about $20 a year
~Prenatal care costs insurance companies about 200 times the amount of fertility treatments (which makes me feel like we are paying for coverage for all of the fertile people out there, but they don't want to help cover costs to get us to that point, but that's a whole different matter)
~Less than 1/20 of all couples who could benefit from IVF actually seek out treatment
~Some celebrities that have gone through IVF include Celine Dion, Brooke Shields and Courtney Cox

That's all I've got for now, and those facts were just from ONE of the books I read. There are SO many more facts out there. SO many people are effected by infertility. It's not just us. I would say that's a comfort, but it's not. I wish nobody had to go through all of this, honestly. It's stressful, it's scary, it's EXPENSIVE. I just can't wait to get on the other side of this battle and finally be called Mommy.
Thanks for reading today!! Please remember to SHARE SHARE SHARE

And he says all the right things

Time to blog it up again!!

Fundraiser updates....

The Mary Kay fundraiser has come to an end! We ended up getting $125 from the orders we got! We got a great percentage of the sales, but not as many orders as we wanted. So, we may be doing this again in a few months. I expect more of you followers to order ;) Really, I'm still super happy with the $125!!

The Easter Cupcake Event is CANCELLED. We were wanting it to be A HUGE event, but, sometimes that's just not possible. Like this time. My wonderful friend and cupcake baker is down for the count with a torn ligament in her knee. Having knee problems myself, I know how awful that feels and how IMPORTANT it is to follow doctor's orders and stay off of it until the appropriate all-clear date. Hopefully she heals up well and will be up to going through with the May Day Cupcake Event because she had some great ideas for it :) Her health comes first though, so we don't want her to push it!!

I'm not sure if I mentioned the approximate day for the Zumba fundraiser... I don't have an exact date but it will DEFINITELY be in the first half of June. I'm so excited about it!!

Also the Scentsy fundraiser is still going!! I seen some new burners at the Cut-A-Thon that I absolutely fell in love with, so if you haven't looked at a catalog lately, you should go check out the site. There's so much there, and lots of new OTHER things too. You'll have to go check it out to see what I'm talking about :)

I think that's all the updates I have for now... So... Now on to our story.

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It was the day after Danny's third chemo treatment and he was already not feeling well. We both went to work that day, as usual, but Danny had very little energy and felt like a sinus infection was coming on. We had some quick running around to do after work before he headed to school and I wasn't sure Danny was going to be up to it. When he picked me up, I had to be sure.
"Babe, the trip to the store can probably wait."
"No, it can't. Dahlia hasn't been drinking, like you said. We need to get her that kitten milk and force it down her. It's a quick trip in the store, it's fine."
"I could probably go myself if you want to nap for a bit before class."
"There isn't enough time for a good nap, I would just be more tired. We're going to the pet store, I'm fine, I promise."
So off we went to the pet supply store to get some kitten milk in hopes of getting Dahlia hydrated against her wishes.
Danny was right and it was a quick trip inside the store and we were home just a few minutes later than we would normally be.

I'm going to stop right here with our story. I thought I could blog about that day, and what happened next. But I can't. It hurts. I can't and won't walk you all through all of the events and emotions. I will give you a run-through though.
We got home and Dahlia was in very bad shape. Since Danny had school (and really couldn't miss since he figured he'd probably miss later once chemo really screwed him up), my mom and I took Dahlia to the vet. She passed away in my arms before we could get to the vet.
We'd talked to my family a lot about Dahlia and her medical mystery problems that we'd been treating her for since we got her, and some amazing family members had offered part of their land up to any of our pets when "that time" came. That time had arrived, much too early, and they were the ones that got the next phone call. They were amazing and wrapped her up and buried her for me, next to my brother's dog, Cinnamon. (Keith, Darla... I could never thank you enough for all you did for me that day. LOVE YOU BOTH!!)

I was an obvious mess. I'd never lost a pet before, and I wasn't ready. Dahlia was just a kitten, and yes she'd been sick since we got her, she still deserved more of a life. She deserved many years with us. We deserved many years with her. I didn't handle it well, to put it mildly.
Danny came home from school and had to take care of me, even though he wasn't feeling well from his chemo and the infection he felt setting in. He still held me and let me cry. He understood my feelings and grief and didn't downplay it. I was sad. And then I got mad.
"Why? Why her? Why us?"
"She was sick babe. We knew that from the get go. She's not sick anymore." Ugh. This isn't FAIR.
"We went to TWO vets. They should've done something different!"
"They both tried different things. They did the best they could." Their best wasn't good enough!!
"I will NEVER go back to EITHER of those vets. They aren't good enough for our pets. They weren't good enough for Dahlia."
"That's fine, we don't have to go back there. To either vet. We can go somewhere else from now on." This just seriously SUCKS.
"I hate this, so much. I hate it. I miss her already."
"I know you do." THIS SUCKS.
"Maybe we should've done more for her. Gone somewhere else."
"We did the best we could. We had her on meds from the time we noticed a problem. We took her to two vets. We thought we were taking care of the problem. We did everything that was within our power." And all of that did NOTHING.
"And it still didn't keep her alive..."
"No, it didn't. But, she probably lasted longer for US than she would've at the humane society. And I know for A FACT that she felt more love during the two months she was with us than she did when she was in that silver cage waiting for someone to adopt her. She had a family that loved her and took care of her and made her short life worth living." And he says all the right things.
"I hate this..."
"I know babe. I know." And he's probably going to get sick of hearing it.
"I hate ALL of this. I hate that you have to have chemo. I hate that you feel like crap from the chemo. I hate that you are tired because it's taking such a toll on you. I hate that you are getting a sinus infection because your immune system sucks, thanks to the stupid chemo. And I HATE that my kitten isn't here to snuggle with me while I sit here hating everything!!!!"
"I hate it all too." And here he is, supporting me when I should be helping him get through these days of feeling like crap. Helping him when he has no energy. But what energy he does have, he is using to wipe my tears and comfort me. I suck. THIS SUCKS. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!
I fell asleep hating the world and (almost) everything in it.


And that's all for today. I promise I didn't stay hating the world forever, and my next blog won't be nearly as sad. Please remember to SHARE SHARE SHARE!! Thanks for reading!!!