Prego Brain... You stink!

Looky looky who is posting. It's me! I know it's been a while... Again... I really just can't seem to keep up with my own mind these days, let alone keep everyone else updated. WHICH I AM UNBELIEVABLY SORRY FOR!!!

But here I am, ready to update you. I have about 2 hours free, and I plan on using the time to give you all the wonderful (and some not-so-wonderful) details about the last couple weeks!!

So, I left off the week before my first baby shower... I think? Oh gosh, I can't remember. I could look, but that would take up precious time, and really... does it matter? I know I haven't updated since... So that's where I shall start!!

So... My big baby shower, with tons of family and friends, was May 11th. It was held at my old high school (thanks to Pammy-Pam who arranged that for us!!), and boy has it changed!! I walked in and was in awe at the differences... It took me a bit to get into the "help get stuff done" mode because I just couldn't stop looking around. But, I got snapped out of that and started helping. We got the tables set up and decorated, the food set out, and people started showing up. And showing up. And showing up. It seemed like every time I looked up there were more people there I needed to talk to. And I didn't feel like I really had much of a chance to talk to ANYONE for more than a quick hello and thanks for coming. Did I mention there were a ton of people there?

We had SO MUCH FOOD. Sandwiches, chips, dips, roll-ups, fruit kabobs, cupcakes, cake, chocolate treats... I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting to mention. SO MUCH FOOD. Food is important to my family, haha.

We passed out the baby shower games, which were fun ones! And I got started opening gifts. I'm not exactly the fastest gift-opener in the world. As a matter of fact, it's well known in my family that I'm the slowest. So I made it a point to try to speed that up... And despite my best effort, I just couldn't. I just could NOT go any faster than I did. Each gift needed attention, each gift giver needed a special thank-you at the time. And of course, each gift needed to be recorded on a neat list for thank you notes!
So you know what that means? People got bored. I heard less and less "oooohs" and "aawwws." And you know what? That made me happy!! People were chatting and eating and having a good time doing whatever it was they wanted to do, and I was no longer the clown at the center of the circus. Being the center of attention isn't something I'm good at. I had the freedom to touch every item in every gift, rub on all the soft blankets, fight back the tears that came with the special gifts... And I was able to say a quick thank you to the giver of each gift (if they were still there) when I opened their gift. It was just the way I like it. If you're reading this and you were there and you are thinking "Oh  man I was so bored," I am sorry. You totally could've spent the time googling the game answers though ;)

So... We got a TON of stuff. A ton of absolutely adorable stuff. So many things that were much needed. And every single thing was something we love and are thankful for. We are beyond grateful. And SO SO blessed!!

Mother's Day was the next day, and I woke up to cards from both Faith and Danny... And three of the most adorable onesies for Baby ever. They were quite obviously picked out by Danny. And so of course I bawled like the hormonal pregnant lady I am (and yes, I am a crier even when I'm not hormonal... shhhh).
We then went to lunch with Danny's mom, grandma, aunt, sister and nieces. We of course then had to go see my mom, and while we were there we went through everything from the shower. We laid everything out and took pictures. My mom counted all the onesies (over 60, ha! But a wonderful range of sizes!) and got a close look at each gift. And I made a plan for getting the other items we needed, with the amazing gift cards and money we were gifted.


That week went by super fast, and soon it was the next Friday... And two of my online-group friends made it into town for a little gathering/shower. The three of us had never met (although we've all met other girls from our online group), but it was like we'd been around each other for years... Not from different parts of the country!
Friday night we went to dinner and just talked and talked and talked. It was absolutely fabulous!!
Saturday we went to my parents' house, where we held our little shower. The online girls had sent some gifts there for me and for one of the girls who was visiting (who is just a couple weeks behind me, pregnancy wise!!). We spent a few hours just chatting. And we skyped with another friend who couldn't be there. SO MUCH FUN. She was on the computer with us as we unwrapped our gifts. Danny and I are beyond blessed, have I mentioned that?? We got amazing gifts at that shower, too.
That night the three of us (Danny wasn't interested lol) went to Mosley Street Melodrama which was hilarious! They were doing a show mocking the Food Network challenge shows (namely Chopped, my favorite!!). And then did a sort of Name That Tune with food items in the song title or artist name. It was a blast!!!
We said our goodbyes that night, and Danny got lots of hugs from the ladies when he picked me up. We got in the car to leave and I told him how awesome it was to have them here, and he told me how lucky WE are to have them in our lives. And he is so right.
So many people don't understand the whole online friends thing. But, oh well. I met these ladies while planning our wedding in 08 and 09. They were all on the Brides forum. I think we've all (or mostly all) left those boards, but we stay connected through Facebook. These ladies helped me through Danny's cancer battle. Especially his diagnosis. I wasn't alone "in real life," of course, but I still needed support, and they were there. Over the years some of us have divorced, gotten remarried, started planning their wedding, lost loved ones, been dealt blow after blow... And we are all still there for each other. We know who we can count on, who we can vent to. And who will help pick us up when we are down. Those are my Bride girls. And they've helped us SO VERY MUCH over these last years. And they still are helping us.
And now that I'm crying, I will move on with how things went after they left! ;)

Sunday Laura got on a plane and Janice got in her car to head back South... Both trying to beat the storms. I moped around a bit because I missed them already (and yes I know I hadn't even MET them in person before then, do not judge me!). And then the storms started to roll in... And boy did they! We went to my parents' house, because it's about the safest place for us... When, really, their house was right in the path of a tornado! The tornado lifted and turned JUST SLIGHTLY, and we were safe. But it was scary and I was not a happy camper. I was thankful, though, that we made it through just fine.

Then we get to this past week. Monday. I was about to leave for my dr appt when I got a call from the office. I had evidently failed my 1 hour glucose test. OH JOY. I freaked the heck out, and just NEEDED to talk to my doctor about it. Thank goodness I already had an appointment, otherwise I would've driven myself crazy waiting to see her.
At my appointment I stepped on the scale, FULLY INTENDING TO SEE A BIGGER NUMBER than the time before.... And.... nope. That number was exactly the flippin' same. How is that even possible when I am quite obviously getting bigger? I am moving up in sizes in clothes. My belly is stretching beyond belief... And yet there is no weight gain? Not even .1 of a pound?? Seriously?
I saw my doctor and we talked about my failing the glucose test. Danny had some questions that she answered... And she told me I definitely needed to do the 3 hour test. Did I want to? No. But I made it through the 1 hour... How much worse could the 3 hour be? Really...

After leaving the appointment, I checked my phone. A tornado was in South OKC.
South OKC?? What?! That's where our fertility doc is. THAT'S WHERE OUR FROZEN EMBRYOS ARE!!!! Our popsicle babies. Our beautiful little chances at life. They are there!! Were they safe? Was the med center getting destroyed?!
The radio was no help. They weren't talking about it. So, I had to get a hold of my friend down there. We had discussed earlier in the day that they were supposed to get severe weather, and that she'd left work because of it... And she assured me that the tornado had passed through, and had stayed south of the city itself. But it had hit Moore. Moore, a city we had driven through multiple times. Eaten at. A really nice area... Devastated.
We picked Faith up and went home where we turned on the tv.. and lo and behold there was finally coverage. Coverage I probably shouldn't have watched. I cried as I watched the firefighters and other first responders search through the rubble at the school for the kids they knew were trapped. Cried as I watched the dog pick up a scent and lead them where they needed to be...
My heart broke for Moore. And it also broke for the other Oklahoma cities and towns hit by the tornadoes the night before...

The rest of the week went by pretty fast. I was sick one day. And Thursday I had to do my 3 hour glucose test, which was... well... It just was.
I got to my primary care doc's office and they pricked my finger to check my fasting blood sugar. Anything below 95 was passing, 80 was the goal. My level? 62. Yeah, super low. I was feeling dehydrated, because they said I couldn't have water. And the nurse proved that I was, because she couldn't get a vein. Rollin' rollin' rolling. That's what my veins were doing. She used the smallest needle they had, and dove into my forearm. Ouch! But it worked. All the pokes and stabs and roaming around with the needle seriously set off my nausea though. So did the fact that it was about a billion degrees in that lab! I said I was feeling hot and the nurse said she could tell I was flushing. She got me a fan... And smelling salts. Smelling salts? I didn't even know those were REAL. She said they smell like rotten pee (oh lovely!) so she didn't want to have to use them... I didn't want her to, either!
I managed to drink the nastiest drink ever. And they put me in a cold room, in a bed. With a fan. Ahhhh, so much better.
I was then pricked in the finger and had a vial of blood taken at 30 minutes, 1 hour, 1.5 hours, 2 hours and 3 hours. I was in a lot of pain, and the nausea and flushing came back each time she had issues catching a vein. But, I made it through without passing out. Go, me!
My numbers needed to be:
Fasting: <95
1 hour: <180
2 hour: <155
3 hour: <140

I don't know my numbers FOR SURE because they go off of the actual vials they took. But I know what each finger prick showed... And those were:
Fasting: 62 PASSING
1 hour: 162 or 169, I don't know which... PASSING
2 hour: 153... Technically PASSING, but, the finger prick isn't exactly the same as what the vial will show. Will it actually be higher than that? Or lower than that? It's CLOSE... Too close for comfort. And we are depending on that number. Why? Well because I'm only allowed to FAIL one of the numbers... And...
3 hour: 151. MAJOR FAIL.

So, it all depends on that real number from hour two. If we are basing this off of finger pricks, then I passed. But, we aren't. So, we shall see. Who knows when.


This weekend has already flown by. I can't believe it's already Sunday night.
Saturday morning started out... rough. My dog peed on my foot because I couldn't get all the locks unlocked fast enough to let him outside. I slipped while stepping out of the tub (from washing my feet from the pee!!), but caught myself. I got water dumped on my head from the shower head while trying to clean the tub (because there were pee germs in there!!). And we were running a couple minutes late trying to get to our rescheduled 3D sonogram.
However, the day turned around!
Baby cooperated!! We got to see her gorgeous face. Her adorable feet. Her fingers (with fingernails!!). AND HER HAIR!!! She's got so much of it, according to the sono! I thought she would be bald, like I was as a baby. I've had heartburn but not nightly. Or even consistently. At the initial 3d sono weeks ago the tech said she had a "tiny bit of hair." And I figured that would be it. But a lot changes in 4 weeks I guess. Because the tech said that Baby has a lot more hair than most babies she sees at this point in the pregnancy!! YEA!! She's going to have her daddy's hair!!! :)

After the sono we went and picked up some last minute items for Faith's birthday party. And then surprised her with an inflatable slip n slide that we'd rented. She LOVED it. As did my nieces and nephews that were able to come. Even I enjoyed it (I was pushed down it, on my tush, don't worry!). Her party was a definite success :)


Today has been a pretty awful day. But hey, we've still got tomorrow, right?
Pregnancy brain has been messing with me for the past few weeks, but it's gotten pretty bad the last few days. I have been a source for entertainment for Danny, who gets a kick out of me being forgetful. I'm not used to feeling dumb. I'm usually organized and on top of things. But not lately. And he just thinks it's so funny.
Until today. Until HE had to suffer through my brain issues. Ha ha Danny, ha ha. Not so funny now, is it?
His day started out particularly bad. So he was grumpy. But, I had a 20% off coupon that was expiring in a couple days... And we had gift cards to use towards the crib. Danny was going to cover the rest of the cost and he had the money so I figured we should go get the crib.
Naturally, I assumed the crib would be in stock. Why? I don't know. I just assumed. Yeah. Dumb.
We went to the store, and I made sure I had my coupon IN HAND. I reminded myself about a million times to GRAB THAT COUPON. So. I had the coupon. Yea. First things first, I wanted to go grab two bibs. Well, three. But they didn't have one of them. So I got the other two. One says "I'm the little sister" and the other says "I love my uncle." I need to add an S to the uncle one... Because Baby is going to love all of her uncles :)
I grabbed the two bibs and we started to walk over to the cribs. I reminded myself about the coupon and I checked for the millionth time to be sure I had it... And then I realized... I had the coupon, BUT NOT THE GIFT CARDS. Those gift cards were important. They needed to be used for THIS purchase. I told Danny, who just looked at me. He laughed for a second, but he knew I was upset. He wasn't entirely happy, since we'd driven the truck and it eats gas like crazy. He said he wanted to look at the cribs again anyway because he had changed his mind. So, we went over and what he was saying made sense... And we decided on a different crib. A crib I LOVE, and that will look absolutely fabulous with the rug we'd gotten for the nursery. The sign on the crib said "IN STOCK" so we decided to run home and get the gift cards and come back...
So that's what we did.
We showed BACK UP, with coupon AND GIFT CARDS, and ask to buy the crib. The employee flips the sign to "Order now and it will get here in 7-10 days" and I thought that meant we were getting the last one... Woohooo!!!
Except... nope... The sign had just been wrong and he was fixing it. So. We had to order it. Order it? My coupon says no special orders. Would it still work? I discussed it with Danny and he said with the way his day was going, it probably wouldn't work. But oh well, we need the crib. So, okay.
We went to pay for it, and the coupon DID work. SCORE. I pulled out the gift cards... Started taking them off of the little cardboard things... handing them over... And then I realized one of the cards had to be activated. Ugh. Danny asked which one and it was a $25 visa, so he told me to just put it away and he'd pay that difference. Okay. The lady told him the total and he swiped his card and typed in his number. It happened too fast. My brain wasn't functioning at normal capacity. Everything takes me a few seconds longer to process right now. I HEARD the lady tell him the total and I thought to myself "did she not scan the cards right?? That's just not right. That's $100 more than we were planning." And that's when it hits me.... There was another gift card. The $100 visa gift card. I KNEW that one didn't have to be activated. I dug through my purse pocket and sure enough,  I hadn't grabbed it when I grabbed the other ones. But it was already too late. Danny's card had already been charged. There are no refunds on orders. They could have done it, but it would've taken a long time to figure it out, and time wasn't something we had because we'd already wasted so much because of my slow brain... Danny said it was fine, we could just use that gift card on the mattress later. There are things that need to be purchased and that was a Visa so it wasn't necessary that we use it at that store... So. We signed for the order and left... Me feeling like a complete and utter FOOL... And him with the resolve that his day just can't seem to change directions...


So... As the title of this entry states... Prego brain really stinks!!

I will make an entry just of pics from the past few weeks tomorrow (hopefully). But I think this post is long enough for now. I will leave you with a weekly quiz update for this week. And just know that the last couple weeks have been identical to this week ;)

How Far Along:  31 weeks

Total Weight Gain: Zero..

Maternity Clothes: I love my cozy pants and my maxi dresses and skirts and tanks... And I borrowed some maternity clothes from my sister in law :)

Stretch Marks: So far so good!

Sleep: I'm knocking on wood... But sleep is still good! 

Best Moment This Week:  Hmm... Seeing Baby in 3d, with her cooperation!! 

Miss Anything: I miss not worrying constantly about how Baby is doing. But, I don't think that will ever go away. Even once she's born. So. I better get used to it!   

Movement: In the ribs mostly, because she's head down now. Whew she likes the ribs!  

Food Cravings: Ice cream

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Cheese :( How awful is that??!!?! 

Gender: A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL... That we have named Ryssa!! Pronounced like Marissa, without the Ma. And spelled the way I fell in love with it. <3 I call her Miss Rys.

Labor Signs: Nope, unless you count Braxton Hicks?

Symptoms: A growing baby bump ;)

Belly Button In or Out:  Depends on where Rys is... If she's near my belly button it's really close to pushing out lol  

Wedding Rings On or Off: On and still loose unless I am hot and swollen 

Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same

Looking Forward To: Maternity pics :)

28 amazing weeks down...

Forgive me, blog followers! For I have SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY sucked at blogging. I think about it every day, I really do! There just haven't seemed to be enough hours in the day.

The wonderful hubby had a job change, which includes an insurance change. In the middle of a pregnancy. Yeah, that's a headache in and of itself. Not to mention the headaches that have been involved from the job change. But I won't go there. I'm probably not allowed to until it all gets straightened out. So, whatever.

Then there has been lots of stuff going on with my family. All is okay, so don't worry! It's just really taken up a lot of time... Time that is just FLYING by!!!

Then there was a slight scare with my beautiful baby in my belly. I say slight because ALL IS WELL. Everything is fine! We just had to have some extra appointments and a sonogram (who would complain about a sonogram? NOT ME!!). I was also put on a med for a week. No big deal. I went to the dr today and she confirmed that everything is just perfect with Baby. My amniotic fluid (which is what the slight scare was about) is perfect, Baby measures right on time (2 and a half pounds at the sonogram which was two weeks ago), and she says if she keeps growing at the same pace, she will weigh about 7 pounds 6 ounces at delivery... Which my know-it-all, I mean, my husband, has been guessing...

I've also had extra appointments because that wonderful gestational diabetes test couldn't be done at my OB. Why? Well because my primary care doc insists it be done through his office. Which would've been just dandy... had I been seen by him any time recently. But since I HAVEN'T, I had to go in for a regular appointment before he would order the labs. That appointment consisted of a basic work up... and about 20 minutes of non-stop talk about Danny and how he's doing. Dr P had a student with him so he explained everything to him. Every. Little. Detail. I was impressed that he remembered so much, honestly! Also, Dr P says I shouldn't eat donuts. "Donuts aren't a good breakfast" he says. Blah blah blah. Donuts are yummy. So until my diabetes test results come back bad (surely they won't lol) then I shall continue to eat donuts. Mmmmm donuts!! I wish I had one right now!

So, yeah... That's where we are. I was planning on putting Baby's name on here.... but for some reason, none of the blogs I follow share their kids/babies' names... Why is that? For fear someone will kidnap them? Steal their identity?? WHY?? I need to know so I can make an informed decision. If it's just a privacy thing then well... Pfftttt..... We don't really have privacy. We've blasted our story all over, proudly. I'm okay with people knowing her name. I announced it on Facebook. So. I guess if you're itching to know, just add me over there. Also if you add me/us on there, and I don't approve you, just send me a quick message telling me you're a blog follower. I'll approve ya then!!

OH and we did the 3d ultrasound!! HA! Remember how well Baby worked with us when we were trying to find out if she was a boy or girl? Yep, you guessed it, she was just as stubborn when we wanted to see her pretty face!! Her arms were UP and crossed in front. REALLY LITTLE MISSY?!?! We tried everything to get her to move, but she would basically just throw out a punch and go back to her pose, or she'd turn around. She is her father's child. Unless she's just being shy and doesn't like to be the center of attention... If that's the case then she's definitely mine! We had all the great grandparents there, too. And the grandmas. And of course Faith was there. Anyway, the place we went to really is awesome and offered to let us reschedule, for free. So we did. We go back in a couple weeks!

I would love to go back and do the weekly updates for all the weeks I've missed, but they'll basically all say the same thing. So I will just start back up with this week!

How Far Along: 28 weeks

Total Weight Gain: Well I technically lost again, according to my appointment this week. As of two weeks ago I was exactly at my pre-pregnancy weight finally. As of today I am one pound down from my prepregnancy weight.

Maternity Clothes: I wear my maternity jeans when it's cold (we're in Kansas, we've had snow... in May... it's bizarre). Otherwise I am LOVING my cozy pants and maxi dresses!!  

Stretch Marks:  So far so good!

Sleep: I can't wait to go to bed tonight. I love sleep! My hips get sore when I lay on one side for too long, and I get up 2+ times to go pee... but otherwise, I LOVE SLEEP!!  

Best Moment This Week:  Finding out that Baby is doing SO GREAT at my appointment today.

Miss Anything: Eh... I can't think of anything at the moment.   

Movement: All the time!!! She is running out of room so body parts are basically poking out of my belly all day long.

Food Cravings: Any and all food, all the time... PLEASE!!

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: I get random nausea on occasion. But I'm pretty used to it by now!

Gender: A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL

Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: A growing baby bump ;)

Belly Button In or Out: In still but probably not for much longer. Also, it hurts. Is that weird? LOL

Wedding Rings On or Off: On and still loose. Up until I start swelling, which, yes, has begun... But it always goes away. For now.

Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same

Looking Forward To: My baby shower!!! I CANNOT WAIT!! I can't believe we are really at this point. There are days that I still can't believe that I'm pregnant. And here we are, about to have my shower!! A year ago I was posting about Mother's Day and what it meant to me at the time.. and this Mother's Day I will be going through all the things from my shower and organizing it all, things FOR OUR BABY GIRL WHO IS IN MY BELLY. I just have no words for how it feels. None.

 

 

That's all for now! I will try my hardest to get back to weekly (or even more often) posts! I promise!!! Thanks for sticking around everyone!!! <3

What makes a mother

This post is going to be a quick one.... But it's a little different. If you're a crier, well, grab your tissues. I don't think anything I say will make you cry, but the poem at the end... yeah... I sat at work bawling yesterday when I read it. Note to self: When Kristy sends you an email with the subject like "You might cry" just don't open it... at least not while at work!

I don't think I need to remind anyone (although I haven't talked about it much on here) that we were originally pregnant with twins. A and B. Thing 1 and Thing 2. Both with heartbeats. Both looked the exact same but were just different sizes. One was big, one was small. But both had heartbeats. I SAW THOSE HEARTBEATS. Both of them.
I told myself going into that sonogram that day that there was probably only one embryo that stuck, based on my numbers... And that I was okay with that if that was the case. It meant the other just wasn't meant to be...

And then my uterus popped up on that screen... And there were two of everything. Two beautiful little... well, blobs.... Two beautiful little LIVES growing right there in front of my eyes, with heartbeats! I could HEAR the doctor saying that the smaller baby probably wouldn't make it. "This one probably won't be viable." Won't be viable? It's viable. It's right there. That baby is alive right now.... That's all I could think...

I prayed and prayed.... I prayed to God, I told Him that I trusted that He was with us and He knew what He was doing. Whatever the outcome... I handed it over to God. And it was the hardest thing to do. I did everything I could to keep my body in the best shape as possible. I didn't make a single decision without thinking about our BABIES. Because there were two. And their well being comes first....

Going into the next sonogram, I wasn't sure what I'd see. But I WANTED my doctor to be wrong. I wanted to prove that a smaller baby didn't mean he or she wouldn't make it. But, alas, that's not how it played out. That wasn't God's plan. I KNOW that God has our best interests in mind. I know how hard this singleton pregnancy has been on me, and if we had to times that by two? Well, there's no telling what kind of shape I'd be in...

I'm ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC that we have this little one right now, in my belly, and that she's so active and healthy... And that makes it even harder to grieve the loss of Baby B. Since the day we found out that he or she was gone, I felt like I couldn't voice how upset I was to anyone. I was thankful for Baby A, of course. But I also was grieving the loss of her brother or sister. The twin she'd never know. That we'd never know. Not until we get to Heaven anyway....

Finding out our amazingly wonderful daughter was in fact, a daughter, was a wonderful day... And then there was that thought bubble that pops up at random times through out the day "I wonder if Baby B was a boy or girl... I wonder what we'd be doing with the nursery if they had both made it...."

And that's the thing... I think about Baby A constantly. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about Baby B, every day. Every single day. During the day he or she pops up into my mind at random times, but any time I pray, well he or she is a main part of my prayers. That he or she is watching over his sisters. That he or she is happy up there with our loved ones we've lost.... That my Uncle Ray is teaching him or her to be as ornery as he was....


So that's where I am on a daily... And I have a hard time connecting with some people who have had miscarriages because I feel like they have it worse than me. I lost a baby, yes... But at the exact same time, one baby was still growing and thriving. That's not fair to them, is it? To grieve as much as they do? And then there are the people who have experienced multiple losses. My heart absolutely aches for them. I don't know how they get through the days sometimes. Really, I don't.
One thing I think that is obvious though, is that my friends rock. My friends who have gone through so much, too... They never make me feel like my emotions and feelings aren't justified. They've NEVER made me feel like I'm not allowed to grieve, or that my loss is less than theirs. They are supportive of me just as I am of them. I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for, and I thank God for them daily as well!!!



So... Now on to the wonderful poem that touched my heart yesterday. A poem I think anyone who has lost a baby should read (a baby at any age, I might add)...


I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked “What makes a Mother?”
And I know I heard Him say.

“A Mother has a baby”
This we know is true
“But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby’s not with you?”

“Yes, you can,” He replied
With confidence in His voice
“I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay.”

“I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby to be here.”
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

“I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say…

‘We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today,
I’m your baby and I’m here.’

“So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.

They’ll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart
it’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They’ll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!”

22 and 23 week updates!

Okay, prepare for a LONG post. It's a 22 & 23 week post, with a doctor visit thrown in. I had my 22 week post all done and ready to post last week and something happened with blogger and I lost over half of it... Then I was sick, like super duper sick... and then I needed to write a 23 week update, PLUS I had my 23 week appt thrown in there. So. It's all going to be HERE. The 22 week update is at the bottom, since that's the way my posts are normally posted (older at the bottom). And 23 week/dr appt on the top!

23 weeks... Oh good gracious! I am growing by the day... and I'm not the only one noticing. As the weather gets warmer I'm ditching the hoodies. The hoodies which have inadvertently hidden my growing baby bump!! Almost daily I hear "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SO BIG." I don't mind hearing that right now, because it's quite obviously all baby. I feel huge, my balance is all thrown off, and I can feel that I'm carrying around the extra weight. I can't walk past a mirror without glancing over and feeling SHOCKED AND SURPRISED at this belly. This amazing part of my body that is housing our daughter and keeping her safe and warm and happy. My hips have disappeared. Nothing seems to look the same to me. And I know that once I get even bigger and when the swelling starts (hello hot summer pregnancy) I'm going to hate looking in the mirror... and I'm going to HATE hearing about how big I am. Because believe me, I'll know. I am aware that it comes with the territory. I'm aware that almost every pregnant woman hears it. I am aware I WILL hear it. But if you tell me how big I am when I am 9 months pregnant, prepare to be kicked in the shin. This is your warning ;)
Week 22 to 23 was a rough time. I was perfectly fine one minute, and then could feel my body going downhill. Feeling too warm, stomach uneasiness... Sleep helped... Until I went to work the next day and it happened again. Only I wasn't too warm. I was HOT. I was miserable. I went outside to cool off, It was cold enough for a coat and I was sitting out there rolling up my long sleeves and sweating... And then I got sick. I work with my mom so she tried to help me. Gotta love her, she's never been one to help out any of us kids when it comes to vomit. But she tried. As did my "second mom." I ended up going back inside, finishing up the thing I was working on, and going home.
I called Danny when I got home, and told him I'd gotten sick at work and that I was home. I hadn't felt our sweet baby move at all that day, and I was a little worried about that. I told him I was going to listen in on the home-doppler, and he stayed on the phone with me....
"I don't even know where to start looking for her heartbeat now that she's so big...." I put some gel on my stomach in her usual spot, put the doppler in the gel, and turned it on....
Nothing....
I moved it around a little and heard a few bumps.
"That's you, not her..." Oh... I didn't even realize he could hear that...
I moved it again.... And again....
WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP
"There. There she is." Yep, there is our wonderful girl, she's just been calm because I've been so miserable.
"Yeah, that's definitely her heart beat. It's in the 140s."
"Okay, well, now that I know she's fine, I've got to get back to work. Get some rest, and call me if you need anything."
Hot cold hot cold hot cold. Sweating. Freezing. Sweating. Freezing. Cover up, uncover. Cover up, uncover. I was miserable for days... And then it was Thursday and it was appointment day. I figured it was good timing. I couldn't get control of the fever, and I figured Dr C would have some advice...

Danny ended up taking off work early to take me to my appointment. We arrived about 10 minutes early and were informed that Dr C was out for a delivery but we could wait.. for about 45 minutes. Yikes. We waited though, because I knew I needed to see her or talk to her about the fever at least. So we waited.... and waited....
Eventually we got called back. First step, as usual, is that scale. That awful awful AWFUL scale that I have been fighting my entire pregnancy. Not the same way so many people battle it. I was battling to see the number go up....
Beep beep beep. 115. Wait, what? 115?!?! Is this for real? I GAINED FIVE POUNDS!!!! FINALLY!!!!!
We were taken to a room where I answered the usual questions and had my blood pressure checked... Then we had to wait for Dr C.
"I gained five pounds!!"
"Five??"
"Yep. Five pounds."
"Well, finally. I'm sure the doctor will be happy about that babe." Ahhh I hope so!
We waited for quite a while... in a room that was much too warm. Especially for me poor body that couldn't control a temperature at all...
Finally Dr C came in...
"Hey guys!! How are you doing? Better I hope?"
"Ohhh Dr C. Up until this week, I've been REALLY great. Very few headaches, the nausea isn't nearly as often. It's been GREAT. But this week I guess I caught a bug or something..."
I went on to explain all of my lovely symptoms. She asked if I had a few other symptoms, which I did not. And she wanted to feel around on my belly. She felt around, measured, and then went to listen for the heart beat.
WHOOMP WHOOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP There was some static which I'm not used to hearing on her doppler, and she listened to Baby Girl for quite a lot longer than usual. WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP. Perfect little heart beat in the 140s, which is normal for her.
"Well, she sounds good. Stay on top of your fever as best you can with Tylenol, and if it doesn't go away SOON, give us a call. Also, if you develop a rash, or a sore throat, call. Now, I need you to watch your temperature closely. If it gets to 102, no matter how you feel, if it gets to 102, you need to be seen IMMEDIATELY." Why if it gets to 102? Why is that the magic number? What does that mean? Where is our thermometer at? Our old thermometer which probably doesn't work right.....
"Okay, well I will see you again in one month. And that's when you'll have your gestational diabetes testing. We'll give you an orange drink when you check in, then I'll see you like I normally do, and then about an hour after you've had the drink then you'll go down for lab work. Easy peasy." Ohhhh that drink. That marvelous drink I've heard so much about. I hope I can manage to drink it without throwing up. Ugh.

We scheduled my next appointment and left... While walking out to the car Danny took charge of the thermometer situation. I guess the same thoughts were running through his mind...
"We should probably stop at the store and get a new thermometer...." Well ooookaaaayyyy.
So we did. We ate dinner and then went to WalMart for a thermometer. And ice cream. Because, you know, a sick girl needs ice cream.


Now for the weekly update!

How Far Along: 23 weeks

Total Weight Gain: FIVE POUNDS!! I'm around my prepregnancy weight now! FINALLY!!!

Maternity Clothes: Deena is hemming my jeans!

Stretch Marks: Still keeping my fingers crossed, so far so good!

Sleep: I love sleep. Especially when I'm not up all night because a little girl is playing hop scotch on my bladder....  

Best Moment This Week:  My fever finally going away! And finding out I finally gained some weight!

Miss Anything: Ummm, I'm okay.  

Movement: All the time!!! This is a busy little girl in here!

Food Cravings: Ice cream sandwiches

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Just depends on the day...

Gender: A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL

Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: A growing baby bump ;)

Belly Button In or Out: In

Wedding Rings On or Off: On

Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same

Looking Forward To: The 3d ultrasound still! April 27th can't come fast enough!!!!

...............................................................................................................................................

Whoa... we are officially 22 weeks into this pregnancy. 18 more to go. And only two more weeks until "V-Day." No, I haven't lost my mind, I'm not talking about Valentine's Day. I'm talking about Viability Day. If you've been pregnant, you probably know what that means. If not, well, you're not alone. I didn't either for the longest time. I saw references to "V-Day" all over the pregnancy forums. Nobody really explained it though, so off to google I went.

About.com gave me the answer I was looking for. I will just go ahead and quote it:
Strictly speaking, most doctors define the age of viability as being about 24 weeks of gestation. In many hospitals, 24 weeks is the cutoff point for when doctors will use intensive medical intervention to attempt to save the life of a baby born prematurely. A baby born at 24 weeks would generally require a lot of intervention, potentially including mechanical ventilation and other invasive treatments followed by a lengthy stay in a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).In the hands of experienced specialists, though, babies born slightly earlier may have a chance at survival. Babies born at 23 weeks may survive with these specialists in a state-of-the-art NICU, but the odds of survival are much lower. The earliest baby to have ever survived premature birth was born at 21 weeks and 6 days, and this was reported in the news as having been a "miracle."Odds of survival increase as the pregnancy progresses, and even an extra week in the womb can make a difference. In general, premature babies born closer to 37 weeks will be much better off than those born before 28 weeks.


There you have it. Yes there are babies born before 24 weeks that have survived. But it's not common. So, that 24 week marker is really a big deal. Unfortunately, not all babies make it even AFTER that 24 weeks. So, to me, 24 weeks is just another little milestone. I'm not going to hit 24 weeks and assume all will be well or that Baby is somehow guaranteed to make it. At this point, I know too much. And it's not just by doing research (I really haven't done much). It's from experiences of friends and family members. It's seeing that hurt that a mom experiences when she loses her baby. It's never "safe." Nothing ever really is, is it? Ugh...

So... yeah... 22 weeks! That's where we are. And we are a month out from our 3D sonogram!! April 27th can't come fast enough! We will get to see our little girl again! And Faith will get to see her on the big screen while she's moving and kicking and squirming! I can't wait!! We booked the appointment a while ago. You have to book in advance, especially for a Saturday appointment. We only have Faith every other Saturday. And they recommend doing the 3d scan during specific weeks in order to get the best view... We have Faith's birthday party already planned, my two baby showers planned... That left us with, LITERALLY, one day. One option. I called immediately once I realized that, and they had an opening for that day!! I snatched it up, of course! April 27th :) Let the countdown begin!!!
Now on to the weekly update.....

How Far Along: 22 weeks

Total Weight Gain: I stepped on a scale recently, but I was wearing heavy boots so I'm not sure that number is reliable.... Still blank here

Maternity Clothes: Deena is hemming my jeans!

Stretch Marks:  Still keeping my fingers crossed, so far so good!

Sleep: I love sleep. I've been sick, and the fever has been waking me up. But other than that, it's great!  

Best Moment This Week:  Telling Faith about the 3d sonogram :)

Miss Anything: A normal sized bladder that isn't used as a trampoline!

Movement: All the time!!!

Food Cravings: Anything, basically 

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Just depends on the day...

Gender: A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL

Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: A growing baby bump ;)

Belly Button In or Out: In

Wedding Rings On or Off: On... And Deena made me a maternity necklace to hold them when the swelling gets bad...

Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever.

Looking Forward To: The 3d sonogram!!!

A cancer doc update!

Hey there people :)

I have lots of updates for you all. Including my 22 week update, and a baby doc appointment. HOWEVER, blogger is being wonky... So my 22 week update got cut in half. I will edit it and fix it and post it along with the 23 week update. And that will include the baby doc update...

Today's post is about Danny's latest cancer doc appointment. March is almost over. Colon cancer awareness will, yet again, basically drop off the map. Or, the TV, rather. Danny had a check up this week, which left me feeling anxious and scared as usual. He wasn't, of course... he never is. But I just kept flashing back to all the bad news we've gotten. And wouldn't it be fitting if we got more bad news at a March appointment... I'm not usually a downer like that. Hormones make me crazy.

The week before his appointment, I was counting down the days. I couldn't WAIT for Dr J and the nurses to see my belly! I couldn't wait for them to see how far we've come! I couldn't wait to hear that all was fine...
Then the night before his appointment, my mind went into overdrive. What if something shows up on the labwork? What if Dr J suddenly decides that he needs more scans because something isn't quite right. What if, what if, what if. That's what surviving cancer does, or being married to someone who survived cancer... It effs with your head.
Laying in bed, trying to sleep, I could feel my blood pressure going up. I was feeling anxious. Sleep wasn't coming... Danny was still awake so I rolled to face him (rolled? Okay... no.... I tried to sit up kind of and twist and then lay back down... all the while whining because it's kind of painful).
"Are you nervous for your appointment tomorrow?"
"Nope." Nope.... Never... God forbid he actually worry about something before there's something to worry about.
"Good.. I'm glad. Everything is going to be great."
"I'm sure it is." So sure... always so dang sure... But what if......

My sleep that night was basically non existent. I get like that every time his appointments come up. Every single time. Could we handle bad news? Yeah. We've gotten over too many bumps to say that we couldn't handle something. It's just that I don't want to have to. I don't want to watch my husband go through all of this again. I am ready to be done with it. Forever.

Monday Danny and I went to lunch together, like we always do before his appointments. We went to Mooyah. Mmm mmmm Mooyah. We talked about basketball (I hate basketball, with a passion, but I filled out a bracket this year and it's not too bad... Not to mention our local team is doing really well). We talked about other news... We did NOT talk about his appointment. We did NOT talk about my worry. About the knot in my stomach. About the tension building in my shoulders. We talked about fun things. Never about what-if's. We ate and we chatted and then we left... To go to the appointment I was both looking forward to and dreading at the same time.

Walking into the building we were bombarded with the usual smell of the place. Not exactly unpleasant... Just... Too familiar. Linked to too many memories of chemo days. Of LONG chemo days. It's been years since those days occurred twice a month... And it's all still too familiar.

I sat down in our usual area while Danny checked in. I glanced around and noticed people staring. At my belly. I adjusted my shirt, to make sure it hadn't come up to show skin. It hadn't. So I tightened my coat up...
Danny had to talk to a couple people before he sat down with me.
"Three people have gone up to ask how much longer it'll be... And they are all told that the doctor is running about an hour behind...."
"Oh great... Guess we can get comfortable." Again, so normal.... So familiar... Wish we had our  normal puzzle to work on....

BzzzzzBBZZZZZZZZBBzzzzzz.
"Whoa, that was fast..."
"Yeah, I guess the doctor running behind isn't my doctor. Let's go." What time is it? It's early... We are seriously going back there 10 minutes before our appointment time?? Well, that's different...
We walked back with the nurse, our usual nurse... Who was staring at my belly. I smiled at her, knowing that she was probably wondering if I'm pregnant or just packing on the pounds... I think the bump is obviously a baby bump, but maybe not everyone does...
Danny weighed what he normally does... And the nurse checked his blood pressure. It was up higher than normal, meaning it was up to what is considered average.
"That's because you're stressing me out Destiny."
"ME?! Whatever!!"
"She's pregnant, I'm probably the one that stresses her out...." No, these appointments stress me out...
"YOU'RE PREGNANT?!?! When are you due??"
"July 25th."
"JULY? Are you kidding me?? You're TINY!!" Tiny? Seriously? No... I'm not tiny...
"Tiny? This is huge for me!"
"Oh that's right, because you were so tiny before! But I'm sure you are going to be all baby! You won't even be able to tell you're pregnant from behind!"
We chatted a bit more about the pregnancy, and how rough it was at the beginning. We didn't mention the IVF. For a few brief moments I got to pretend that this is just a normal pregnancy.

Eventually she left, after touching my shoulder and congratulating us again. Seeing the compassion in her eyes was touching. I just wish it had helped ease my worries... Unfortunately, it didn't... I was still SERIOUSLY STRESSING about what Dr J would say when he came in....

We waited a while, longer than usual actually... Before Dr J finally made his way in... He had a big smile on his face! That's good, right? That means the results are good?
"SO!! A baby huh?" Ahhh, she told him...
"Yep!"
"And when are you due?"
"July 25th..."
"Ohhh how exciting!! It's going to be so amazing for you two! My only grandchild... even though I have 5 kids... just turned one. Things have really changed! I get updates about every 10 minutes, with a new picture of him, on my iPhone." HA!! I bet he's a wonderful grandpa!
*kick kick squirm kick* Little miss was kicking really hard... right on my bladder. Danny saw my face...
"You gonna be okay?" Always so concerned...
"Yeah, she's just going crazy in there..."
"She? So it's a girl?" *kick kick*
"Oh! Yes! A girl is in there!"

Eventually the conversation went to Danny... Or on his lab results. All was well. As usual.
"Okay Daniel, so your last colonoscopy was November 2011?" That's right...
"Ummm...." He looked at me.
"Yes, that's right."
"Okay well, the plans for colonoscopies for colon cancer patients differ slightly from those of rectal cancer patients. Since your cancer was so low in your sigmoid colon, I think we should follow the guidelines for the rectal patients. I want you to have one more before I see you for your last appointment. Right now you've got two appointments left. One in 6 months and one in a year. So, at your next appointment we will set up your scope with Dr H. So I'll have those results to go over at your very last appointment." YEA for one more colonoscopy!! I'm so glad he wants another one! I didn't think Danny would have one for another couple years unless we requested it... And OH. MY. GOOD. LORD. Only two more appointments left here. TWO MORE. For ever. Two more. One more year. OH THANK YOU LORD!!!!!

Dr J made his way over to Danny on the table to listen to his breathing, to feel around on his lymph nodes and then his scars...
And suddenly I forgot to breathe... Since August it's always been ME up on the tables getting examed, getting poked, prodded, stabbed, jabbed... But before August, for 4 entire years, it was him... I forgot what it looked like for him to be in that position. Or rather, I forgot how it made me feel. Knowing everything was fine was one thing... Seeing him up there, wishing he didn't have to do ANY of this. Wishing SO BAD that I could just take his place and he could sit in the chair and be the strong one.... It just hurts. Danny is FINE and it still hurts to see him on that table...

And then it hit me again, we've come so far... Four years ago, sitting here, our main focus was just KEEPING DANNY ALIVE. Yeah, we postponed treatment in order to have the "swimmer surgery." But we only had that surgery because Dr J allowed it. Because Dr J and Dr H both recommended Dr G. We are expecting this amazing baby girl thanks to so many people. But this baby girl and Faith have a Daddy that will be around for many years thanks to Dr H, Dr J and God. I don't think I ever imagined I'd be sitting in this office, knowing Danny is healthy, and feeling our daughter kick to the sound of both Danny's and Dr J's voices. And boy was she loving their voices. I'm sure it's far fetched to think she knows how much we owe Dr J... But she doesn't react like that to anyone's voice besides her Daddy's. So that says something. <3

I snapped out of my thoughts in time to hear Danny and Dr J talking about the Shockers and basketball.... And then we left. We walked out of that office knowing that my husband is still healthy. The cancer is still gone. And that we're almost done with that place forever.

I'm so thankful for all the amazing people at the cancer center. But really, I don't ever want to HAVE to see them again. Two appointments to go. Two. Two. Two. TWO!!!! I'm doing a happy dance here, on my side of the screen. Because frankly, it's better than crying.

So many things have changed...

We are so blessed...

And I didn't know I could be more thankful than I already was... but with every good appointment my gratitude grows.  <3 <3 <3

The Anatomy Scan

Hey everyone!! I'm finally getting around to posting about our sonogram!!!

Our anatomy scan was originally scheduled for 18 weeks. It was a Thursday... I was counting down the days for weeks. The day before the sonogram, it started to snow... Snow like crazy... We were expected to get a TON of the white fluffiness, and things were starting to close... Which, of course, meant my doctor's office was closing, too! We had to reschedule my appointment for the following Wednesday. We planned on doing the gender reveal the night of the sonogram. So I was switching plans and making new ones and it made me anxious.

I also had to start a new countdown. Eventually, it was the following Wednesday. FINALLY. We could do this! An hour before my appointment (which was strictly the sono, no dr visit) I had to begin the "prep" which included drinking a LOT of water.

I started to get nervous. Not about if this baby was a boy or girl. The anatomy scan focuses on everything - the heart, brain, kidneys, etc etc. Would our baby be healthy? We hadn't seen the baby since December, when we were only 9 weeks along. There wasn't much developed at that point. What if something was wrong?? How would we handle that?

We got to the doctor's office and I checked in and headed downstairs to the lab/sono area. I didn't even have time to sign in before we were called back.
"Have a seat..." I laid my stuff in a chair and started to sit in a chair, too. I thought maybe we'd go over a few questions first.... Nope.
"Oh, no. Up here." Oh crap, already? Oh my gosh. It's time to see our baby!!!
We went over my information. We were early for my appointment (it was 3:15 and the appointment wasn't until 3:30) so she had to change the info in the computer because it was pre programmed with someone else. Then it was time.
"Okay, here we go. Just so I know, are you wanting to know the gender?" Uhhh YES!!!!
"Yes, we do."
"Okay, let's hope this baby cooperates!" Oh this baby BETTER cooperate.
We chatted a bit about how we thought Baby was a boy. The wonderful tech got all the measurements and pointed out all of the different body parts... Legs (LONG legs), arms, hands, feet (with wiggling toes), heart, kidneys... And my bladder, which she was laughing about because Baby was kicking it the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
"Well... I can't get a good view of between the legs. This baby just will not open them. Look, the feet are crossed, the legs are together... And when the legs DO open, the hands go STRAIGHT down there... Let's push around a bit." Stubborn baby... Open up so we can see!! We want to know what name to call you! OUCH... She is jabbing me with that doppler! Good gracious...
No cooperation. Pushing, prying, jabbing....
"Okay how about you try laying on your left side..." Easy, that's what makes Baby move when we're at home...
Nothing. Everything was making those legs tighten up!!!
"Okay... Go empty your bladder. Do some jumping jacks. We've got to get this baby moved or at least flipped! I'm not giving up."
Off I went, to follow orders. Meanwhile, the person who was before me (who was over 30 minutes late to her appointment) showed up. The sono tech told them to reschedule her for the next day.
Back up on the table... More warm goop on the belly... And legs still together.
More jabbing. Poking. Pushing.
"Stand up, jump around some more..." SERIOUSLY BABY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE UPSET!!!!!
"Whew. Is this even safe? All this jumping around?"
"It's perfectly safe... You're not overdoing it." Ahhh okay. Surely this worked!
Back up on the table...

.......


Nothing. Those legs were just not budging.
"Do you want to come back next week? You can just come downstairs here, no need to check in or anything. We'll get you in and out. It won't be a medical thing so we won't go through any computers or anything." Free, then... Hmmm.... Sounds good to me!
We left happy that Baby was healthy... and so very sad that we didn't know if Baby was a he or she! I sent texts to everyone who was going to be at the gender reveal, letting them know that it was OFF because baby is stubborn (healthy! But stubborn). Everyone seemed as disappointed as we were...



The next day I had my 19 week appointment with Dr C. Since Danny had taken off work the day before for the sonogram, he didn't take off again. We didn't seriously think there was a chance that I'd suddenly find out if the baby was a boy or girl anyway... HA!!!
At the beginning of my appointment I stepped on the scale. I finally looked pregnant so I was expecting to see a bit of a jump in weight, I was prepared... Beep, beep beep. I looked down.
110.
110??? That means I haven't gained back any more! I'm still below pre pregnancy weight! How is that even possible? Baby is measuring right on time. Ohh I'm in trouble....
And I was.
When Dr C came in we went over how I was feeling, she assured me I should be feeling better soon. Less headaches. The nausea should lift somewhat or completely. I took it with a grain of salt, because I thought week 18 would be that magical week for me, and it wasn't...
We checked for the heartbeat (a student and I) while Dr C went over the sono results.
"So everything looks great! Baby is measuring right on track. All the organs look good. It was a good sonogram!"
"Yeah, the baby is healthy... but we don't know if the baby is a he or she..."
"What? She couldn't tell?" She looked through the sonogram again. "Hmm. WELL. Do you have a few minutes?"
"I do."
"Then I'm sending you down for a quick look. She'll squeeze you in. Just a quick in and out of there, we won't even put you in the system." BAHAHAHAHAHA  I'm going to find out without anyone knowing!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
"But before we go double check with her... Let's talk about your weight." Cue doom music... Duh duh duuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......
"Yeah... I'm not gaining..."
"No, you're not. You should have by now. Since Baby is measuring on track, that means that things are okay for now. But that means that YOU aren't getting what YOU need. YOU are losing what the baby is gaining. Have you tried to eat more often?"
"Yep. I eat all the time. I even have a stash of crackers in my purse for when I feel hungry and don't have food around. I always have crackers."
"Still nauseous though... Keep up with the crackers. Eat when you can. Eat what you can. If you still haven't gained by your next appointment, we'll get serious with this." Get serious? I AM serious. I want to make sure Baby gets everything necessary. What will happen if I still don't gain?? Oh gosh...

While my mind was going 90 miles an hour over the weight gain (or lack thereof) issue, Dr C called down to the sono tech and asked if she could squeeze me in. She could. So I checked out, scheduled my next appointment, and headed downstairs.
While I was waiting, I sent a text to Danny. He was driving so I called him so we could talk this out. He had to get to school so he couldn't rush to the doctor, he'd be late to class. So we decided I would have the tech write the results down in a sealed envelope and we'd open it together when he got home.
Then I sent a text to my mom. She had mentioned going with me to my appointment since Danny couldn't. But decided against it. Her words exactly were "If I knew FOR SURE that the doctor would order another sonogram to see what this baby is, I'd go. And I'd force myself into the room and find out right then!" So, of course I had to rub it in a little bit!

When I got called back, the tech and I chatted a bit about how we were supposed to come back the next week. I asked her if she could put the results in an envelope for Danny and I to open up that night. She said yes, and seemed excited about it! She told me to turn away so I wouldn't accidentally see anything.
"Is the baby cooperating better this time?"
"A little bit!" A little bit? Only a little bit? Will she be sure, then??
"Okay! We're done. Don't look!!" Ahhh SHE KNOWS!!!
I watched her take the envelope into her little office area, hold it up to the light...
"I need to cover it up again. You can see through the envelope!" HA!!!
She eventually handed the sealed envelope over to me... I stuffed it into my purse so I wouldn't be tempted to cheat and rip open the envelope myself!!!!

A few AGONIZING hours later... Danny finally got home.
We sat on the couch.
"Are you ready for this?"
"Let's do it." Oh my gosh, we're about to find out if we're having a son or daughter! OH MY GOSH.
I opened the envelope. The "goods" were covered up with a sticky note... I gently took the sticky note off of the picture... Along with the goods was the word "GIRL!"
"Holy $%^#... We're in so much trouble..."
Cue tears, of love and happiness!!

That night was the first time we noticeably felt a kick from the outside. Baby girl kicked so hard that my stomach got all deformed until she relaxed and her little foot went back in. Danny was already asleep beside me but I was giggling and it woke him up. I told him what was happening. He put his hand on my belly, and we fell asleep like that... With our daughter kicking her daddy's hand while we drifted into dreamland... <3

21 Weeks!

Hey there everyone! Two posts in one DAY! Aren't you happy?? Really this isn't what I planned. I typed up the Anatomy Scan post last week and planned on posting it the next day. But I have this thing called prego brain. I always thought that was just an excuse. No. Seriously. It's for real. I will say something to Danny and not 5 minutes later will wonder to myself if I told him whatever it was I DID tell him... So I tell him again. Which normally is followed by that "duh" look from him. I feel like an idiot most of the time. It's new to me.

So, we are 21 weeks down... 19 to go! I look pregnant. I feel pregnant. And most of the time this amazing baby makes herself known by sticking body parts out of my belly. It's weird. I'm pretty sure this weekend I felt a foot when I was letting my niece feel my belly. Maybe it was a hand. All I know is that it wasn't something I normally feel (I'm absolutely positive this little girl is always sticking her butt out... She's got too much booty in her pants I guess), and it was pointy. Maybe an elbow? HOW DO YOU PEOPLE TELL?! Because I know my reaction:
"Shi you wanna come feel? Here's her butt... Oh, hey, she just flipped. What is this? WHAT IS THIS? IT'S POKEY AND POINTY WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!"
Shianne tried to feel but of course is even less experienced than I am. And by the time someone WITH experience rushed over to feel, Baby pulled back in and snuggled tight. I guess she didn't like me questioning what her body parts were. Whoops.

Also this weekend we had a date night... We went to see Oz The Great and Powerful. Baby loved it, she was kicking and squirming the whole time!

This weekend was probably the worst for my back pain. I've been saying for weeks that I need to see a chiro because my back pain has been awful. And Saturday I was brought to tears multiple times. I couldn't handle it anymore. I just couldn't. I looked up our major chiro here in town and read about how they work with pregnant women, and I decided I would call them asap...
Then Danny came to bed and I laid on my side and asked him to please just push on the spot that hurt. He massaged for a few minutes and figured out my issue. My muscle from my spine to my hip was SO BEYOND tight that it took him a while to get it worked loose. That time was painful for me but I knew it would help....
And it did.
I woke  up Sunday and was able to get out of bed without an issue. I bent down to get my slippers without flinching. I bent down to pick up my cat without stopping mid-way and giving up... I COULD MOVE!!!
My husband rocks!

Now... on to the weekly quiz update!!

How Far Along:  21 weeks

Total Weight Gain: I don't know yet... I will update this after my next appt!

Maternity Clothes: It's been warm enough for my yoga pants... So those are my maternity clothes thank you very much...

Stretch Marks:  So far my skin on my belly is still great!

Sleep: Ahhhh sleep is fabulous these days! Thanks to Danny fixing my back!  

Best Moment This Week:  Have I mentioned Danny fixing my back?? :)

Miss Anything: Ummm, I'm good actually.  

Movement: All the time!!!

Food Cravings: Anything, I just need it often...

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Just depends on the day...

Gender: A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL

Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: Leg cramps... Those stink!

Belly Button In or Out: In

Wedding Rings On or Off: On and FALLING off.

Happy or Moody Most of the Time: Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever.

Looking Forward To: Seeing this amazing baby again! Hopefully my doc approves a 3d ultrasound!