Bye bye 2012!

A year ago today, I was trying to figure out what to name my blog that I planned on starting on January 1st...

A year ago today I never thought we'd raise enough money to do IVF within a year. I figured it would take a couple years...

A year ago today I never imagined this blog would blow up the way it did. With views all over the world.



A year ago today I never EVER EVER EVER EVER would've imagined I would be sitting here today, 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant!!!! I'm almost through the first trimester! This morning I listened to the heartbeat again on the Doppler. Baby Crabb is so much easier to find this week than last week! I barely have to push down on the probe at all, and I always know Baby is right by the maternal artery thing-y that is super loud.


I had my second OB appointment last week, and I actually got to see my Doc, Dr C. She is AMAZING. She asked how Danny is doing... Meaning she remembered our story even though I hadn't seen her in 6 months and THAT appointment was my first ever with her.
She asked how the IVF went, and how bad the OHSS was.

Dr C commiserated with me about how awful she felt during ALL of her pregnancies (and she had boys and girls). And told me she hoped I continued to feel better and better. Over the last week I definitely have!

Dr C also found Baby's heartbeat right away with her Doppler. She said if she couldn't find it, they'd do a quick sono (which I think she was hoping for). But Baby was very cooperative.

The anatomy scan will be at 18 weeks!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!


So now comes the time when we fret over the names we've had picked out for ages. Yes, we've had names picked out. And NO, people's opinion on those names DO NOT MATTER TO US. We aren't changing the names we have picked out. They were picked out after much thought and consideration, and this child is ours. We will get the blame if Baby hates their name. So therefore WE get to choose it.

Meanwhile Danny is fretting over the bedroom. The bedroom? Yeah, I haven't spent too much time thinking about it. I have the designs in my head, of course. I have for months. But the action of getting it all done? HA! I will start thinking about that in March or so, when we find out which design we will need to go with ;)

So that's where we are, currently. I'm starting to feel better, slowly but surely. Although I do tend to get full on a lot less food than I'm used to... Probably because I haven't been able to eat much for ages so my stomach has shrunk. Who knows. Unfortunately my weight loss is showing. People are starting to point out that I look thinner. The fertility meds did cause months of bloating, so I actually feel like I look more like MYSELF than I have in ages. I guess it looks more drastic to others. The second trimester is coming up though, so I know that will soon change!!!

Tomorrow is my "Blogiversary." Hopefully I'll have time to make a quick post then!!!

Thank you all, SO SO much, for following our story throughout the past year. Thank you for supporting us, in EVERY way. And THANK YOU for helping us raise the money we needed to make our dream come true! We are where we are today THANKS TO YOU ALL!!!! We'll never be able to thank you enough!!!

Merry Christmas.... A day late!

I hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas!! I know I did :)
Really, how could I not? I'm rocking a little baby bump (which is more of a bloat bump, but whatever!)... We are pregnant and that's the best Christmas present I ever could've asked for, EVER!!!

Since my last post about the twins, we've had another ultrasound which showed that sadly, Baby B stopped growing. The doctor had warned us that's what he thought would happen so we were prepared for the worst. Yes, we are sad that we lost a baby. Especially after seeing that heartbeat! BUT, I still believe everything happens for a reason. Every. Single. Thing. The RE said a singleton pregnancy is SO much safer for me and baby. Which I already knew of course. And the fact that Baby B stopped growing means there was probably an issue. I'm happy that the baby didn't continue growing only to suffer later on.

At that ultrasound we got to HEAR Baby A's heartbeat. It was THE most amazing sound in the world! My jaw dropped, and I looked over at Danny (who had a great view of the u/s screen) and he had the biggest grin on his face... Bigger than I've ever seen I think!
Nurse Connie whipped her head around and said "Whoa, that's a strong heart beat!" Of course it is! That baby is a fighter! Not to mention that tiny heart was beating at an amazing 169 beats per minute!

Dr H told me that we don't have to come back until we want another. HA! We will see about that. He also asked that we please keep them updated, AND SEND PICTURES. You could tell in his face that he LOVES making dreams come true and helping people like us bring babies into this world! Connie asked that I PLEASE update her on EVERYTHING and to keep emailing her. She and Danny joked back and forth a bit, and then we were on our way. With the sad news of one less baby, but with a beautiful picture of Fighter Baby.

The next day I had my first OB appointment, where I didn't even see my OB, just a nurse. The experience was... less than I had hoped for. I don't even feel like sharing the whole thing because nothing made me happy at all (except that the Lab lady is good at drawing blood and didn't bruise me).

I have another OB appointment TOMORROW, when I WILL see my OB. Hopefully this appointment will go better!


After hearing the heartbeat at Dr H's, I knew I needed to order a Doppler. Most people can't find a heartbeat that early on a Doppler, and I knew that would probably be me, but I wanted to have it so when I COULD hear it, I could listen any time I want. Danny's dad had dropped off our Christmas gifts early and I spent that money on the Sonoline B Doppler (from Fetaldoppler.net).

The Doppler shipped FAST and it came before I was expecting it. Of course I ripped open the box, squirted the (freezing cold) gel on my abdomen, and started moving the probe around... listening... There were lots of heart-beat-y-type noises in there!! Danny came out of the  bedroom with a smile on his face, until I told him those heart beats were ME. So then he tried moving it around on my abdomen, pushing harder than I was. Nothing. All we could pick up was me. I assumed Baby was just behind my pelvic bone, and cleaned up and packed the Doppler up. I decided I'd try again in a few days or a week, after watching more youtube videos with tips.

A few days or a week turned into the next night. I was just determined! I wanted Faith to be able to hear it when she came over on Christmas, and I'm just not a patient person! I watched two more videos, with good tips, and tried again. Danny was off watching a hockey game so the house was completely silent. I spent quite a bit of time moving the probe slowly and listening hard... AND I FOUND IT!! Twice!!!! The amazing heartbeat was 165 both times! It would be a while before Danny would be home, so I packed up the Doppler and started wrapping presents (I really procrastinated this year with wrapping, for the first AND LAST time ever).

The next day was Christmas Eve, and Danny had to work. I went to my mom's and baked some cookies, and we went and got some groceries. When I finally made it home, I whipped the Doppler out again. I found the heartbeat IMMEDIATELY! I'm getting good ;) Danny walked in and I asked if he wanted to listen, which he did, duh. So I let him hear the amazing sound... That day the heart beat was in the 150's.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day seemed to really FLY by. We were playing Scattegories at my parents' house last night when someone named "heating pad" with things that start with H... And I realized we were TWO HOURS LATE on my shot! The shot that has to be taken with 26 hours of the last. We have always done the shot within 24 hours. So I FREAKED OUT. Threw my boots on, gathered up all of Faith's gifts, and we ran out the door (and dang it, I had a double pointer on that list!). We made it home and rushed the shot. My last one will be Thursday and let me tell you HOW EXCITED I am to not have any more shots! They are painful for one, and I am SO SICK of always having to be home at 5:00, no matter what. It really is annoying!

After my shot and after Faith and Danny were settled in playing games and what-not, I decided I was going to try the Doppler for Faith to hear... Baby was NOT cooperating, but I managed to catch him (yes, gut feeling says HIM) for a few sweet seconds. Faith's face was PRICELESS, and she then squealed "That's so cute!!!" Ha!! I cleaned up and told her we could keep trying and over time it would get easier and easier. She's excited :) She told me "I will be happy with a brother or sister, but I would be SO SO SO happy if it IS a brother." This, from the girl who wrote "a brother" on her school paper that asked her what she wants most in the world. She is the sweetest.


So. There is the update of the past couple of weeks! Now on to how I'm doing...

I already voiced how sick I am of these shots! I'm starting to bleed more and more with them, because there just aren't any places left that aren't bruised or sore. It's a pain in my rear... literally!

My morning sickness has basically left the building (and yes I'm knocking on wood now). It's still a little early for it to be because it has just passed. It started easing up around the day we seen that Baby B was gone (there is still a gestational sac and yolk sac in there, but no baby, so the hormone being produced by the sac was a lot less than what was being produced by the baby, and the sac should vanish any time now). So I truly believe the only reason I had it that bad was because I had twice the hormone racing through my body.

The fact that my sickness is basically gone now that there's only one makes me think BOY BOY BOY.

My "cravings" also point to BOY BOY BOY. Sweets, which I normally eat daily (multiple times a day), taste very BLEH to me. Ice cream included. Yes, ice cream which I LOVE AND NEED ALL THE TIME is not something I want anymore. I haven't had it in... two weeks or so. I did have a strawberry shake a few nights ago because I was hot and needed something cold and kind of heavy so I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry... And EWW. I drank it, eventually... But it took a long time and it just didn't taste good. Anything sweet just tastes OFF....
What DO I want? CHEESE. Mac and cheese. Chili cheese dogs. Nachos. CHEESE. Pieces of cheese. Have I mentioned CHEESE?! I also crave potatoes.... Baked, with lots of butter and shredded CHEESE. Also, french fries. Lots and LOTS of french fries. Mmmm and SALTY!!!

My bloat started out very high (and huge) thanks to the OHSS bloat. I'm still bloated and all that goodness, but the bump has dropped CONSIDERABLY. Right where my pants button... Which is why I have zero jeans that will button (and only one pair that even feels comfortable, and that's thanks to the rubber band trick).


Many people are saying that a high heartbeat means girls... But from all of my research (before we even heard the heartbeat) I read that in the first 10-12 weeks, boys and girls are both about the same. The heart forms at around 6 weeks, and it starts slow. Then a couple weeks later it really speeds up because EVERYTHING is forming, EVERY SINGLE THING. That heart has to pump blood everywhere so everything can get going! Then around 10-12 weeks, boys' heart rates start to slow down (for SOME), while girls' stay high (again, FOR SOME). There are always exceptions to the rule. I was, for one. The nurse told my mom I was a boy for sure (because of my heart rate, not because of an ultrasound lol), but she knew my heart rate was very different from my brothers'. My brothers all had the typical heart rate of girls (haha!!). So my mom knew from experience that I was different from my brothers early on.
Now let's look at Baby's heart rates...
At 6 weeks 6 days = 126
At 8 weeks 6 days = 169
At 9 weeks 3 days = 165 (if the Doppler was accurate)
At 9 weeks 4 days = 153 (if the Doppler was accurate)
We picked up Baby's heartbeat last night, like I said, but Baby was so far back that I couldn't get it loud enough for the number to be picked up.
So there you go, you can see how the heart beat started out low, shortly after forming, and then jumping up when the rest of the body started really forming, and now is slowly coming back down. Down? Oh yeah, another BOY indication ;) I talked to one of our wonderful friends who recently had a boy. She had an ultrasound when her baby was 9 weeks 3 days, and it showed a heart rate at 168. Right along the line of our Baby. Did I mention she had a boy?? ;)

So there you have it. There is every update you could possibly want... Oh... Do you want to see the pic of Baby Crabb?! :)

There's our baby!!! The head is on the right, and the body is on the left. You can sort of make out the arms and legs... Danny had to point it out to me (he had the good view during the sonogram when Dr H was pointing everything out), but now I see it very easily :)

This amazing little baby is so loved already! And is even getting gifts!! Aunt Danielle, Uncle Ryan and baby Presley (okay, she's not a baby anymore) got Baby some ADORABLE little booty shoes with CRABS ON THEM!!! They are so stinkin' cute!! And we are meeting up with our friends that recently had a little boy for dinner this weekend, and they have a little gift for Baby, too.

There are days when I really just can't believe I'm pregnant. Unless I'm feeling sick (which is less and less often), I just don't feel any different. Maybe that's why I use the Doppler so much... Because I need that reassurance that this isn't all a dream. This is REAL LIFE. And there's a baby in me!!! :)





Big big big big news!!

I feel like I've waited a really long time to make this post, although really we've only known for a couple of very short weeks...

But....

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

We started tested at home (okay, technically I started testing at home) on Tuesday Nov 13th. Thirteen is kind of a lucky number for us, and it was 7 days after the 5 day transfer, so I knew that whatever showed up on the test would most likely be right... And we saw the faintest second line that I thought possible. Frankly, it scared me. I expected something darker. Google was definitely not my friend. I just hoped that on Wednesday the line would be darker...

It was...

Thursday it was darker still, about as dark as the control line as a matter of fact!!!!

I emailed Connie on Wednesday, when I saw the slightly darker line. She was already feeling positive about the outcome, because starting Sunday/Monday I had the symptoms of the condition we were trying to prevent, OHSS. I should have been "in the clear" long before that... Unless my body started producing HCG. HCG would trigger it. HCG is the pregnancy hormone. And low and behold, the same thing that was causing that ever-darkening second line... was also what was causing the EXTREME bloat/extreme pain/and many other problems I don't care to list.

Connie was ecstatic for me, oh, I mean us... Of course! And tried to get me to come in earlier for the blood test. I was okay with waiting though, because the second test would be four days later and the original schedule worked out better for me. She pouted, literally (I LOVE her). And then told me that if she didn't get to draw my blood that I  better find her before I leave so she can give me a hug (have I mentioned I love her?!).

Friday morning we left bright and early, and we made it to my appointment in a good amount of time. My "other" favorite person at the clinic called me back...
"So, have you cheated and tested at home?" That's cheating? Ha!!
"I did... It was positive... I emailed Connie about it and she told me I have to find her before I leave if she's not the one who draws my blood."
"HA! Well I will just go get her and let her do it, otherwise she'll get mad at me for STEALING YOU." HA! I love these ladies!
Connie came in and we chatted for a while about the OHSS symptoms, she measured me (because of the EXTREME BLOAT I mentioned), weighed me... And of course took my blood. She checked with the doc about possibly doing a sonogram on my ovaries and lower abdomen to see how bad the fluid was... The doc said we could wait but if it got ANY worse, action would be taken. Action meaning they'd go in and DRAIN the fluid from me. Eww. No thanks. I know it brings relief. I just really did NOT want to do that.

Over that weekend I seemed to slowly get better. Pain wise anyway. And we went down Tuesday for a follow up blood test. I took another at-home test over the weekend, since I had the one left... And the test line was darker than the control line! Whoop whoop!!
Tuesday I was feeling better than I was a week before, but still not great. Since I was feeling better and not worse, they didn't have to do the sonogram. Feeling better, even slightly, made me nervous though.. Did that mean the HCG was going down? Was I losing the baby(ies)?
I told Connie my fears. She told me I couldn't focus on that sort of thing. I needed to sit back and enjoy being pregnant.

She called that afternoon with my results.
"Okay, so your progesterone from Friday was amazing so we didn't even check that today. Your HCG levels today look great, so we will set up the sonogram for Dec 5 if that works for you?" Ahhh so far away!
"That works for me... So my levels were good today?"
"VERY good." What is very good????? My first number was 183. Four days later, with perfect doubling, would mean I need a number of 732
"How good is very good? I need the number..."
"Ha, well the number is 832!" 832... Oh my gosh. That's more than perfect... WHOA!!
"Oh, WOW...."
"Yeah... So with numbers like that... Could be one, could be two, we'll have to see on the fifth!"
"Okay, I can't wait!!"
"Congratulations AGAIN!!!!"
"Thank you, so much!"

We told some family over the following week. But we made the decision not to announce it until we seen the sonogram. I don't think either of us really felt safe until we seen a heartbeat. Too much could go wrong. Too much still COULD go wrong. It's mostly safe after the first trimester... But we couldn't make you wait that long. We could, however, make you all wait until the sonogram!

I'm sorry we made you wait so long!! And I'm sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I couldn't bring myself to type out anything without hinting at what has been going on. And we just weren't ready yet....

But obviously we are ready now.... So again I say WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

My beta numbers seemed high for a singleton but low for twins, so really all I was expecting to see on the ultrasound was one baby....

So imagine my surprise today when the doc said he saw TWO sacs on the sonogram. One is measuring right on time with a heart rate of 126. The other is measuring 6 days behind with a heart rate of 96. Big difference. Doc doesn't think the second will be viable (vanishing twin), but it's all in God's hands now... And we are praying like crazy!! If only one was meant to be, then we will still be amazingly thankful for the one healthy Crabb in there. Now we just sit back and wait... And have faith in Him. Our next sonogram is in two weeks!


Having said all that.. I have one thing to say to EVERYONE that has told me how BLISSFUL pregnancy is and how it was the BEST time of your life...
You all were lucky.
Some books have said IVF pregnancies are different. I don't know if that's the case or what. But I know I have a high pain tolerance and I am still ABSO-FRICKEN-LUTELY miserable. I've already had round ligament pain, which shouldn't start for weeks still. My hips are INSANELY sore. I can't sleep. Nausea when I brush my teeth is one thing, nausea ALL EVENING LONG is another. Progesterone injections don't get any easier, they only get worse. I'm so ready to be done with them! But I know they are important, so I won't result to begging to be taken off of them... And my emotions? HA. Try not to tick me off right now. I get mad and stay mad for DAYS... And no, I don't think that's irrational.
I'm about 7 weeks along, and I still have OHSS bloat. I also evidently have pregnancy bloat. Those two, combined, make me look huge. All the time. I have one pair of jeans that fit... And by fit I mean I can't button them, but I can zip them. That counts for something, right?

I had the naive thought that every day of pregnancy would be marvelous. I thought I'd look super cute (and still perfectly thin) the day we announced to our families that the IVF worked. I thought I'd be glowing.
Instead, most of the time I'm just sweating. And nauseous. And just miserable. I want to lay in bed, but laying in bed is one of the most uncomfortable things I can do. We went to multiple stores over the weekend to find a body pillow, since pregnant women swear by them... Body pillow.. HA. All it did was make me swear all night long. Maybe it'll come in handy later, but right now it's definitely not for me.

And you know, no matter how bad each day seems to SUCK... I am still so thankful. I'm thankful that I'm feeling what I'm feeling, because it means things are happening and going well. I'm thankful for the opportunity to even be in this position, because so many aren't so lucky...
And I'm constantly praying for our little babies. Praying for a healthy pregnancy, praying that they are happy and healthy, and thriving. And that all of that continues on.



And to say thank you to all of you, here is A PICTURE

Embryo Transfer!!!

This could be one of my favorite posts to date! All about our embryo transfer!!!

After the egg retrieval I got updates, or "fert reports" daily (excluding Sunday). We went from 21 eggs to 19 that were mature... Of those 19, 10 fertilized normally and became embryos!! On Saturday Dr H called to tell me that of those 10, they were ALL growing well but EIGHT of them were "VERY good quality." Eight?! EIGHT!!!! That's fabulous and more than I was expecting to get such a high remark. Since we had so many that were in such great shape and there were no clear front runners, we were a go for a 5 day transfer! just what I wanted!!!
I got no update Sunday.
And Monday I got the call from Connie to set up the transfer time. I got all of the instructions and then asked about our embryos...
"So, how do they look today?"
"Well we don't get reports on day 4, because they were in a transitional stage so they can't be rated at that point... But as of yesterday they are all FABULOUS. Like, really REALLY great. You make some awesome embryos!!" Ahhh!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!
"Yeah, I try..."
Connie and I chatted a bit about how every thing that comes out of her mouth ends up coming true, so I told her to please talk more about great things for us! Ha!


Yesterday was the day of the 5 day transfer! I was so super excited!! I took it easy during the day and tried not to stress. Focusing on having the best possible environment for the embryo(s). Staying stress free is really important from this point on. It's better for the body anyway, but super important for this stage of my cycle....

Heading in to the day, we had gone back and forth on how many we wanted to transfer. One? Two? One??? Two??? Danny left the decision up to me, since it's my body that would be carrying them. I told him I wanted two. He said that's fine. So, I knew he was okay with two. But I wasn't going to make the FINAL decision until we were at the transfer and hearing exactly how those embryos were doing, I just had to know he really was okay with whatever I decided.

Danny and I drove down, eating on the way... and arrived with just a few minutes to spare. I checked in, noticing that the waiting room was completely empty. Connie came out and got us shortly after we arrived. She and I were hangin' crap on Danny as we walked in the back and it really cracked up another of my favorite ladies there. She peeked her head around the corner, waved, and wished us good luck.
We were taken back to the room where the actual egg retrieval was. It's a big sterile room, with so many machines that I wouldn't even begin to understand... And two relaxing beachy pictures on the wall.
Danny got set up in his chair, which he proceeded to WHEEL AROUND THE ENTIRE ROOM looking at anything and everything. Thank goodness he kept his hands to himself!

I got ready and Connie came in to check my bladder.
"So I don't want to steal Dr H's thunder... but... Okay yes I do. Your embryos are SO FANTASTIC!! They really couldn't be more perfect!! Seriously!!" Ohhhhh YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you God!!!
"Really? You're not just saying that???"
"No. If they weren't like this I would just keep quiet and let Dr H let you know how they are. These are fabulous!" Eeeeeek!!! Go embies go!!!!!
She checked my bladder and it was full but hadn't expanded quite enough to tilt my uterus quite enough. She figured it would be expanded by the time the transfer would happen...
She also asked if I would be okay with an OB student coming in to observe the transfer... Why not?

A few minutes later Dr H came in to discuss our little embryos. He said four were very good, and that some others might be good enough tomorrow to freeze! He asked how many we wanted to transfer.
"Two, we want to transfer two."
"Alright. Now I'm going to give you some numbers. This is in NO WAY to persuade you or change your mind. But I have to give you these facts... With your age and the amount of embryos you have with high ratings, that makes you a Gold Standard Patient. So here are all the percentages for our Gold Standard Patients..." He went on to tell us the success rates with one vs two embryos transferred, the percentage of twins, etc. I'm not going to share them here, but they were CRAZY. But, ultimately, I went with my gut.
"Okay. Whoa. Okay, well I'm still okay with two."
"Alright. Here is a picture of the best two. This one is 4a___ _______" He's still talking. What's he saying? Their ratings? Look at these BEAUTIFUL blasts!! These are our embryos!! Our future babies!! They DO look perfect!! Oh I love them so much already!!
I clutched the picture, I didn't care if Danny wanted to hold it or get a better look. It was NOT going to leave my hand.
Dr H pushed around on my belly with the sonogram wand thing, seeing what Connie did with the bladder. And the student commented on my "pretty ovaries." Why, thank you nice student lady!!
Then the transfer began. My bladder still didn't expand enough, but with enough pushing (OUCH), they got the proper view.
"Okay, do you see the bright white on the screen?"
"Yeah, I see it."
"That's the catheter. You can see some movement there right now. This part that you see right now will stay right there. The rest of the catheter will be removed, given to the embryologist so he can load the embryos, and then brought back and put back in. That's when the embryos will be transferred into you." Wow!!!
"Oh, and you'll see the embryologist in here, obviously, for all of that. I'm not sure if you've met him?" Sure haven't... But hey, what difference does yet ANOTHER stranger make. He's the babies' first babysitter after all...
"We haven't met him..."
"We  used to tell people that they might see a strange person come in during this, but I don't think they liked being called strange..." HA!! THAT is funny!!

Right on time, the embryologist came in. We all laughed, quietly, but didn't fill him in on the little joke. He was told to load the two best, and then he disappeared again. I didn't look again, I was so focused on the sono screen.
Before I knew it there was movement on the screen again! I clutched Danny's hand.
"The embryos are too small to be seen on this screen. But you WILL see air bubbles. There should be one before and one after the embryos. This will create a sort of flash on the screen so you'll see it happening." Oh WOW!!!
FLASH... Two air bubbles, with a small amount of space in between them... Right there!!!
"Okay, now Brad will take the catheter to be sure both embryos are out, sometimes they get stuck..." No way could one get stuck, that went too well!!
Dr H walked away to check with Brad.
Connie and the student were whispering...
"Did you see him nod? He never does that. I knew, when he did that, that this was perfect. He never shows any emotion!!"
Dr H came back.
"Okay they are both out of the catheter." He started pushing around on my belly with the sono again, printing some pictures. "That's great...." What? What's great?! He walked off again and Connie and the student started talking again...
"He NEVER says anything about transfers, during or after. He said this was great. He's a perfectionist so he's never happy enough with anything. This went BEYOND perfect, for him to be happy with it! And did you see the air bubbles? They are still close together, and just those two. A lot of times you won't see both, or there will end up being more because of the air bubbles messing up, sometimes they spread out. This is just perfect!" Perfect!! YES!!!!
Dr H came back and finished up and we discussed the pregnancy test date.
"You can test at home, but all that we ask is that if you get a negative, don't stop taking the medication. The home tests just aren't always reliable and we don't want to mess anything up."
"Okay."
"Some couples say they won't test, but we want you to know it's okay to." Ha...
"Well we've already bought some..."
Everyone laughed.
"Okay, well good luck!"

I had to lay for 10 more minutes on the bed, and during this Connie went through all the rules for after the transfer.
"Lots of rest. NO cooking or housework" **points at Danny** "Have someone else do all that. Then after the two days are up, continue to take it easy. No working out. Nothing strenuous." Not. A. Problem.
"Alrighty."
"And, most importantly. If you test at home... YOU BETTER CALL ME OR EMAIL ME!! I want to know asap!!! Don't leave me in the dark here!" Awww, I LOVE HER!!!!
"I will be sure to let you know!"
Connie hugged me, and we had 5 more minutes to lay on the bed and relax...



I couldn't decide if we should tell everyone that we transferred two. We haven't had a lot of privacy through all this, which is fine considering it's thanks to all of YOU that we are even in this position! But I wanted to keep some things between the two of us. I did want our families to know though, so I sent a picture of our embie picture to our moms. They are their future grandbabies after all.
We ended up posting a picture of the embryos last night on Facebook, telling everyone that we transferred two.

We are going to test early, at home. But we won't be sharing those results. We don't know WHEN exactly we will be taking that test. And we would like to keep the results between just the two of us for a bit, just like other couples get to NORMALLY. The blood test IS on a specific day. However, the pregnancy isn't considered official until there are multiple blood tests with the levels doubling appropriately... And really even then it's not OFFICIAL OFFICIAL until there's a heartbeat (or two?).... We don't know when we'll be sharing any results. But please, PLEASE understand our want for a bit of normalcy through all of this. We will keep you all updated as soon as it's safe! Or maybe even before then, we don't know. We want to be the ones to make that decision though.

Now.... Do you want to see our future babies?? I hope they're snuggling comfortably in RIGHT NOW!!!! <3 <3

Egg retrieval!

Hey there everyone!!!
I'm so sorry it's been SO LONG since I posted. Things have been BEYOND crazy lately though.

An update on everything up through last week:

For those of you who are on our Facebook, you know I was in a little bit of trouble. My body was sort of OVERreacting to the stim meds. Basically, my body was putting the eggs/follicles first... And my health last. The docs (and Danny) were NOT happy with this. We tried lowering my doses... didn't work. So then we started what they call "coasting." Which basically means I was off all meds other than Lupron (which prevents ovulation). It took a while for the coasting to work. Three days as a matter of fact, the absolute LONGEST amount of time that Dr H allows anyone to coast.

At one of my last monitoring appointments he apologized, sincerely, for me having to go through all of that nonsense.
"I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this, and having to be monitored every day. In hindsight, I should have started you out at an even lower dose, but I had no way of knowing. I already started you out lower than anyone else...." Ha. Leave it to my body to go berserk with a lower dose than he gives ANYONE.
"It's okay. I'm an overachiever, so of course my ovaries are too."


Fast forward to FINALLY getting the go ahead to "trigger." My egg retrieval appointment was set up, and the hotel reservations for the night before made. We would be staying in OKC on Halloween night.
It was our year with Faith on Halloween so we picked her up from school, got her ready, and went to my parents' house for the usual Halloween festivities. All while Danny was not feeling quite right. Faith went trick or treating. Danny tried to sleep on the couch while he could.
We took Faith to her mom's a little earlier than normal so we could get on the road... And we headed out....

We made it to OKC in good time, checked in to the nice hotel (that we were staying at for FREE thanks to a dear friend <3)... Got to our room.... And Danny proceeded to VOMIT ALL NIGHT LONG. He definitely had the stomach flu! And I didn't want it!!!

The next morning I woke up and got ready for the egg retrieval! I let Danny sleep as long as possible, it was a long night for him after all....

We arrived at the clinic and I was called back to write the check for the anesthesia. Then I went back into the waiting room to wait...
When it was finally time, we were taken back to a different section of the clinic that I'd never been in before. I was prepped and ready to go, when the anesthesiologist came in. This man is supposed to be the best in the state...
We chatted for about 10 seconds about my allergies and what will happen. And then he and Danny started chatting about heating and air and what AC systems are best and how long they last and I was laying there thinking "What the heck?? How did we get here, to this conversation?!" Ha!!

Before long I was wheeled across the hall to the egg retrieval room. Dr H was there, and we went over what would happen. I was attached to a few machines, and then the stirrups were attached to the bed.
"I'll help you get your legs up here." Help? Why would I need help. I can lift my legs....
"Okay..."
"Next we _____"
OUT. LIKE. A. LIGHT.

.........................................

"Blah blah blah" Huh? What are they saying?
"How many eggs?"
"Blah blah blah." What?? Did she say 24? Oooo 24.....
OUT again....
"Blah blah blah..." What are they SAYING?! Did we really get 24 eggs?
"How many eggs? 24?"
"No, 21. Which is great!" Ewww, 21. That's not as many as I thought we'd have. Hopefully they are all mostly mature.
"You already asked about the eggs babe..." Did I really?
"Danny, shush it. I know."
"It's okay, most girls ask way more than twice... And most HUSBANDS don't get to see all of the recovery when you're waking up, Daniel here just got lucky because he's sick!" YEAH DANNY!!!

The rest of recovery went okay. I was crampy so I took some pain meds... Big mistake, they made me so tired and nauseous. And we had to ride all the way home with me feeling like that!!
That night I felt a little better, but the new shots (in the tush) HURT. And then I started feeling wonky again. I just wasn't okay.
I stayed home from the work the next day. It helped, but I still didn't feel normal.

Honestly, it's been almost a week and I STILL don't feel 100%. I've been on so many meds to prevent OHSS and infection and progesterone shots now to help the embryos and it's all just making my body crazy. I rarely even take a regular Tylenol for a headache! My body is probably in some form of shock. BUT, things are looking better these days, so that's okay! <3

He is in charge of Stabby Hour....

Happy Monday!!!

Sorry for the lack of posts last week. The days have been an absolute whirlwind these days!!!!

Quick fundraiser update... There is ONE more going on, and it's the one that was originally just in my group of Brides.com girls. This is now open for EVERYONE until every square is sold. Here is the pic (click on it to make it bigger!) that explains it better than I can!

There aren't many boxes still available (because my Brides girls rock my socks!), but I will post this pic on our Facebook, along with the available numbers. Please COMMENT ON THE PICTURE there, with the numbered box you'd like. Please checks the comments before yours so the number you want isn't already taken! Then Paypal the money ($5/box) to Rena. She is going to take care of all the funds and then give me the profit at the end!!


The cookie fundraiser is all done now I believe, I should probably double check ;)


And now for updates on the IVF process....

Last week I had my baseline appointment, also known as the "suppression check." All was fine and dandy. The sono showed less antral follicles than ever (14 and 10, waaahhh), BUT that just means the Lupron was doing it's job... Suppressing! I hope some more pop up during the stims!

After the baseline appointment I went over to the Blood Institute for my infectious disease testing. OUCH. Seventy-five dollars, five vials of blood and one HUGE BRUISE later (I'll spare you the details), we were done. My mom and I went out for breakfast and followed that up with some shopping... And getting a little lost in OKC. Hey, it isn't a road trip if we don't get lost at least once, right?
Saturday night we started the stim meds. That meant that the Lupron dose dropped from 10 to 5. The stims are Menopur (1 vial, meaning 75 iu) and Follistim (125 iu). That's three shots a night! All in the stomach! OUCH AGAIN. Saturday night we also had a Halloween party to attend (in case you're interested, we were Christian Grey and Anna Steele-Grey). I did NOT feel good. I'd had dizzy spells from the Lupron leading up to Saturday and I was hoping the stims would make those stop. They didn't. Hot flashes continued as well. I just wasn't a happy camper. We ended up leaving pretty early and I was happy to just go to bed!!

Last night we switched up the way we did the injections, trying to find what works best for us. The injections went better than they had the night before but WHEW that Menopur BURNS.


I'll post tomorrow about my appointment I had today. Today's post I really want to talk about my amazing husband....

Through all of these injections, Danny has really been a trooper. He is in charge of Stabby Hour. He is doing all the mixing, measuring and stabbing. All I do is stand there and try to breathe... And then mark off my calendar of course (that's my favorite part!). He is really good at everything, despite never doing any injections before (unless you count being on the receiving end of TONS during cancer surgery/chemo/etc). I couldn't be more proud of him!

The part that makes me the happiest with all of this, is how interested he is in all of it. He asked some questions at the last RE appointment he went with me to. And he's really looking out for me now that injections have started.
Last Wednesday after my appointment I sent him a text telling him how fast it went. His response? "Well, how did it go?" Ohhhh yeah, I guess that's important too. So many guys probably wouldn't care or think to ask. He does. He wanted to make sure everything was still okay.
Saturday night he repeatedly asked how I was doing. He told me, again repeatedly, that it was OKAY to leave early. And made sure I knew that whenever I was ready was fine.
During my hot flashy and dizzy spells during the party, he was right there asking what he could do. I ended up outside for most of the night enjoying the gloriously cool weather. Of course Danny's reaction is "You're not supposed to be around that stuff..." because I was hanging around the cigarette smoke. My caring, loving husband <3 I was outside, not in a closed smokey room, so I knew I was fine. But what caught me off guard with that statement from him, was the fact that I had mentioned that MONTHS ago... about the second hand smoke being bad during IVF, especially during the stims period. I'd read an article on either the RESOLVE or ATTAIN facebook pages out loud to him. Most guys tune out and I half expected him to. Turns out, he didn't. Not only did he listen, he took it to heart. He's looking out for me, so much, even this early on in the process...

Wonder how he'll be once I'm pregnant!! ;)


That's all for today, IT'S ALMOST STABBY HOUR!!! Time to go stand, breathe and go to my happy place!

Things are going to get a little crazy

Happy Thursday everyone!! :)

Quick fundraiser update!!
Don't forget about the sign from PaddyWhacks!! That raffle ends THIS WEEK. As in I draw a name on the 14th!! If you want in on it, donate to our Paypal, with your name, and let me know that THIS is what you are donating for! Easy peasy! $10 and the sign can be yours!!

Also!! Sugar Cookielicious put together another COOKIE FUNDRAISER!! She is only accepting a limited amount of orders.. Guess how many are left? ONE. Just. One!! If you want that LAST order, go place it NOW!!

There's also another fundraiser going on in one of the private groups I'm a part of on Facebook... I've mentioned the group a few times, MY BRIDES GIRLS!! Love them!! They are so supportive!! It seems to be going pretty well right now!


On to today's post... We had a little talk with Miss Faith yesterday about everything, and this is how it went!!!


After work yesterday Faith told us all about how she got a yellow day at school the day before, but had earned it back to a green!! This is big news for her, considering last year she got a TON of yellow and a few red. I had a plan to give her a little gift and when she first said she'd gotten her day turned to yellow I felt a surge of disappointment. She wouldn't get the gift with a yellow day the day before. I was SO proud that she'd earned it back to green!

Faith went to her room when she was done talking about her day, and I dug her gift out of my purse. Faith is a HUGE Monster High fan. HUGE. Months ago I preordered the Ghouls Rule DVD from Amazon, planning on it being a Christmas gift. It arrived Tuesday and I realized it would be a better gift for before Halloween... and what better time to give it than right before things start to get crazy?

I called Faith back into the living room, with the DVD hidden.
"Yeah?"
"Come sit down... We need to have a little chit chat."
Danny teased her a bit, saying she was in so much trouble. I guess I rolled my eyes because Faith looked at me and then looked relieved. I have no poker face I guess.
"No, you're not in trouble. I just wanted to talk to you a little bit. You know that I started my shots already. Next week I go back down to Oklahoma and the week after that I start going down there a LOT. Things are going to get a little crazy for a little while. We're going to be really busy. I don't think any of the appointments should affect our time with you. But we will be tired. And we'll have more shots..." Faith looked a little scared and asked a couple questions, I told her that yes, I'd be having a small surgery but it was going to be really easy and I'd be home that night and I'd be just fine.
"Okay...."
"And I just want you to know that we're going to try to keep things as normal as possible around here. The medicine might make me a little grumpy, but I'll try to not let it do that to me. The doctor wants me to not stress, and to do a lot of relaxing. So I'll probably need your help with some stuff."
Faith loves helping so I expected her reaction...
"Okay! Yeah! I'll help! Anything!" Of course, little monster, always so helpful!
"Now we want you to know we are REALLY REALLY proud of how well you're doing in school this year with your talking and all of that. We know you're really trying hard and we really appreciate that. We want you to keep that up. Even when things get a little crazy over the next few weeks. We still need you to be good, at school and at home. We really need you to be good. And, since you've BEEN so good, and we just KNOW you'll keep being good... We got you a little something. We ordered it a long time ago and it finally got delivered yesterday..."
"EEEEeeeee" She doesn't even know what it is yet! Hahaha
"So here is it!"
I pulled out the Ghouls Rule DVD and I got TACKLED!!!!! I guess she was a LITTLE excited!
"I knew it! I KNEW that was it! I just knew it! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"  Totally worth every penny that DVD cost...
"You're welcome!"
"I love you!!" Heart, melted.
"I love you too baby girl."

We didn't see her again until she came out of her room to tell us how awesome the DVD was! I was mostly just happy that she sat through our little talk and actually paid attention. I have no doubt in my mind that she will try her best to be good while we are going through all this (especially because she's INCESSANTLY asking us to give her a brother).


Update on my injections!
Just did injection number 5!! This one hurt just a tad because Danny didn't stab quite fast enough (in his defense, he has a BAD burn that's really fresh on his finger and it got in the way). I felt my ab muscles protest again, but it's okay! It just hurt for a second! He still did great, especially considering that burn! The injection site is already itchy. That's getting pretty annoying, but I'm so thankful it's not lasting as long as it did the first night!
I've only gotten one TINY bruise so far. Not bad :)
I have noticed a few side effects lately. I occasionally get a pretty bad hot flash. I didn't expect those to happen so quickly, but I guess that shows that the medicine is working. I'm also SO SO SO VERY TIRED. It kicks in every afternoon and it's to the point that I find it hard to function. I was very tempted to go home from work early today, but I knew that wasn't a good idea considering I have an appointment next week and then I'd be using lots of vacation days after that. So, I stuck it out. I got a second wind though and am feeling great now!
I'm glad I'm on a low dose of Lupron, I've been reading about ladies on TWICE as much as I'm on and whew, I just can't imagine!

I'm really excited about everything, and of course scared out of my mind. Mostly I'm afraid that this won't work. I've been so positive this whole time that it's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I DO have this fear, and it's a valid one. I think it would be ridiculous if I went into this thinking there's no CHANCE of failure. There is. I don't want to set myself up for massive disappointment. I'll be disappointed if it doesn't work, there's no doubt. But if my mind was so set on one thing that hearing the opposite would cripple me. and I can't do that. I'm going to stay positive about it, why wouldn't I? But I won't go in to this in a naive way thinking it's a 100% thing. It's not. We should be on the "higher side of the success rates" according to Dr H. But that success rate still isn't a guarantee.

I've really appreciated so many people coming forward with their own stories throughout our journey. And I'm SUPER excited that one friend (that I've known for years) got the go ahead to do IVF this month!! I was excited for her when I heard and then I was ECSTATIC when she got her personalized calendar and she starts stims THE DAY AFTER ME!! We are cycle buddies!! If our bodies cooperate, we will be going in for egg retrievals a day apart (or maybe the same day!) I'm so happy to have someone I KNOW personally going through this right along with me, although I'll be honest and say I REALLY REALLY wish she didn't HAVE to go through this! I also wish she was closer! But hey, we'll be talking a lot through texts and such, so that's okay!


So there you have it. An update on EVERYTHING!! Please keep us in your thoughts/prayers/send good vibes/whatever it is you do. We're in the middle of this and it's not over yet. It won't be over until we bring a baby (or two?) home, and we need all the prayers we can get up until then. We really appreciate all of you!!!!

Stabby Hour...

Hey hey people!! Have you been itchin' for an update?!

I've been itching too... But for a different reason!! Ahhh!!!!

If you're not on our Facebook, you may not know this... but... We started injections over the weekend!!! EEEEEEK!!! Wanna hear all about it?? If not (and you're one of those needle-phobes... *cough* Kristy *cough*) you can go ahead and skip this post. You probably don't want to hear about it all!

Sunday was the big day. I was nervous and scared and nervous... and scared! Danny had hockey and although there is a bit of a time window for the injections, it wasn't enough for it to NOT be messed up by his game. This is when it's handy to know people who can do shots! Insert my sister-in-law! Danielle said she'd do it, and we made the plan to do it at my mom's house.

Danny left for his game and I started gathering everything I could POSSIBLY need. The box of Lupron. The big box the lupron and supplies came in. The extra supply bag. The welcome bag which included a DVD (even though Danielle knows how to give the shots). My calendar, so I could double check the dosage. The sharps container.
I packed it all up and headed to my parents' house, WAY WAY early. That's me. Early. All the time. I walked in with all my stuff.
"Hey babe!"
"Hey Dad!"
"Are you by yourself?"
"Yep. Came over for shots. Shots ALL around!! No? Just me??"
"Just you baby girl... Is Danielle coming over to do it?" Of course! She rocks!
"Yep."
Cue crazy nervous stomach....

I sat around, watching some not-so-interesting Lifetime movie my mom was watching. I put the DVD in her laptop and watched it again, again learning nothing new. I looked over all the supplies. I double checked the dosage on the calendar. I watched the DVD again.
My brother, Danielle, and my little niece walked in the door just as I was about to lose my mind.
"Presley! Hi baby!!"
"NeeNee!!"
I relaxed for a while, talking to the little munchkin. She has that way about her, instantly helping  your mood. I love her!
Finally, it was 6:00. Stabby hour. Like Happy Hour, but with fertility drugs instead of alcohol... And needles instead of shot glasses.... And there's not much happy about it. Shots. Eww.
Danielle got everything ready. I told her to do it on the right side of my stomach. She swabbed with the alcohol pad. Swabbed the vial of Lupron (with a different pad!). Put in 10 units... and...
"Are you ready?" Ahhhh NO NO NO NO NO I AM NOT READY!!
"Yep, I'm ready."
Danielle pinched my stomach fat and I felt every ab muscle I have twinge.
Even my body is protesting this!!
"Whoa..."
"Are you okay?" NO!
"Yeah, do it."
"You don't want to look?" NO NO NO
"No! Can't!"
"I'm done." WHAT?!
"Oh, wow. That was fast."
I looked down, expecting... something! I didn't see anything. A tiny red dot where she stabbed. That was it.
"Thank you, so much!!"
I spent some more time with the family, and then rushed home to get the Lupron in the fridge and head to Danny's game.
And during all that? I started to feel a bit itchy. Right where I had my shot. I looked at the spot, again seeing nothing.
The rink where Danny plays hockey was hot. I was still itchy. I held one of the most adorable little babies in the whole world for as long as I could, and when the game was over I handed him back. And looked at my stomach. And no longer saw "nothing." I saw something. Red, blotchy, itchy skin. Not just a tiny spot either. A pretty big area! I promised myself I wouldn't google it...

But I did google it. I didn't really find much. I sent texts to all my friends that I could think of that would know if the reaction was bad. I decided to email Connie the next morning...

I did. And her response wasn't what I expected...

"That's definitely not common." WHAT?! Of COURSE. Of friggin' COURSE. My body hates everything, why wouldn't it hate this medicine?! Ugh!!
She told me to keep taking it and let her know if it gets any worse. I got another email a few minutes later telling me that if it causes shortness of breath to stop taking it immediately and call the on-call doc. She said she didn't think it would happen, but it's better to be cautious.
So. Comforting.

I posted on one of the forums I frequent, asking if anyone else had this reaction. Some girls did! They said they had the reaction on one side rather than the other. One girl said she only got the reaction sometimes. I decided maybe it wouldn't happen again. And I was feeling okay about it...


Yesterday after work I was nervous all over again. It was almost Stabby Hour. We had Faith, and when she heard us talking about the shots she wanted to be all up in that action.
"You're not taking her blood are you Daddy?"
"No, I'm giving her a shot, that's different."
"Okay, then I want to watch." YOU WHAT?! Don't I get a say in this?!
I figured by the time came around for the shot she'd be off in her room and we could sneak it in without her paying attention or noticing.
Nope.
We were watching Cupcake Wars in the living room together when Stabby Hour rolled around. I got all the "goods" out of my box and headed to the kitchen.
Deep breaths. In and out. It's gonna be fine. Danny is confident in this. He's got this. I HATE THIS SO MUCH. I HATE THIS.
Danny got everything ready, I stayed looking away. I made the mistake to glance over when Danielle was getting everything ready and noticed that the needle was bigger than I had thought. I didn't want to see it again.
Alcohol wipe on the tummy, the left side this time.
Faith stepped closer.
I stepped away.
Faith stepped closer again.
"Faith, don't get too close okay?"
"I want to see. Eww. Ewwww." SHE is standing here shivering and freaking out and I am the one about to get stabbed. Ahhhh.
"Ready?" Oh no no no no no. No I am not. I'm not ready!
"Yeah."
Done.
It really is that fast!
"Whoa. Thanks love! I hardly felt a thing! Thank you so much!"
"I told you it would be easy." Yeah yeah yeah...
I looked at Faith who no longer looked freaked out.
"Okay, you're fine. Now start cooking dinner!" Uhhh WHAT?! Seriously?
"Umm, no? I will start cooking when I want to start cooking! First I'm going to finish watching our show!"

My left side had the same reaction to the medication as the right side had. But it didn't last as long (30 minutes versus 3 hours). It's a manageable reaction, so I decided not to worry about it. I also felt a sense of relief. Danny is confident with the shots. He's fast and knows what he's doing. For the first time I really felt like I can do this. I REALLY REALLY CAN do this. We can do this. Together. And when Danny isn't available, Danielle has said she can fill in on Stabby Hour duty. We've got this!!!

It's taken me so long to type this post up that now Stabby Hour for today has come and gone. We moved back to the right side of my belly today. Start to finish it took us about two minutes. From getting everything prepped and ready to Danny standing back up saying I can open my eyes, it's over. It's just that easy.


We are DOING THIS you guys! Really seriously!!! We are!! And you know what my favorite part is? Crossing off the days on the calendar!! I'm counting down the days!!!



Quick update on how I'm feeling:
The hormonal headaches are gone. I'm not sure if my body finally got used to the birth control pills (of course it would be my LAST week on them) or if the Lupron helps that along or what. But I am one THANKFUL gal!! I've read that Lupron can make some people pretty grumpy and some of the side effects don't sound fun, but so far so good! Hopefully I just skip right over all of that stuff!!!

Quick update on my reaction to the shot I just got 25 minutes ago... Yeah... Dark red and blotchy already. Hmm.. I guess the right side IS worse than the left. Dang.

IVF meds HAVE ARRIVED!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Have you donated yet to get  your entry to win the sign? If not, and you want the sign, you better get to that now! You're running out of time!

For those of you on our Facebook, you know that we received my medication Wednesday! Here is the run down of all of THAT action :)

Tuesday afternoon I got a call from our pharmacy asking for my insurance information.
"Oh my insurance doesn't cover any of the fertility medications."
"We will work something out and make sure they cover at least something. We are in your corner here." Well okay then...
I rattled off all the numbers and letters, birth dates, names, etc.
"Okay, someone will be calling you back shortly to go over the shipment, costs, and payment." Oh that makes me nauseous...
I waited around for the call, knowing that the one time I forgot to take my phone with me to the next room would be when they called... It didn't happen like that though. My phone buzzed and I glanced down and it was our pharmacy calling!!
I confirmed all the info I'd previously given a different lady, and then went over the costs.
"Okay I have you down for one box of Lupron for $169. A 900iu vial of Follistim and pen for $762. Eight vials of Menopur for $624. A vial of HCG for $59.90. And your insurance covered the progesterone in oil with just a $10 copay for twenty doses." WHEW. Thank you, insurance, for covering SOMETHING!!!!
We set up payment and I was told the shipment would be an overnight delivery.

Tuesday after work the headache I'd been battling all day decided that it was going to win. And win, it did. I forced myself to make dinner and eat. I thought maybe I needed caffeine so I drank sweet tea. I took MORE Tylenol. Nothing was working and I'm not sure what caused it but I am assuming it's the super strong birth control pills that my body is still not used to. I'm SO ready to be off of those! I was in bed and asleep before 8:30.

Wednesday my headache was gone, but was replaced by the stress of the medication delivery. I had told the lady that I wouldn't be home so she took off the "signature needed" thing. We've never had anything stolen from our porch (**knock on wood**) so at the time I thought nothing of it. Looking back, that was a bad decision. That's a LOT of money in medication, and although I didn't think someone would steal a package from a pharmacy, you just never know.
I emailed the contact at the pharmacy asking for a tracking number... I didn't hear back. I ran home before lunch to check for the delivery, nothing. I ran home again AFTER lunch to check again. Still nothing. I relentlessly checked my email. Nothing nothing nothing. I decided it would definitely be at home when we got home from work.

It wasn't.

"Is it supposed to be through UPS?" Ugh, yes, UPS. I'd rather it was through FedEx...
"Yes."
"Then it won't get here until 5:30-6:00. Don't worry." I AM worried!!!!

I decided to keep my mind off of it by watching Tuesday night's Parenthood since I slept through it. It was a good episode, but I was still stressing the entire time and looking out the window any time I heard a large vehicle turn down our street. I cried through the preview for next week's episode, and deleted the show from the DVR. I decided I was going to call the pharmacy and ask for a tracking number... I got up to get the card when the UPS truck pulled in front of our house!!
Danny sent the dogs to the bedroom so he could answer the door and bring the box in without them shooting out the door to get attention from the neighbor kids or the UPS guy. And he carried in the heavy box.

I couldn't open it fast enough! I did take pics during the whole process though! And here they are! These are all the meds I'll be on for the next month (plus some weeks if a pregnancy is achieved)!!

This is what I saw as soon as I took the top off of the cooler:

 This is after I got it all organized, with the meds in front of the coordinating bag full of supplies (plus the Follistim pen and box of that med, that "supply bag" IS the pen). There is also more Menopur than you see here, because of the vials my awesome friend had leftover that she gave me! Thanks again Tracie!!

Here is the first of the injections, that start THIS SUNDAY. The Lupron. Yes, ALL of those needles will be used (well, a ton of them), and just with that ONE tiny vial of medication! CRAZY

Half of my Menopur, with the coordinating supplies!!



This is the Follistim vial that goes inside the pen. This TINY vial? $762. And that is BY FAR the cheapest available for that medication.

The Follistim pen in it's neat little "purse" with needles:

The HCG trigger. And the BIG needle that goes with it since that shot goes in the tush.

The tush shots are the HCG trigger which will be about 36 hours before the egg retrieval, and then the Progesterone in oil shots, which will be NIGHTLY from the egg retrieval all through the first 10+ weeks of pregnancy! They use THIS SIZE of a needle. As long as my pinky!! AHHHHH!!!

There they are now... The Progesterone in Oil shots... Two vials. HUNDREDS (okay I may be SLIGHTLY exaggerating) of needles/syringes.

 And the ever important Sharps Container. Gotta be safe with the biohazardous materials! :)

I'm a planner and an organized person. I have to have things in order. SO I had to go get a cute little Rubbermaid container to keep all the meds, supplies AND my calendar in. It all JUST BARELY FIT!!! But, it did. And there you have it. ALL of my IVF meds (minus the birth control pills I'm still on but I keep those in the cabinet with my nightly vitamins)!!!

Looking at all of that, do you feel sorry for me? ;) Don't. This is what I have to go through in order for our dreams to come true. And I'll be completely, 100% honest with you when I say... I'd rather have a shot than have to take a pill. I just can't do pills. Even the tiny birth control pills annoy me. I'll take a Tylenol because I know it'll bring me relief. But birth control pills annoy me. Taking it before bed annoys me. And I'm SERIOUSLY looking forward to all of these shots because it means things are REALLY HAPPENING!!!!

THINGS ARE REALLY HAPPENING!!!!!!

We are currently ready to get everything going and DONE! We did get a loan from an ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS friend. We got a large donation from another FABULOUS friend last night, and another donation this morning, and of course she's fabulous, too! So, we are ready!!! Any donations/funds raised from this point on will go towards transportation and any other "surprise expenses" that arise. It happens, obviously! But, the stress is gone!!!

THANK YOU to everyone for all of your help. It's taken a lot to get us to this point, and there's no way we'd be here without you all!!

And a special shout out to my Brides girls!!! You all go above and beyond and we are SO blessed to have you in our lives!! Your support, in EVERY way, is so marvelous!! Love you all!!!

That means it will happen to us!!!

It's  been a pretty big week! Sorry I've been missing in action!
Monday we had our big testing appointment, and then Tuesday I had such an awful headache that I seriously could not function. Last night we were just busy, so I couldn't blog. BUT HERE I AM, back to blogging for you fine folks today! I'll actually have a post for tomorrow too! So be sure to check back!

First and foremost... DON'T FORGET TO ENTER to win this sign!!! $10 donation/per entry!

This ends in less than two weeks, so get your donations in now if you're wanting the sign!!!!

Okay... Today's post is going to be all about our appointment on Monday!
I decided to stay home from work. It was the day after my birthday, and I wanted to just sleep in a bit before things started to get crazy. So I did. Danny, of course, went into work for as long as he possibly could. He got home shortly before lunch, and we hit the road.

The ride was, as usual, boring. There's not exactly a lot to see in between here and OKC. Some cows. Oil rigs. More cows.

We got to the clinic WAY WAY early, because of course we expected traffic and didn't happen upon any... So we hung out in the downstairs lobby for about 30 minutes. I had to fill my bladder, so I was chug-chug-chugging my water and Danny was making fun of me. As. Usual. :)

When it was about time for my appointment we headed upstairs to check in.  There was a different girl at the desk than I saw the time before, but she was super sweet and sounded a lot like Miranda Lambert! I chugged some more water. And some more. And more. I was GOING to have a full bladder during the testing dang it!!

Connie came out to get us after a bit, and we chatted for a while about the different things we would be going through... Or rather, what I would be going through. We went through the calendar, and briefly discussed the meds. This chat usually takes about 45 minutes but it only took us about 15-20. I drank some more water even though I was pretty sure my bladder was about to explode.

"Okay, so the first procedure is the mock transfer. This will be what your actual transfer will be like. Some people say it is slightly uncomfortable, just because of the full bladder. Most people say the real thing is even easier than this. THEN you'll have your saline sonogram. This is NOT something you'll have to go through again. So when it's done, just forget about it. It'll cause some cramping and pain, but the whole thing will be over quick." Oh that's so comforting.. It's going to hurt. Just awesome...
Connie left me us in the room, and I changed into the wonderful sheet that was left on the table.
"So, you're going to have to be down here a LOT for the monitoring..." Uhhh yes, I know this.
"Yeah, I told you that before any of this even started... I KNEW that."
"Is it even going to be possible for someone to come down with you all those days?" Seriously?
"YES, mom said she will, and your mom said she will. I only need you to take off work for the egg retrieval because they put me out for that, and for the embryo transfer because you should be there when I'm getting impregnated..."
"Well yeah, I know those days. Those are a given. But those other days, that's a lot...." Again, DUH.
"Yeah, well I was prepared for that. I warned our moms, they OFFERED to drive me down..."
"It's just crazy..." Is he in shock?? Has he not been listening to me this whole time??

"Good afternoon guys! Nice to see you again!" Ahh Dr H! Finally!! My bladder is DEFINITELY full... Let's do this!
"Hey there! It's nice to be here."
We talked briefly about the shipment from Reprotech to the clinic. And then Dr H went over the two tests we were doing.
"After the mock transfer, you'll be able to go across the hall to the bathroom and empty your bladder." HALLELUJAH!!!!! "Then we'll do the saline sonogram. That procedure will cause some pain and cramping, but I'll try to be quick so it should be minimal. Let us know if you are too uncomfortable and we'll see what we can do though." Oh this is going to be BAD. Just great...

And it began. Connie put a regular sonogram wand-thing on my belly and pushed down. My bladder was NOT HAPPY.
"Do you see the big black blob on the screen there? That's your bladder." That BIG black blob!!!!
"So, did I get it full enough then?"
Simultaneously-"Oh yes." HAHAHAHA I'm good at filling a bladder I guess.

The mock transfer was insanely quick. My bladder was thankful.
"Okay Destiny, you can run across the hall and empty your bladder, you can get dressed or you can just wrap the sheet around you if you're in a hurry. There's nobody else in this area at this time today. I will be in my office and when you're done and ready, I'll come back and we'll start on the saline sonogram." Sheet, I'm just going to use the sheet. I am about to pee myself!!!!!!
"Okay. I'm doing the sheet thing."
"Okay, I'll head out and make sure it's all clear..." Please let nobody else be here!! I gotta go NOW!!
"Don't forget your shoes, germophobe..." Oh, I almost forgot! Thank God I wore flip flops today! And thank God for my husband who reminded me! He knows me too well!
I ran across the hall, clutching my sheet.

I'll spare you the bathroom details, but Connie was waiting for me when I opened the bathroom door and gave me the all clear to head back to the exam room.

A very short while later, it was time to begin the saline sonogram. I was more than a little scared. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
My eyes bulged as I got a good look at the GINORMOUS syringes that held the saline that would be injected into me.
And then it began. I focused on the ceiling, thinking the pain would come any minute. I shifted my head so I could see the screen, just out of curiosity.
"Are you doing okay?" What? Am I doing okay? Of course I am.
"Yep, I'm fine."
I kept watching. They saw a spot on my uterus but they both said, at the same time, that it had to be from the catheter hitting before they had the picture focused there.
"How are you doing?" Are these people serious? I can barely feel a thing!
"I'm fine. I don't feel it."
"Oh. Well. Okay then." Calm down people, this is a breeze!
They finished up, did antral follicle counts again and also checked my lining. I went from fifteen follies on my right to "at least" twelve. And I went from "at least" twelve on my left, to sixteen!!! What the heck?!

After all of that was over, we went back into Dr H's office to discuss, in more detail, every aspect of the IVF cycle. We asked about the risks of the embryos splitting.
"I will be honest, I see it about once a year. It's been in young women when we've transferred two embryos, and one of them splits. It is actually the only triplets we see here. It's been about a year and a half since the last time..." A year and a half, it happens every year, THAT MEANS IT WILL HAPPEN TO US. We could SO not do that. Could we? There's no way that would be safe.
Danny asked about risks of birth defects if an embryo split. He asked about miscarriage risk. He asked a lot of questions.
We signed our last consent form, and then went into another room to go over the injections teaching with Connie when she was ready.

"Danny, I'm really freaked about the embryo splitting thing..."
"I'm more concerned with a miscarriage. With it happening to so many people lately, it's really hitting close to home. It happens. It could happen." I've always worried about that!! Hello!
"Yeah, that's scary. But I'm really worried about multiples. I mean, we could handle twins. But triplets?! And it happens every year and it's been a year and a half, that SERIOUSLY means it would happen to US because that's just our luck."
"Destiny that is NOT what that means. That is the very least of my concerns. Twins? Well, that's on you. I'm not the one that has to carry them. But I can see the argument against just putting in one and risking not getting pregnant at all." Oh dear... What are we going to do??

Connie came in and taught us ALL about the medications. Danny got to test out the Follistim pen (aiming into the trash can, not into my tummy!!), and practice mixing the Menopur using a Q-Cap. He also got to practice flicking the air out of the syringes. He was confident he understood it all.
Before I knew it was time to go, and the appointment had taken more time than I'd anticipated. It was already 5:00!! We DID hit traffic on the way home. I was sore from the exams and sore from sitting in the car and I was ready to get home and get to bed! So that's what I did! :)

I really want this sign... But it can be YOURS!!

I promised you'd get a new fundraiser update this week!! HERE IT IS!!!

See that GORGEOUS sign?! That was made by my friend who owns Paddy Whacks. Go check out her other signs if you love this but don't win it!

So now here is how you can get the beautiful sign! And please note, I WANT THIS SIGN! But it was given for the fundraiser so I will part with it... And even pay for shipping if you win and aren't local!

1. Donate $10 and get one entry into a raffle
2. Be sure to put your name in the appropriate area on PayPal so I know who you are

THAT'S IT!!!

You an enter as many times as you want (if you donate $20 at once, I will put you in twice, and so on. You don't have to make separate donations)!

I will have this fundraiser up until Oct 13, and I will draw a name on Oct 14. That person will  be personally contacted (via the email address shown in the paypal donation OR through Facebook if they are on our friends list). Shipment will be set up at that point in time!!



Now for a quick fertility update:
For the first time since we set up our IVF appointment, I felt serious PANIC. I emailed the always-wonderful Connie, my nurse. I asked about the medication, when they'd be ordered, from where... And then since I knew the approximate doses of the Menopur and Lupron, I figured I should ask how much Follistim would need to be ordered... Her answer absolutely FLOORED me. At MINIMUM we'll have to order 1-2 900iu vials, but Dr H will decide that at my next appointment. I thought that there would be no way I'd need THAT much, but from what I've read online that is low-normal. Most people have to have much more than that. The price of each 900iu vial? Approximately $750+ (and that's the lowest possible price, one other pharmacy that is popular for fertility meds charges over $1000!!!!!). I flipped out, talked to Danny. Talked to many people, actually. We'll figure out how to pay for it. And the above fundraiser could REALLY REALLY help with it!!! Seventy five entries and that extra 900iu vial would be paid for!
My next appointment is Monday. We will be doing some blood work, saline sonogram and trial transfer. AND Danny will learn all about the injections and how to give them to me. I'm so excited!! THINGS ARE REALLY HAPPENING NOW!!!!!!!!

Updates all around!!

So many updates today!!

Quick fundraiser update... I've got ONE MORE up my sleeve for this month! Still up in the air for any in October, but there WILL be a September fundraiser post this week!

If you're friends with us on Facebook, you know how yesterday went. For those of you who aren't, well here you go!
We showed up to the appointment yesterday hoping for good news. Danny wasn't nervous. I tried to sort of feed of his easy-going nature. But I was a bundle of nerves.
Danny checked in and started chatting up an older lady who was a new patient. Turns out she knows Eric Stonestreet, FROM MODERN FAMILY!! She said he's crazy (in a good way). It totally cracked me up.
I glanced around the waiting room. This place became another "home" to us during our cancer journey, the receptionists/nurses/schedulers all know Danny by name and face. It's comforting. So much different than our last appoint, at our IVF clinic. I know we will soon get that same feeling (and I already do with Connie, she rocks my socks!), but will it compare to this place? This place that, really, I don't want to ever HAVE to come back to... Really, after our IVF I don't want to ever HAVE to go back to the IVF clinic either, to be honest. I want it to work and I want to  be done after a healthy and successful pregnancy. Two different clinics serving two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT types of patients, yet they stir up such similar feelings.
We waited for what seemed like forever before we were called back.
"Hey guys, how are ya?!" Ahhh one of my favorite nurses!
"We're good, how are you?" We're GREAT actually!
"Good, how about you step onto the scale for me."
"Okay, hold this stuff Destiny, I don't want to add any extra weight." HA HA HA, nice way to quote me!
We chatted and joked with our nurse and our other "regular" nurse before we got down to business. Our nurse took Danny's temp and blood pressure, he bragged about how awesome and healthy he is. I think he used the word "perfect." Not sure who he thinks he is? Okay okay, he is perfect. Perfect for me :)
Eventually Dr Johnson came in.
"Hey there! How are things going?" Ahhhh NOW IS THE SCARY PART.
"Well you know, boring as always..." Except, really not boring at all... But hopefully just boring in the aspect of cancer.
Dr Johnson glanced at the paper on top of Danny's file... His lab results.
"YEP. Boring as always!" WHEW!!! The weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. That's what I needed to hear today!! THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU!!!
"That's what I wanted to hear." Psh, he was so confident before....
"Did you get any scans done or anything? I'm not seeing anything here."
"No, no scans. Just the blood work."
"OH okay, that's right. This is the old paper, that's why. Yep, you are past all the scans." WHEW again. Give me a heart attack why don't ya!
"That's right."
"Let's do the quick physical exam... deep breaths..." blah blah blah about football. And the NFL. And the Sooners' HORRENDOUS loss against K-State. Dr Johnson and Danny both teased me about that. Blah blah blah.
"Okay. We're done here. I'll see you both in six months. You only have three more appointments here with us." THREE MORE APPOINTMENTS!!!!! THREE MORE!!! I just can't believe it!
"Thank you, Doctor."
Dr Johnson shook Danny's hand and turned to me. He did a little "hooray" signal, or at least that's how I interpreted it. And then he said he'd see us next year.
Six months. THREE MORE APPOINTMENTS. Six months. OH! I could be PREGNANT in six months! Pregnant and noticeably showing! That would be such a success story! PLEASE LET THIS IVF WORK! I want to come back for Danny's next appointment and be able to show that the journey has come all around. We have these wonderful doctors to thank, and God, for Danny still being here. That would be a wonderful way to show them that good things come after all of this, thanks to them and the work they do (and the work He does).  I want this. I need this. PLEASE let the IVF appointments go as well as these cancer appointments have. PLEASE God.


So, there you have it. Danny is STILL DOING GREAT!! :) Nothing but good news there!!!

And a quick fertility update!
I emailed Connie today with a question about my meds. I was curious as to if we'd get the meds at my next appointment or if they'll be ordered from an outside pharmacy. She emailed back really quickly and said the meds will be ordered AFTER my next appointment, through a mail order pharmacy. They will then contact me about shipping and payment. THAT price tag is going to hurt, and the shipping may be a bit stressful considering they'll have to be quick (appointment on Oct 1, injections start Oct 7, EEK!!). But I'm starting to get excited!
Still on the birth control. It is quite obviously a stronger medication than I anticipated and I'm feeling lots of anger. I didn't realize (until now) that such a small pill could do that to you. The littlest things just set my blood boiling. So far I've kept control though ;)
Danny thinks it's hilarious to poke fun at me and last night I asked him why he's being so much worse about it lately (and yes we were still laughing during this conversation). He said he has to get it all out now before the injections make me crazy. I think he's a little scared.... What a baby ;)

That's all I've got for you today!! Check back tomorrow or Thursday for the next FUNDRAISER update :)

What's in the water?? Seriously

I want to start this (different type of) post by saying, I AM SO THANKFUL for all of the wonderful supporters we have and for those that share their own experience with me. It means more to me than I could ever really put into words (but I will try, soon!).

Now... on to my post for the day...

WHAT THE BLEEP  IS IN THE WATER?!


There are days when an infertile feels like every which way she looks she is surrounded by pregnant people. Those days suck, simply put. I know that feeling. I've felt it. It's not JEALOUSY. An infertile CAN still be happy for others. It's just that WE WANT THAT TOO. We want to SHARE in that joy with the world. We want to post pictures of our  baby bumps! But instead, we have bloat bumps. Or just chunky bumps because we eat when stressed. Or water retention from hormones (I'll be there soon, ha!). Or flat stomachs, even.
I will say that, as an infertile, the WORST part is hearing people complain.
You've got stretch marks? I do, too. But I have no baby to show for mine.
You can't have caffeine? You're growing a baby, cheers (with water) for following doctor's orders!
You feel fat? Oh, hey, me too. But I don't have a baby in my belly that I am supporting in every way.
You're pregnant. It's a BLESSING. You are growing a BABY. A little person is inside you! Work it, girl! Rock that baby bump! Chug some water! Be PROUD of those stretch marks you EARNED.

Over the past 3 years I have gotten MANY texts announcing pregnancies, there are times when it seems like multiple people PER DAY announce on Facebook, etc etc. Am I happy for these people? YES. A resounding yes. YES I AM HAPPY FOR THEM. A baby is a baby and I, personally, am happy that these people who I consider friends get to experience the joy that I yearn for. And every time I see a new announcement, I wonder to myself if it was easy for them. Just because it seems like EVERYONE just sneezes and gets pregnant doesn't mean it's that easy...

Which brings on my point for today... WHAT IS IN THE WATER?
No, it's not PREGNANCY that's in the water... It's infertility!!! When did this happen? WHY is this happening?!

At my jewelry party last weekend, we were all sitting around chatting about infertility. And I looked around... It was like an infertility party. We could have started our own club! It wasn't just me there. There were all different "types." Male factor. Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Hysterectomy. And, lastly, what I will lovingly call Super-Fertility. Otherwise known as recurrent-loss. I will forever call those people super-fertile, based on recent findings. And I think it sounds better.
So there we all were. Sitting around talking about all these shots and treatments and adoption and step-parenting and on and on and on. And it felt good to not be alone. AND IT HURT SO BAD that so many people know these same feelings. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I HATE that others have to go through this. HATE IT.

And that's not all... I got a message a few days later from someone I went to high school with. She's pregnant... thanks to IVF!! She's shared so much with me! And I LOVE seeing the pictures of the embryos they transferred and the baby that's growing inside of her right now!! She calmed my nerves about the progesterone shots that scare me. She told me a few tricks. And talking to someone who has gone through it and had success, someone that I actually KNOW, is so comforting.

Two other ladies I went to school with were recently informed that they'll need IVF to have a baby. I have sent them all the links I have found for funding these expensive treatments. We didn't meet most of the qualifications when I looked into these grants, but hopefully these ladies will!

It seems like everywhere I look, someone is infertile. Someone is suffering from all of these awful emotions. I wish I could take it all away from these people. I wish I could snap my fingers and they'll suddenly have success.
So instead, I add them to my prayer list. Prayers have helped us OH SO MUCH. Time to pay it forward, especially because we STILL NEED PRAYERS. Or happy thoughts or good vibes or whatever it is you do. We need them. But, so do all these other people. So, while you're sending all that goodness to us, do you mind throwing it out there to ALL infertiles every where, also? Just a suggestion :)


And speaking of prayers... did I mention we could use them? Danny has an appointment with Dr J on Monday. He had lab work done this week and Monday we go see him and get the results. I'm nervous, I always am when this time comes around every 4 months. I'm SURE everything will be okay, Danny is doing great. But, prayers would be appreciated!!


Fertility Update:
Today, one week of birth control pills is complete. I'm fine for now. Three more weeks of these!!
Just over two weeks until I become a pin cushion!
Today the paperwork was faxed to the Always-Awesome ReproTech. They'll be setting up the shipment of the "swimmers" to our clinic! YEA!!
We're trying to get the ball rolling on borrowing about $4k towards the rest of the IVF procedure. Crossing my fingers that all goes smoothly!
In the box of donated meds we've got, there is a TON of extra syringes and dilution stuff. My grandma told me to use those ON ORANGES for practice. So, I plan on buying some oranges after our Injections-Teaching for Danny to practice on! I'm actually excited about that... Weird? Maybe... HAHA!!