Big big big big news!!

I feel like I've waited a really long time to make this post, although really we've only known for a couple of very short weeks...

But....

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

We started tested at home (okay, technically I started testing at home) on Tuesday Nov 13th. Thirteen is kind of a lucky number for us, and it was 7 days after the 5 day transfer, so I knew that whatever showed up on the test would most likely be right... And we saw the faintest second line that I thought possible. Frankly, it scared me. I expected something darker. Google was definitely not my friend. I just hoped that on Wednesday the line would be darker...

It was...

Thursday it was darker still, about as dark as the control line as a matter of fact!!!!

I emailed Connie on Wednesday, when I saw the slightly darker line. She was already feeling positive about the outcome, because starting Sunday/Monday I had the symptoms of the condition we were trying to prevent, OHSS. I should have been "in the clear" long before that... Unless my body started producing HCG. HCG would trigger it. HCG is the pregnancy hormone. And low and behold, the same thing that was causing that ever-darkening second line... was also what was causing the EXTREME bloat/extreme pain/and many other problems I don't care to list.

Connie was ecstatic for me, oh, I mean us... Of course! And tried to get me to come in earlier for the blood test. I was okay with waiting though, because the second test would be four days later and the original schedule worked out better for me. She pouted, literally (I LOVE her). And then told me that if she didn't get to draw my blood that I  better find her before I leave so she can give me a hug (have I mentioned I love her?!).

Friday morning we left bright and early, and we made it to my appointment in a good amount of time. My "other" favorite person at the clinic called me back...
"So, have you cheated and tested at home?" That's cheating? Ha!!
"I did... It was positive... I emailed Connie about it and she told me I have to find her before I leave if she's not the one who draws my blood."
"HA! Well I will just go get her and let her do it, otherwise she'll get mad at me for STEALING YOU." HA! I love these ladies!
Connie came in and we chatted for a while about the OHSS symptoms, she measured me (because of the EXTREME BLOAT I mentioned), weighed me... And of course took my blood. She checked with the doc about possibly doing a sonogram on my ovaries and lower abdomen to see how bad the fluid was... The doc said we could wait but if it got ANY worse, action would be taken. Action meaning they'd go in and DRAIN the fluid from me. Eww. No thanks. I know it brings relief. I just really did NOT want to do that.

Over that weekend I seemed to slowly get better. Pain wise anyway. And we went down Tuesday for a follow up blood test. I took another at-home test over the weekend, since I had the one left... And the test line was darker than the control line! Whoop whoop!!
Tuesday I was feeling better than I was a week before, but still not great. Since I was feeling better and not worse, they didn't have to do the sonogram. Feeling better, even slightly, made me nervous though.. Did that mean the HCG was going down? Was I losing the baby(ies)?
I told Connie my fears. She told me I couldn't focus on that sort of thing. I needed to sit back and enjoy being pregnant.

She called that afternoon with my results.
"Okay, so your progesterone from Friday was amazing so we didn't even check that today. Your HCG levels today look great, so we will set up the sonogram for Dec 5 if that works for you?" Ahhh so far away!
"That works for me... So my levels were good today?"
"VERY good." What is very good????? My first number was 183. Four days later, with perfect doubling, would mean I need a number of 732
"How good is very good? I need the number..."
"Ha, well the number is 832!" 832... Oh my gosh. That's more than perfect... WHOA!!
"Oh, WOW...."
"Yeah... So with numbers like that... Could be one, could be two, we'll have to see on the fifth!"
"Okay, I can't wait!!"
"Congratulations AGAIN!!!!"
"Thank you, so much!"

We told some family over the following week. But we made the decision not to announce it until we seen the sonogram. I don't think either of us really felt safe until we seen a heartbeat. Too much could go wrong. Too much still COULD go wrong. It's mostly safe after the first trimester... But we couldn't make you wait that long. We could, however, make you all wait until the sonogram!

I'm sorry we made you wait so long!! And I'm sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I couldn't bring myself to type out anything without hinting at what has been going on. And we just weren't ready yet....

But obviously we are ready now.... So again I say WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

My beta numbers seemed high for a singleton but low for twins, so really all I was expecting to see on the ultrasound was one baby....

So imagine my surprise today when the doc said he saw TWO sacs on the sonogram. One is measuring right on time with a heart rate of 126. The other is measuring 6 days behind with a heart rate of 96. Big difference. Doc doesn't think the second will be viable (vanishing twin), but it's all in God's hands now... And we are praying like crazy!! If only one was meant to be, then we will still be amazingly thankful for the one healthy Crabb in there. Now we just sit back and wait... And have faith in Him. Our next sonogram is in two weeks!


Having said all that.. I have one thing to say to EVERYONE that has told me how BLISSFUL pregnancy is and how it was the BEST time of your life...
You all were lucky.
Some books have said IVF pregnancies are different. I don't know if that's the case or what. But I know I have a high pain tolerance and I am still ABSO-FRICKEN-LUTELY miserable. I've already had round ligament pain, which shouldn't start for weeks still. My hips are INSANELY sore. I can't sleep. Nausea when I brush my teeth is one thing, nausea ALL EVENING LONG is another. Progesterone injections don't get any easier, they only get worse. I'm so ready to be done with them! But I know they are important, so I won't result to begging to be taken off of them... And my emotions? HA. Try not to tick me off right now. I get mad and stay mad for DAYS... And no, I don't think that's irrational.
I'm about 7 weeks along, and I still have OHSS bloat. I also evidently have pregnancy bloat. Those two, combined, make me look huge. All the time. I have one pair of jeans that fit... And by fit I mean I can't button them, but I can zip them. That counts for something, right?

I had the naive thought that every day of pregnancy would be marvelous. I thought I'd look super cute (and still perfectly thin) the day we announced to our families that the IVF worked. I thought I'd be glowing.
Instead, most of the time I'm just sweating. And nauseous. And just miserable. I want to lay in bed, but laying in bed is one of the most uncomfortable things I can do. We went to multiple stores over the weekend to find a body pillow, since pregnant women swear by them... Body pillow.. HA. All it did was make me swear all night long. Maybe it'll come in handy later, but right now it's definitely not for me.

And you know, no matter how bad each day seems to SUCK... I am still so thankful. I'm thankful that I'm feeling what I'm feeling, because it means things are happening and going well. I'm thankful for the opportunity to even be in this position, because so many aren't so lucky...
And I'm constantly praying for our little babies. Praying for a healthy pregnancy, praying that they are happy and healthy, and thriving. And that all of that continues on.



And to say thank you to all of you, here is A PICTURE