What have we done??

A quick update on the cupcake orders!!! We need the orders in by FRIDAY so Lynds can get all the ingredients! If you RSVP'd, you will be getting a message sometime this week asking what you'd like to order. You don't have to RSVP on the event page to order, just get ahold of me of Lynds and let us know what you'd like! :)

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I added a widget to the side so you can see how far we've come to reaching our goal! I'm not sure of what our final goal will really need to be, since we plan on paying for as much as we are able (and the final price with the ICSI we'll need plus the meds will really be closer to 15k), but this is a good start. Also, I've only plugged in the number we've currently got in our PayPal from donations. This doesn't include the money from Scentsy that should be in soon, the bracelet sales, or in-person donations we've gotten. I will update it with a better number asap!! :)
I don't have any other updates today, since yesterday's post was so full of news!
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Danny's post op appointment with Dr Hyder went great. He had healed up nicely and quickly. That Friday was our appointment with Dr Johnson, and that's when we'd find out when chemo would start. I was beyond nervous, and not exactly ready for the hard part to start. I put on a happy face though, because the chemo starting up is what we WANTED. It's what would guarantee more years together. Danny picked me up from work that day and we had lunch together.
"So, do you think you'll start chemo next week?"
"Probably. I think that's what this appointment is for, to make sure I'm all healed up and ready to start."
We didn't talk about chemo anymore throughout the meal, instead we talked about Danny's work. He had a plan to make up the hours he'd be missing for chemo every other week. The owner was really understanding and told him to make sure he takes care of himself.
We got to the cancer center and Danny checked in and got a pager. We sat for a few minutes and then seen Danny's aunt and uncle. They were there for her treatment and were waiting too.
"Hey guys! Have you started your treatment yet Danny?"
"Not yet. But everything is good to go now, so I'm sure I will be starting up next week."
They chatted about different tips to dealing with the side effects. His aunt recommended some numbing cream to put on the area of the port so it wouldn't hurt as bad when they connect the bags of medicine. They took us down to a second waiting room, the hospitality room. They provide small snacks there, comfortable chairs, a puzzle, candies, etc.
"We should come down here from now on, instead of waiting in that other room."
"Okay. It is nice in here, isn't it?" Uhhh YES.
We chatted for a while longer and then they were paged for her treatment. We decided to work on the puzzle.
"We've been here for quite a while..."
"There were a lot of people in that waiting room." There were a TON of people in that waiting room!
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"Hmmm, I guess I just needed to complain a bit to get them into action!"
We headed back to the first waiting room, where a nurse was waiting on us.
"Daniel?"
"That's me."
"Right this way."
Danny got weighed, and then we were led to the same room where we first met Dr Johnson. We only had to wait about 2 minutes before he came into the room.
"Hello you two! How are things going??"
"Great. Everything is done and we are good to go!" Ugghhhh, nooooooooo. I'm not ready for this...
"That's great! Let me check your port incision and feel around on your abdomen to make sure everything feels right."
He did the physical evaluation and then sat down in his chair. Danny got off the table and joined me in the other open chair. Dr Johnson was flipping through the papers in Danny's chart, and he didn't look happy.
"Just a second, I need to call down to radiology." Ohmygosh. Something is wrong. Something is SERIOUSLY wrong. Oh no. No no no no no.
I grabbed Danny's hand, trying not to panic. But I couldn't help it. He, of course, didn't look worried at all. Dr Johnson talked on the phone for a minute and then hung up.
"I will be right back. I need to get a good look at your CT scan." Oh CRAP.
He left the room and I looked at Danny. For the first time, he didn't look confident. He looked like he was feeling the same way I was.
"It's going to be okay babe. I'm sure it's nothing."
"Yeah. I'm sure you're right." It doesn't sound like he believes me... I better try harder.
"Seriously. What could've changed from the CT that you had two days before your surgery? NOTHING. There's nothing to worry about. I'm sure."
"Yeah..." I guess I don't sound very convincing... Dr Johnson needs to hurry up!!!
We sat in silence for a while longer, just holding hands.... waiting...
And then Dr Johnson came back in, finally.
"Okay, just a few questions... Have you been on a lot of antibiotics since your surgery?"
"Ummm, no, not that I can really think of."
"None?" What is this about?!?!
"I don't think so?"
"Well, I ask because there is a spot on your liver." OH DEAR LORD. This is NOT happening!!
"Okay..."
"The radiologist flagged it. But, it doesn't look like cancer to me. I've been looking at CT scans for many years now, and I know what it looks like when cancer spreads to the liver, and this doesn't look like that. This looks more like possible damage from antibiotics to me." Crap crap crap, antibiotics, antibiotics, how many times has he been on antibiotics?
"Oh, wait. He's been on LOTS of antibiotics Doctor. He had to stay on them while he had the JP drain in for almost 3 weeks after the surgery. Then they gave him a different kind for when we went to Mexico. THEN, when we got back, he had his wisdom teeth out. And they gave him some antibiotics when he was having that done. He didn't stay on them afterward, but they did give it to him during..."
"Okay, see, that would definitely explain this." Whew!!!
"Are you sure, Doctor? There's no possibility that it's cancer?" What is this? A Debbie Downer?! What the heck!! He SAID it didn't look like cancer!!!!!
"Well, it doesn't look like cancer to ME." Hmmm, that doesn't sound as confident as I would like it to...
"So, what do we do now?" Yeah, what DO we do now?
"Well, let's schedule a PET scan. A PET scan will show any cancer cells you've got in the area it scans. It will tell us if that spot on your liver is cancer. If it doesn't show up as cancer on the PET, then it's just damage from the antibiotics." A PET scan, spot on his liver, I've got to remember all of this so I can google it!
"Okay. Sounds good."
"I think we're done here otherwise. You can head back out to the waiting room and I will have my scheduler get a time set up for the PET. She will get you the proper paperwork for it, and then you'll be free to go. The results will be ready about two days after the scan, you can call for them if you'd like. Then we will set up chemo after that."
"Thanks Doctor."
We headed back out to the waiting room. I googled "colon cancer, liver" and was NOT happy with what I was seeing.
"What does it say?"
"What?"
"I know you're googling all of this. What does it say?" Crap... I don't want to tell him!!
"Well, it says that the liver is where colon cancer usually spreads to IF it spreads. It also spreads to the lungs."
"$%#*" I knew I shouldn't have told him!!! Dang it!
"Babe, I really REALLY don't think this is cancer. It makes sense that its damage from ALL of those antibiotics you were on. You've been on a ton!"
"Yeah. I wonder how long it'll take to get me in for that scan."
We sat in silence while I kept googling. I was determined to keep searching until I found the answers that I wanted. I searched and searched... I never found any good news.
"Okay Daniel. I've got you set up for the PET scan on Monday morning. Here's the paperwork over how to prep for it. It's basically just a guide as to how you should eat the day before." More paperwork... More PREP. At least he doesn't have to drink that nasty stuff in a jug that they give him for the colonoscopy prep...
"Thank you."
We left the cancer center and basically just sat there in the parking lot. Numb.
"I'll text everyone, let them know how it went..." Because I can't call anyone with this information. I'll break down. Why the heck did we wait so long?! We should have just started chemo right away. Fertility preservation is POINTLESS if the cancer spread during that time. I won't have his child without him here to raise the child. We should have just taken the chances and if we couldn't have kids, we couldn't have kids. We shouldn't have taken the chance with his LIFE instead. I want kids but I WANT MY HUSBAND MORE!!! What have we done??
I grabbed Danny's hand once I finished with the mass text message. I put on a confident smile. Falling apart wasn't an option.



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