A year ago today, I was trying to figure out what to name my blog that I planned on starting on January 1st...
A year ago today I never thought we'd raise enough money to do IVF within a year. I figured it would take a couple years...
A year ago today I never imagined this blog would blow up the way it did. With views all over the world.
A year ago today I never EVER EVER EVER EVER would've imagined I would be sitting here today, 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant!!!! I'm almost through the first trimester! This morning I listened to the heartbeat again on the Doppler. Baby Crabb is so much easier to find this week than last week! I barely have to push down on the probe at all, and I always know Baby is right by the maternal artery thing-y that is super loud.
I had my second OB appointment last week, and I actually got to see my Doc, Dr C. She is AMAZING. She asked how Danny is doing... Meaning she remembered our story even though I hadn't seen her in 6 months and THAT appointment was my first ever with her.
She asked how the IVF went, and how bad the OHSS was.
Dr C commiserated with me about how awful she felt during ALL of her pregnancies (and she had boys and girls). And told me she hoped I continued to feel better and better. Over the last week I definitely have!
Dr C also found Baby's heartbeat right away with her Doppler. She said if she couldn't find it, they'd do a quick sono (which I think she was hoping for). But Baby was very cooperative.
The anatomy scan will be at 18 weeks!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
So now comes the time when we fret over the names we've had picked out for ages. Yes, we've had names picked out. And NO, people's opinion on those names DO NOT MATTER TO US. We aren't changing the names we have picked out. They were picked out after much thought and consideration, and this child is ours. We will get the blame if Baby hates their name. So therefore WE get to choose it.
Meanwhile Danny is fretting over the bedroom. The bedroom? Yeah, I haven't spent too much time thinking about it. I have the designs in my head, of course. I have for months. But the action of getting it all done? HA! I will start thinking about that in March or so, when we find out which design we will need to go with ;)
So that's where we are, currently. I'm starting to feel better, slowly but surely. Although I do tend to get full on a lot less food than I'm used to... Probably because I haven't been able to eat much for ages so my stomach has shrunk. Who knows. Unfortunately my weight loss is showing. People are starting to point out that I look thinner. The fertility meds did cause months of bloating, so I actually feel like I look more like MYSELF than I have in ages. I guess it looks more drastic to others. The second trimester is coming up though, so I know that will soon change!!!
Tomorrow is my "Blogiversary." Hopefully I'll have time to make a quick post then!!!
Thank you all, SO SO much, for following our story throughout the past year. Thank you for supporting us, in EVERY way. And THANK YOU for helping us raise the money we needed to make our dream come true! We are where we are today THANKS TO YOU ALL!!!! We'll never be able to thank you enough!!!
Our Wedding Day
On our wedding day 6/13/09 (Just 5 days before finding his tumor)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Merry Christmas.... A day late!
I hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas!! I know I did :)
Really, how could I not? I'm rocking a little baby bump (which is more of a bloat bump, but whatever!)... We are pregnant and that's the best Christmas present I ever could've asked for, EVER!!!
Since my last post about the twins, we've had another ultrasound which showed that sadly, Baby B stopped growing. The doctor had warned us that's what he thought would happen so we were prepared for the worst. Yes, we are sad that we lost a baby. Especially after seeing that heartbeat! BUT, I still believe everything happens for a reason. Every. Single. Thing. The RE said a singleton pregnancy is SO much safer for me and baby. Which I already knew of course. And the fact that Baby B stopped growing means there was probably an issue. I'm happy that the baby didn't continue growing only to suffer later on.
At that ultrasound we got to HEAR Baby A's heartbeat. It was THE most amazing sound in the world! My jaw dropped, and I looked over at Danny (who had a great view of the u/s screen) and he had the biggest grin on his face... Bigger than I've ever seen I think!
Nurse Connie whipped her head around and said "Whoa, that's a strong heart beat!" Of course it is! That baby is a fighter! Not to mention that tiny heart was beating at an amazing 169 beats per minute!
Dr H told me that we don't have to come back until we want another. HA! We will see about that. He also asked that we please keep them updated, AND SEND PICTURES. You could tell in his face that he LOVES making dreams come true and helping people like us bring babies into this world! Connie asked that I PLEASE update her on EVERYTHING and to keep emailing her. She and Danny joked back and forth a bit, and then we were on our way. With the sad news of one less baby, but with a beautiful picture of Fighter Baby.
The next day I had my first OB appointment, where I didn't even see my OB, just a nurse. The experience was... less than I had hoped for. I don't even feel like sharing the whole thing because nothing made me happy at all (except that the Lab lady is good at drawing blood and didn't bruise me).
I have another OB appointment TOMORROW, when I WILL see my OB. Hopefully this appointment will go better!
After hearing the heartbeat at Dr H's, I knew I needed to order a Doppler. Most people can't find a heartbeat that early on a Doppler, and I knew that would probably be me, but I wanted to have it so when I COULD hear it, I could listen any time I want. Danny's dad had dropped off our Christmas gifts early and I spent that money on the Sonoline B Doppler (from Fetaldoppler.net).
The Doppler shipped FAST and it came before I was expecting it. Of course I ripped open the box, squirted the (freezing cold) gel on my abdomen, and started moving the probe around... listening... There were lots of heart-beat-y-type noises in there!! Danny came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face, until I told him those heart beats were ME. So then he tried moving it around on my abdomen, pushing harder than I was. Nothing. All we could pick up was me. I assumed Baby was just behind my pelvic bone, and cleaned up and packed the Doppler up. I decided I'd try again in a few days or a week, after watching more youtube videos with tips.
A few days or a week turned into the next night. I was just determined! I wanted Faith to be able to hear it when she came over on Christmas, and I'm just not a patient person! I watched two more videos, with good tips, and tried again. Danny was off watching a hockey game so the house was completely silent. I spent quite a bit of time moving the probe slowly and listening hard... AND I FOUND IT!! Twice!!!! The amazing heartbeat was 165 both times! It would be a while before Danny would be home, so I packed up the Doppler and started wrapping presents (I really procrastinated this year with wrapping, for the first AND LAST time ever).
The next day was Christmas Eve, and Danny had to work. I went to my mom's and baked some cookies, and we went and got some groceries. When I finally made it home, I whipped the Doppler out again. I found the heartbeat IMMEDIATELY! I'm getting good ;) Danny walked in and I asked if he wanted to listen, which he did, duh. So I let him hear the amazing sound... That day the heart beat was in the 150's.
Christmas Eve and Christmas day seemed to really FLY by. We were playing Scattegories at my parents' house last night when someone named "heating pad" with things that start with H... And I realized we were TWO HOURS LATE on my shot! The shot that has to be taken with 26 hours of the last. We have always done the shot within 24 hours. So I FREAKED OUT. Threw my boots on, gathered up all of Faith's gifts, and we ran out the door (and dang it, I had a double pointer on that list!). We made it home and rushed the shot. My last one will be Thursday and let me tell you HOW EXCITED I am to not have any more shots! They are painful for one, and I am SO SICK of always having to be home at 5:00, no matter what. It really is annoying!
After my shot and after Faith and Danny were settled in playing games and what-not, I decided I was going to try the Doppler for Faith to hear... Baby was NOT cooperating, but I managed to catch him (yes, gut feeling says HIM) for a few sweet seconds. Faith's face was PRICELESS, and she then squealed "That's so cute!!!" Ha!! I cleaned up and told her we could keep trying and over time it would get easier and easier. She's excited :) She told me "I will be happy with a brother or sister, but I would be SO SO SO happy if it IS a brother." This, from the girl who wrote "a brother" on her school paper that asked her what she wants most in the world. She is the sweetest.
So. There is the update of the past couple of weeks! Now on to how I'm doing...
I already voiced how sick I am of these shots! I'm starting to bleed more and more with them, because there just aren't any places left that aren't bruised or sore. It's a pain in my rear... literally!
My morning sickness has basically left the building (and yes I'm knocking on wood now). It's still a little early for it to be because it has just passed. It started easing up around the day we seen that Baby B was gone (there is still a gestational sac and yolk sac in there, but no baby, so the hormone being produced by the sac was a lot less than what was being produced by the baby, and the sac should vanish any time now). So I truly believe the only reason I had it that bad was because I had twice the hormone racing through my body.
The fact that my sickness is basically gone now that there's only one makes me think BOY BOY BOY.
My "cravings" also point to BOY BOY BOY. Sweets, which I normally eat daily (multiple times a day), taste very BLEH to me. Ice cream included. Yes, ice cream which I LOVE AND NEED ALL THE TIME is not something I want anymore. I haven't had it in... two weeks or so. I did have a strawberry shake a few nights ago because I was hot and needed something cold and kind of heavy so I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry... And EWW. I drank it, eventually... But it took a long time and it just didn't taste good. Anything sweet just tastes OFF....
What DO I want? CHEESE. Mac and cheese. Chili cheese dogs. Nachos. CHEESE. Pieces of cheese. Have I mentioned CHEESE?! I also crave potatoes.... Baked, with lots of butter and shredded CHEESE. Also, french fries. Lots and LOTS of french fries. Mmmm and SALTY!!!
My bloat started out very high (and huge) thanks to the OHSS bloat. I'm still bloated and all that goodness, but the bump has dropped CONSIDERABLY. Right where my pants button... Which is why I have zero jeans that will button (and only one pair that even feels comfortable, and that's thanks to the rubber band trick).
Many people are saying that a high heartbeat means girls... But from all of my research (before we even heard the heartbeat) I read that in the first 10-12 weeks, boys and girls are both about the same. The heart forms at around 6 weeks, and it starts slow. Then a couple weeks later it really speeds up because EVERYTHING is forming, EVERY SINGLE THING. That heart has to pump blood everywhere so everything can get going! Then around 10-12 weeks, boys' heart rates start to slow down (for SOME), while girls' stay high (again, FOR SOME). There are always exceptions to the rule. I was, for one. The nurse told my mom I was a boy for sure (because of my heart rate, not because of an ultrasound lol), but she knew my heart rate was very different from my brothers'. My brothers all had the typical heart rate of girls (haha!!). So my mom knew from experience that I was different from my brothers early on.
Now let's look at Baby's heart rates...
At 6 weeks 6 days = 126
At 8 weeks 6 days = 169
At 9 weeks 3 days = 165 (if the Doppler was accurate)
At 9 weeks 4 days = 153 (if the Doppler was accurate)
We picked up Baby's heartbeat last night, like I said, but Baby was so far back that I couldn't get it loud enough for the number to be picked up.
So there you go, you can see how the heart beat started out low, shortly after forming, and then jumping up when the rest of the body started really forming, and now is slowly coming back down. Down? Oh yeah, another BOY indication ;) I talked to one of our wonderful friends who recently had a boy. She had an ultrasound when her baby was 9 weeks 3 days, and it showed a heart rate at 168. Right along the line of our Baby. Did I mention she had a boy?? ;)
So there you have it. There is every update you could possibly want... Oh... Do you want to see the pic of Baby Crabb?! :)
There's our baby!!! The head is on the right, and the body is on the left. You can sort of make out the arms and legs... Danny had to point it out to me (he had the good view during the sonogram when Dr H was pointing everything out), but now I see it very easily :)
This amazing little baby is so loved already! And is even getting gifts!! Aunt Danielle, Uncle Ryan and baby Presley (okay, she's not a baby anymore) got Baby some ADORABLE little booty shoes with CRABS ON THEM!!! They are so stinkin' cute!! And we are meeting up with our friends that recently had a little boy for dinner this weekend, and they have a little gift for Baby, too.
There are days when I really just can't believe I'm pregnant. Unless I'm feeling sick (which is less and less often), I just don't feel any different. Maybe that's why I use the Doppler so much... Because I need that reassurance that this isn't all a dream. This is REAL LIFE. And there's a baby in me!!! :)
Really, how could I not? I'm rocking a little baby bump (which is more of a bloat bump, but whatever!)... We are pregnant and that's the best Christmas present I ever could've asked for, EVER!!!
Since my last post about the twins, we've had another ultrasound which showed that sadly, Baby B stopped growing. The doctor had warned us that's what he thought would happen so we were prepared for the worst. Yes, we are sad that we lost a baby. Especially after seeing that heartbeat! BUT, I still believe everything happens for a reason. Every. Single. Thing. The RE said a singleton pregnancy is SO much safer for me and baby. Which I already knew of course. And the fact that Baby B stopped growing means there was probably an issue. I'm happy that the baby didn't continue growing only to suffer later on.
At that ultrasound we got to HEAR Baby A's heartbeat. It was THE most amazing sound in the world! My jaw dropped, and I looked over at Danny (who had a great view of the u/s screen) and he had the biggest grin on his face... Bigger than I've ever seen I think!
Nurse Connie whipped her head around and said "Whoa, that's a strong heart beat!" Of course it is! That baby is a fighter! Not to mention that tiny heart was beating at an amazing 169 beats per minute!
Dr H told me that we don't have to come back until we want another. HA! We will see about that. He also asked that we please keep them updated, AND SEND PICTURES. You could tell in his face that he LOVES making dreams come true and helping people like us bring babies into this world! Connie asked that I PLEASE update her on EVERYTHING and to keep emailing her. She and Danny joked back and forth a bit, and then we were on our way. With the sad news of one less baby, but with a beautiful picture of Fighter Baby.
The next day I had my first OB appointment, where I didn't even see my OB, just a nurse. The experience was... less than I had hoped for. I don't even feel like sharing the whole thing because nothing made me happy at all (except that the Lab lady is good at drawing blood and didn't bruise me).
I have another OB appointment TOMORROW, when I WILL see my OB. Hopefully this appointment will go better!
After hearing the heartbeat at Dr H's, I knew I needed to order a Doppler. Most people can't find a heartbeat that early on a Doppler, and I knew that would probably be me, but I wanted to have it so when I COULD hear it, I could listen any time I want. Danny's dad had dropped off our Christmas gifts early and I spent that money on the Sonoline B Doppler (from Fetaldoppler.net).
The Doppler shipped FAST and it came before I was expecting it. Of course I ripped open the box, squirted the (freezing cold) gel on my abdomen, and started moving the probe around... listening... There were lots of heart-beat-y-type noises in there!! Danny came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face, until I told him those heart beats were ME. So then he tried moving it around on my abdomen, pushing harder than I was. Nothing. All we could pick up was me. I assumed Baby was just behind my pelvic bone, and cleaned up and packed the Doppler up. I decided I'd try again in a few days or a week, after watching more youtube videos with tips.
A few days or a week turned into the next night. I was just determined! I wanted Faith to be able to hear it when she came over on Christmas, and I'm just not a patient person! I watched two more videos, with good tips, and tried again. Danny was off watching a hockey game so the house was completely silent. I spent quite a bit of time moving the probe slowly and listening hard... AND I FOUND IT!! Twice!!!! The amazing heartbeat was 165 both times! It would be a while before Danny would be home, so I packed up the Doppler and started wrapping presents (I really procrastinated this year with wrapping, for the first AND LAST time ever).
The next day was Christmas Eve, and Danny had to work. I went to my mom's and baked some cookies, and we went and got some groceries. When I finally made it home, I whipped the Doppler out again. I found the heartbeat IMMEDIATELY! I'm getting good ;) Danny walked in and I asked if he wanted to listen, which he did, duh. So I let him hear the amazing sound... That day the heart beat was in the 150's.
Christmas Eve and Christmas day seemed to really FLY by. We were playing Scattegories at my parents' house last night when someone named "heating pad" with things that start with H... And I realized we were TWO HOURS LATE on my shot! The shot that has to be taken with 26 hours of the last. We have always done the shot within 24 hours. So I FREAKED OUT. Threw my boots on, gathered up all of Faith's gifts, and we ran out the door (and dang it, I had a double pointer on that list!). We made it home and rushed the shot. My last one will be Thursday and let me tell you HOW EXCITED I am to not have any more shots! They are painful for one, and I am SO SICK of always having to be home at 5:00, no matter what. It really is annoying!
After my shot and after Faith and Danny were settled in playing games and what-not, I decided I was going to try the Doppler for Faith to hear... Baby was NOT cooperating, but I managed to catch him (yes, gut feeling says HIM) for a few sweet seconds. Faith's face was PRICELESS, and she then squealed "That's so cute!!!" Ha!! I cleaned up and told her we could keep trying and over time it would get easier and easier. She's excited :) She told me "I will be happy with a brother or sister, but I would be SO SO SO happy if it IS a brother." This, from the girl who wrote "a brother" on her school paper that asked her what she wants most in the world. She is the sweetest.
So. There is the update of the past couple of weeks! Now on to how I'm doing...
I already voiced how sick I am of these shots! I'm starting to bleed more and more with them, because there just aren't any places left that aren't bruised or sore. It's a pain in my rear... literally!
My morning sickness has basically left the building (and yes I'm knocking on wood now). It's still a little early for it to be because it has just passed. It started easing up around the day we seen that Baby B was gone (there is still a gestational sac and yolk sac in there, but no baby, so the hormone being produced by the sac was a lot less than what was being produced by the baby, and the sac should vanish any time now). So I truly believe the only reason I had it that bad was because I had twice the hormone racing through my body.
The fact that my sickness is basically gone now that there's only one makes me think BOY BOY BOY.
My "cravings" also point to BOY BOY BOY. Sweets, which I normally eat daily (multiple times a day), taste very BLEH to me. Ice cream included. Yes, ice cream which I LOVE AND NEED ALL THE TIME is not something I want anymore. I haven't had it in... two weeks or so. I did have a strawberry shake a few nights ago because I was hot and needed something cold and kind of heavy so I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry... And EWW. I drank it, eventually... But it took a long time and it just didn't taste good. Anything sweet just tastes OFF....
What DO I want? CHEESE. Mac and cheese. Chili cheese dogs. Nachos. CHEESE. Pieces of cheese. Have I mentioned CHEESE?! I also crave potatoes.... Baked, with lots of butter and shredded CHEESE. Also, french fries. Lots and LOTS of french fries. Mmmm and SALTY!!!
My bloat started out very high (and huge) thanks to the OHSS bloat. I'm still bloated and all that goodness, but the bump has dropped CONSIDERABLY. Right where my pants button... Which is why I have zero jeans that will button (and only one pair that even feels comfortable, and that's thanks to the rubber band trick).
Many people are saying that a high heartbeat means girls... But from all of my research (before we even heard the heartbeat) I read that in the first 10-12 weeks, boys and girls are both about the same. The heart forms at around 6 weeks, and it starts slow. Then a couple weeks later it really speeds up because EVERYTHING is forming, EVERY SINGLE THING. That heart has to pump blood everywhere so everything can get going! Then around 10-12 weeks, boys' heart rates start to slow down (for SOME), while girls' stay high (again, FOR SOME). There are always exceptions to the rule. I was, for one. The nurse told my mom I was a boy for sure (because of my heart rate, not because of an ultrasound lol), but she knew my heart rate was very different from my brothers'. My brothers all had the typical heart rate of girls (haha!!). So my mom knew from experience that I was different from my brothers early on.
Now let's look at Baby's heart rates...
At 6 weeks 6 days = 126
At 8 weeks 6 days = 169
At 9 weeks 3 days = 165 (if the Doppler was accurate)
At 9 weeks 4 days = 153 (if the Doppler was accurate)
We picked up Baby's heartbeat last night, like I said, but Baby was so far back that I couldn't get it loud enough for the number to be picked up.
So there you go, you can see how the heart beat started out low, shortly after forming, and then jumping up when the rest of the body started really forming, and now is slowly coming back down. Down? Oh yeah, another BOY indication ;) I talked to one of our wonderful friends who recently had a boy. She had an ultrasound when her baby was 9 weeks 3 days, and it showed a heart rate at 168. Right along the line of our Baby. Did I mention she had a boy?? ;)
So there you have it. There is every update you could possibly want... Oh... Do you want to see the pic of Baby Crabb?! :)
This amazing little baby is so loved already! And is even getting gifts!! Aunt Danielle, Uncle Ryan and baby Presley (okay, she's not a baby anymore) got Baby some ADORABLE little booty shoes with CRABS ON THEM!!! They are so stinkin' cute!! And we are meeting up with our friends that recently had a little boy for dinner this weekend, and they have a little gift for Baby, too.
There are days when I really just can't believe I'm pregnant. Unless I'm feeling sick (which is less and less often), I just don't feel any different. Maybe that's why I use the Doppler so much... Because I need that reassurance that this isn't all a dream. This is REAL LIFE. And there's a baby in me!!! :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Big big big big news!!
I feel like I've waited a really long time to make this post, although really we've only known for a couple of very short weeks...
But....
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
We started tested at home (okay, technically I started testing at home) on Tuesday Nov 13th. Thirteen is kind of a lucky number for us, and it was 7 days after the 5 day transfer, so I knew that whatever showed up on the test would most likely be right... And we saw the faintest second line that I thought possible. Frankly, it scared me. I expected something darker. Google was definitely not my friend. I just hoped that on Wednesday the line would be darker...
It was...
Thursday it was darker still, about as dark as the control line as a matter of fact!!!!
I emailed Connie on Wednesday, when I saw the slightly darker line. She was already feeling positive about the outcome, because starting Sunday/Monday I had the symptoms of the condition we were trying to prevent, OHSS. I should have been "in the clear" long before that... Unless my body started producing HCG. HCG would trigger it. HCG is the pregnancy hormone. And low and behold, the same thing that was causing that ever-darkening second line... was also what was causing the EXTREME bloat/extreme pain/and many other problems I don't care to list.
Connie was ecstatic for me, oh, I mean us... Of course! And tried to get me to come in earlier for the blood test. I was okay with waiting though, because the second test would be four days later and the original schedule worked out better for me. She pouted, literally (I LOVE her). And then told me that if she didn't get to draw my blood that I better find her before I leave so she can give me a hug (have I mentioned I love her?!).
Friday morning we left bright and early, and we made it to my appointment in a good amount of time. My "other" favorite person at the clinic called me back...
"So, have you cheated and tested at home?" That's cheating? Ha!!
"I did... It was positive... I emailed Connie about it and she told me I have to find her before I leave if she's not the one who draws my blood."
"HA! Well I will just go get her and let her do it, otherwise she'll get mad at me for STEALING YOU." HA! I love these ladies!
Connie came in and we chatted for a while about the OHSS symptoms, she measured me (because of the EXTREME BLOAT I mentioned), weighed me... And of course took my blood. She checked with the doc about possibly doing a sonogram on my ovaries and lower abdomen to see how bad the fluid was... The doc said we could wait but if it got ANY worse, action would be taken. Action meaning they'd go in and DRAIN the fluid from me. Eww. No thanks. I know it brings relief. I just really did NOT want to do that.
Over that weekend I seemed to slowly get better. Pain wise anyway. And we went down Tuesday for a follow up blood test. I took another at-home test over the weekend, since I had the one left... And the test line was darker than the control line! Whoop whoop!!
Tuesday I was feeling better than I was a week before, but still not great. Since I was feeling better and not worse, they didn't have to do the sonogram. Feeling better, even slightly, made me nervous though.. Did that mean the HCG was going down? Was I losing the baby(ies)?
I told Connie my fears. She told me I couldn't focus on that sort of thing. I needed to sit back and enjoy being pregnant.
She called that afternoon with my results.
"Okay, so your progesterone from Friday was amazing so we didn't even check that today. Your HCG levels today look great, so we will set up the sonogram for Dec 5 if that works for you?" Ahhh so far away!
"That works for me... So my levels were good today?"
"VERY good." What is very good????? My first number was 183. Four days later, with perfect doubling, would mean I need a number of 732
"How good is very good? I need the number..."
"Ha, well the number is 832!" 832... Oh my gosh. That's more than perfect... WHOA!!
"Oh, WOW...."
"Yeah... So with numbers like that... Could be one, could be two, we'll have to see on the fifth!"
"Okay, I can't wait!!"
"Congratulations AGAIN!!!!"
"Thank you, so much!"
We told some family over the following week. But we made the decision not to announce it until we seen the sonogram. I don't think either of us really felt safe until we seen a heartbeat. Too much could go wrong. Too much still COULD go wrong. It's mostly safe after the first trimester... But we couldn't make you wait that long. We could, however, make you all wait until the sonogram!
I'm sorry we made you wait so long!! And I'm sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I couldn't bring myself to type out anything without hinting at what has been going on. And we just weren't ready yet....
But obviously we are ready now.... So again I say WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
My beta numbers seemed high for a singleton but low for twins, so really all I was expecting to see on the ultrasound was one baby....
So imagine my surprise today when the doc said he saw TWO sacs on the sonogram. One is measuring right on time with a heart rate of 126. The other is measuring 6 days behind with a heart rate of 96. Big difference. Doc doesn't think the second will be viable (vanishing twin), but it's all in God's hands now... And we are praying like crazy!! If only one was meant to be, then we will still be amazingly thankful for the one healthy Crabb in there. Now we just sit back and wait... And have faith in Him. Our next sonogram is in two weeks!
Having said all that.. I have one thing to say to EVERYONE that has told me how BLISSFUL pregnancy is and how it was the BEST time of your life...
You all were lucky.
Some books have said IVF pregnancies are different. I don't know if that's the case or what. But I know I have a high pain tolerance and I am still ABSO-FRICKEN-LUTELY miserable. I've already had round ligament pain, which shouldn't start for weeks still. My hips are INSANELY sore. I can't sleep. Nausea when I brush my teeth is one thing, nausea ALL EVENING LONG is another. Progesterone injections don't get any easier, they only get worse. I'm so ready to be done with them! But I know they are important, so I won't result to begging to be taken off of them... And my emotions? HA. Try not to tick me off right now. I get mad and stay mad for DAYS... And no, I don't think that's irrational.
I'm about 7 weeks along, and I still have OHSS bloat. I also evidently have pregnancy bloat. Those two, combined, make me look huge. All the time. I have one pair of jeans that fit... And by fit I mean I can't button them, but I can zip them. That counts for something, right?
I had the naive thought that every day of pregnancy would be marvelous. I thought I'd look super cute (and still perfectly thin) the day we announced to our families that the IVF worked. I thought I'd be glowing.
Instead, most of the time I'm just sweating. And nauseous. And just miserable. I want to lay in bed, but laying in bed is one of the most uncomfortable things I can do. We went to multiple stores over the weekend to find a body pillow, since pregnant women swear by them... Body pillow.. HA. All it did was make me swear all night long. Maybe it'll come in handy later, but right now it's definitely not for me.
And you know, no matter how bad each day seems to SUCK... I am still so thankful. I'm thankful that I'm feeling what I'm feeling, because it means things are happening and going well. I'm thankful for the opportunity to even be in this position, because so many aren't so lucky...
And I'm constantly praying for our little babies. Praying for a healthy pregnancy, praying that they are happy and healthy, and thriving. And that all of that continues on.
And to say thank you to all of you, here is A PICTURE
But....
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
We started tested at home (okay, technically I started testing at home) on Tuesday Nov 13th. Thirteen is kind of a lucky number for us, and it was 7 days after the 5 day transfer, so I knew that whatever showed up on the test would most likely be right... And we saw the faintest second line that I thought possible. Frankly, it scared me. I expected something darker. Google was definitely not my friend. I just hoped that on Wednesday the line would be darker...
It was...
Thursday it was darker still, about as dark as the control line as a matter of fact!!!!
I emailed Connie on Wednesday, when I saw the slightly darker line. She was already feeling positive about the outcome, because starting Sunday/Monday I had the symptoms of the condition we were trying to prevent, OHSS. I should have been "in the clear" long before that... Unless my body started producing HCG. HCG would trigger it. HCG is the pregnancy hormone. And low and behold, the same thing that was causing that ever-darkening second line... was also what was causing the EXTREME bloat/extreme pain/and many other problems I don't care to list.
Connie was ecstatic for me, oh, I mean us... Of course! And tried to get me to come in earlier for the blood test. I was okay with waiting though, because the second test would be four days later and the original schedule worked out better for me. She pouted, literally (I LOVE her). And then told me that if she didn't get to draw my blood that I better find her before I leave so she can give me a hug (have I mentioned I love her?!).
Friday morning we left bright and early, and we made it to my appointment in a good amount of time. My "other" favorite person at the clinic called me back...
"So, have you cheated and tested at home?" That's cheating? Ha!!
"I did... It was positive... I emailed Connie about it and she told me I have to find her before I leave if she's not the one who draws my blood."
"HA! Well I will just go get her and let her do it, otherwise she'll get mad at me for STEALING YOU." HA! I love these ladies!
Connie came in and we chatted for a while about the OHSS symptoms, she measured me (because of the EXTREME BLOAT I mentioned), weighed me... And of course took my blood. She checked with the doc about possibly doing a sonogram on my ovaries and lower abdomen to see how bad the fluid was... The doc said we could wait but if it got ANY worse, action would be taken. Action meaning they'd go in and DRAIN the fluid from me. Eww. No thanks. I know it brings relief. I just really did NOT want to do that.
Over that weekend I seemed to slowly get better. Pain wise anyway. And we went down Tuesday for a follow up blood test. I took another at-home test over the weekend, since I had the one left... And the test line was darker than the control line! Whoop whoop!!
Tuesday I was feeling better than I was a week before, but still not great. Since I was feeling better and not worse, they didn't have to do the sonogram. Feeling better, even slightly, made me nervous though.. Did that mean the HCG was going down? Was I losing the baby(ies)?
I told Connie my fears. She told me I couldn't focus on that sort of thing. I needed to sit back and enjoy being pregnant.
She called that afternoon with my results.
"Okay, so your progesterone from Friday was amazing so we didn't even check that today. Your HCG levels today look great, so we will set up the sonogram for Dec 5 if that works for you?" Ahhh so far away!
"That works for me... So my levels were good today?"
"VERY good." What is very good????? My first number was 183. Four days later, with perfect doubling, would mean I need a number of 732
"How good is very good? I need the number..."
"Ha, well the number is 832!" 832... Oh my gosh. That's more than perfect... WHOA!!
"Oh, WOW...."
"Yeah... So with numbers like that... Could be one, could be two, we'll have to see on the fifth!"
"Okay, I can't wait!!"
"Congratulations AGAIN!!!!"
"Thank you, so much!"
We told some family over the following week. But we made the decision not to announce it until we seen the sonogram. I don't think either of us really felt safe until we seen a heartbeat. Too much could go wrong. Too much still COULD go wrong. It's mostly safe after the first trimester... But we couldn't make you wait that long. We could, however, make you all wait until the sonogram!
I'm sorry we made you wait so long!! And I'm sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I couldn't bring myself to type out anything without hinting at what has been going on. And we just weren't ready yet....
But obviously we are ready now.... So again I say WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!
My beta numbers seemed high for a singleton but low for twins, so really all I was expecting to see on the ultrasound was one baby....
So imagine my surprise today when the doc said he saw TWO sacs on the sonogram. One is measuring right on time with a heart rate of 126. The other is measuring 6 days behind with a heart rate of 96. Big difference. Doc doesn't think the second will be viable (vanishing twin), but it's all in God's hands now... And we are praying like crazy!! If only one was meant to be, then we will still be amazingly thankful for the one healthy Crabb in there. Now we just sit back and wait... And have faith in Him. Our next sonogram is in two weeks!
Having said all that.. I have one thing to say to EVERYONE that has told me how BLISSFUL pregnancy is and how it was the BEST time of your life...
You all were lucky.
Some books have said IVF pregnancies are different. I don't know if that's the case or what. But I know I have a high pain tolerance and I am still ABSO-FRICKEN-LUTELY miserable. I've already had round ligament pain, which shouldn't start for weeks still. My hips are INSANELY sore. I can't sleep. Nausea when I brush my teeth is one thing, nausea ALL EVENING LONG is another. Progesterone injections don't get any easier, they only get worse. I'm so ready to be done with them! But I know they are important, so I won't result to begging to be taken off of them... And my emotions? HA. Try not to tick me off right now. I get mad and stay mad for DAYS... And no, I don't think that's irrational.
I'm about 7 weeks along, and I still have OHSS bloat. I also evidently have pregnancy bloat. Those two, combined, make me look huge. All the time. I have one pair of jeans that fit... And by fit I mean I can't button them, but I can zip them. That counts for something, right?
I had the naive thought that every day of pregnancy would be marvelous. I thought I'd look super cute (and still perfectly thin) the day we announced to our families that the IVF worked. I thought I'd be glowing.
Instead, most of the time I'm just sweating. And nauseous. And just miserable. I want to lay in bed, but laying in bed is one of the most uncomfortable things I can do. We went to multiple stores over the weekend to find a body pillow, since pregnant women swear by them... Body pillow.. HA. All it did was make me swear all night long. Maybe it'll come in handy later, but right now it's definitely not for me.
And you know, no matter how bad each day seems to SUCK... I am still so thankful. I'm thankful that I'm feeling what I'm feeling, because it means things are happening and going well. I'm thankful for the opportunity to even be in this position, because so many aren't so lucky...
And I'm constantly praying for our little babies. Praying for a healthy pregnancy, praying that they are happy and healthy, and thriving. And that all of that continues on.
And to say thank you to all of you, here is A PICTURE
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