I started this blog while I was laid off from work in 2012. The following was amazing and the fundraisers worked wonders, and along with a loan from a friend we were able to do IVF and you can see in the most recent (haha, not recent at all) posts how that went. Rys is an absolute joy to our lives. And she came with perfect timing. Far more perfect than we ever could have anticipated.
July was full of excitement and the newness of baby. We struggled with nursing, and I struggled to recover from labor and child birth. But we got through it and in August we had things figured out, Rys was back to her birth weight, and we were golden... I got to spend the following weeks just enjoying my time with my baby girl, not a care in the world...
September handed us a whole new set of troubles. Feelings we hadn't felt in years came roaring back. I've given the short story on our new Facebook group, Danny's team. But here I'll go into the details. As many details as I can, while still keeping my sanity.
Going along with how I began this blog... I'll go back to the beginning. The beginning of this latest journey we're on.
Rys turned 8 weeks old, and I had finally officially recovered from having her. It seemed to take forever to recover physically, but the 8 weeks with a newborn flew by faster than anyone could have prepared me for. I went back to work, just a couple days before the weekend (easier to cope that way). That weekend couldn't have been any sweeter, I missed Rys so much while I worked!! Sundays Danny plays hockey. So, that Sunday, as usual, we headed to the rink. He hadn't been feeling too well all day, but you can't keep that man away from hockey. So I didn't bother trying. The game went okay, with one pretty rough collision between Danny and another guy. The game ended pretty late but we hadn't had dinner, so we stopped and grabbed some food on the way home. I started eating and Danny took two bites, and proceeded to run to the bathroom to throw up.
What on earth?? Danny never throws up...
Danny went to lay down afterward, but I was worried. He was in pain, and not just pain that will go away with an advil and sleep. Serious pain. We all know how that goes. His pain tolerance is insane, so when he's visibly hurting, you know it's not good...
After some more trips to the bathroom, I asked Danny if he thought we should go to the ER. He eventually gave in, and we took Rys to my mom and headed to the hospital.
The trip brought back the memories of rushing to the hospital when I was in labor. The feeling in our car wasn't excitement like before, though. It was full of worry and tension. We pulled into the parking lot and started walking toward the door, and Danny found a bush to attempt to throw up in again. An EMT noticed and walked over with a bag for him and offered him a wheelchair. Danny said no thanks, but took the bag, and we went inside.
I checked Danny in with the nurse at the front desk.
"Symptoms?"
Sick as a dog? "He's throwing up, stomach pain, no fever."
"The stomach bug IS going around."
Yeahh... This isn't the bug, lady, I know it's not.
They got Danny back pretty quickly, considering all the complaints people usually have for the ER.
IV, fluids, and some pain meds came first... And then someone looked through Danny's file...
"You have a history of colon cancer, Mr Crabb?"
"Yes, in 09."
"Okay, we're going to go ahead and have a CT scan done on you, just to check and make sure everything is okay and there's not a blockage or anything."
Blockage? Like a tumor blocking off his colon? Like, the cancer could be back? No.. That can't be it.. It's just a blockage from scar tissue or something. No reason to stress. No reason to stress.
The CT was done and, sure enough, there was a blockage. They proceeded to put a tube down Danny's nose all the way down to his stomach to pull everything UP out of him so it would stop pushing on the blockage. That wasn't producing anything, and they decided to admit him to get it under control.
This was around 1 am or so. I was texting our moms to keep them updated. And making sure my mom could handle Ryssa. I'd left enough frozen milk to get her through the night, but I didn't have my pump with me so I knew I'd be in some pain. I wasn't worried about me though.
Sunday night in a big hospital you'd think it would be slow and quiet... And it was, once we got a room. Finding a room was hard though because the hospital was COMPLETELY FULL. They switched some people around and made room for Danny. On a surgical recovery floor. We tried to settle in for the night, but it wasn't a good rest.
The next morning I left Danny, even though I didn't want to, to go get my pump and take more milk to my mom. My niece had stayed home from school to help take care of Rys, and the two of them together still had their hands full. That day I struggled to stay ahead of Ryssa's milk needs while trying to make sure I was fulling understanding everything that was being said about this blockage. The doctor we'd seen had said the blockage wasn't a tumor, it was from scar tissue, called lesions, just like I'd thought. But, something just felt off. I stayed positive, but I was worried.
Neither of us felt comfortable listening to anyone except for Dr H. He promised he'd get to us after his meeting, which would be around 9 pm. I'd already missed one of my first days back to work, but I was focused on being there for all of information Danny would be given. Knowing Dr H would be up in a few hours, I decided to leave. I needed to take more milk to my mom, see Rys, eat dinner, let the dogs out, feed them and the cats. All the while, NEEDING to be with Danny just so I knew he was okay. Rys wasn't feeling well, she was fussy, she had a fever, and I was about to lose it.
How do you choose who to be there for? Be home with the baby, this new baby who needs mommy so badly. OR be at the hospital with your husband, who is sick and in pain and won't admit that he needs his wife. And then there's me, needing my husband. My rock.
After some tears, I went with my need. I chose selfishly, I needed Danny. I knew Rys was in good hands, I didn't know how well Danny would be cared for. I needed to be there for him, for ME.
I went back to the hospital expecting to get there right before Dr H. However, Dr H came early, BEFORE his meeting, and talked to Danny. He told him that he had a plan for a series of CT scans with barium to see how well the blockage was opening back up (the theory was to starve the blockage, I suppose. Give his body nothing and the scar tissue would pull back and his colon would open back up). I settled in, expecting it to be for the night, when Dr H came back in. After the meeting.
This doctor rocks.
"So, I'm back. I checked my messages again, and I checked the CT again. And I see an area that was flagged now. What looks to be a lymph node, around the area of the duodenum, looks like maybe it's inflamed. It's probably just from being sick or from fighting off an infection, lymph nodes swell for all sorts of reasons. But I don't think this is cancer. IF it is, and I don't think it is, we WILL take care of it. I don't want you to worry. The blockage had nothing to do with this node, this is a completely different area. We just happened to catch it on the same scan. Tomorrow we'll deal more with the blockage. But I want you to follow up with Dr J and get his opinion on this spot. And then, regardless, we'll do a biopsy. Just to be safe."
It's my turn to throw up. A lymph node? What the heck is the duodenum? He doesn't think it's cancer though, it must not be. It must just be from some bug he's been fighting. This isn't cancer. This is nothing. This is nothing...
Another restless night. Staring out a hospital window at the stars... Wishing I could be everywhere at once. And pumping away so I could stay ahead of Ryssa. Plus researching, because that's just what I do.
The next day was Tuesday. And it was also the 17th. Ryssa officially turned 2 months. I'd started a monthly tradition where I would get a cupcake for her on the 17th of each month and take a picture with her with it. I'd only done it once, obviously, but it was a tradition I was determined to keep. Regardless of what we had going on. We were hopeful that Danny would get out of the hospital that night or the next morning, and I'd come to the decision that I was going to stay home that night with Rys. She desperately needed her routine back, and I desperately needed some sense of normalcy. Although it wouldn't be normal if Danny had to stay in the hospital.
At lunch I got my food to go, and also got a cupcake. Well, two cupcakes. One for Rys and I, and one for Danny.. in hopes that he'd be able to eat some food and get out of the hospital.
Danny had his series of CT scans with barium, and the barium upset his stomach. Understandably since he hadn't eaten anything since Sunday early afternoon.
The day was long and stressful and I left to go get Rys from our wonderful friends Crystal and Angelo, they'd kept her for the day so my mom could go to work.
We went home and I figured I could take Rys up to see Danny for a few minutes before bedtime. I started to pack her back and Danny sent me a text telling me to come get him. The scans were back and they put them on a CD for his docs and he was okay to leave.
Walking into the hospital with a baby, especially such a little young thing, got lots of attention. I finally made it to Danny's room, got her out of her carrier, and handed her to her Daddy. She's a Daddy's girl so she needed it, just like he did. I had him just sit back and hold her while I packed up what few items we'd accumulated during our short stay.
Danny was upset that he hadn't seen Rys in two days and she'd grown so much in that little amount of time. Babies change so much in those early days, I could see a difference as well...
Seeing Rys in Danny's hands, him in his hospital gown and looking sick, just made me teary eyed. I knew it was a memory I'd need to never forget. So I snapped a picture.
A few minutes later a male nurse (that I'd never seen before) came in the room with Danny's CDs and paperwork. He came over to check out the baby just like everyone always does.
"Oh you two! We don't need no Maury Povich in here! There's no doubt who the father of that baby is!! Hey ___, come in here, check out this baby!" Other nurses started to file into our room, to check out the baby.
Yeah, the baby is cute... That baby needs her Daddy. This stinkin' node better not be cancer. It just better not be....
We eventually made it home, and I managed to get a cupcake picture with my baby. And we decided to try to be optimistic with all of our following appointments. We had to be. Who has time for cancer with a newborn in the house, I mean really.....
That ends my post for today, but I'll post again. There's so much more to our story thus far, and it's not even close to over. Not, even, close. But we've got this. And I want to give everyone all the details. Especially since so many people have helped us get as far as we've come. So, I'm leaving you all for now. I'll try to get more posts done this weekend to post next week. But I'll post Ryssa's Cupcake Month 1 pic just for your enjoyment! We'd gone to the farmer's market and to a craft show that day!
