tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59994286372789165312024-03-14T02:37:32.860-07:00Love, Marriage, Cancer... Babies?Striving to raise Colon Cancer Awareness (at any age!), and Infertility Awareness. Follow along on our journeys... From original colon cancer diagnosis just five days after our wedding, to fundraising for IVF. We were successful on our first IVF transfer. And just two months after welcoming our miracle baby into this world, we got the devastating news that we were in for another fight for my husband's life. Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-43036828971972806452014-07-11T11:21:00.000-07:002014-07-11T11:22:29.657-07:00TWO YEARS?!Let's get right back to where we left off....<br />
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Danny was scheduled for a PET scan and we were scheduled to see the doctor again. We only had to wait about 2 more weeks to get any sort of results/plan/see the doctor. What's two more weeks, right? Just two more weeks of hell is all....<br />
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Before we knew it, though, the days had passed. We went to work that day, knowing that by the end of our work day we'd know our course of action. We'd finally have a plan in place to beat this cancer.<br />
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We went to lunch together and we headed to Danny's dr appt. PET scan results and a plan of action, that's what we needed.<br />
We checked in with the nurse, Danny got his vitals taken. All the norm.... Until Dr J walked in. He heaved a big sigh.<br />
<i>Well that can't be good.</i><br />
"Okay you two... First, how are you feeling?" <i>I'm sure he's not doing too great considering that sigh you just gave us... </i><br />
"I'm okay, nervous over these results."<br />
"Well, I have the PET scan results here. The good news is it doesn't look to have spread anywhere. The problem is the scan didn't really light up at all. Even where we know the tumor is." <i>But, that's good news, right? It hasn't spread anywhere else... That's GOOD. </i><br />
"Okay..."<br />
"Now. I feel like you deserve to know what's going on. You deserve answers." <i>Well, FINALLY.</i><br />
"Okaaaayyy..."<br />
"This spot... It's not on the liver or in the liver. It would honestly be better if it was either of those things. Instead it's just NEAR the liver. It's recurrent colon cancer. And it's dangerously close to some arteries and veins and ducts. Being that close, there isn't any surgeon here that can go in and get it out. It's too dangerous. So. It's technically inoperable. And that makes it incurable. We could probably control the cancer with chemo for... I'd give it about two years."<br />
Cue my world crumbling down around me.<br />
<i>Two years? TWO YEARS?!?! No. Ryssa and Faith need their dad. Ryssa needs MEMORIES with her Daddy. This can't be. No. Someone will operate. Someone WILL get it out of there. Someone, somewhere. We'll go anywhere. ANY. WHERE. Someone will save him!! I won't take no for an answer.</i><br />
"Now, I don't know if you guys know, but I am retiring. In a week. So, I'll transfer you to Dr D____. He's very knowledgeable on colon cancer and I have complete confidence in him." <i>Yeah yeah yeah, we knew you were retiring. TWO YEARS? This cannot be happening. </i><br />
"I don't talk to my wife about my patients... Ever. But, I have to admit I've talked to her about you this week. You're young, with a young family. A very young baby. I don't want you to settle. I want you to find a surgeon who will figure this out. So, if you're willing... I'd like to send you to MD Anderson in Houston. There is one other option, you'd travel North to ______, but I'd prefer you to go South to Houston, and MD Anderson, for this. I think if anyone will have a surgeon willing to try, it would be there." <i>Done, we're going. Why are you even asking? That's our only option, we're going. Losing isn't an option. Giving up isn't an option. Surgery it is. We'll find someone.</i><br />
"Alright."<br />
"Is that something you'd be willing to do? Travel to Houston?" <i>YES!!!!! </i><br />
"Well, we'll have to figure out how to afford it. But yes. Let's set the appointments up. I want to fight this." <i>There's my husband. There's my fighter. Fighting for his wife and his girls. </i><br />
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We walked out of that office and stopped at a desk to set up his MD Anderson appointments. A lady said she'd take care of it. Then we had to wait for Danny to get his flu shot. An afterthought, because we had anticipated him going through chemo again.<br />
We sat in the waiting room. And I cried. Quietly, with nose running, I cried. A lady a few seats over handed me a Kleenex. And I cried some more. Danny's pager went off and he went to get his shot. And I cried some more. And then I felt a sense of urgency.<br />
<i>We have to get to Houston. We have to. We have to find someone that will save him. How can I help make this happen? </i><br />
And then I remembered a friend who helped us raise funds for IVF had offered to have another QM for us. I sent her a message. I didn't explain in detail, just that we'd have to travel and we'd take the help she offered.<br />
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Danny was done and we left. His mom had Ryssa that day, and I knew I couldn't go back to work and actually work. So, I decided to go back to work, get my stuff, and then head to Vickie's. Danny was going to head back to work, explain the situation, and meet me there.<br />
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I walked into work, grabbed my stuff and my pump... And ran into my mom. She could read my face all too well, as moms do. And I told her what we were told.<br />
She hugged me.<br />
And she told me that we'd figure this out. We'd get to Houston, somehow. And I believed her. As daughters do.<br />
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Then I had to head to get my baby. From my mother in law. I knew I was going to beat Danny there. And what in the world was I supposed to tell her in those minutes while we waited for him to show up? A mom isn't willing to wait on news of her son. So. I told her. I held Ryssa, and I told her what we were told. And somehow, I held it together.<br />
Together we made a plan. She agreed to go to Houston with us, to take care of Rys during Danny's appointments. Rys had to come since she nursed and we couldn't leave her for a week, we just couldn't. Just knowing someone could go and help with her, one less stress and worry taken form me, was enough of a release that I felt like I had some semblance of control again. That there was hope. Hope is what we rely on, every day, it seems.<br />
Danny finally got there, from work. And we talked some more. Went over what the doctor had said. What MD Anderson was. How long of a trip it would be. How much driving it would take, if we should drive, or fly. What was cheapest. What our options were. All the while my phone was absolutely exploding with texts since I'd sent out just a few to update people.<br />
Faith's mom was one of the first to get updated, and we were sure to tell her NOT to say a WORD to Faith. She had been unaware of the cancer, and we wanted to keep her that way. We were NOT going to tell her that the doctors were giving us two years. We were NOT going to tell her that no surgeon here would be willing to try to save him. We were going to tell her GOOD news, once we got it. AFTER our trip to Houston, we'd tell her. And we'd tell her that they WOULD cure him.<br />
And one of my best friends was asking questions, asking permission to share our story on a separate page, website thing, in order to help us get to Houston.<br />
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We had a plan, things were falling into place. We were just back to the waiting game. Waiting for MD Anderson to get back with us to set up the appointments, then I could book our rooms. We could decide on the route to drive, make plans to see loved ones on the way there and back. I was making lists for things to pack. Because when a planner has no control over the big picture, they embrace what they do have control over. That's what I did.<br />
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More to come next week, I promise!Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-20732491583962377372014-07-10T10:13:00.000-07:002014-07-10T10:13:30.472-07:00Why is everything always a fight...Oh hey! I'm back again! It took longer to get back to the computer than I expected. Busy days turn into busy weeks and all that... I'm elbow deep in planning Ryssa's FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY next week! I cannot believe our precious miracle baby is about to turn one!!<br />
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Now... back to our latest journey.<br />
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I left off with us home from the hospital finally, and taking Ryssa's 2 month cupcake picture! The next week we met with Dr J, as we would normally have regardless of the blockage. It was "that time" of the year after all. We had dropped off the scans well before the appointment, and expected to hear his opinion on what they showed... And we did.<br />We went to one of our normal rooms, but when Dr J finally came in, he escorted us out of that room... down the hallway... into his office. He gave Danny his big leather chair. I stood beside him. Dr J crouched down next to his computer screen and scrolled through.... Danny's CT scan?? He pointed things out. Here and there, this is this, that is that.<br />"That spot there? That's basically air. There's no real solid tumors here that I can see... I really don't believe that this... thing... is cancer. It's probably just irritation. Or nothing at all. Your cancer doesn't typically spread to this area in particular anyway..." blah blah blah.<br /><i>Probably not cancer? Well, surely if Dr H doesn't think it's cancer, and neither does Dr J, then it's not. It can't be. These two doctors are amazing, they have been right every time. They've got to be right this time... They've got to....</i><br />We went back to our normal room and went through Danny's normal physical exam and went over all the normal questions.<br />"So, you've had the baby! How old is the little one?"<br />"She's two months. She's amazing."<br />I showed him a picture. And we chatted about how technology is amazing and how he loves getting pictures of his grandchildren.<br />As we were walking out, we stopped with his scheduler and scheduled a biopsy for the following week.<br />
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Fast forward that week, and you'll bypass all the confusion we had over some other doc doing the biopsy and not Dr H like we'd thought.<br />
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We showed up to the hospital for the CT guided biopsy. The nurse who was checking us in just added to the confusion. Words were thrown around like liver biopsy. Liver? What?? What does this have to do with the liver? It's just a lymph node.. Isn't it??<br /><br />We were on edge, Danny was grumpy over the confusion. We didn't understand what was going on... We felt very much in the dark. Not how we like to be. We were told that Danny couldn't go to work after the biopsy. That was news. Can you tell why we were aggravated?<br />
They eventually took Danny back for the CT/biopsy. I waited in a room with a TV and a crossword puzzle. But my eyes were scrolling through the internet, reading about the duodenum and liver and colon cancer spreading there...<br />
"Mrs Crabb?" <i>Oh gosh, please tell me some sort of good news... Please...</i><br />"That's me."<br />"We're all done with Daniel. The tumor isn't fluid, like we'd all thought. I tried to pull out liquid with the syringe, nothing came out. So we went in and pulled out a regular biopsy. It's mucous. What we'd expect with a mucoso-blahblahblah." <i>A what? Okay... What does that mean? It's not just fluid... so what is it? OH NO.</i><br />"He'll be awake soon and a nurse will come get you when he does..."<br />"Thanks."<br />Back to the phone, back to google. Back to searching and searching, and now adding in mucoso-something to my search....<br />
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We expected results soon, but they didn't come soon enough. It got to the point that we were calling and calling and calling with no return calls. It then got to the point that we just assumed that no news was good news. Or, I did, anyway...<br />
We got back into "normal" life. Get up, take Rys to the sitter, go to work, pick Rys up from the sitter, come home, Danny would meet us outside and carry Ryssa inside...<br />
And one day, everything changed... I took Rys, went to work, went and got her... And headed home.<br />I pulled into the driveway, got my bag and Ryssa's bag, and got out of the car. I looked up expecting to see Danny coming out, as he always does, to get Rys. And there he was.<br /><i>Something is wrong. Something is so very very wrong. Oh my God. Stand up Destiny, your knees are buckling.</i><br />"What? What is it?"<br />Danny's face crumpled. And I died a little inside.<br />
"It's bad, Destiny." <i>No, no no no no no. Please no, God, why? WHY?</i><br />"What?! It's back? It's cancer??"<br />I know I was getting hysterical...<br />"We'll talk inside, let's get Ryssa inside." <i>Yeah, we need to get inside. Oh my gosh, no. This isn't real. This isn't real life. </i><br />
And so we went inside.<br />
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Danny finally got a call back on his way home from work that day. The nurse told him the biopsy results. "Positive for liver cancer," were her exact words. Liver cancer? How does he beat colon cancer and then get liver cancer? How does that make any sense?<br />Danny asked me to please not google it, because he already did... and it wasn't good. In fact, it was terrible.<br />
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<br />I found myself questioning everything. Why couldn't we just enjoy happy times? We couldn't enjoy being newlyweds without cancer messing that up. And now we couldn't enjoy a new baby because of cancer again... Was God punishing us for bringing a baby into the world, when we had to use science to get her? Was that the trade? You can have a baby but you'll lose your husband? How is that fair? Why us? Why can't we just be normal and have a baby and enjoy life and maybe plan on our future... Instead of always fighting for life. Fighting for my husband to live, fighting to bring a new life into this world, and now fighting for my husband to live again. WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS A FIGHT.<br />
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I called my mom that night, Danny's mom came over. We all cried a lot that night. I sent a few texts out to friends because everyone knew we were expecting the results any time. The responses we received were all meant to comfort us, but all they did for me was bring more tears.<br />
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That's all for today. I'm going to keep writing though, and you can expect another post tomorrow! <br /><br />Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-29338567485893664512014-05-29T17:29:00.000-07:002014-05-29T17:29:45.824-07:0010 months later... An update on Baby, Life, and Cancer.... Rys just turned 10 months old, well, a couple weeks ago. Time has been getting away from me for too long. I apologize, sincerely, for not keeping any of you updated. I have lots of reasons for having ZERO time, but, we'll get to that.... I feel awful that this blog has just stopped. It's time to get it going again. Especially since yet again, I'm laid off from work (the aircraft industry has yet to fully recover from the recession, hopefully someday soon it will).<br /><br />I started this blog while I was laid off from work in 2012. The following was amazing and the fundraisers worked wonders, and along with a loan from a friend we were able to do IVF and you can see in the most recent (haha, not recent at all) posts how that went. Rys is an absolute joy to our lives. And she came with perfect timing. Far more perfect than we ever could have anticipated.<br />
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July was full of excitement and the newness of baby. We struggled with nursing, and I struggled to recover from labor and child birth. But we got through it and in August we had things figured out, Rys was back to her birth weight, and we were golden... I got to spend the following weeks just enjoying my time with my baby girl, not a care in the world...<br />
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September handed us a whole new set of troubles. Feelings we hadn't felt in years came roaring back. I've given the short story on our new Facebook group, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TeamDannyCrabb">Danny's team</a>. But here I'll go into the details. As many details as I can, while still keeping my sanity.<br />
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Going along with how I began this blog... I'll go back to the beginning. The beginning of this latest journey we're on.<br />
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Rys turned 8 weeks old, and I had finally officially recovered from having her. It seemed to take forever to recover physically, but the 8 weeks with a newborn flew by faster than anyone could have prepared me for. I went back to work, just a couple days before the weekend (easier to cope that way). That weekend couldn't have been any sweeter, I missed Rys so much while I worked!! Sundays Danny plays hockey. So, that Sunday, as usual, we headed to the rink. He hadn't been feeling too well all day, but you can't keep that man away from hockey. So I didn't bother trying. The game went okay, with one pretty rough collision between Danny and another guy. The game ended pretty late but we hadn't had dinner, so we stopped and grabbed some food on the way home. I started eating and Danny took two bites, and proceeded to run to the bathroom to throw up.<br />
<i>What on earth?? Danny never throws up...</i><br />
Danny went to lay down afterward, but I was worried. He was in pain, and not just pain that will go away with an advil and sleep. Serious pain. We all know how that goes. His pain tolerance is insane, so when he's visibly hurting, you know it's not good...<br />
After some more trips to the bathroom, I asked Danny if he thought we should go to the ER. He eventually gave in, and we took Rys to my mom and headed to the hospital.<br />
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The trip brought back the memories of rushing to the hospital when I was in labor. The feeling in our car wasn't excitement like before, though. It was full of worry and tension. We pulled into the parking lot and started walking toward the door, and Danny found a bush to attempt to throw up in again. An EMT noticed and walked over with a bag for him and offered him a wheelchair. Danny said no thanks, but took the bag, and we went inside.<br />
I checked Danny in with the nurse at the front desk.<br />"Symptoms?"<br /><i>Sick as a dog?</i> "He's throwing up, stomach pain, no fever."<br />
"The stomach bug IS going around."<br /><i>Yeahh... This isn't the bug, lady, I know it's not.</i><br />
They got Danny back pretty quickly, considering all the complaints people usually have for the ER.<br />
IV, fluids, and some pain meds came first... And then someone looked through Danny's file...<br />
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"You have a history of colon cancer, Mr Crabb?"<br />"Yes, in 09."<br />
"Okay, we're going to go ahead and have a CT scan done on you, just to check and make sure everything is okay and there's not a blockage or anything."<br /><i>Blockage? Like a tumor blocking off his colon? Like, the cancer could be back? No.. That can't be it.. It's just a blockage from scar tissue or something. No reason to stress. No reason to stress. </i><br /><br />The CT was done and, sure enough, there was a blockage. They proceeded to put a tube down Danny's nose all the way down to his stomach to pull everything UP out of him so it would stop pushing on the blockage. That wasn't producing anything, and they decided to admit him to get it under control.<br />
This was around 1 am or so. I was texting our moms to keep them updated. And making sure my mom could handle Ryssa. I'd left enough frozen milk to get her through the night, but I didn't have my pump with me so I knew I'd be in some pain. I wasn't worried about me though.<br />
Sunday night in a big hospital you'd think it would be slow and quiet... And it was, once we got a room. Finding a room was hard though because the hospital was COMPLETELY FULL. They switched some people around and made room for Danny. On a surgical recovery floor. We tried to settle in for the night, but it wasn't a good rest.<br />
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The next morning I left Danny, even though I didn't want to, to go get my pump and take more milk to my mom. My niece had stayed home from school to help take care of Rys, and the two of them together still had their hands full. That day I struggled to stay ahead of Ryssa's milk needs while trying to make sure I was fulling understanding everything that was being said about this blockage. The doctor we'd seen had said the blockage wasn't a tumor, it was from scar tissue, called lesions, just like I'd thought. But, something just felt off. I stayed positive, but I was worried.<br />
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Neither of us felt comfortable listening to anyone except for Dr H. He promised he'd get to us after his meeting, which would be around 9 pm. I'd already missed one of my first days back to work, but I was focused on being there for all of information Danny would be given. Knowing Dr H would be up in a few hours, I decided to leave. I needed to take more milk to my mom, see Rys, eat dinner, let the dogs out, feed them and the cats. All the while, NEEDING to be with Danny just so I knew he was okay. Rys wasn't feeling well, she was fussy, she had a fever, and I was about to lose it.<br />How do you choose who to be there for? Be home with the baby, this new baby who needs mommy so badly. OR be at the hospital with your husband, who is sick and in pain and won't admit that he needs his wife. And then there's me, needing my husband. My rock.<br />
After some tears, I went with my need. I chose selfishly, I needed Danny. I knew Rys was in good hands, I didn't know how well Danny would be cared for. I needed to be there for him, for ME.<br />
I went back to the hospital expecting to get there right before Dr H. However, Dr H came early, BEFORE his meeting, and talked to Danny. He told him that he had a plan for a series of CT scans with barium to see how well the blockage was opening back up (the theory was to starve the blockage, I suppose. Give his body nothing and the scar tissue would pull back and his colon would open back up). I settled in, expecting it to be for the night, when Dr H came back in. After the meeting.<br />
<i>This doctor rocks.</i><br />
"So, I'm back. I checked my messages again, and I checked the CT again. And I see an area that was flagged now. What looks to be a lymph node, around the area of the duodenum, looks like maybe it's inflamed. It's probably just from being sick or from fighting off an infection, lymph nodes swell for all sorts of reasons. But I don't think this is cancer. IF it is, and I don't think it is, we WILL take care of it. I don't want you to worry. The blockage had nothing to do with this node, this is a completely different area. We just happened to catch it on the same scan. Tomorrow we'll deal more with the blockage. But I want you to follow up with Dr J and get his opinion on this spot. And then, regardless, we'll do a biopsy. Just to be safe."<br />
<i>It's my turn to throw up. A lymph node? What the heck is the duodenum? He doesn't think it's cancer though, it must not be. It must just be from some bug he's been fighting. This isn't cancer. This is nothing. This is nothing...</i><br />
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Another restless night. Staring out a hospital window at the stars... Wishing I could be everywhere at once. And pumping away so I could stay ahead of Ryssa. Plus researching, because that's just what I do.<br />
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The next day was Tuesday. And it was also the 17th. Ryssa officially turned 2 months. I'd started a monthly tradition where I would get a cupcake for her on the 17th of each month and take a picture with her with it. I'd only done it once, obviously, but it was a tradition I was determined to keep. Regardless of what we had going on. We were hopeful that Danny would get out of the hospital that night or the next morning, and I'd come to the decision that I was going to stay home that night with Rys. She desperately needed her routine back, and I desperately needed some sense of normalcy. Although it wouldn't be normal if Danny had to stay in the hospital.<br />
At lunch I got my food to go, and also got a cupcake. Well, two cupcakes. One for Rys and I, and one for Danny.. in hopes that he'd be able to eat some food and get out of the hospital.<br />
Danny had his series of CT scans with barium, and the barium upset his stomach. Understandably since he hadn't eaten anything since Sunday early afternoon.<br />
The day was long and stressful and I left to go get Rys from our wonderful friends Crystal and Angelo, they'd kept her for the day so my mom could go to work.<br />
We went home and I figured I could take Rys up to see Danny for a few minutes before bedtime. I started to pack her back and Danny sent me a text telling me to come get him. The scans were back and they put them on a CD for his docs and he was okay to leave.<br />
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Walking into the hospital with a baby, especially such a little young thing, got lots of attention. I finally made it to Danny's room, got her out of her carrier, and handed her to her Daddy. She's a Daddy's girl so she needed it, just like he did. I had him just sit back and hold her while I packed up what few items we'd accumulated during our short stay.<br />Danny was upset that he hadn't seen Rys in two days and she'd grown so much in that little amount of time. Babies change so much in those early days, I could see a difference as well...<br />
Seeing Rys in Danny's hands, him in his hospital gown and looking sick, just made me teary eyed. I knew it was a memory I'd need to never forget. So I snapped a picture.<br />
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A few minutes later a male nurse (that I'd never seen before) came in the room with Danny's CDs and paperwork. He came over to check out the baby just like everyone always does.<br />"Oh you two! We don't need no Maury Povich in here! There's no doubt who the father of that baby is!! Hey ___, come in here, check out this baby!" Other nurses started to file into our room, to check out the baby.<br /><i>Yeah, the baby is cute... That baby needs her Daddy. This stinkin' node better not be cancer. It just better not be....</i><br />
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We eventually made it home, and I managed to get a cupcake picture with my baby. And we decided to try to be optimistic with all of our following appointments. We had to be. Who has time for cancer with a newborn in the house, I mean really.....<br />
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That ends my post for today, but I'll post again. There's so much more to our story thus far, and it's not even close to over. Not, even, close. But we've got this. And I want to give everyone all the details. Especially since so many people have helped us get as far as we've come. So, I'm leaving you all for now. I'll try to get more posts done this weekend to post next week. But I'll post Ryssa's Cupcake Month 1 pic just for your enjoyment! We'd gone to the farmer's market and to a craft show that day!<br />
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<br />Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-62791611242402995742013-09-24T12:52:00.002-07:002013-09-24T12:52:43.730-07:00Two months?! Can this sweet baby REALLY be two months old?? Well... She is. I cannot believe how fast time is flying, seriously!!!<br /><br />She holds her head up like a CHAMP. She's got a big ol' double chin. She loves to smile (especially for her Daddy), she laughs (especially for her Daddy) and she coos and talks like she's a gossip queen (especially for.. you guessed it). She's growing just like she should. And I'm back to work now. Which means part of my day is spent attached to a pump like a milk cow. So far I've been able to stay caught up with her, but we'll see how long that lasts! Hopefully for the entire time she nurses!! Fingers crossed!!<br /><br />Sorry for the lack of updates... Life with an infant is amazing. Being back to work isn't terrible. But blogging in the evenings won't be happening again until she's on a good schedule and allowing me to have a few minutes to myself. And that'll only happen when I can stop staring at her while she sleeps... I'M AWFUL! ;)<br />
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I don't have time for much more of an update now... But I have to update you all on Danny. We've had a bit of a set-back/scare. I really don't want to go into too much detail yet, because frankly the facts scare me. But there is a suspicious lymph node that needs attention. So, it's about to get some attention! Dr J now has the scans he needs to review, Danny had lab work done, and we see Dr J Friday to discuss everything.<br />If he thinks everything is fine? Well we'll do a biopsy with Dr H and be sure. And also do a colonoscopy (because it's time for that anyway). If all THAT is good, then Danny will have ONE MORE appointment with Dr J, ever... That is all my hope, and I am sort of refusing to think of any other options!!!<br />
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We have some wonderful ladies coming into town this week to meet Miss Rys. We are going to have a little birthday celebration for me Friday night and I'm just really hopeful that we'll have good news to celebrate that day, too....<br />
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We've also got the Birthday Bash put on by OU Reproductive Medicine coming up. Ryssa will get to meet some of the people who helped bring her into this world and I couldn't be more excited!! I dearly miss my favorite nurse and can't wait for her to meet Rys! :)<br />
<br />
So there was my quick update/post... Any positive thoughts, prayers, fire dances, good juju, whatever it is that you do, would be SO VERY MUCH appreciated! <3Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-54565671154837517992013-07-28T16:49:00.002-07:002013-07-28T16:49:31.807-07:00Welcome Sweet Baby Girl!!!RYSSA IS HERE!!! SHE'S HERE SHE'S HERE!!!<br />
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Sorry for the lack of updates. Especially if you're not on our facebook and therefore haven't seen the news. But... SHE IS HERE!!! Three days after my last post, she made her debut into this world!! Which is why I haven't been able to update. How anyone has time to do anything with a new baby in the home is beyond me. I don't want to put her down! But... I did. Just so I could type this up. I'm hoping I can get it done before her next feeding, but there's not much time between them these days so I've got to type fast!! <br />
<br />
Want to hear the birth story? Not all the nitty gritty. Basically just the lead up to and a few small details about the birth itself?? If not, I'd stop reading if I were you. Because here goes! <br />
<br />
Some of you know how absolutely petrified I was about going to the hospital thinking I was in labor just to get sent home. Why was I so afraid? Well because I just thought that would stink, for one. And also because my mom threatened me about it, haha. I was so scared, as a matter of fact, that I had a nightmare about it... Want to hear about it? It was Monday night, the 15th. And I was having the usual nightly contractions that didn't go away in the warm bathtub, but I knew they weren't close enough together to go to the hospital. But it was still in the back of my mind. I went to bed. And woke up in a cold sweat. I had a dream that we decided to go to the hospital to get checked out because of those contractions... Hung out for a bit... And were sent home. We were disappointed about it, but my nurse was super sweet. She sent Danny to get the car and she walked me outside... Only as soon as we walked outside we were in the middle of nowhere and then all of a sudden a guy was chasing me and the nurse with a chainsaw!! I couldn't figure out how to protect my belly and run and the guy caught me and chopped off my hair (what the heck??) and then started going for my legs, I'd already fallen and was trying to curl around my belly, and then.... I woke up. SO SUPER FREAKY. <br />
The next day, Tuesday, I was telling my friend Jamie about the bizarre dream. And we decided it really showed how scared I was of being sent home from the hospital because it wasn't time. I then looked up the dream meaning in a dream dictionary and it said "To see a chainsaw in your dream indicates that something drastic is about to happen." Ohhh really?? Well, that was exciting at least... <br />
<br />
For days my dogs had been acting weird. Pixie would sit and STARE at us. Not blinking at all. Just staring. Staring staring staring. Zeus wouldn't leave my side. Zeus generally doesn't care much about being by me. He loves attention from anyone and is excited almost all of the time and doesn't sit still. But the days before, he wouldn't leave me. Always in my feet or with his head touching me. I tried to google if other people's dogs were acting weird before labor kicked in, and as usual with google, I found people who said their animals did and others that said their animals acted no different. So. No big light bulb there. <br />
<br />
Tuesday at work I was pretty miserable. My tailbone hurt. My contractions were there but not bad enough to warrant leaving work or going to the hospital. My mom came out of her office and REQUESTED THAT I NOT GO INTO LABOR THAT NIGHT because she needed some rest. I laughed at her, but really didn't think I'd be going into "real" labor any time soon. I just wanted it to be baby doc appointment day so I could see if I had made any progress at all. <br />
<br />
That evening I wanted comfort food. Panera, mac n cheese. And I wanted ice cream, from Braums. I just wanted yummy fave foods after feeling so awful all day. So that's what we did. When we got home my contractions kicked up again, right on time. And I got in the tub. The tub didn't make them go away. Quite opposite in fact. I decided to get out and lay in bed, on my side. I knew something was off as soon as I laid down. Things just didn't feel normal, they didn't feel right. I was feeling more pressure than ever... and I was scared. Danny was in the living room playing his game and I just felt like I needed him in our room with me. I couldn't be alone. I NEEDED him in there. So I asked him to please finish up his game and get in there. He turned his game off and came in there with me and asked what was wrong. I told him and he asked if we needed to go to the hospital, which of course I refused because I was terrified. <br />
And then the contractions got bad. I was playing a game on my phone and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't play the game. I couldn't think. I could do nothing other than try to deal with the pain and pressure. Danny made the call, we were headed to the hospital. I grabbed my bag, which didn't have the last minute items in it that I had planned on throwing in on the way out the door. Oh well. I grabbed the camera. And we were off. I sent a quick text to some people telling them we were heading in and that I would let them know if they were keeping me. <br />
<br />
Danny drove us to the birthing center. We parked. My paperwork all said to leave everything in the car, so we put everything in the trunk except my hospital gown, which I clutched like a lifeline. We walked in and got checked in, and a nurse came and got us. We went to room 14, She handed me a gown to change into.<br />
"Ummm, actually, I brought my own if that's okay?" <br />
"You brought your own hospital gown?" <br />
"Yeah..." <br />
"Well... Okay I guess." Geez, rude much? <br />
She left to get me some water and let me change. Danny helped me, as I was in the middle of a contraction. And then I sat up on the bed. The nurse came back and hooked me up to some monitors, and explained to Danny what they did. I tried to listen. I didn't catch much. They watched my contractions. Every 5-10 minutes. The nurse took some more info and then left us alone. I tried to lay there and relax, but it was hard. My friend Janice told me to relax through the contractions by not clenching up my hands and arms and such. So I tried desperately to not clench. I still clenched. At the 30 minute mark the nurse came back in and asked if I wanted to walk around. I did, but I didn't want to walk the halls. I just wanted to walk around the room. So that's what I did... And the contractions almost stopped. Sitting up and/or walking just basically cut them off. I had a few more, and they were ROUGH ones, and I tried shaking my arms so I wouldn't clench. I tried leaning on the bed to get relief. Nothing worked. The nurse came back at the 1 hour mark to check me. <br />
"No change..." Yeah, because I was walking and that slowed everything down. I was doing better when I was laying down relaxing... <br />
"Okay... So. Now what?" <br />
"Well I will call your doctor to see if she wants us to keep you or see if you can go home." If I can go home? I don't want to go home. I CAN SEE MY CONTRACTIONS. THEY ARE REAL. KEEP ME HERE. <br />
She left the room and I looked over at Danny... I knew this was it, I knew they were going to send me home. Exactly what I wanted to avoid... <br />
<br />
And in walked the nurse... <br />
"Okay I talked to Dr ___." <br />
"Dr who??" <br />
"Dr ___, he's the on call dr, your doc isn't on call tonight." That doctor isn't even at College Hill. Who is that doctor? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT PERSON. <br />
"Okay..." <br />
"And he said you can go home. He said to give you an Ambien so you can sleep." No. Absolutely not. Does he want me to sleep through my entire labor and give birth at home?? <br />
"Do I have to? I can't handle meds well. And I am sure that's too strong."<br />
"Well, it's that or Benedryl. It's just so you can get some rest. The rest will probably stop your contractions..." No it won't, resting is what makes them worse... "OR, it will relax your body and allow the contractions to do the work they are supposed to be doing." That makes slightly more sense... <br />
"Okay. Well, just the benedryl then." <br />
<br />
The nurse went to get my benedryl and I looked at Danny, who looked downright irate. <br />
"So what are we supposed to wait for then? Your contractions are close enough for you to be here. What are we supposed to do at home?" Good questions... <br />
"I don't know love..."<br />
The nurse came back with my benedryl, and Danny asked her these questions. <br />
"Well, you guys can come back when the contractions are 3-7 minutes apart. Right now they are 4-9." Seriously? They need to be ONE MINUTE CLOSER TOGETHER for me to come back? What is the POINT of going home??<br />
"Okay." <br />
"Or if she starts bleeding. Not spotting, spotting is normal since I checked her..." I've never spotted from being checked before, why would I now? <br />
"So we will probably be back tonight, then?"<br />
"Well this benedryl will either stop the contractions completely and you won't be back for days or weeks, or it'll kick it all into high gear and I'll see you in two hours..." <br />
<br />
Ha.... <br />
<br />
We went home. I called my mom and told her we got sent home. I told her what the doctor gave me, and who the doctor was. Which ticked her off because he was the doctor that delivered two of my nephews and she didn't like him. Heck, after giving me a benedryl and sending me home, I DIDN'T LIKE HIM EITHER. <br />
We went home and I just wanted to sleep. Sleep? Right... Benedryl generally knocks me the heck out. But not that night. As soon as I got into bed, BAM, hard core intense contractions. So so bad. Oh gosh they hurt. <br />
Danny fell asleep next to me so I tried to be quiet and deal with them, since obviously they weren't "real" or whatever. Contraction, sleep, contraction, sleep, contraction, no sleep, contraction, try to catch a breath, contraction.... <br />
"Danny, I can't do this..." <br />
"Babe, it's a little late for that. You kinda have to." I need meds. I need more than a benedryl. I NEED RELIEF. <br />
Contraction... breathe... contraction... breathe... contraction, can't catch my breath... <br />
"That's it..." Oh, he's still awake? <br />
"What?"<br />
"Those aren't even 3 minutes apart. We are going back." Oh my gosh I felt like they were close but I thought that was just me... <br />
"Okay..." <br />
I got out of bed and changed clothes, Danny put his contacts back in... And while I was standing up, guess what? No contractions. We got into the car, I called my mom, who didn't answer...<br />
"My mom isn't answering... Ugh..." CONTRACTION... Nausea. Oh good gracious don't throw up in the car don't throw up in the car don't throw up in the car... Whew. Done. Relief. <br />
I tried calling my mom again, and this time she woke up and answered. We talked, through a couple contractions, and she said this was the real thing, especially with the nausea. She was ready to head to the hospital right then. I told her to wait. <br />
The rest of the way to the hospital wasn't bad. The contractions almost stopped completely. Danny noticed.<br />
"Why do they stop when we're in the car? Or when you're standing up? They were so close when we were laying down... They're going to send us home again...." <br />
I couldn't think, so I couldn't answer... <br />
<br />
We made it back to the birthing center... And a few steps from the car, I lost it. And by "it," I mean my dinner, or dessert, or the water I was drinking all night. I don't know. I just know I threw up the whole way to the front door. Danny offered to get me a wheel chair and I refused, I could walk... It would just take a while and I needed breaks. <br />
We finally made it inside and the same receptionist seemed happy to see us back. <br />
"Back again? Are we ready this time?" <br />
"Yeah... and uhh... I need something to throw up in..." <br />
A look of panic went over the lady's face... but instead of getting me a bucket or a trash can or anything, she got my paperwork. Danny sat me down on a couch and went to look for something for me to puke into, while I tried to breathe AND NOT PUKE. He had to stop and sign my papers for me. And by then the nurse was there to get us. She got a wheel chair, and loaded me up. While I again tried not to puke.... <br />
<br />
This time we went to room 20. Danny had to help me into my hospital gown and pack away my clothes. I couldn't function. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was try to breathe through the contractions, that took everything from me. <br />
The nurse hooked me up to the monitors and she and Danny gawked at how much more intense the contractions were. She checked me, and I was at a 4. <br />
"Congratulations, today is the day. You are at a 4 and are in active labor. You can have your epidural any time now if you want it." <br />
"Now. I want it now. Please." <br />
She called the lady for my epi while another nurse came in. <br />
"Hey Destiny, I'm ___. I looked through your chart. This is an IVF baby?" It says that in my chart? What chart? The chart that would have just gotten started a few hours ago when we were here? Where does it SAY this stuff at??<br />
"Yeah, yeah she's an IVF baby..." <br />
"I know how that goes... Wanting a baby so bad and having to have help. My baby was an IUI baby. Not quite as invasive... but still hard work." Oh. Wow. I love this lady already. <br />
"Aww, congratulations on your baby. Did you do your treatments here?" <br />
We talked a bit, between contractions when I could function, about who her dr was here. She had a dr that a good friend of mine is seeing now, which made me feel good. I really bonded with her. I knew her shift would change in less than 2 hours but I wanted her to stay there with me the whole time. She rocked my socks. <br />
<br />
The lady with the magical medicine came and talked to me about the epidural, the risks, etc. I was set up to get my IV and she was going next door to check on another patient, and I'd get my epi when she got back... She was back within minutes because the patient next door had already delivered. She'd only been there an hour before me!!! So this lady stuck around until my IV was in and I was ready for the epi. <br />
"I do have one question. Just one." <br />
"Okay, what's that?" <br />
"Will this thing RUN OUT?!" <br />
"Ohh no. If it gets close, we just add more. Don't you worry about that." <br />
"Okay, good. That was my only fear." <br />
And then it was time. I had to sit on the edge of the bed and hang my arms down. Danny sat in front of me and I rested my feet on his legs... And then I had to puke.<br />
"I'm gonna throw up..." <br />
"NOT ON ME" and WHOOSH Danny shot back. My favorite nurse turned away, too... But to get me something to throw up in. I can't even remember if I threw up or just dry heaved. But eventually I was ready for the epidural. <br />
Don't move Destiny, don't move. You watched video of this, you know what to expect. Don't move. Don't move. <br />
I was shaking from the contractions, literally shivering. And BAM I felt a pinch/burn/SOMETHING and I had no control over my body because it was in the middle of a contraction and I was shivering and I jerked. Everyone freaked out, I freaked out. Danny put me in a vise hold basically, and my nurse grabbed a hold of me. She told me to squeeze her arm. So I did. I have sharp nails so I KNOW I was hurting her. So instead of focusing on anything else, I could only focus on what I was doing to her poor arm. But I couldn't let go either.<br />
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm hurting your arm I'm so so sorry I'm so sorry." <br />
"Shhh it's okay, don't worry about it. It's fine." No it's not, why can't I let go?? Gosh!<br />
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." <br />
Done. We're done. There's no more burning. It's over. But I still feel the contractions. How long does this take to work? I NEED RELIEF MY GOSH. <br />
"We're just going to tape everything down now." <br />
"How long until this kicks in?" <br />
"It will be in effect in about 20 minutes." Whew, 20 minutes. I need to hang on for 20 minutes. <br />
<br />
Not even 5 minutes later I was checked again. <br />
I couldn't have done much in the 30 minutes or so it had been since being checked before, right? Especially since I could still feel everything going on... Maybe I'll be at a 5 or 6 now. Wouldn't that be crazy... <br />
"Okay, you are at an 8, 100% effaced." <br />
"What?"<br />
"What?" <br />
"What?!" <br />
Yeah, nobody in that room believed what they heard from the nurse who checked me. <br />
"Yeah, an 8. It's going quick." <br />
OH. MY. GOSH. I have got to tell everyone so they don't miss this!!!! <br />
I sent a text, and got some pretty funny responses. Danny's sister couldn't believe I was still texting (I wasn't for much longer after that), everyone else was afraid they wouldn't make it. Our amazing friend and photographer was hauling rear to get there so she wouldn't miss anything... <br />
<br />
It was only a few minutes later when people starting filing in. Family, friends. Everyone. Surrounded by love and comfort... My epi had kicked in and I had some relief, although I could still feel immense pressure with each contraction, it wasn't pain. Just hard to breathe through. And I was beyond exhausted since I had only gotten about 10 minutes of sleep between contractions at home. <br />
A lady came in to ask me some questions and she talked very quietly. Too quietly. And it was far too loud in my room. I couldn't hear her, and I couldn't hear myself think about any answers I needed to be telling her. So I sort of snapped about it being too loud. Instant quiet... <br />
We finished our q and a session, and I asked her if MY doctor would be doing my delivery since it was now business hours so she wouldn't have to be the on call doc. She said yes, and she left. A bit later a nurse (my fave nurse was long gone) asked that everyone leave the room so I could nap. Oh sweet sweet relief to my ears, A NAP. I would need energy and I wouldn't have it if I couldn't get some sleep. So out everyone went. I had someone in there with me at all times, but people took turns and those that were in there were quiet. At one point my mom was in there and was asking how I was doing. <br />
"Mom I can't do this. I can't do this with all those people in here." <br />
"What?! Destiny, you've got to decide that quick. So they know and you aren't saying so as you are about to push." <br />
"I just, I couldn't even hear that one lady. And I couldn't think. And there was just too much going on. I have to be able to concentrate, I have to be able to THINK. I have to have energy. And I can't do that when the whole room is that loud." <br />
"I know. But when it comes time for that, believe me, nobody is going to be chatting away. Everyone will also be focused on the same thing you're focused on." <br />
"I don't know. They can be in there for now. But if it gets loud, I'll tell them to get out." <br />
"That's fine Des." <br />
"Ugh...."<br />
I asked my nurse if I could turn to my left side. That was most comfortable. <br />
"Sure. It's best to keep you flipping back and forth anyway. It keeps the progress going." <br />
So she and my mom helped me flip... <br />
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP <br />
What on earth... What's wrong? Did a wire come loose? <br />
"Destiny I need you to flip back over, FAST." Oh my God. That's Ryssa. Something is wrong. Something is wrong with her. I CAN'T GET FLIPPED OVER. <br />
"I need help." <br />
"Come on, we've got to get you over fast..." Fast fast fast, I need to do this fast, dang it, Rys PLEASE BE OKAY.<br />
Finally I got back to my right side. I was uncomfortable, but the beeping stopped. I couldn't see the monitor, but the nurse said she was fine now. Her heart rate had plummeted. <br />
"Does that mean the cord is wrapped around her neck?" <br />
"Ummm, not necessarily. But if it is, that's totally normal. They handle that daily. Really, it happens more often than not. Now here's the oxygen. Keep this on." Oh dear lord, please let this be a safe delivery. Please let Rys be okay and STAY okay. <br />
Flash flash flash. The lights were flickering over on the wall opposite my bed. Nobody was near the switch, and none of the other lights flickered at all... <br />
"What the heck?" <br />
"Mom, what was that?" <br />
"I don't know..."<br />
"Mom..." <br />
"What?" <br />
"I bet it was uncle Ray... Doing something silly when I'm just about to lose my mind. Letting me know it'll be okay..." <br />
"That wouldn't surprise me at all. You know if he was still alive, he'd be up here too." <br />
<br />
<br />
I slept on and off for a long time. They ended up having to break my water and I went from an 8 to a 7 1/2. The doctor that broke my water looked younger than me. He probably was younger than me. I vaguely remember getting checked again and I was at a 9. And then before long people had started filtering back in. It was getting loud again. They wanted to check me again so the room cleared out. I was at a 10!!! My nurse called my dr, who was doing a C-section. Official orders were to let me "labor down" and start pushing at 11:15. <br />
It's almost time!! I AM ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY!!!! <br />
<br />
That's when things got a little crazy. People starting filing in, other nurses and people and this "push team" I think is what the lady said. And I didn't know where Danny was. He wasn't in there. I would be pushing in 10 minutes, did he know they said I'd start pushing at 11:15?? <br />
My dad was by my head at the time before he had to leave the room, but I wanted my HUSBAND. <br />
"Where the ___ is my husband?!" <br />
"He's coming..."<br />
"Does he know I am going to be pushing in a few minutes?!" <br />
"Yes, he will be right here." <br />
And then the nausea hit. Along with the tears. Before I knew it, Danny was there, in my face. Telling me to get control. Telling me to breathe. Instant relief. Everything would be okay, Danny was there....<br />
<br />
Beep beep beep...<br />"What's that?" <br />"That machine right there..." MY EPIDURAL MACHINE?!?!<br />"Yeah, you're out..." <br />"MY EPIDURAL RAN OUT?!?!"<br />"It's okay, it stays in you for 2 hours so you don't need any more, you won't feel this." Unless I push for more than two hours which is entirely possible!!<br />
<br />
Practice pushing came next, just after 11:20. The push team told me what to do, and at my next contraction it was time to put it into action. Contraction, breathe, push once for 8 seconds, take a breath, push for 8 seconds, take a breath, push for 8 seconds. That third and final push? Cue vomit. My mom was shoving a bucket at my face but it was jamming into my neck so I couldn't breathe and I couldn't throw up. I'm pretty sure that bucket almost decapitated me. And I said so. She switched out the big bucket for a different one (no help from the nurses on this front, my mom had to do all that by herself. Nice). <br />
"I suck at this..." I can't even push without throwing up. Seriously. I suck. <br />
And then I felt the urge to push again.<br />
"I feel like I need to push. I need to push." <br />
"Okay, go ahead sweetie." Go ahead? You nurses aren't even over here! <br />
The panic must have showed on my face, Kristy and Jessica shot forward and grabbed my legs (where the nurses had been before but had disappeared from). I had told them they could be in the room if they stayed back and didn't get a good view. Boy did that change when it came time to push and no nurse was near to help me. <br />
I pushed. And I threw up. And I couldn't breathe. <br />
If I can't breathe... That means I'm not getting oxygen. If I'm not getting oxygen... Rys isn't getting oxygen. Oh my gosh I'm just making this all worse!! She already had an issue getting oxygen and now I suck and can't stop throwing up and it's going to make her lose oxygen!! WHAT AM I DOING?!<br />
"Is she okay?! IS SHE OKAY??" <br />
"Yes, hun, she's fine. She's fine. We can see it on the monitor, she's fine." <br />
I. Suck. At. This. Get control Destiny damn it... <br />
"She's got hair!" SHE'S GOT HAIR?! No way!! I didn't really believe it on the sonograms!! No way!! <br />
"REALLY?! Are you sure?? She's really got hair?!" And I cried... <br />
They offered me a mirror. I cussed before loudly saying no, which got a good laugh out of everyone in the room. They asked Danny if he wanted to see. I clutched his hand even tighter and MORE LOUDLY said no. Not cool. I didn't want him to see that! <br />
My doctor showed up and got dressed. She wanted me to push 4 times instead of 3. <br />
Four times?? I threw up during the third push before... How am I going to do four?! <br />
But I did... I did 4 pushes. <br />
"GREAT, one more time." One more time? I've only done like 3 rounds of pushes so far... One more time?? Is she lying to keep me motivated?<br />
My contraction came and Danny was counting for me and I pushed with every ounce of my being. One more time, she said? Well one more time it was going to be. <br />
"Okay DON'T PUSH DON'T PUSH." Don't push? What is she doing down there? What's going on? And then THERE SHE WAS. There was my baby girl... Who wasn't crying... <br />
"Is she okay? Why isn't she crying? Is she okay??" <br />
"She's fine, she's fine. Give her a second... Is Daddy cutting the cord?" <br />
"Yes..." <br />
Wait, where is Daddy? He's not by my head anymore... Oh, down there by Ryssa. Cutting the cord. What an amazing sight... <br />
And THEN SHE CRIED. And cried and cried. <br />"11:50 am."<br />
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They put her right on me, rubbed her clean while she laid on my chest. No longer crying, but staring at me with beautiful, curious-looking eyes. I bawled and bawled. <br />
This is my baby. This is the baby we worked so hard for. This is our baby. THIS IS MY BABY. Oh thank you God for this amazing little angel!! <br />
Then it was time for skin to skin so they moved the towel they had placed her on, and continued doing whatever it was they do. Danny was by my head again, getting a good look at our amazing daughter. <br />
Dr Cox finished up and came up to the head of the bed. She stuck her hand on Ryssa's back. <br />
"You did great! Now I'm guessing... 6 pounds 2 ounces!" And then she was gone. <br />
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An hour of skin to skin. An hour of bonding with my baby with nobody else getting to take her away from me. An hour of her staring at me or being comforted by me. Absolutely amazing. <br />
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Eventually it was time for her weight and measurements. I closed my gown back up and twisted around so I could see..... <br />
"6 pounds, 1.8 ounces, which the computer will automatically round to 6 pounds 2 ounces." HOLY CRAP Dr Cox was right!!! How did she do that?! <br />
After the nurse was done getting Rys all taken care of, she handed her to Daddy. Cue more tears. <br />
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It was such an amazing day. I know I'm forgetting things... I will probably come back and edit this as I remember more little bits, so I have it for ever and ever. <br />
Thank you all, for all of your support over the last year and a half. And for those of you who have been with us from day one. All of you. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. This baby girl is more loved than she knows. But we will be sure to tell her... <br />
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I found out later the next day that the lights flickering and me mentioning my Uncle Ray was actually quite bizarre. My mom called my Aunt Melba Thursday to tell her about the baby and she told her about the lights and me saying I thought it was him. Melba had been having a rough morning Wednesday, really missing Ray. She cried and prayed and wanted a sign from him. He didn't give her one, but he gave me one. She was so happy to hear about the lights and my reaction. I know Ray was there with me that day. Welcoming this sweet baby into the world too. I hope he had a hand in keeping her safe... <br />
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Oh... and my favorite nurse? She worked that night. She wasn't my nurse, but she came by to check on me. She held Ryssa. And told me how good of a job I did. She also helped reassure me about some pain I was in, and that I didn't HAVE to take the strong meds they were mentioning for me (they make me sick). I wish she could have been our nurse the whole time, or even for ONE more shift. But oh well. She didn't even have to come visit, and she did. And her wanting to hold Rys melted my heart :) Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-67549653314486280502013-07-14T15:31:00.000-07:002013-07-14T15:31:25.311-07:00Less than two weeks left!! Oh blogger... How I've missed you! Seriously! I miss the days when I could just sit and blog for hours. Now I'm lucky if I am functioning for hours by the time I get home from work. Mostly, I'm not. Mostly, I'm super tired. Or in a lot of pain. But today I am feeling okay. Today I get to blog! <br />
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I have some cancer stories to share. One written by my dear friend Mandi, about her dad. He passed away recently, and writing for the blog helped her come to terms with healing. I need to post the story, but I haven't been able to get through the whole thing because I'm naturally emotional and these hormones make it worse and I just turn into a mess every time I read it... I PROMISE it'll be posted soon.<br />I also have a follow up to a guest post from a few months ago that I need to post. I will hopefully get around to it this week. <br />
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I don't have any cancer updates regarding Danny. He has his next appointment scheduled for September. Right before my birthday. It'll be a stressful time for us, I'm sure. But I think things will continue to be great with his health :) <br />
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So... Pregnancy update! If you follow along on Facebook, you're already getting pretty constant updates. It's probably annoying you. Sorry if it is! <br />Last time I posted we had just under 7 weeks left until my due date... It's been so long since I've been on here that THERE IS LESS THAN TWO WEEKS until my due date now!! WHAT?! Where has the time gone? I mean, really.... I feel like we just went through IVF last month! <br />
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Miss Rys isn't here yet... Despite a few scares (and yes, they were scares, because it was too early!), she's still snuggled in tight. Okay. That's not entirely true. But she's still in there, that's what I'm trying to say!! <br />
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At my last dr appointment, my doc checked me and told me how things are progressing. And, well, progressing we are. Two weeks before I was dilated to 1 and my cervix was getting soft and mushy, the week before I was dilated to 1-2 and my cervix was "very mushy" and Rys was "RIGHT. THERE." This week? Well, this week I was dilated to a full 2, maybe a bit more. My effacement? Yeah, it's done. Can't get any thinner than that. "Paper thin" is what it is. 100%. Done. And Rys? She's so far down into the canal that it's causing all of my constant pain and pressure and there's essentially no way to help it except get her OUT. Doc said "The baby is ready. The baby is done. She's as far as possible. Now we're just waiting on your brain. Your brain needs to release oxytocin. Just a TINY bit. And once it does, you'll start dilating more. And once that starts? The rest is history." So, what are we waiting on? My brain. Unfortunately, my mom came with me to that appointment, so she heard all that, too. So now I am getting pressure to get my mind in this. No more denial for me. No more fighting off the contractions. No more trying to convince her to stay in. She's ready, she's more than ready. The only thing stopping her is my brain which hasn't triggered the release of oxytocin yet. My brain is generally not a problem. My brain is usually really dependable. I don't blame my brain.... Unfortunately everyone else does ;) When the doc had answered some of my mom's questions and asked if I had any, she went to leave. She then came BACK in and told me to make sure I have my bag packed. <br />My bag was finished up that night. <br />
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This weekend Danny and I went and got the curtains for her room's windows. And a piece of wood for under her mattress for the movement monitor. And a cute little box for all the little things that could easily get lost, to put in her stand-alone closet. When we got home, I went through all of her socks and bows and headbands and got them all organized... I came out of the nursery and Danny was rearranging the living room!! He had already started nesting earlier in the week but he kicked it into high gear yesterday. Moving furniture, sweeping. I couldn't sit there and watch, so I started to help by picking some stuff up. Organizing my books. Then after resting for a bit, I went back into the nursery and set up the movement monitor and positioned the video portion so I could see her... Well, so I could see the blanket that I was pretending was her for video-positioning-purposes. I then put all the clips on the curtain that will go around her stand alone closet. Today I ordered another corner piece for the wire curtain for it, per Danny's request. So it'll be a few days before that curtain is up. Maybe her window curtains will be up today though. We shall see. <br />When I'm done posting I will play out my lives on Papa Pear on Facebook... And then I think I'll clean the kitchen. I want to get Ryssa's swing/bouncer put together. But I think we'll wait until she's here for that. It'll stay in the living room and I don't want the cats to think it's theirs before she gets here and stakes her claim on it! <br />
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That's about it... I'll do the update quiz thing now. And just know, all the answers are good for the last few weeks! :)<br /><br /><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 38 weeks... WHOA! Full term!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> Plus THREE. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> I've got some clothes from my sister in law, a super soft maternity/nursing dress, and my cozy clothes :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> Still none, allow me to knock on some wood ;) </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> Ohhh I love sleep. Sleeping on one side too long has gotten uncomfortable again though, that whole side gets super sore. And unfortunately my left side is really the only side I'm comfy on. So. It's a pain in the rear... Or more accurately in the hip. </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Getting so much in her room done! And the amazing pedi I treated myself to. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Umm... I'm good, thanks! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> She's been really VERY quiet the last couple days. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Everything. All of my favorite things. Anything that doesn't give me awful indigestion (like Taco Grande). </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> I get nauseous randomly. And when my contractions are especially painful </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL, Ryssa</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Lots of contractions, but most are random. I had some good strong ones the other night for an hour, every 5-10 minutes. Danny asked if he needed to start the car, but I decided to take a warm bath.... And that put a stop to the contractions. So. Whatever. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> A growing baby bump ;)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> It still hasn't popped ALL the way out :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On and still loose unless I am hot and swollen </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Meeting baby Rys!!! </span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-51363514822662328332013-06-09T16:47:00.001-07:002013-06-09T16:47:10.986-07:007 weeks to go?! WHAT?!??!!I came to update today... And I was like "hmmm, how many weeks am I again?" Yeah, because prego brain is still seriously happening... And because I'm kinda sorta totally in denial. WE ONLY HAVE SEVEN WEEKS UNTIL MY DUE DATE!!! Seven weeks?! Seriously?! No.. Not possible... <br />
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But, yet... Here we are. I guess technically it's Sunday so, 6 1/2 weeks left. Pardon me while I go throw up! Everyone keeps asking if I'm ready to be done being pregnant. If I'm just so ready for her to be here. Am I ready for her to be here? Well, yes. Of course I am. BUT I also am just still not of the mind that I will have to share her yet. Right now people can feel her from the outside but I'm the only that feels her constantly. The one that feels all the little jabs (and all the uncomfortable feelings). I'm the one that feels the weird sensations from the inside out. I love her and she loves me and I don't know why anyone else ever ever ever needs to touch her... Unless they want to change her diaper. I could hand over that duty... haha. But really, I KNOW that feeling will change. I KNOW that I will get to a point that I WANT help and need it and I will want to hand her over so I can take care of myself. But at this moment, I don't see that happening. I just don't. And it sort of kills me to think I have to share her. Even with Danny! She is his daughter too, and I KNOW he wants to help with everything with her... And all I can think is "they better hand her to me first... They better not try to hand her to anyone else but me... They better let me be the first to touch her. He cuts the cord, BUT I GET TO TOUCH HER." How selfish is that? Yeah. I'm a selfish person. I never thought I'd feel like this. But the thought of someone else getting to hold her first kills me. I know that if I have to have a C-section, that I will OBVIOUSLY WANT Danny to hold her first. I can't, and she needs a parent to hold her first. And I will love seeing him hold her. But. If I can hold her first? Well, I want to... <br />Am I just so done being pregnant? No.... No I'm not. It's been a rough one. Not as easy as so many people make it seem. I hurt, my back hurts, I have this new leg tingling thing, the nausea is back randomly, it's hard to breathe... And yet, I just don't feel that "get her OUT" feeling yet that so many people talk about. I love the bond we have with her in me. I love putting my hand on my stomach and feeling her move to it to feel the warmth. Or kick it if my hand is cold. I love having her in my belly and knowing that, for right now, she's ALL MINE. Yeah, her Daddy is still her favorite... You can tell by the way she listens to him already. But, she's mine. Mine mine mine. <br />
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So many people complain about random people touching their bellies. I am fortunate and I haven't had to deal with that. EVERYONE that has touched my bump has asked first. And I don't have a problem with it. I know girls say "if you didn't put it here, don't touch it." Well, I suppose I could say that, too.... But.... A TON of people helped get her in here... A TON. So. My belly is open. I KNOW I'd feel different if some random stranger walked up to me and rubbed on my belly. But, that hasn't happened yet. So I'm a lucky one. Maybe I don't look inviting. I don't know. And I don't care. I like things the way they've gone and I hope they stay that way... <br /><br />Everyone knows I've been a little miserable during these months. But, these last couple months have been blissful. I am more tired now than I was in first tri... But other than that, there are times I seriously forget I'm pregnant. I've been asked MULTIPLE times "So how far along are you?" or "When are you due?" And it takes me a second to realize these people are talking to me and that I AM PREGNANT and that I need to respond with the correct answer. One time I looked at the lady like she had lost her mind and said "I'm sorry, what?" And Danny touched my belly and said "She wants to know how many months you have left babe." Oh. Oh YEAH. I'm pregnant!!! DUH!!! Can I blame that on pregnancy brain? Or is that an infertility thing? You go for so long thinking it will probably never happen and you give up home and now that it IS HAPPENING it just doesn't seem like real life? <br /><br />But it is real life... Really real life. We did maternity pictures today. MATERNITY PICTURES. Yeah, you read that right. We still have some more to take, indoor ones that we will do next weekend. But we did maternity pics! Faith had a great time with them, and her favorite part was all the pics she took by herself (yeah, she even admitted it LOL). I think I already know which pic is my favorite, so far... And it's a pic that doesn't show my face. HAHA!! I can't wait to see the finished product!! The pics were done by Crystal with Professor Photo. Sound familiar? Oh yeah... she did our fundraiser!! She ALSO is the one who put together our multiple garage sale fundraisers. AND she took over the cupcakes fundraiser when my regular cupcake-fundraiser-friend moved away. She has had a HUGE HAND in getting this baby in my belly. And she just keeps giving. Maternity pics now, and BIRTH STORY PICS when I'm giving birth!! :) She's so amazing!! <br />
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My last post mentioned how awful that day was with prego brain. Today my day has been awful because I AM SO COMPLETELY UNCOORDINATED RIGHT NOW. I'm not used to that. No, I'm generally not the most coordinated person on the planet... But this goes above and beyond the normal. We were getting around for pictures (and running just a couple minutes late) and I was helping Faith with her hair, in her room. She asked to see one of the charms in my charm necklace and I couldn't show her without opening up the locket. Instead of using my brain and thinking "I should take this off first..." I just plopped it into my palm and opened it... And OF COURSE a charm fell out. Which one? The July birthstone, meant for Ryssa. Cue instant tears that I had to control... I showed Faith the other side of the charm she'd asked about, and then she and I got on our hands and knees to look for the stone... No luck. I decided I would just have to buy a new one, and I got up and went to find a different shirt to wear (note, I never did find the tank top I had in my head... whatever. It's gone forever somewhere and I wore a different one lol). Danny saw my face and knew I was upset about something so I told him that I was an IDIOT and opened my locket while wearing it, thinking if anything fell out it would land in my hand... and it didn't. So, he stopped getting ready and went into Faith's room to look for it. And sure enough, my amazing husband found it. I do NOT know how. But he's always the finder of lost things. Always. <br />SO we got ready, running a bit late, and ran to my parents' house. I needed to get a dress for Ryssa for pictures, and I needed to get my earrings that I'd let my niece borrow... We got there and I tried to put my earrings in... And I couldn't get them in. My dad offered to help but we were running late and I said no, that I would just try again in the car.... And I did. And I still couldn't get them in. So what do I do? I assume that my hole in my right ear is just too closed up for my bigger bulkier earring, and that I should just use Faith's earring since it's real gold anyway. So I ask to borrow her earring, which she promptly takes out... With me repeatedly telling her not to drop it or the back and to be careful... She didn't drop it. She handed it to me and I tried, unsuccessfully to get THAT earring in my ear. I finally gave up. We were parked so I asked Faith to get close so I could put her earring back in (she can take them out but can't put them back in)... And I try for a second and KER-PLUNK, I drop it. We searched and searched and couldn't find it. So Faith and I got out of the car and went to chat with Crystal and her hubby and kids while Danny looked for the lost earring... While standing around I tried AGAIN to get my earring in... Nope... So I just took my other earring out and gave up... And guess what? DANNY FOUND FAITH'S EARRING. Finder of all lost things I tell you!! <br />We did our pictures and then hung out for a while chatting, and then left the park. When we got home I got out my good earrings. And I tried AGAIN to get something through that stinkin' ear. No. Such. Luck. I had Danny help me. <br />"It's closed. I can see where the hole WAS. But, this won't go through. It's going to hurt. It's CLOSED." Just push it through dang it!!<br />"It's fine, it doesn't hurt... Just keep stabbing." <br />"Does this hurt?" Maybe a little....<br />"Nope, keep trying." <br />He asked if I had a piercing stud and I remembered that Faith did in her drawer of earrings. I asked Faith for her earrings and she brought them out, and the earrings I thought were the piercing studs really didn't look very sharp. BUT they were thinner since they were a children's earring. Danny tried to push it through. It wasn't working...<br />"Should I go get one of the needles from my fertility med box?" <br />"NO. No you should not..." Well, it would be sharper than these earrings are!! Geez! <br />"Alright...."<br />"This is gonna hurt..." It already does, ouch. <br />POP<br />"There, it's through. Keep this earring in for a while and let your ear calm down before you take this out and put your own in it..." Ouch ouch ouch. I'm not touching that ear. <br />
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That's my day TODAY and it's not even over... Yesterday was a bad day for Danny. He worked his tush off moving stuff around and setting up the internet in the living room instead of the computer room (which is now the nursery). And then he got to painting. He took a break and my cat snuck into the room and got into the paint... Yep, little tiny cat paw prints were ALL OVER the floor. He was mad... But the cat survived. I cleaned her painted paws up (while bleeding because she didn't WANT to be cleaned up), and all is well....<br />And THEN, while moving my dresser, he realized too late that my mirror wasn't attached... And BOOM goes the mirror. Broken into pieces. :( Which upset ME because I've had that set for ever... And ticked him off because he did it. <br />
But you know what? HE FINISHED IT. Well, not finished up to his standards. But the paint is ON THE WALLS and I love love love love love it!!! He is going to go back through and do whatever it is he thinks needs done. But after working so long and hard on it yesterday/last night, he won't be doing anything else in there today. He deserves a break! :)<br /><br />Everything is really coming together now. Other than blinds/curtains and a bookshelf, we've got everything we need!! Our crib came in (thanks to the gift cards from our family and friends). My friend Denna gave us the high chair. I ordered the crib mattress with another gift card. I ordered the stroller thanks to the money given to us at the shower. And last but not least, I put off ordering the swing/bouncer combo because I wanted it to go on sale... I started a Target registry because I found one there I liked and I had some gift cards for there to use. I knew I could start the registry and they'd give me a coupon code to use to get 10% off... So I was waiting for that... Then what did I get in the mail? Not the 10% off coupon... BUT A $20 GIFT CARD FROM TARGET for starting the registry. Thank you very much. I got online and signed up for the baby deals on their site and I got a 10% off code for an online order. So... Thanks to gift cards from family and Target, and the coupon code, I saved almost $100!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! Sometimes (rarely) it pays off to procrastinate! <br />
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Time for the weekly update that I have been slacking on... Just know that week 32 was the same as this week, k? :)<br /><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 33 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> Negative one... Doc says that's fine though because MY TESTING CAME BACK FINE and I "just have good genes." :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> Still wearing what I've got and all the cozy clothes and I have some clothes from my sister in law :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> So far so good! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> I now know the term pregnancy insomnia. I get to sleep just fine, but I wake up and stay up and can't get back to sleep for hours... Stinks. </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Doing the maternity pics and Ryssa getting the hiccups while Faith and Danny had their hands on my belly. PERFECT timing!! haha </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Umm... I'm good, thanks! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> I feel her a lot less often (doc says that's because she's sleeping more and more) but when I do, WHOA, she's stronger than ever!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Ice cream, strawberry banana smoothie, chocolate covered strawberries, brownies, chocolate cake with chocolate icing... Do I need to keep going? Of all of those cravings, I've only caved on the ice cream. And that's because my doc TOLD me to eat ice cream to help with the weight and because it's got calcium! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> I get nauseous when I eat too fast/too much/too heavy... And then some other random times. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL, Ryssa</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Nope, unless you count Braxton Hicks? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> A growing baby bump ;)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> The top part, that was pierced, sticks out. But the rest is in. It's weird. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On and still loose unless I am hot and swollen </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Seeing the maternity pics, and finishing up the nursery!! </span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-17906173165838295802013-05-26T19:55:00.000-07:002013-05-26T19:55:39.043-07:00Prego Brain... You stink! Looky looky who is posting. It's me! I know it's been a while... Again... I really just can't seem to keep up with my own mind these days, let alone keep everyone else updated. WHICH I AM UNBELIEVABLY SORRY FOR!!! <br />
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But here I am, ready to update you. I have about 2 hours free, and I plan on using the time to give you all the wonderful (and some not-so-wonderful) details about the last couple weeks!! <br />
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So, I left off the week before my first baby shower... I think? Oh gosh, I can't remember. I could look, but that would take up precious time, and really... does it matter? I know I haven't updated since... So that's where I shall start!! <br />
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So... My big baby shower, with tons of family and friends, was May 11th. It was held at my old high school (thanks to Pammy-Pam who arranged that for us!!), and boy has it changed!! I walked in and was in awe at the differences... It took me a bit to get into the "help get stuff done" mode because I just couldn't stop looking around. But, I got snapped out of that and started helping. We got the tables set up and decorated, the food set out, and people started showing up. And showing up. And showing up. It seemed like every time I looked up there were more people there I needed to talk to. And I didn't feel like I really had much of a chance to talk to ANYONE for more than a quick hello and thanks for coming. Did I mention there were a ton of people there? <br />
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We had SO MUCH FOOD. Sandwiches, chips, dips, roll-ups, fruit kabobs, cupcakes, cake, chocolate treats... I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting to mention. SO MUCH FOOD. Food is important to my family, haha. <br />
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We passed out the baby shower games, which were fun ones! And I got started opening gifts. I'm not exactly the fastest gift-opener in the world. As a matter of fact, it's well known in my family that I'm the slowest. So I made it a point to try to speed that up... And despite my best effort, I just couldn't. I just could NOT go any faster than I did. Each gift needed attention, each gift giver needed a special thank-you at the time. And of course, each gift needed to be recorded on a neat list for thank you notes! <br />
So you know what that means? People got bored. I heard less and less "oooohs" and "aawwws." And you know what? That made me happy!! People were chatting and eating and having a good time doing whatever it was they wanted to do, and I was no longer the clown at the center of the circus. Being the center of attention isn't something I'm good at. I had the freedom to touch every item in every gift, rub on all the soft blankets, fight back the tears that came with the special gifts... And I was able to say a quick thank you to the giver of each gift (if they were still there) when I opened their gift. It was just the way I like it. If you're reading this and you were there and you are thinking "Oh man I was so bored," I am sorry. You totally could've spent the time googling the game answers though ;) <br />
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So... We got a TON of stuff. A ton of absolutely adorable stuff. So many things that were much needed. And every single thing was something we love and are thankful for. We are beyond grateful. And SO SO blessed!! <br />
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Mother's Day was the next day, and I woke up to cards from both Faith and Danny... And three of the most adorable onesies for Baby ever. They were quite obviously picked out by Danny. And so of course I bawled like the hormonal pregnant lady I am (and yes, I am a crier even when I'm not hormonal... shhhh). <br />
We then went to lunch with Danny's mom, grandma, aunt, sister and nieces. We of course then had to go see my mom, and while we were there we went through everything from the shower. We laid everything out and took pictures. My mom counted all the onesies (over 60, ha! But a wonderful range of sizes!) and got a close look at each gift. And I made a plan for getting the other items we needed, with the amazing gift cards and money we were gifted. <br />
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That week went by super fast, and soon it was the next Friday... And two of my online-group friends made it into town for a little gathering/shower. The three of us had never met (although we've all met other girls from our online group), but it was like we'd been around each other for years... Not from different parts of the country! <br />
Friday night we went to dinner and just talked and talked and talked. It was absolutely fabulous!! <br />
Saturday we went to my parents' house, where we held our little shower. The online girls had sent some gifts there for me and for one of the girls who was visiting (who is just a couple weeks behind me, pregnancy wise!!). We spent a few hours just chatting. And we skyped with another friend who couldn't be there. SO MUCH FUN. She was on the computer with us as we unwrapped our gifts. Danny and I are beyond blessed, have I mentioned that?? We got amazing gifts at that shower, too. <br />
That night the three of us (Danny wasn't interested lol) went to Mosley Street Melodrama which was hilarious! They were doing a show mocking the Food Network challenge shows (namely Chopped, my favorite!!). And then did a sort of Name That Tune with food items in the song title or artist name. It was a blast!!! <br />
We said our goodbyes that night, and Danny got lots of hugs from the ladies when he picked me up. We got in the car to leave and I told him how awesome it was to have them here, and he told me how lucky WE are to have them in our lives. And he is so right. <br />
So many people don't understand the whole online friends thing. But, oh well. I met these ladies while planning our wedding in 08 and 09. They were all on the Brides forum. I think we've all (or mostly all) left those boards, but we stay connected through Facebook. These ladies helped me through Danny's cancer battle. Especially his diagnosis. I wasn't alone "in real life," of course, but I still needed support, and they were there. Over the years some of us have divorced, gotten remarried, started planning their wedding, lost loved ones, been dealt blow after blow... And we are all still there for each other. We know who we can count on, who we can vent to. And who will help pick us up when we are down. Those are my Bride girls. And they've helped us SO VERY MUCH over these last years. And they still are helping us. <br />
And now that I'm crying, I will move on with how things went after they left! ;)<br />
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Sunday Laura got on a plane and Janice got in her car to head back South... Both trying to beat the storms. I moped around a bit because I missed them already (and yes I know I hadn't even MET them in person before then, do not judge me!). And then the storms started to roll in... And boy did they! We went to my parents' house, because it's about the safest place for us... When, really, their house was right in the path of a tornado! The tornado lifted and turned JUST SLIGHTLY, and we were safe. But it was scary and I was not a happy camper. I was thankful, though, that we made it through just fine. <br />
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Then we get to this past week. Monday. I was about to leave for my dr appt when I got a call from the office. I had evidently failed my 1 hour glucose test. OH JOY. I freaked the heck out, and just NEEDED to talk to my doctor about it. Thank goodness I already had an appointment, otherwise I would've driven myself crazy waiting to see her. <br />
At my appointment I stepped on the scale, FULLY INTENDING TO SEE A BIGGER NUMBER than the time before.... And.... nope. That number was exactly the flippin' same. How is that even possible when I am quite obviously getting bigger? I am moving up in sizes in clothes. My belly is stretching beyond belief... And yet there is no weight gain? Not even .1 of a pound?? Seriously? <br />
I saw my doctor and we talked about my failing the glucose test. Danny had some questions that she answered... And she told me I definitely needed to do the 3 hour test. Did I want to? No. But I made it through the 1 hour... How much worse could the 3 hour be? Really... <br />
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After leaving the appointment, I checked my phone. A tornado was in South OKC. <br />
South OKC?? What?! That's where our fertility doc is. THAT'S WHERE OUR FROZEN EMBRYOS ARE!!!! Our popsicle babies. Our beautiful little chances at life. They are there!! Were they safe? Was the med center getting destroyed?! <br />
The radio was no help. They weren't talking about it. So, I had to get a hold of my friend down there. We had discussed earlier in the day that they were supposed to get severe weather, and that she'd left work because of it... And she assured me that the tornado had passed through, and had stayed south of the city itself. But it had hit Moore. Moore, a city we had driven through multiple times. Eaten at. A really nice area... Devastated. <br />
We picked Faith up and went home where we turned on the tv.. and lo and behold there was finally coverage. Coverage I probably shouldn't have watched. I cried as I watched the firefighters and other first responders search through the rubble at the school for the kids they knew were trapped. Cried as I watched the dog pick up a scent and lead them where they needed to be... <br />
My heart broke for Moore. And it also broke for the other Oklahoma cities and towns hit by the tornadoes the night before... <br />
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The rest of the week went by pretty fast. I was sick one day. And Thursday I had to do my 3 hour glucose test, which was... well... It just was. <br />
I got to my primary care doc's office and they pricked my finger to check my fasting blood sugar. Anything below 95 was passing, 80 was the goal. My level? 62. Yeah, super low. I was feeling dehydrated, because they said I couldn't have water. And the nurse proved that I was, because she couldn't get a vein. Rollin' rollin' rolling. That's what my veins were doing. She used the smallest needle they had, and dove into my forearm. Ouch! But it worked. All the pokes and stabs and roaming around with the needle seriously set off my nausea though. So did the fact that it was about a billion degrees in that lab! I said I was feeling hot and the nurse said she could tell I was flushing. She got me a fan... And smelling salts. Smelling salts? I didn't even know those were REAL. She said they smell like rotten pee (oh lovely!) so she didn't want to have to use them... I didn't want her to, either! <br />
I managed to drink the nastiest drink ever. And they put me in a cold room, in a bed. With a fan. Ahhhh, so much better. <br />
I was then pricked in the finger and had a vial of blood taken at 30 minutes, 1 hour, 1.5 hours, 2 hours and 3 hours. I was in a lot of pain, and the nausea and flushing came back each time she had issues catching a vein. But, I made it through without passing out. Go, me! <br />
My numbers needed to be:<br />
Fasting: <95<br />
1 hour: <180<br />
2 hour: <155<br />
3 hour: <140<br />
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I don't know my numbers FOR SURE because they go off of the actual vials they took. But I know what each finger prick showed... And those were:<br />
Fasting: 62 PASSING<br />
1 hour: 162 or 169, I don't know which... PASSING<br />
2 hour: 153... Technically PASSING, but, the finger prick isn't exactly the same as what the vial will show. Will it actually be higher than that? Or lower than that? It's CLOSE... Too close for comfort. And we are depending on that number. Why? Well because I'm only allowed to FAIL one of the numbers... And... <br />
3 hour: 151. MAJOR FAIL. <br />
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So, it all depends on that real number from hour two. If we are basing this off of finger pricks, then I passed. But, we aren't. So, we shall see. Who knows when. <br />
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This weekend has already flown by. I can't believe it's already Sunday night. <br />
Saturday morning started out... rough. My dog peed on my foot because I couldn't get all the locks unlocked fast enough to let him outside. I slipped while stepping out of the tub (from washing my feet from the pee!!), but caught myself. I got water dumped on my head from the shower head while trying to clean the tub (because there were pee germs in there!!). And we were running a couple minutes late trying to get to our rescheduled 3D sonogram. <br />
However, the day turned around! <br />
Baby cooperated!! We got to see her gorgeous face. Her adorable feet. Her fingers (with fingernails!!). AND HER HAIR!!! She's got so much of it, according to the sono! I thought she would be bald, like I was as a baby. I've had heartburn but not nightly. Or even consistently. At the initial 3d sono weeks ago the tech said she had a "tiny bit of hair." And I figured that would be it. But a lot changes in 4 weeks I guess. Because the tech said that Baby has a lot more hair than most babies she sees at this point in the pregnancy!! YEA!! She's going to have her daddy's hair!!! :)<br />
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After the sono we went and picked up some last minute items for Faith's birthday party. And then surprised her with an inflatable slip n slide that we'd rented. She LOVED it. As did my nieces and nephews that were able to come. Even I enjoyed it (I was pushed down it, on my tush, don't worry!). Her party was a definite success :) <br />
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Today has been a pretty awful day. But hey, we've still got tomorrow, right? <br />
Pregnancy brain has been messing with me for the past few weeks, but it's gotten pretty bad the last few days. I have been a source for entertainment for Danny, who gets a kick out of me being forgetful. I'm not used to feeling dumb. I'm usually organized and on top of things. But not lately. And he just thinks it's so funny. <br />
Until today. Until HE had to suffer through my brain issues. Ha ha Danny, ha ha. Not so funny now, is it? <br />
His day started out particularly bad. So he was grumpy. But, I had a 20% off coupon that was expiring in a couple days... And we had gift cards to use towards the crib. Danny was going to cover the rest of the cost and he had the money so I figured we should go get the crib. <br />
Naturally, I assumed the crib would be in stock. Why? I don't know. I just assumed. Yeah. Dumb. <br />
We went to the store, and I made sure I had my coupon IN HAND. I reminded myself about a million times to GRAB THAT COUPON. So. I had the coupon. Yea. First things first, I wanted to go grab two bibs. Well, three. But they didn't have one of them. So I got the other two. One says "I'm the little sister" and the other says "I love my uncle." I need to add an S to the uncle one... Because Baby is going to love all of her uncles :)<br />
I grabbed the two bibs and we started to walk over to the cribs. I reminded myself about the coupon and I checked for the millionth time to be sure I had it... And then I realized... I had the coupon, BUT NOT THE GIFT CARDS. Those gift cards were important. They needed to be used for THIS purchase. I told Danny, who just looked at me. He laughed for a second, but he knew I was upset. He wasn't entirely happy, since we'd driven the truck and it eats gas like crazy. He said he wanted to look at the cribs again anyway because he had changed his mind. So, we went over and what he was saying made sense... And we decided on a different crib. A crib I LOVE, and that will look absolutely fabulous with the rug we'd gotten for the nursery. The sign on the crib said "IN STOCK" so we decided to run home and get the gift cards and come back... <br />
So that's what we did. <br />
We showed BACK UP, with coupon AND GIFT CARDS, and ask to buy the crib. The employee flips the sign to "Order now and it will get here in 7-10 days" and I thought that meant we were getting the last one... Woohooo!!! <br />
Except... nope... The sign had just been wrong and he was fixing it. So. We had to order it. Order it? My coupon says no special orders. Would it still work? I discussed it with Danny and he said with the way his day was going, it probably wouldn't work. But oh well, we need the crib. So, okay. <br />
We went to pay for it, and the coupon DID work. SCORE. I pulled out the gift cards... Started taking them off of the little cardboard things... handing them over... And then I realized one of the cards had to be activated. Ugh. Danny asked which one and it was a $25 visa, so he told me to just put it away and he'd pay that difference. Okay. The lady told him the total and he swiped his card and typed in his number. It happened too fast. My brain wasn't functioning at normal capacity. Everything takes me a few seconds longer to process right now. I HEARD the lady tell him the total and I thought to myself "did she not scan the cards right?? That's just not right. That's $100 more than we were planning." And that's when it hits me.... There was another gift card. The $100 visa gift card. I KNEW that one didn't have to be activated. I dug through my purse pocket and sure enough, I hadn't grabbed it when I grabbed the other ones. But it was already too late. Danny's card had already been charged. There are no refunds on orders. They could have done it, but it would've taken a long time to figure it out, and time wasn't something we had because we'd already wasted so much because of my slow brain... Danny said it was fine, we could just use that gift card on the mattress later. There are things that need to be purchased and that was a Visa so it wasn't necessary that we use it at that store... So. We signed for the order and left... Me feeling like a complete and utter FOOL... And him with the resolve that his day just can't seem to change directions... <br />
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So... As the title of this entry states... Prego brain really stinks!! <br />
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I will make an entry just of pics from the past few weeks tomorrow (hopefully). But I think this post is long enough for now. I will leave you with a weekly quiz update for this week. And just know that the last couple weeks have been identical to this week ;)<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 31 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> Zero.. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> I love my cozy pants and my maxi dresses and skirts and tanks... And I borrowed some maternity clothes from my sister in law :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> So far so good! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> I'm knocking on wood... But sleep is still good! </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Hmm... Seeing Baby in 3d, with her cooperation!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> I miss not worrying constantly about how Baby is doing. But, I don't think that will ever go away. Even once she's born. So. I better get used to it! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> In the ribs mostly, because she's head down now. Whew she likes the ribs! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Ice cream</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> Cheese :( How awful is that??!!?! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL... That we have named Ryssa!! Pronounced like Marissa, without the Ma. And spelled the way I fell in love with it. <3 I call her Miss Rys. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Nope, unless you count Braxton Hicks? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> A growing baby bump ;)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> Depends on where Rys is... If she's near my belly button it's really close to pushing out lol </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On and still loose unless I am hot and swollen </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Maternity pics :)</span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-2649188879529240632013-05-06T17:43:00.000-07:002013-05-06T17:43:37.234-07:0028 amazing weeks down... Forgive me, blog followers! For I have SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY sucked at blogging. I think about it every day, I really do! There just haven't seemed to be enough hours in the day. <br /><br />The wonderful hubby had a job change, which includes an insurance change. In the middle of a pregnancy. Yeah, that's a headache in and of itself. Not to mention the headaches that have been involved from the job change. But I won't go there. I'm probably not allowed to until it all gets straightened out. So, whatever. <br /><br />Then there has been lots of stuff going on with my family. All is okay, so don't worry! It's just really taken up a lot of time... Time that is just FLYING by!!! <br /><br />Then there was a slight scare with my beautiful baby in my belly. I say slight because ALL IS WELL. Everything is fine! We just had to have some extra appointments and a sonogram (who would complain about a sonogram? NOT ME!!). I was also put on a med for a week. No big deal. I went to the dr today and she confirmed that everything is just perfect with Baby. My amniotic fluid (which is what the slight scare was about) is perfect, Baby measures right on time (2 and a half pounds at the sonogram which was two weeks ago), and she says if she keeps growing at the same pace, she will weigh about 7 pounds 6 ounces at delivery... Which my know-it-all, I mean, my husband, has been guessing... <br />
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I've also had extra appointments because that wonderful gestational diabetes test couldn't be done at my OB. Why? Well because my primary care doc insists it be done through his office. Which would've been just dandy... had I been seen by him any time recently. But since I HAVEN'T, I had to go in for a regular appointment before he would order the labs. That appointment consisted of a basic work up... and about 20 minutes of non-stop talk about Danny and how he's doing. Dr P had a student with him so he explained everything to him. Every. Little. Detail. I was impressed that he remembered so much, honestly! Also, Dr P says I shouldn't eat donuts. "Donuts aren't a good breakfast" he says. Blah blah blah. Donuts are yummy. So until my diabetes test results come back bad (surely they won't lol) then I shall continue to eat donuts. Mmmmm donuts!! I wish I had one right now! <br /><br />So, yeah... That's where we are. I was planning on putting Baby's name on here.... but for some reason, none of the blogs I follow share their kids/babies' names... Why is that? For fear someone will kidnap them? Steal their identity?? WHY?? I need to know so I can make an informed decision. If it's just a privacy thing then well... Pfftttt..... We don't really have privacy. We've blasted our story all over, proudly. I'm okay with people knowing her name. I announced it on Facebook. So. I guess if you're itching to know, just add me over there. Also if you add me/us on there, and I don't approve you, just send me a quick message telling me you're a blog follower. I'll approve ya then!! <br />
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OH and we did the 3d ultrasound!! HA! Remember how well Baby worked with us when we were trying to find out if she was a boy or girl? Yep, you guessed it, she was just as stubborn when we wanted to see her pretty face!! Her arms were UP and crossed in front. REALLY LITTLE MISSY?!?! We tried everything to get her to move, but she would basically just throw out a punch and go back to her pose, or she'd turn around. She is her father's child. Unless she's just being shy and doesn't like to be the center of attention... If that's the case then she's definitely mine! We had all the great grandparents there, too. And the grandmas. And of course Faith was there. Anyway, the place we went to really is awesome and offered to let us reschedule, for free. So we did. We go back in a couple weeks! <br /><br />
I would love to go back and do the weekly updates for all the weeks I've missed, but they'll basically all say the same thing. So I will just start back up with this week! <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 28 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> Well I technically lost again, according to my appointment this week. As of two weeks ago I was exactly at my pre-pregnancy weight finally. As of today I am one pound down from my prepregnancy weight. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> I wear my maternity jeans when it's cold (we're in Kansas, we've had snow... in May... it's bizarre). Otherwise I am LOVING my cozy pants and maxi dresses!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> So far so good! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> I can't wait to go to bed tonight. I love sleep! My hips get sore when I lay on one side for too long, and I get up 2+ times to go pee... but otherwise, I LOVE SLEEP!! </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Finding out that Baby is doing SO GREAT at my appointment today. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Eh... I can't think of anything at the moment. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> All the time!!! She is running out of room so body parts are basically poking out of my belly all day long. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Any and all food, all the time... PLEASE!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> I get random nausea on occasion. But I'm pretty used to it by now! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Nope</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> A growing baby bump ;)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> In still but probably not for much longer. Also, it hurts. Is that weird? LOL </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On and still loose. Up until I start swelling, which, yes, has begun... But it always goes away. For now. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> My baby shower!!! I CANNOT WAIT!! I can't believe we are really at this point. There are days that I still can't believe that I'm pregnant. And here we are, about to have my shower!! A year ago I was posting about Mother's Day and what it meant to me at the time.. and this Mother's Day I will be going through all the things from my shower and organizing it all, things FOR OUR BABY GIRL WHO IS IN MY BELLY. I just have no words for how it feels. None. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">That's all for now! I will try my hardest to get back to weekly (or even more often) posts! I promise!!! Thanks for sticking around everyone!!! <3</span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-38076835233736394312013-04-05T06:15:00.000-07:002013-04-05T06:15:16.262-07:00What makes a motherThis post is going to be a quick one.... But it's a little different. If you're a crier, well, grab your tissues. I don't think anything I say will make you cry, but the poem at the end... yeah... I sat at work bawling yesterday when I read it. Note to self: When Kristy sends you an email with the subject like "You might cry" just don't open it... at least not while at work!<br /><br />I don't think I need to remind anyone (although I haven't talked about it much on here) that we were originally pregnant with twins. A and B. Thing 1 and Thing 2. Both with heartbeats. Both looked the exact same but were just different sizes. One was big, one was small. But both had heartbeats. I SAW THOSE HEARTBEATS. Both of them.<br />I told myself going into that sonogram that day that there was probably only one embryo that stuck, based on my numbers... And that I was okay with that if that was the case. It meant the other just wasn't meant to be...<br /><br />And then my uterus popped up on that screen... And there were two of everything. Two beautiful little... well, blobs.... Two beautiful little LIVES growing right there in front of my eyes, with heartbeats! I could HEAR the doctor saying that the smaller baby probably wouldn't make it. "This one probably won't be viable." Won't be viable? It's viable. It's right there. That baby is alive right now.... That's all I could think...<br />
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I prayed and prayed.... I prayed to God, I told Him that I trusted that He was with us and He knew what He was doing. Whatever the outcome... I handed it over to God. And it was the hardest thing to do. I did everything I could to keep my body in the best shape as possible. I didn't make a single decision without thinking about our BABIES. Because there were two. And their well being comes first....<br />
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Going into the next sonogram, I wasn't sure what I'd see. But I WANTED my doctor to be wrong. I wanted to prove that a smaller baby didn't mean he or she wouldn't make it. But, alas, that's not how it played out. That wasn't God's plan. I KNOW that God has our best interests in mind. I know how hard this singleton pregnancy has been on me, and if we had to times that by two? Well, there's no telling what kind of shape I'd be in...<br /><br />I'm ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC that we have this little one right now, in my belly, and that she's so active and healthy... And that makes it even harder to grieve the loss of Baby B. Since the day we found out that he or she was gone, I felt like I couldn't voice how upset I was to anyone. I was thankful for Baby A, of course. But I also was grieving the loss of her brother or sister. The twin she'd never know. That we'd never know. Not until we get to Heaven anyway....<br /><br />Finding out our amazingly wonderful daughter was in fact, a daughter, was a wonderful day... And then there was that thought bubble that pops up at random times through out the day "I wonder if Baby B was a boy or girl... I wonder what we'd be doing with the nursery if they had both made it...."<br />
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And that's the thing... I think about Baby A constantly. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about Baby B, every day. Every single day. During the day he or she pops up into my mind at random times, but any time I pray, well he or she is a main part of my prayers. That he or she is watching over his sisters. That he or she is happy up there with our loved ones we've lost.... That my Uncle Ray is teaching him or her to be as ornery as he was....<br />
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So that's where I am on a daily... And I have a hard time connecting with some people who have had miscarriages because I feel like they have it worse than me. I lost a baby, yes... But at the exact same time, one baby was still growing and thriving. That's not fair to them, is it? To grieve as much as they do? And then there are the people who have experienced multiple losses. My heart absolutely aches for them. I don't know how they get through the days sometimes. Really, I don't.<br />One thing I think that is obvious though, is that my friends rock. My friends who have gone through so much, too... They never make me feel like my emotions and feelings aren't justified. They've NEVER made me feel like I'm not allowed to grieve, or that my loss is less than theirs. They are supportive of me just as I am of them. I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for, and I thank God for them daily as well!!!<br /><br /><br /><br />So... Now on to the wonderful poem that touched my heart yesterday. A poem I think anyone who has lost a baby should read (a baby at any age, I might add)...<br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I thought of you and closed my eyes<br />And prayed to God today<br />I asked “What makes a Mother?”<br />And I know I heard Him say.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“A Mother has a baby”<br />This we know is true<br />“But God can you be a Mother,<br />When your baby’s not with you?”</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Yes, you can,” He replied<br />With confidence in His voice<br />“I give many women babies,<br />When they leave is not their choice.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some I send for a lifetime,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And others for the day.<br />And some I send to feel your womb,<br />But there’s no need to stay.”</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I just don’t understand this God<br />I want my baby to be here.”<br />He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,<br />And then I saw the tear.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I wish I could show you,<br />What your child is doing today.<br />If you could see your child’s smile,<br />With all the other children and say…</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">‘We go to Earth to learn our lessons,<br />Of love and life and fear.<br />My Mommy loved me oh so much,<br />I got to come straight here.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel so lucky to have a Mom,<br />Who had so much love for me.<br />I learned my lessons very quickly,<br />My Mommy set me free.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss my Mommy oh so much,<br />But I visit her every day.<br />When she goes to sleep,<br />On her pillow’s where I lay</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,<br />And whisper in her ear.<br />Mommy don’t be sad today,<br />I’m your baby and I’m here.’</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“So you see my dear sweet ones,<br />your children are okay.<br />Your babies are born here in My home,<br />And this is where they’ll stay.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They’ll wait for you with Me,<br />Until your lesson’s through.<br />And on the day that you come home<br />they’ll be at the gates for you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So now you see what makes a Mother,<br />It’s the feeling in your heart<br />it’s the love you had so much of<br />Right from the very start</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though some on earth may not realize,<br />you are a Mother.<br />Until their time is done.<br />They’ll be up here with Me one day<br />and know that you are the best one!”</span><br />
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-83298698932869530942013-04-03T17:48:00.002-07:002013-04-03T17:48:22.523-07:0022 and 23 week updates!Okay, prepare for a LONG post. It's a 22 & 23 week post, with a doctor visit thrown in. I had my 22 week post all done and ready to post last week and something happened with blogger and I lost over half of it... Then I was sick, like super duper sick... and then I needed to write a 23 week update, PLUS I had my 23 week appt thrown in there. So. It's all going to be HERE. The 22 week update is at the bottom, since that's the way my posts are normally posted (older at the bottom). And 23 week/dr appt on the top! <br />
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23 weeks... Oh good gracious! I am growing by the day... and I'm not the only one noticing. As the weather gets warmer I'm ditching the hoodies. The hoodies which have inadvertently hidden my growing baby bump!! Almost daily I hear "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SO BIG." I don't mind hearing that right now, because it's quite obviously all baby. I feel huge, my balance is all thrown off, and I can feel that I'm carrying around the extra weight. I can't walk past a mirror without glancing over and feeling SHOCKED AND SURPRISED at this belly. This amazing part of my body that is housing our daughter and keeping her safe and warm and happy. My hips have disappeared. Nothing seems to look the same to me. And I know that once I get even bigger and when the swelling starts (hello hot summer pregnancy) I'm going to hate looking in the mirror... and I'm going to HATE hearing about how big I am. Because believe me, I'll know. I am aware that it comes with the territory. I'm aware that almost every pregnant woman hears it. I am aware I WILL hear it. But if you tell me how big I am when I am 9 months pregnant, prepare to be kicked in the shin. This is your warning ;)<br />Week 22 to 23 was a rough time. I was perfectly fine one minute, and then could feel my body going downhill. Feeling too warm, stomach uneasiness... Sleep helped... Until I went to work the next day and it happened again. Only I wasn't too warm. I was HOT. I was miserable. I went outside to cool off, It was cold enough for a coat and I was sitting out there rolling up my long sleeves and sweating... And then I got sick. I work with my mom so she tried to help me. Gotta love her, she's never been one to help out any of us kids when it comes to vomit. But she tried. As did my "second mom." I ended up going back inside, finishing up the thing I was working on, and going home.<br />I called Danny when I got home, and told him I'd gotten sick at work and that I was home. I hadn't felt our sweet baby move at all that day, and I was a little worried about that. I told him I was going to listen in on the home-doppler, and he stayed on the phone with me.... <br />"I don't even know where to start looking for her heartbeat now that she's so big...." I put some gel on my stomach in her usual spot, put the doppler in the gel, and turned it on.... <br />Nothing.... <br />I moved it around a little and heard a few bumps. <br />"That's you, not her..." Oh... I didn't even realize he could hear that... <br />I moved it again.... And again.... <br />WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP<br />"There. There she is." Yep, there is our wonderful girl, she's just been calm because I've been so miserable.<br />"Yeah, that's definitely her heart beat. It's in the 140s." <br />"Okay, well, now that I know she's fine, I've got to get back to work. Get some rest, and call me if you need anything." <br />Hot cold hot cold hot cold. Sweating. Freezing. Sweating. Freezing. Cover up, uncover. Cover up, uncover. I was miserable for days... And then it was Thursday and it was appointment day. I figured it was good timing. I couldn't get control of the fever, and I figured Dr C would have some advice... <br />
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Danny ended up taking off work early to take me to my appointment. We arrived about 10 minutes early and were informed that Dr C was out for a delivery but we could wait.. for about 45 minutes. Yikes. We waited though, because I knew I needed to see her or talk to her about the fever at least. So we waited.... and waited....<br />
Eventually we got called back. First step, as usual, is that scale. That awful awful AWFUL scale that I have been fighting my entire pregnancy. Not the same way so many people battle it. I was battling to see the number go up.... <br />Beep beep beep. 115. Wait, what? 115?!?! Is this for real? I GAINED FIVE POUNDS!!!! FINALLY!!!!! <br />We were taken to a room where I answered the usual questions and had my blood pressure checked... Then we had to wait for Dr C. <br />"I gained five pounds!!" <br />"Five??" <br />"Yep. Five pounds." <br />"Well, finally. I'm sure the doctor will be happy about that babe." Ahhh I hope so!<br />
We waited for quite a while... in a room that was much too warm. Especially for me poor body that couldn't control a temperature at all... <br />Finally Dr C came in... <br />"Hey guys!! How are you doing? Better I hope?" <br />"Ohhh Dr C. Up until this week, I've been REALLY great. Very few headaches, the nausea isn't nearly as often. It's been GREAT. But this week I guess I caught a bug or something..." <br />I went on to explain all of my lovely symptoms. She asked if I had a few other symptoms, which I did not. And she wanted to feel around on my belly. She felt around, measured, and then went to listen for the heart beat. <br />WHOOMP WHOOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP There was some static which I'm not used to hearing on her doppler, and she listened to Baby Girl for quite a lot longer than usual. WHOOMP WHOOMP WHOOMP. Perfect little heart beat in the 140s, which is normal for her. <br />"Well, she sounds good. Stay on top of your fever as best you can with Tylenol, and if it doesn't go away SOON, give us a call. Also, if you develop a rash, or a sore throat, call. Now, I need you to watch your temperature closely. If it gets to 102, no matter how you feel, if it gets to 102, you need to be seen IMMEDIATELY." Why if it gets to 102? Why is that the magic number? What does that mean? Where is our thermometer at? Our old thermometer which probably doesn't work right..... <br />"Okay, well I will see you again in one month. And that's when you'll have your gestational diabetes testing. We'll give you an orange drink when you check in, then I'll see you like I normally do, and then about an hour after you've had the drink then you'll go down for lab work. Easy peasy." Ohhhh that drink. That marvelous drink I've heard so much about. I hope I can manage to drink it without throwing up. Ugh. <br /><br />We scheduled my next appointment and left... While walking out to the car Danny took charge of the thermometer situation. I guess the same thoughts were running through his mind... <br />"We should probably stop at the store and get a new thermometer...." Well ooookaaaayyyy. <br />So we did. We ate dinner and then went to WalMart for a thermometer. And ice cream. Because, you know, a sick girl needs ice cream. <br />
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Now for the weekly update! <br /><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 23 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> FIVE POUNDS!! I'm around my prepregnancy weight now! FINALLY!!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> Deena is hemming my jeans! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> Still keeping my fingers crossed, so far so good! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> I love sleep. Especially when I'm not up all night because a little girl is playing hop scotch on my bladder.... </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> My fever finally going away! And finding out I finally gained some weight!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Ummm, I'm okay. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> All the time!!! This is a busy little girl in here!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Ice cream sandwiches</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> Just depends on the day...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Nope</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> A growing baby bump ;)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> In</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. >>same</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> The 3d ultrasound still! April 27th can't come fast enough!!!! </span></div>
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Whoa... we are officially 22 weeks into this pregnancy. 18 more to go. And only two more weeks until "V-Day." No, I haven't lost my mind, I'm not talking about Valentine's Day. I'm talking about Viability Day. If you've been pregnant, you probably know what that means. If not, well, you're not alone. I didn't either for the longest time. I saw references to "V-Day" all over the pregnancy forums. Nobody really explained it though, so off to google I went. <br />
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<a href="http://miscarriage.about.com/od/pregnancyafterloss/a/prematurebirth.htm">About.com</a> gave me the answer I was looking for. I will just go ahead and quote it:<br />
Strictly speaking, most doctors define the age of <a href="http://miscarriage.about.com/od/pregnancylossbasics/g/viability.htm">viability</a> as being about 24 weeks of gestation. In many hospitals, 24 weeks is the cutoff point for when doctors will use intensive medical intervention to attempt to save the life of a baby born prematurely. A baby born at 24 weeks would generally require a lot of intervention, potentially including mechanical ventilation and other invasive treatments followed by a lengthy stay in a <a href="http://pediatrics.about.com/od/pediatricsglossary/g/0906_nicu.htm">neonatal intensive care unit (NICU)</a>.In the hands of experienced specialists, though, babies born slightly earlier may have a chance at survival. Babies born at 23 weeks may survive with these specialists in a state-of-the-art NICU, but the odds of survival are much lower. The earliest baby to have ever survived premature birth was born at 21 weeks and 6 days, and this was reported in the news as having been a "miracle."Odds of survival increase as the pregnancy progresses, and even an extra week in the womb can make a difference. In general, premature babies born closer to 37 weeks will be much better off than those born before 28 weeks.<br />
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There you have it. Yes there are babies born before 24 weeks that have survived. But it's not common. So, that 24 week marker is really a big deal. Unfortunately, not all babies make it even AFTER that 24 weeks. So, to me, 24 weeks is just another little milestone. I'm not going to hit 24 weeks and assume all will be well or that Baby is somehow guaranteed to make it. At this point, I know too much. And it's not just by doing research (I really haven't done much). It's from experiences of friends and family members. It's seeing that hurt that a mom experiences when she loses her baby. It's never "safe." Nothing ever really is, is it? Ugh... <br />
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So... yeah... 22 weeks! That's where we are. And we are a month out from our 3D sonogram!! April 27th can't come fast enough! We will get to see our little girl again! And Faith will get to see her on the big screen while she's moving and kicking and squirming! I can't wait!! We booked the appointment a while ago. You have to book in advance, especially for a Saturday appointment. We only have Faith every other Saturday. And they recommend doing the 3d scan during specific weeks in order to get the best view... We have Faith's birthday party already planned, my two baby showers planned... That left us with, LITERALLY, one day. One option. I called immediately once I realized that, and they had an opening for that day!! I snatched it up, of course! April 27th :) Let the countdown begin!!! <br />
Now on to the weekly update.....<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 22 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> I stepped on a scale recently, but I was wearing heavy boots so I'm not sure that number is reliable.... Still blank here</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> Deena is hemming my jeans! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> Still keeping my fingers crossed, so far so good! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> I love sleep. I've been sick, and the fever has been waking me up. But other than that, it's great! </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Telling Faith about the 3d sonogram :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> A normal sized bladder that isn't used as a trampoline! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> All the time!!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Anything, basically </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> Just depends on the day...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Nope</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> A growing baby bump ;)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> In</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On... And Deena made me a maternity necklace to hold them when the swelling gets bad... </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> The 3d sonogram!!! </span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-25299367377287317982013-03-28T19:46:00.000-07:002013-03-28T19:46:43.517-07:00A cancer doc update! Hey there people :) <br /><br />I have lots of updates for you all. Including my 22 week update, and a baby doc appointment. HOWEVER, blogger is being wonky... So my 22 week update got cut in half. I will edit it and fix it and post it along with the 23 week update. And that will include the baby doc update... <br /><br />Today's post is about Danny's latest cancer doc appointment. March is almost over. Colon cancer awareness will, yet again, basically drop off the map. Or, the TV, rather. Danny had a check up this week, which left me feeling anxious and scared as usual. He wasn't, of course... he never is. But I just kept flashing back to all the bad news we've gotten. And wouldn't it be fitting if we got more bad news at a March appointment... I'm not usually a downer like that. Hormones make me crazy. <br />
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The week before his appointment, I was counting down the days. I couldn't WAIT for Dr J and the nurses to see my belly! I couldn't wait for them to see how far we've come! I couldn't wait to hear that all was fine... <br />Then the night before his appointment, my mind went into overdrive. What if something shows up on the labwork? What if Dr J suddenly decides that he needs more scans because something isn't quite right. What if, what if, what if. That's what surviving cancer does, or being married to someone who survived cancer... It effs with your head. <br />
Laying in bed, trying to sleep, I could feel my blood pressure going up. I was feeling anxious. Sleep wasn't coming... Danny was still awake so I rolled to face him (rolled? Okay... no.... I tried to sit up kind of and twist and then lay back down... all the while whining because it's kind of painful). <br />"Are you nervous for your appointment tomorrow?"<br />"Nope." Nope.... Never... God forbid he actually worry about something before there's something to worry about. <br />"Good.. I'm glad. Everything is going to be great." <br />"I'm sure it is." So sure... always so dang sure... But what if...... <br />
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My sleep that night was basically non existent. I get like that every time his appointments come up. Every single time. Could we handle bad news? Yeah. We've gotten over too many bumps to say that we couldn't handle something. It's just that I don't want to have to. I don't want to watch my husband go through all of this again. I am ready to be done with it. Forever. <br />
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Monday Danny and I went to lunch together, like we always do before his appointments. We went to Mooyah. Mmm mmmm Mooyah. We talked about basketball (I hate basketball, with a passion, but I filled out a bracket this year and it's not too bad... Not to mention our local team is doing really well). We talked about other news... We did NOT talk about his appointment. We did NOT talk about my worry. About the knot in my stomach. About the tension building in my shoulders. We talked about fun things. Never about what-if's. We ate and we chatted and then we left... To go to the appointment I was both looking forward to and dreading at the same time. <br />
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Walking into the building we were bombarded with the usual smell of the place. Not exactly unpleasant... Just... Too familiar. Linked to too many memories of chemo days. Of LONG chemo days. It's been years since those days occurred twice a month... And it's all still too familiar. <br />
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I sat down in our usual area while Danny checked in. I glanced around and noticed people staring. At my belly. I adjusted my shirt, to make sure it hadn't come up to show skin. It hadn't. So I tightened my coat up... <br />Danny had to talk to a couple people before he sat down with me. <br />"Three people have gone up to ask how much longer it'll be... And they are all told that the doctor is running about an hour behind...." <br />"Oh great... Guess we can get comfortable." Again, so normal.... So familiar... Wish we had our normal puzzle to work on.... <br />
<br />
BzzzzzBBZZZZZZZZBBzzzzzz. <br />"Whoa, that was fast..." <br />"Yeah, I guess the doctor running behind isn't my doctor. Let's go." What time is it? It's early... We are seriously going back there 10 minutes before our appointment time?? Well, that's different... <br />
We walked back with the nurse, our usual nurse... Who was staring at my belly. I smiled at her, knowing that she was probably wondering if I'm pregnant or just packing on the pounds... I think the bump is obviously a baby bump, but maybe not everyone does... <br />Danny weighed what he normally does... And the nurse checked his blood pressure. It was up higher than normal, meaning it was up to what is considered average. <br />"That's because you're stressing me out Destiny." <br />"ME?! Whatever!!" <br />"She's pregnant, I'm probably the one that stresses her out...." No, these appointments stress me out...<br />"YOU'RE PREGNANT?!?! When are you due??" <br />"July 25th."<br />"JULY? Are you kidding me?? You're TINY!!" Tiny? Seriously? No... I'm not tiny...<br />"Tiny? This is huge for me!"<br />"Oh that's right, because you were so tiny before! But I'm sure you are going to be all baby! You won't even be able to tell you're pregnant from behind!" <br />We chatted a bit more about the pregnancy, and how rough it was at the beginning. We didn't mention the IVF. For a few brief moments I got to pretend that this is just a normal pregnancy. <br /><br />Eventually she left, after touching my shoulder and congratulating us again. Seeing the compassion in her eyes was touching. I just wish it had helped ease my worries... Unfortunately, it didn't... I was still SERIOUSLY STRESSING about what Dr J would say when he came in.... <br />
<br />
We waited a while, longer than usual actually... Before Dr J finally made his way in... He had a big smile on his face! That's good, right? That means the results are good? <br />
"SO!! A baby huh?" Ahhh, she told him... <br />"Yep!" <br />"And when are you due?" <br />"July 25th..." <br />"Ohhh how exciting!! It's going to be so amazing for you two! My only grandchild... even though I have 5 kids... just turned one. Things have really changed! I get updates about every 10 minutes, with a new picture of him, on my iPhone." HA!! I bet he's a wonderful grandpa! <br />
*kick kick squirm kick* Little miss was kicking really hard... right on my bladder. Danny saw my face... <br />"You gonna be okay?" Always so concerned... <br />"Yeah, she's just going crazy in there..." <br />"She? So it's a girl?" *kick kick*<br />"Oh! Yes! A girl is in there!" <br /><br />Eventually the conversation went to Danny... Or on his lab results. All was well. As usual. <br />"Okay Daniel, so your last colonoscopy was November 2011?" That's right...<br />"Ummm...." He looked at me. <br />"Yes, that's right." <br />"Okay well, the plans for colonoscopies for colon cancer patients differ slightly from those of rectal cancer patients. Since your cancer was so low in your sigmoid colon, I think we should follow the guidelines for the rectal patients. I want you to have one more before I see you for your last appointment. Right now you've got two appointments left. One in 6 months and one in a year. So, at your next appointment we will set up your scope with Dr H. So I'll have those results to go over at your very last appointment." YEA for one more colonoscopy!! I'm so glad he wants another one! I didn't think Danny would have one for another couple years unless we requested it... And OH. MY. GOOD. LORD. Only two more appointments left here. TWO MORE. For ever. Two more. One more year. OH THANK YOU LORD!!!!! <br />
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Dr J made his way over to Danny on the table to listen to his breathing, to feel around on his lymph nodes and then his scars... <br />And suddenly I forgot to breathe... Since August it's always been ME up on the tables getting examed, getting poked, prodded, stabbed, jabbed... But before August, for 4 entire years, it was him... I forgot what it looked like for him to be in that position. Or rather, I forgot how it made me feel. Knowing everything was fine was one thing... Seeing him up there, wishing he didn't have to do ANY of this. Wishing SO BAD that I could just take his place and he could sit in the chair and be the strong one.... It just hurts. Danny is FINE and it still hurts to see him on that table... <br />
<br />
And then it hit me again, we've come so far... Four years ago, sitting here, our main focus was just KEEPING DANNY ALIVE. Yeah, we postponed treatment in order to have the "swimmer surgery." But we only had that surgery because Dr J allowed it. Because Dr J and Dr H both recommended Dr G. We are expecting this amazing baby girl thanks to so many people. But this baby girl and Faith have a Daddy that will be around for many years thanks to Dr H, Dr J and God. I don't think I ever imagined I'd be sitting in this office, knowing Danny is healthy, and feeling our daughter kick to the sound of both Danny's and Dr J's voices. And boy was she loving their voices. I'm sure it's far fetched to think she knows how much we owe Dr J... But she doesn't react like that to anyone's voice besides her Daddy's. So that says something. <3<br />
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I snapped out of my thoughts in time to hear Danny and Dr J talking about the Shockers and basketball.... And then we left. We walked out of that office knowing that my husband is still healthy. The cancer is still gone. And that we're almost done with that place forever. <br />
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I'm so thankful for all the amazing people at the cancer center. But really, I don't ever want to HAVE to see them again. Two appointments to go. Two. Two. Two. TWO!!!! I'm doing a happy dance here, on my side of the screen. Because frankly, it's better than crying. <br />
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So many things have changed... <br /><br />We are so blessed... <br /><br />And I didn't know I could be more thankful than I already was... but with every good appointment my gratitude grows. <3 <3 <3<br />
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-31380230672040858142013-03-20T10:33:00.001-07:002013-03-20T10:33:38.444-07:00The Anatomy ScanHey everyone!! I'm finally getting around to posting about our sonogram!!! <br />
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Our anatomy scan was originally scheduled for 18 weeks. It was a Thursday... I was counting down the days for weeks. The day before the sonogram, it started to snow... Snow like crazy... We were expected to get a TON of the white fluffiness, and things were starting to close... Which, of course, meant my doctor's office was closing, too! We had to reschedule my appointment for the following Wednesday. We planned on doing the gender reveal the night of the sonogram. So I was switching plans and making new ones and it made me anxious. <br />
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I also had to start a new countdown. Eventually, it was the following Wednesday. FINALLY. We could do this! An hour before my appointment (which was strictly the sono, no dr visit) I had to begin the "prep" which included drinking a LOT of water. <br />
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I started to get nervous. Not about if this baby was a boy or girl. The anatomy scan focuses on everything - the heart, brain, kidneys, etc etc. Would our baby be healthy? We hadn't seen the baby since December, when we were only 9 weeks along. There wasn't much developed at that point. What if something was wrong?? How would we handle that? <br />
<br />
We got to the doctor's office and I checked in and headed downstairs to the lab/sono area. I didn't even have time to sign in before we were called back. <br />
"Have a seat..." I laid my stuff in a chair and started to sit in a chair, too. I thought maybe we'd go over a few questions first.... Nope. <br />
"Oh, no. Up here." Oh crap, already? Oh my gosh. It's time to see our baby!!! <br />
We went over my information. We were early for my appointment (it was 3:15 and the appointment wasn't until 3:30) so she had to change the info in the computer because it was pre programmed with someone else. Then it was time. <br />
"Okay, here we go. Just so I know, are you wanting to know the gender?" Uhhh YES!!!! <br />
"Yes, we do." <br />
"Okay, let's hope this baby cooperates!" Oh this baby BETTER cooperate.<br />
We chatted a bit about how we thought Baby was a boy. The wonderful tech got all the measurements and pointed out all of the different body parts... Legs (LONG legs), arms, hands, feet (with wiggling toes), heart, kidneys... And my bladder, which she was laughing about because Baby was kicking it the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME. <br />
"Well... I can't get a good view of between the legs. This baby just will not open them. Look, the feet are crossed, the legs are together... And when the legs DO open, the hands go STRAIGHT down there... Let's push around a bit." Stubborn baby... Open up so we can see!! We want to know what name to call you! OUCH... She is jabbing me with that doppler! Good gracious...<br />
No cooperation. Pushing, prying, jabbing.... <br />
"Okay how about you try laying on your left side..." Easy, that's what makes Baby move when we're at home... <br />
Nothing. Everything was making those legs tighten up!!! <br />
"Okay... Go empty your bladder. Do some jumping jacks. We've got to get this baby moved or at least flipped! I'm not giving up." <br />
Off I went, to follow orders. Meanwhile, the person who was before me (who was over 30 minutes late to her appointment) showed up. The sono tech told them to reschedule her for the next day. <br />
Back up on the table... More warm goop on the belly... And legs still together. <br />
More jabbing. Poking. Pushing. <br />
"Stand up, jump around some more..." SERIOUSLY BABY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE UPSET!!!!! <br />
"Whew. Is this even safe? All this jumping around?" <br />
"It's perfectly safe... You're not overdoing it." Ahhh okay. Surely this worked! <br />
Back up on the table... <br />
<br />
.......<br />
<br />
<br />
Nothing. Those legs were just not budging. <br />
"Do you want to come back next week? You can just come downstairs here, no need to check in or anything. We'll get you in and out. It won't be a medical thing so we won't go through any computers or anything." Free, then... Hmmm.... Sounds good to me! <br />
We left happy that Baby was healthy... and so very sad that we didn't know if Baby was a he or she! I sent texts to everyone who was going to be at the gender reveal, letting them know that it was OFF because baby is stubborn (healthy! But stubborn). Everyone seemed as disappointed as we were... <br />
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The next day I had my 19 week appointment with Dr C. Since Danny had taken off work the day before for the sonogram, he didn't take off again. We didn't seriously think there was a chance that I'd suddenly find out if the baby was a boy or girl anyway... HA!!!<br />
At the beginning of my appointment I stepped on the scale. I finally looked pregnant so I was expecting to see a bit of a jump in weight, I was prepared... Beep, beep beep. I looked down.<br />
110. <br />
110??? That means I haven't gained back any more! I'm still below pre pregnancy weight! How is that even possible? Baby is measuring right on time. Ohh I'm in trouble.... <br />
And I was. <br />
When Dr C came in we went over how I was feeling, she assured me I should be feeling better soon. Less headaches. The nausea should lift somewhat or completely. I took it with a grain of salt, because I thought week 18 would be that magical week for me, and it wasn't... <br />
We checked for the heartbeat (a student and I) while Dr C went over the sono results. <br />
"So everything looks great! Baby is measuring right on track. All the organs look good. It was a good sonogram!" <br />
"Yeah, the baby is healthy... but we don't know if the baby is a he or she..." <br />
"What? She couldn't tell?" She looked through the sonogram again. "Hmm. WELL. Do you have a few minutes?" <br />
"I do." <br />
"Then I'm sending you down for a quick look. She'll squeeze you in. Just a quick in and out of there, we won't even put you in the system." BAHAHAHAHAHA I'm going to find out without anyone knowing!! HAHAHAHAHAHA <br />
"But before we go double check with her... Let's talk about your weight." Cue doom music... Duh duh duuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......<br />
"Yeah... I'm not gaining..." <br />
"No, you're not. You should have by now. Since Baby is measuring on track, that means that things are okay for now. But that means that YOU aren't getting what YOU need. YOU are losing what the baby is gaining. Have you tried to eat more often?" <br />
"Yep. I eat all the time. I even have a stash of crackers in my purse for when I feel hungry and don't have food around. I always have crackers." <br />
"Still nauseous though... Keep up with the crackers. Eat when you can. Eat what you can. If you still haven't gained by your next appointment, we'll get serious with this." Get serious? I AM serious. I want to make sure Baby gets everything necessary. What will happen if I still don't gain?? Oh gosh... <br />
<br />
While my mind was going 90 miles an hour over the weight gain (or lack thereof) issue, Dr C called down to the sono tech and asked if she could squeeze me in. She could. So I checked out, scheduled my next appointment, and headed downstairs. <br />
While I was waiting, I sent a text to Danny. He was driving so I called him so we could talk this out. He had to get to school so he couldn't rush to the doctor, he'd be late to class. So we decided I would have the tech write the results down in a sealed envelope and we'd open it together when he got home. <br />
Then I sent a text to my mom. She had mentioned going with me to my appointment since Danny couldn't. But decided against it. Her words exactly were "If I knew FOR SURE that the doctor would order another sonogram to see what this baby is, I'd go. And I'd force myself into the room and find out right then!" So, of course I had to rub it in a little bit! <br />
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When I got called back, the tech and I chatted a bit about how we were supposed to come back the next week. I asked her if she could put the results in an envelope for Danny and I to open up that night. She said yes, and seemed excited about it! She told me to turn away so I wouldn't accidentally see anything. <br />
"Is the baby cooperating better this time?" <br />
"A little bit!" A little bit? Only a little bit? Will she be sure, then?? <br />
"Okay! We're done. Don't look!!" Ahhh SHE KNOWS!!! <br />
I watched her take the envelope into her little office area, hold it up to the light... <br />
"I need to cover it up again. You can see through the envelope!" HA!!! <br />
She eventually handed the sealed envelope over to me... I stuffed it into my purse so I wouldn't be tempted to cheat and rip open the envelope myself!!!! <br />
<br />
A few AGONIZING hours later... Danny finally got home. <br />
We sat on the couch. <br />
"Are you ready for this?" <br />
"Let's do it." Oh my gosh, we're about to find out if we're having a son or daughter! OH MY GOSH. <br />
I opened the envelope. The "goods" were covered up with a sticky note... I gently took the sticky note off of the picture... Along with the goods was the word "GIRL!" <br />
"Holy $%^#... We're in so much trouble..." <br />
Cue tears, of love and happiness!! <br />
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That night was the first time we noticeably felt a kick from the outside. Baby girl kicked so hard that my stomach got all deformed until she relaxed and her little foot went back in. Danny was already asleep beside me but I was giggling and it woke him up. I told him what was happening. He put his hand on my belly, and we fell asleep like that... With our daughter kicking her daddy's hand while we drifted into dreamland... <3Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-61268181061117069642013-03-20T10:33:00.000-07:002013-03-20T10:34:43.151-07:0021 Weeks! Hey there everyone! Two posts in one DAY! Aren't you happy?? Really this isn't what I planned. I typed up the Anatomy Scan post last week and planned on posting it the next day. But I have this thing called prego brain. I always thought that was just an excuse. No. Seriously. It's for real. I will say something to Danny and not 5 minutes later will wonder to myself if I told him whatever it was I DID tell him... So I tell him again. Which normally is followed by that "duh" look from him. I feel like an idiot most of the time. It's new to me. <br />
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So, we are 21 weeks down... 19 to go! I look pregnant. I feel pregnant. And most of the time this amazing baby makes herself known by sticking body parts out of my belly. It's weird. I'm pretty sure this weekend I felt a foot when I was letting my niece feel my belly. Maybe it was a hand. All I know is that it wasn't something I normally feel (I'm absolutely positive this little girl is always sticking her butt out... She's got too much booty in her pants I guess), and it was pointy. Maybe an elbow? HOW DO YOU PEOPLE TELL?! Because I know my reaction:<br />
"Shi you wanna come feel? Here's her butt... Oh, hey, she just flipped. What is this? WHAT IS THIS? IT'S POKEY AND POINTY WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!" <br />
Shianne tried to feel but of course is even less experienced than I am. And by the time someone WITH experience rushed over to feel, Baby pulled back in and snuggled tight. I guess she didn't like me questioning what her body parts were. Whoops. <br />
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Also this weekend we had a date night... We went to see Oz The Great and Powerful. Baby loved it, she was kicking and squirming the whole time! <br />
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This weekend was probably the worst for my back pain. I've been saying for weeks that I need to see a chiro because my back pain has been awful. And Saturday I was brought to tears multiple times. I couldn't handle it anymore. I just couldn't. I looked up our major chiro here in town and read about how they work with pregnant women, and I decided I would call them asap... <br />
Then Danny came to bed and I laid on my side and asked him to please just push on the spot that hurt. He massaged for a few minutes and figured out my issue. My muscle from my spine to my hip was SO BEYOND tight that it took him a while to get it worked loose. That time was painful for me but I knew it would help.... <br />
And it did. <br />
I woke up Sunday and was able to get out of bed without an issue. I bent down to get my slippers without flinching. I bent down to pick up my cat without stopping mid-way and giving up... I COULD MOVE!!! <br />
My husband rocks! <br />
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Now... on to the weekly quiz update!! <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 21 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> I don't know yet... I will update this after my next appt!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> It's been warm enough for my yoga pants... So those are my maternity clothes thank you very much... </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> So far my skin on my belly is still great!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> Ahhhh sleep is fabulous these days! Thanks to Danny fixing my back! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Have I mentioned Danny fixing my back?? :)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Ummm, I'm good actually. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> All the time!!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Anything, I just need it often... </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> Just depends on the day...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Nope</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> Leg cramps... Those stink! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> In</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On and FALLING off.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> Happy unless you tick me off. Then I stay mad at you for... ever. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To: </strong>Seeing this amazing baby again! Hopefully my doc approves a 3d ultrasound! </span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-13992928643748242862013-03-18T10:59:00.000-07:002013-03-18T11:08:40.927-07:00Guest Post - Kris & MikeWhen Danny was diagnosed with cancer, we didn't have Facebook. We were still in the Myspace crowd. Yeah, it was that long ago... <br />
When we finally got a facebook, I stumbled upon the Colon Cancer Awareness group/page. I posted our story. I read other stories. And a few of us women grew really close. We call ourselves the CC Wives Club. We've all had our lives flipped upside down by colon cancer. We all know the side effects of the chemo. Of the surgery. And we all know how we felt on the day that we were told our husbands had colon cancer. <br />
You've all read my story. My side. My memories. <br />
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Well... Today's post involved one of the CC Wives... Kris. About her husband Mike. Read. Share. Be aware! <br />
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The day my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer will be
forever etched in my memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a time
I’d like to pretend never happened, but it did. I look back and find hidden
blessings in that diagnosis. I am sure you are wondering why I feel a cancer diagnosis
can bring blessings, but if you’ve ever walked in those shoes, I bet you’d
agree. A cancer diagnosis stirs a million emotions and feelings you never ever
dreamt you’d experience; often unpleasant and the hopes for the bad dream to
end and you wake to the normal life you once knew. Then, after some time, there
is a magical moment that occurs in your heart and soul when you stand back and
reflect on it all. You realize how precious each and every day in the world
is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are never guaranteed a tomorrow,
but by living each day to its fullest and making memories that can be carried
on when we are gone, this is what life is truly about. I remember watching Mike
mow the lawn from the kitchen window and I’d cry my eyes out just watching him.
I wondered what he was thinking while he was out there. Was he afraid? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did he cry? I remember being so upset with him
for saying I should take all of his life insurance money and throw a huge party
celebrating his life when he was gone. I didn’t want a party or life insurance
money-damn it, I wanted him to be my husband forever in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were many silent moments of arms
tightly wrapped around each other; no words needed to be said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were moments when tears were shed
together, but his were for me and my feelings and never about his life possibly
ending. He had no fear of death and he felt confident that he didn’t need that
6 months of chemo that I made him do and his dr. said he didn’t need to. He did
that for me; I wanted him to survive. That shocking diagnosis brought us
together in a way that cannot be described. You look at each other differently.
Your love for one another is on a totally different level. The strength between
the two of you grows with every negative thing thrown at you and the bond cannot
be broken. Cancer does have a positive side and it certainly made that impact
on us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here’s my story! My husband had been having rectal bleeding off
and on for a few years. His doctor told him it was hemorrhoids without ever doing
an exam or other testing. Men are funny about that part of their body and don't
like to talk about it. After being together for 16 years we decided to finally
marry in June 2008. I told him since he was now my husband he was getting a
colonoscopy done whether or not he wanted it and sent him to my dr. who agreed.
His colonoscopy day happened to be scheduled the day before our daughter’s big
15<sup>th</sup> birthday party sleepover. I had a feeling deep in my gut that
something would be wrong. Once the colonoscopy was completed, I was called into
a consult room. The young doctor came in a few minutes later and it was quite obvious
that the news was not good. He was compassionate, touched my arm and told me it
was more complex than he anticipated and a mass was found along with two other
growths. I became extremely flushed, sweaty and felt as if my ears were
clogged. I was in a fog and felt as if I left my body. I did not shed a tear or
feel like I needed to, some sort of other power took over as I asked the doctor
what my husband’s prognosis was. In recovery, my still doped up husband had
grabbed the colonoscopy report by his bedside and asked me about the “malignant
mass.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I played dumb and brushed it off.
Luckily for me, he slept most of the day and evening. Later that night, I
remember going to the basement to call my mother and finally cried when I told
her the news. I went to the store and called his best friend’s wife and told
her the news. The tears for the next two days were short lasting. I had to pretend
everything was fine and prepare for that birthday party. A CT scan was ordered
5 days following the colonoscopy. Still at that point my husband had no clue
how serious the findings were. I take blame for that, until his biopsy and CT
scan results were in, I didn’t want to upset him until we knew exactly what we
were dealing with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, the
miscommunication between doctor’s offices put an end to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The oncology office called with an appointment
before his gastro doctor had even seen him to go over the results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was at that moment, that he began the
process of facing that damn “C” word. Tattooed on his wrist in Roman numerals
is the date October 17, 2008-the day he was diagnosed with colon cancer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The oncology and surgeon appointments were
three days later. The oncologist visit was promising and it appeared the cancer
had been caught early enough and no spread to other organs. There was no
mention of doing chemo, just surgery to remove the mass. At the surgeon’s
appointment our hopes and hearts sank. He was concerned as to why my husband,
at such a young age, had three growths in his colon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He recommended genetic testing and if it came
back positive he suggested removing the entire colon. He spent a great deal of
time discussing adapting to living without one; which scared the hell out of us.
One week later he was admitted into the hospital for what was to be a laparoscopic
transverse colectomy; it ended up being an abdominal wall incision from sternum
down below the belly button. 1/3 of his colon was removed, as well as his
appendix, which was a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
appendix had a carcinoid tumor in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His staging was 2a/b-due to only three lymph nodes removed they couldn’t
properly stage. He had complications and ended up spending ten days in the
hospital; including his 43<sup>rd</sup> birthday. My husband has a huge Batman
tattoo across the right side of his chest, his dr. refused to damage that and
put the port in on the opposite side. His port never worked for blood draws
which he hated. He was a trooper and handled his 6 months of chemotherapy
rather well. In fact, the first three months, he continued his strenuous P90X
program and arranged golf outings with friends around his ‘feel good’ times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He amazed his doctor, as his side effects
were few. He did suffer with low WBC from the start and I had to give him
injections of Neupogen. The after-effects of excruciating bone pain were tough.
His 5FU Cocktail (and you can guess what we say the FU stands for) caused neuropathy
in his fingers and hands. Towards the end, the dr. cut back his dosage in hopes
to save the use of his fingers for work and his passion, playing guitar. He had
his port removed a month after his last chemo treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wanted the reminder of his cancer out of
his body. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All seemed to be going well, with the exception of an umbilical
hernia which developed from the original surgery. We had a huge scare in
August-September 2009 when a follow-up CT scan showed a spot on his liver and
shadowing on his omentum. Google is not your friend, trust me; the news was
bad. I had called my brother and he spoke with doctors at the hospital he
worked at. The prognosis was grim if the cancer had spread to his omentum. Scared
out of my mind, I prayed and tried to remain calm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I begged the Lord to please let him live until
our daughter graduated from high school. I would be lost without him, but would
be okay, but thought of how she would continue without her daddy was unbearable.
This moment was far worse than his initial diagnosis. I contacted my work to
get forms that would allow me to take leave to care for him. I considered
putting the house up for sale; it would be a financial burden on top of already
building medical expenses. A million things popped into my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His PET scan and omentum and liver biopsy
came back negative. He was then ready for his surgery to repair his incisional/umbilical
hernia from the colectomy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turns out
his omentum was wrapped around his gallbladder which was removed. We suspect
that was the shadowing on the CT scan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">Follow-up CT scans and colonoscopies continue and as of this
date there is no evidence of disease. He says I saved his life, if I hadn’t
forced him to do the colonoscopy he never would have done it. I would hope that
if we were not together that someone else would have pushed like I did, because
if not he would not be here today.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-42301396526632538482013-03-12T06:44:00.000-07:002013-03-12T06:44:28.682-07:00Twenty weeks down, twenty to go! I told you that you'd be seeing more posts coming up!! Aren't you happy?! ;)<br /><br />I've got some more guest posts coming up, soon. It's colon cancer awareness month. I need to get my rear in gear and start spreading awareness again. That's one of the reasons I started this blog, after all...<br /><br />
Danny has a check up with the oncologist this month. Fitting. Just lab work to check his cancer marker levels. And a physical check of his scarring on his tummy. A listen to his lungs, the usual. I'm sure the appointment will involve either some chit chat about hockey or about cars. It's usually one or the other. What am I looking forward to? Hearing that we only have a couple more appointments after this one. Hearing that my husband is SO WONDERFULLY HEALTHY. That he is still a "boring patient." And I can't wait to see Dr J's face when he sees that WE ARE PREGNANT. It's really noticeable now. And, he's one of the amazing doctors we owe thanks to. He and Dr H discussed who to send Danny to for the "swimmer surgery." I think it was ultimately Dr J's call. And Dr J made sure we had time to get everything in order before treatment began, while still keeping us in the "safe zone." This amazing little baby wouldn't be kicking me right now if Dr J hadn't given us time. She wouldn't be here if he hadn't sent us to the best urologist in the area. She wouldn't be here if my husband wasn't here.<br />Dr H knows that we are pregnant. I'm not sure if I have mentioned that here or not. Danny hasn't had a colonoscopy since the IVF, but his mom has. And she shared the amazing news with him. He clapped his hands, said how happy he is for us. Yeah, these doctors have a special place in my heart. We are so blessed to have them as part of our cancer beating team :)<br /><br />NOW! On to the pregnancy update for the week! WE ARE HALF WAY DONE!!! Can you believe it? I've been miserable since before the embryo transfer. I've been miserable since before the egg retrieval. I've been miserable since starting the birth control the month before the IVF. I've been miserable for months on end. And what else have I been? SO ABSOLUTELY GRATEFUL AND HAPPY. Because even though my body may be screaming and protesting just about everything we are putting it through, it's all so we can bring this amazing baby into this crazy world we live in. We are SO BLESSED to be in this position. We are so lucky to be the parents of this amazing little girl... And we are at that half way point now. Twenty weeks down, twenty to go. We will meet our little girl in twenty weeks! These months have FLOWN by. It feels like just last month I was taking the at-home tests. Making the trips to OU for the blood tests, then the sonograms. Wow. That's basically all I have to say... Wow.<br /><br />I still need to post about the sonogram, and the gender reveal we did with the family. And soon I'll be writing letters here, to our daughter <3 I write to her in my Belly Book (thank you Jamie, for convincing me to get that book!), but there's more room here :)<br />
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Now for the Weekly quiz!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>How Far Along:</b> 20 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> I'm sorry, do you really think I have a scale at home that I will willingly step on? No. Sorry. So this will be updated after appointments only LOL </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> Same as last week </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b> None yet. This is genetic, right?? My mom had 4 kids and didn't get stretch marks... CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME, PEOPLE!!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Sleep:</b> Yes, please... This time change is messing me all up. I need to go to sleep right now!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b> Listening to Miss Faith read to her little sister already :) One Fish Two Fish. Baby was kicking like crazy!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Cozy pants. I need them, they are what is most comfy on this prego belly. And it's too cold for them right now :( WAHHH</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Movement:</b> LOTS most days. Sunday was an off day for both her and I. I was in some serious pain and she hardly moved at all. Which of course caused a slight panic. I'm so thankful for that doppler I ordered months ago. It's saved my sanity!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Basically open to anything at this point. But I do have an ice cream sandwich every night. Mmmm</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or Sick:</b> Just depends on the day really... </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Not sure what it was I was feeling Sunday, but it wasn't a good thing. Thankfully the pains went away by mid-morning Monday... Stay in there sweet baby girl!!! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Symptoms:</b> Tired... Oh so tired... </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> In</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off: </b>On and FALLING off.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the Time:</b> I am happy most of the time <3</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><strong>Looking Forward To: </strong>Going to sleep every night :)</span></div>
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<br />Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-88494283851668552942013-03-07T13:23:00.003-08:002013-03-07T13:23:54.066-08:00Guest Post - Never Give UpHey there everyone!!!<br />
<br />
Time for another post!! WOOHOO!!! :) Today's post isn't about me. Although I relate, oh so much, this is a guest post from a blog reader. A fellow "cancer spouse." Reading his post, I couldn't help but think of that saying "If everyone threw their problems in a pile and we saw everyone else's, we'd grab our's back." I thought we had it bad. And yeah, it was tough. It still is! But, here we are. This story I'm posting today has a happy ending, too, don't fret! But they sure had a rough go of it!<br /><br />This post says more than I can. So we'll get right to it!<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">What I Learned As A Caregiver: Never Give Up</span></b><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">My wife Heather was
diagnosed with a cancer called malignant pleural <a href="http://www.mesothelioma.com/">mesothelioma</a> in 2005. Our first child,
Lily, was only three months old at the time. It felt like the end of the
world. Instead of preparing for Lily’s first Christmas as planned, we
began a long, difficult journey to save Heather’s life. </span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">The doctor who diagnosed
Heather offered three treatment options. We could visit a specialist in
Boston or go with either a local university hospital or a regional hospital. My
wife was in shock, and her eyes pleaded for help, so it was up to me. I
chose the specialist, and that was my first decision that marked the beginning
of my role as a caregiver.</span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Our structured life
dissolved into chaos. Before the diagnosis, we had both worked full time.
Now Heather could no longer work, and I could only work part-time in
order to care for her and Lily. We were swept up in a round of hospital
visits and medical appointments. Besides caring for Heather and Lily, I
had to arrange doctor appointments, make travel arrangements, make sure Lily
was cared for while we traveled to and from Boston; the list went on and on. I quickly became overwhelmed. </span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Fear reared its ugly
head. I worried that my wife would die, that we would lose everything,
that I'd become a homeless widower with a small child to raise all on my own. I
often broke down and cried under the stress and pressure, but always in
private. I had to be strong for my family, and the last thing I wanted was to
show my wife how scared I was. </span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">I'm most grateful for
all the help we received. Friends, family, even strangers offered
financial assistance and soothing words when we needed it most. I am
forever in their debt, and I've learned a thing or two about humility. My
strongest advice to other caregivers is to accept help when it's offered, no
matter who it’s from or what they’re offering. It lightens the load and shows
us we're not alone in the fight. </span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Being a caregiver isn't
easy. A cancer diagnosis creates fear, uncertainty, chaos and stress.
I think it's the most difficult challenge anyone can face. And yet,
fear and anger create even more uncertainty. The only way to move through
it is to do your best, accept that some days will not be easy, and never, ever
lose hope. </span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">My wife went through
surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. Her chances for survival were poor.
Yet today, seven years after her <a href="http://www.mesothelioma.com/mesothelioma/diagnosis/">mesothelioma
diagnosis</a>, Heather is cancer-free. And as a caregiver, I learned to
manage my emotions, handle stress, balance time and use persistence to great
advantage. </span><span style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
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could never have imagined how things would turn out. Being a caregiver
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ourselves, and never giving up.</span><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-17847668240220864292013-03-03T15:02:00.001-08:002013-03-03T15:02:09.238-08:00It's been a while... Hello hello hello everyone!!! I'm SO SO sorry that these posts are so few and far between these days. I'm seriously hoping that changes very soon. I don't post often because to be 100% honest, I feel like crap most days. So I get home from work, eat, take a warm bath then go to bed. Day after day. I hurt or I'm sick (and at the same time SO SO BEYOND THANKFUL). So blogging just hasn't been happening. I try to keep those on our Facebook updated as often as possible, but I know people get sick of seeing constant pregnancy talk, so, I try not to overflow that, either. <br />
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I have plans for this blog though. Big plans. First of all, I feel like we're in more of a safe zone now. I found this little weekly "quiz" that I can do to keep you all up to date on what's going on with Baby. And that should help keep the posts coming, too... <br />Also, I've been in contact with another cancer-spouse. This person felt very much like my blog spoke to them and they could relate. So they will be sharing their story here in a few posts. It's not a colon cancer experience. It's a different kind of cancer. I like the idea of spreading awareness of a different type of cancer. I like the idea of focusing on cancer awareness. Because if Danny wasn't here, there would be no baby in my belly. I wouldn't have the father of my child around. He is important. And he is only here because he survived. <br />
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For those of you on our Facebook, you already know (I had to spill the beans there QUICK before someone accidentally let it slip!!)..... But, we are TEAM PINK!!!! We've been wrong since day one. So very wrong. But we love her so so much and are NOT disappointed. Please, there is no need to say "sorry" to us because we aren't having a boy. We are happy and our plans for this child haven't changed... Except for the nursery theme, that is. I will allow my daughter to play hockey like Daddy wants (but with a cage on that helmet, my daughter needs her teeth!), but her room won't be decked out in hockey sticks until she's old enough to decide that's what she wants. So, since I've got control right now.... the theme is beach/under the sea :) I'm super excited about it!!!! <br />
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I will share the stories of our doctors appointments and the gender reveal in my next post, once I get all the pics uploaded and have some more time. But Faith needs a bath and we've got to get going to Danny's hockey game which starts soon. So I will leave you with the first-ever Pregnancy Quiz on this blog!! <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>How Far Along:</b>
19 weeks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Total Weight Gain:</b> -8 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. I was originally down 10, so I've gained back 2. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Maternity Clothes:</b> I have some pants that need hemmed before I can really wear them</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Stretch Marks:</b>
None yet. Should I have some yet?? EEEEK!! I am trying to prevent them using Save My Skin oil by Pure Romance</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sleep:</b> I go to sleep super early these days, and I sleep well. I get up a few times a night to pee of course. And I wish our bathroom light was on a dimmer because it is BRIGHT in there. But I get back to sleep pretty quickly afterward. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Best Moment This Week:</b>
Finding out we are having a little GIRL <3</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Miss Anything:</b> Having an appetite, being able to eat without feeling like I'm going to throw up WELL before I'm full. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Movement:</b> She is most active in the mornings and when I'm about to go to bed. Also when I'm sleeping. You can see her MORPH my belly into weird shapes. And you can feel her from the outside already, too. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Food Cravings:</strong> Anything that I will be able to eat without immediately starting to sweat and fighting off the vomit... not many things fit into this category :(</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Anything Making You Queasy or
Sick:</b> Everything</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Gender:</b> A wonderfully amazing baby GIRL</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Labor Signs:</b> Goodness no, thank you God</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Symptoms:</b> I feel like I'm still in first tri, even though I'm almost half way through the entire pregnancy. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Belly Button In or Out:</b>
In</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wedding Rings On or Off:
</b>On and FALLING off. Weight loss, you stink!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Happy or Moody Most of the
Time:</b> I am ecstatic when I think about this baby girl. I am moody with most of the people in this world. Especially those that don't like our Baby Girl's name (I will share here with you blog followers once my skin thickens up a bit... I'm still a bit bitter) </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Looking Forward To: </strong>A 3d ultrasound... That I still need to schedule :)</span></div>
Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-75886529897812042192013-01-25T12:43:00.001-08:002013-01-25T12:43:33.299-08:00Survivor's Guilt? Not something you typically hear in regards to pregnancy... unless you're active in the infertility world, that is. <br />
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Survivor's Guilt... Why did I get blessed and not ____? Why couldn't ____ have success, too? Why do any of us have to go through this? <br />
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I've written and rewritten this blog post so many times. I start it, I delete it. I restart it. And again, backspace. I've been honest with my blogs, to the point of "too much information." So I'm not going to pretend like I don't feel what so many infertility survivors do. I am BEYOND ECSTATIC to be pregnant. I love hearing my little baby's heartbeat. I can't wait to see the little guy or girl again. The love I feel for this baby can't even be described. <br />And at the same time, I can't help but wonder why so many of my friends don't get to be on this side of the journey, too. What made us so lucky? I don't have an answer. I don't know if some of the people who are infertile will ever have kids. I don't know if everyone will eventually get answers. What do I know? I know that I will support my friends 100%. They're trying to raise money? Let me help. Need some advice? I'll tell them everything I know. They just need to vent? I'm ALL ears. I just hope that I can help others somehow, and that they can feel the support that I've felt this entire time. <br />
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Support that I still feel today. My friends that are infertile? They are excited for me, too. They love this baby, too. Just like those that AREN'T on this journey. And I couldn't be more thankful. They ask how I'm doing, and they are okay with hearing the truth. They know any complaints I have about this pregnancy don't change the fact that I am SO BEYOND GRATEFUL to be in this position. And they know that if I could, I would snap my fingers and they'd be on "this side" of the bridge. <br />
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So, to all of my wonderful friends who know firsthand just how awful infertility is... Thank you. Thank you for still supporting me. For not making me feel guilty. For loving this baby, too. And for so much more. Thank you. I'm in your corner, cheering you on. And I will be here until you bring a baby home and even after. <3<br />
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On that note... There are two active fundraisers for some friends of mine that I'd like to share with you all. One is shirt sales to help with adoption fees. The other is a Scentsy/Grace Adele/Velata fundraiser for another friend who is saving up for IVF. If you can help and would like to, here are the links!<br /><a href="http://www.adoptionbug.com/babybarber/">http://www.adoptionbug.com/babybarber/</a><br />Tracie's blog - <a href="http://operationbabybarber.blogspot.com/">http://operationbabybarber.blogspot.com/</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/464780733577111/">http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/464780733577111/</a><br />And Kelsey's blog - <a href="http://kelseyeli.blogspot.com/">http://kelseyeli.blogspot.com/</a><br />
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And now for my update on the pregnancy... <br />
I MADE IT TO THE SECOND TRIMESTER!!!!!! WHOOP WHOOP!! I never thought I'd be so happy. Why am I happy? I've been mostly nausea free for the last 4 days. I've had one pregnancy headache that put my to bed at 6:30 at night... That stunk. But I've been able to brush my teeth without gagging and then throwing up. I've been able to eat!!!! I still get tired, but I should probably just get used to that. One thing that's been going on since I began the progesterone injections is a pretty awful pain in my lower back towards the left of my spine. I don't know what it is, but that's when it started. I've been off of those injections for a month and there are days when every time I move I get the shooting pain. Hmm... Maybe something I should bring up at my appointment next week. Or just deal with it? <br />
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So, can you tell I'm excited to be in the second trimester? I've tried SO SO hard to not complain about how I've been feeling. But if someone asked? Well, I'm not going to lie. First trimester put me through the ringer, and I spent a lot of time wondering if it would be like that throughout the entire pregnancy. I didn't understand how people could honestly say they'd never felt better than they did while pregnant. Really, I still don't get that. The immense LOVE I feel is basically bursting from me and is an amazing feeling... But, I will say I've obviously felt better physically. So. I guess I'm just not going to be one of "those" ladies, and hey, that's okay. We're bringing a life into this world, and I'm the one responsible for that baby right now. I can handle feeling like crap for months on end. But I am on cloud 9 now that I'm feeling better :)<br />
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So ummm.... do you want a bump pic?? :)<br /><br />Here you go!! I will post again next week after my 15 week OB appointment, we will schedule our anatomy scan then!! EEK!! :)<br />
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Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-75953824943006034212012-12-31T10:50:00.001-08:002012-12-31T10:50:29.184-08:00Bye bye 2012!A year ago today, I was trying to figure out what to name my blog that I planned on starting on January 1st... <br />
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A year ago today I never thought we'd raise enough money to do IVF within a year. I figured it would take a couple years... <br />
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A year ago today I never imagined this blog would blow up the way it did. With views all over the world. <br />
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A year ago today I never EVER EVER EVER EVER would've imagined I would be sitting here today, 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant!!!! I'm almost through the first trimester! This morning I listened to the heartbeat again on the Doppler. Baby Crabb is so much easier to find this week than last week! I barely have to push down on the probe at all, and I always know Baby is right by the maternal artery thing-y that is super loud. <br />
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I had my second OB appointment last week, and I actually got to see my Doc, Dr C. She is AMAZING. She asked how Danny is doing... Meaning she remembered our story even though I hadn't seen her in 6 months and THAT appointment was my first ever with her. <br />She asked how the IVF went, and how bad the OHSS was. <br />
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Dr C commiserated with me about how awful she felt during ALL of her pregnancies (and she had boys and girls). And told me she hoped I continued to feel better and better. Over the last week I definitely have! <br /><br />Dr C also found Baby's heartbeat right away with her Doppler. She said if she couldn't find it, they'd do a quick sono (which I think she was hoping for). But Baby was very cooperative. <br />
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The anatomy scan will be at 18 weeks!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!! <br />
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So now comes the time when we fret over the names we've had picked out for ages. Yes, we've had names picked out. And NO, people's opinion on those names DO NOT MATTER TO US. We aren't changing the names we have picked out. They were picked out after much thought and consideration, and this child is ours. We will get the blame if Baby hates their name. So therefore WE get to choose it. <br />
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Meanwhile Danny is fretting over the bedroom. The bedroom? Yeah, I haven't spent too much time thinking about it. I have the designs in my head, of course. I have for months. But the action of getting it all done? HA! I will start thinking about that in March or so, when we find out which design we will need to go with ;)<br />
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So that's where we are, currently. I'm starting to feel better, slowly but surely. Although I do tend to get full on a lot less food than I'm used to... Probably because I haven't been able to eat much for ages so my stomach has shrunk. Who knows. Unfortunately my weight loss is showing. People are starting to point out that I look thinner. The fertility meds did cause months of bloating, so I actually feel like I look more like MYSELF than I have in ages. I guess it looks more drastic to others. The second trimester is coming up though, so I know that will soon change!!! <br />
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Tomorrow is my "Blogiversary." Hopefully I'll have time to make a quick post then!!! <br />
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Thank you all, SO SO much, for following our story throughout the past year. Thank you for supporting us, in EVERY way. And THANK YOU for helping us raise the money we needed to make our dream come true! We are where we are today THANKS TO YOU ALL!!!! We'll never be able to thank you enough!!! <br />
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Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-540159720844807242012-12-26T11:32:00.000-08:002012-12-26T11:32:34.925-08:00Merry Christmas.... A day late!I hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas!! I know I did :) <br />
Really, how could I not? I'm rocking a little baby bump (which is more of a bloat bump, but whatever!)... We are pregnant and that's the best Christmas present I ever could've asked for, EVER!!! <br />
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Since my last post about the twins, we've had another ultrasound which showed that sadly, Baby B stopped growing. The doctor had warned us that's what he thought would happen so we were prepared for the worst. Yes, we are sad that we lost a baby. Especially after seeing that heartbeat! BUT, I still believe everything happens for a reason. Every. Single. Thing. The RE said a singleton pregnancy is SO much safer for me and baby. Which I already knew of course. And the fact that Baby B stopped growing means there was probably an issue. I'm happy that the baby didn't continue growing only to suffer later on. <br />
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At that ultrasound we got to HEAR Baby A's heartbeat. It was THE most amazing sound in the world! My jaw dropped, and I looked over at Danny (who had a great view of the u/s screen) and he had the biggest grin on his face... Bigger than I've ever seen I think! <br />
Nurse Connie whipped her head around and said "Whoa, that's a strong heart beat!" Of course it is! That baby is a fighter! Not to mention that tiny heart was beating at an amazing 169 beats per minute!<br />
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Dr H told me that we don't have to come back until we want another. HA! We will see about that. He also asked that we please keep them updated, AND SEND PICTURES. You could tell in his face that he LOVES making dreams come true and helping people like us bring babies into this world! Connie asked that I PLEASE update her on EVERYTHING and to keep emailing her. She and Danny joked back and forth a bit, and then we were on our way. With the sad news of one less baby, but with a beautiful picture of Fighter Baby. <br />
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The next day I had my first OB appointment, where I didn't even see my OB, just a nurse. The experience was... less than I had hoped for. I don't even feel like sharing the whole thing because nothing made me happy at all (except that the Lab lady is good at drawing blood and didn't bruise me). <br />
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I have another OB appointment TOMORROW, when I WILL see my OB. Hopefully this appointment will go better! <br />
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After hearing the heartbeat at Dr H's, I knew I needed to order a Doppler. Most people can't find a heartbeat that early on a Doppler, and I knew that would probably be me, but I wanted to have it so when I COULD hear it, I could listen any time I want. Danny's dad had dropped off our Christmas gifts early and I spent that money on the Sonoline B Doppler (from Fetaldoppler.net). <br />
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The Doppler shipped FAST and it came before I was expecting it. Of course I ripped open the box, squirted the (freezing cold) gel on my abdomen, and started moving the probe around... listening... There were lots of heart-beat-y-type noises in there!! Danny came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face, until I told him those heart beats were ME. So then he tried moving it around on my abdomen, pushing harder than I was. Nothing. All we could pick up was me. I assumed Baby was just behind my pelvic bone, and cleaned up and packed the Doppler up. I decided I'd try again in a few days or a week, after watching more youtube videos with tips. <br />
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A few days or a week turned into the next night. I was just determined! I wanted Faith to be able to hear it when she came over on Christmas, and I'm just not a patient person! I watched two more videos, with good tips, and tried again. Danny was off watching a hockey game so the house was completely silent. I spent quite a bit of time moving the probe slowly and listening hard... AND I FOUND IT!! Twice!!!! The amazing heartbeat was 165 both times! It would be a while before Danny would be home, so I packed up the Doppler and started wrapping presents (I really procrastinated this year with wrapping, for the first AND LAST time ever). <br />
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The next day was Christmas Eve, and Danny had to work. I went to my mom's and baked some cookies, and we went and got some groceries. When I finally made it home, I whipped the Doppler out again. I found the heartbeat IMMEDIATELY! I'm getting good ;) Danny walked in and I asked if he wanted to listen, which he did, duh. So I let him hear the amazing sound... That day the heart beat was in the 150's. <br />
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Christmas Eve and Christmas day seemed to really FLY by. We were playing Scattegories at my parents' house last night when someone named "heating pad" with things that start with H... And I realized we were TWO HOURS LATE on my shot! The shot that has to be taken with 26 hours of the last. We have always done the shot within 24 hours. So I FREAKED OUT. Threw my boots on, gathered up all of Faith's gifts, and we ran out the door (and dang it, I had a double pointer on that list!). We made it home and rushed the shot. My last one will be Thursday and let me tell you HOW EXCITED I am to not have any more shots! They are painful for one, and I am SO SICK of always having to be home at 5:00, no matter what. It really is annoying! <br />
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After my shot and after Faith and Danny were settled in playing games and what-not, I decided I was going to try the Doppler for Faith to hear... Baby was NOT cooperating, but I managed to catch him (yes, gut feeling says HIM) for a few sweet seconds. Faith's face was PRICELESS, and she then squealed "That's so cute!!!" Ha!! I cleaned up and told her we could keep trying and over time it would get easier and easier. She's excited :) She told me "I will be happy with a brother or sister, but I would be SO SO SO happy if it IS a brother." This, from the girl who wrote "a brother" on her school paper that asked her what she wants most in the world. She is the sweetest. <br />
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So. There is the update of the past couple of weeks! Now on to how I'm doing... <br />
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I already voiced how sick I am of these shots! I'm starting to bleed more and more with them, because there just aren't any places left that aren't bruised or sore. It's a pain in my rear... literally! <br />
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My morning sickness has basically left the building (and yes I'm knocking on wood now). It's still a little early for it to be because it has just passed. It started easing up around the day we seen that Baby B was gone (there is still a gestational sac and yolk sac in there, but no baby, so the hormone being produced by the sac was a lot less than what was being produced by the baby, and the sac should vanish any time now). So I truly believe the only reason I had it that bad was because I had twice the hormone racing through my body. <br />
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The fact that my sickness is basically gone now that there's only one makes me think BOY BOY BOY. <br />
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My "cravings" also point to BOY BOY BOY. Sweets, which I normally eat daily (multiple times a day), taste very BLEH to me. Ice cream included. Yes, ice cream which I LOVE AND NEED ALL THE TIME is not something I want anymore. I haven't had it in... two weeks or so. I did have a strawberry shake a few nights ago because I was hot and needed something cold and kind of heavy so I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry... And EWW. I drank it, eventually... But it took a long time and it just didn't taste good. Anything sweet just tastes OFF.... <br />What DO I want? CHEESE. Mac and cheese. Chili cheese dogs. Nachos. CHEESE. Pieces of cheese. Have I mentioned CHEESE?! I also crave potatoes.... Baked, with lots of butter and shredded CHEESE. Also, french fries. Lots and LOTS of french fries. Mmmm and SALTY!!! <br />
<br />My bloat started out very high (and huge) thanks to the OHSS bloat. I'm still bloated and all that goodness, but the bump has dropped CONSIDERABLY. Right where my pants button... Which is why I have zero jeans that will button (and only one pair that even feels comfortable, and that's thanks to the rubber band trick). <br />
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Many people are saying that a high heartbeat means girls... But from all of my research (before we even heard the heartbeat) I read that in the first 10-12 weeks, boys and girls are both about the same. The heart forms at around 6 weeks, and it starts slow. Then a couple weeks later it really speeds up because EVERYTHING is forming, EVERY SINGLE THING. That heart has to pump blood everywhere so everything can get going! Then around 10-12 weeks, boys' heart rates start to slow down (for SOME), while girls' stay high (again, FOR SOME). There are always exceptions to the rule. I was, for one. The nurse told my mom I was a boy for sure (because of my heart rate, not because of an ultrasound lol), but she knew my heart rate was very different from my brothers'. My brothers all had the typical heart rate of girls (haha!!). So my mom knew from experience that I was different from my brothers early on. <br />Now let's look at Baby's heart rates... <br />At 6 weeks 6 days = 126<br />At 8 weeks 6 days = 169<br />At 9 weeks 3 days = 165 (if the Doppler was accurate)<br />At 9 weeks 4 days = 153 (if the Doppler was accurate)<br />We picked up Baby's heartbeat last night, like I said, but Baby was so far back that I couldn't get it loud enough for the number to be picked up. <br />So there you go, you can see how the heart beat started out low, shortly after forming, and then jumping up when the rest of the body started really forming, and now is slowly coming back down. Down? Oh yeah, another BOY indication ;) I talked to one of our wonderful friends who recently had a boy. She had an ultrasound when her baby was 9 weeks 3 days, and it showed a heart rate at 168. Right along the line of our Baby. Did I mention she had a boy?? ;)<br /><br />So there you have it. There is every update you could possibly want... Oh... Do you want to see the pic of Baby Crabb?! :)<br />
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There's our baby!!! The head is on the right, and the body is on the left. You can sort of make out the arms and legs... Danny had to point it out to me (he had the good view during the sonogram when Dr H was pointing everything out), but now I see it very easily :) <br />
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This amazing little baby is so loved already! And is even getting gifts!! Aunt Danielle, Uncle Ryan and baby Presley (okay, she's not a baby anymore) got Baby some ADORABLE little booty shoes with CRABS ON THEM!!! They are so stinkin' cute!! And we are meeting up with our friends that recently had a little boy for dinner this weekend, and they have a little gift for Baby, too. <br />
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There are days when I really just can't believe I'm pregnant. Unless I'm feeling sick (which is less and less often), I just don't feel any different. Maybe that's why I use the Doppler so much... Because I need that reassurance that this isn't all a dream. This is REAL LIFE. And there's a baby in me!!! :)<br /><br />
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Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-38705036944367172092012-12-05T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-05T12:00:18.215-08:00Big big big big news!!I feel like I've waited a really long time to make this post, although really we've only known for a couple of very short weeks... <br />
<br />
But.... <br />
<br />
WE ARE PREGNANT!!!! <br />
<br />
We started tested at home (okay, technically I started testing at home) on Tuesday Nov 13th. Thirteen is kind of a lucky number for us, and it was 7 days after the 5 day transfer, so I knew that whatever showed up on the test would most likely be right... And we saw the faintest second line that I thought possible. Frankly, it scared me. I expected something darker. Google was definitely not my friend. I just hoped that on Wednesday the line would be darker... <br />
<br />
It was... <br />
<br />
Thursday it was darker still, about as dark as the control line as a matter of fact!!!! <br />
<br />
I emailed Connie on Wednesday, when I saw the slightly darker line. She was already feeling positive about the outcome, because starting Sunday/Monday I had the symptoms of the condition we were trying to prevent, OHSS. I should have been "in the clear" long before that... Unless my body started producing HCG. HCG would trigger it. HCG is the pregnancy hormone. And low and behold, the same thing that was causing that ever-darkening second line... was also what was causing the EXTREME bloat/extreme pain/and many other problems I don't care to list. <br />
<br />
Connie was ecstatic for me, oh, I mean us... Of course! And tried to get me to come in earlier for the blood test. I was okay with waiting though, because the second test would be four days later and the original schedule worked out better for me. She pouted, literally (I LOVE her). And then told me that if she didn't get to draw my blood that I better find her before I leave so she can give me a hug (have I mentioned I love her?!). <br />
<br />
Friday morning we left bright and early, and we made it to my appointment in a good amount of time. My "other" favorite person at the clinic called me back... <br />
"So, have you cheated and tested at home?" That's cheating? Ha!! <br />
"I did... It was positive... I emailed Connie about it and she told me I have to find her before I leave if she's not the one who draws my blood." <br />
"HA! Well I will just go get her and let her do it, otherwise she'll get mad at me for STEALING YOU." HA! I love these ladies! <br />
Connie came in and we chatted for a while about the OHSS symptoms, she measured me (because of the EXTREME BLOAT I mentioned), weighed me... And of course took my blood. She checked with the doc about possibly doing a sonogram on my ovaries and lower abdomen to see how bad the fluid was... The doc said we could wait but if it got ANY worse, action would be taken. Action meaning they'd go in and DRAIN the fluid from me. Eww. No thanks. I know it brings relief. I just really did NOT want to do that. <br />
<br />
Over that weekend I seemed to slowly get better. Pain wise anyway. And we went down Tuesday for a follow up blood test. I took another at-home test over the weekend, since I had the one left... And the test line was darker than the control line! Whoop whoop!! <br />
Tuesday I was feeling better than I was a week before, but still not great. Since I was feeling better and not worse, they didn't have to do the sonogram. Feeling better, even slightly, made me nervous though.. Did that mean the HCG was going down? Was I losing the baby(ies)? <br />
I told Connie my fears. She told me I couldn't focus on that sort of thing. I needed to sit back and enjoy being pregnant. <br />
<br />
She called that afternoon with my results. <br />
"Okay, so your progesterone from Friday was amazing so we didn't even check that today. Your HCG levels today look great, so we will set up the sonogram for Dec 5 if that works for you?" Ahhh so far away! <br />
"That works for me... So my levels were good today?" <br />
"VERY good." What is very good????? My first number was 183. Four days later, with perfect doubling, would mean I need a number of 732<br />
"How good is very good? I need the number..."<br />
"Ha, well the number is 832!" 832... Oh my gosh. That's more than perfect... WHOA!! <br />
"Oh, WOW...." <br />
"Yeah... So with numbers like that... Could be one, could be two, we'll have to see on the fifth!" <br />
"Okay, I can't wait!!" <br />
"Congratulations AGAIN!!!!" <br />
"Thank you, so much!" <br />
<br />
We told some family over the following week. But we made the decision not to announce it until we seen the sonogram. I don't think either of us really felt safe until we seen a heartbeat. Too much could go wrong. Too much still COULD go wrong. It's mostly safe after the first trimester... But we couldn't make you wait that long. We could, however, make you all wait until the sonogram! <br />
<br />
I'm sorry we made you wait so long!! And I'm sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. I couldn't bring myself to type out anything without hinting at what has been going on. And we just weren't ready yet.... <br />
<br />
But obviously we are ready now.... So again I say WE ARE PREGNANT!!!! <br /><br />My beta numbers seemed high for a singleton but low for twins, so really all I was expecting to see on the ultrasound was one baby.... <br /><br />So imagine my surprise today when the doc said he saw TWO sacs on the sonogram. One is measuring right on time with a heart rate of 126. The other is measuring 6 days behind with a heart rate of 96. Big difference. Doc doesn't think the second will be viable (vanishing twin), but it's all in God's hands now... And we are praying like crazy!! If only one was meant to be, then we will still be amazingly thankful for the one healthy Crabb in there. Now we just sit back and wait... And have faith in Him. Our next sonogram is in two weeks!<br />
<br />
<br />
Having said all that.. I have one thing to say to EVERYONE that has told me how BLISSFUL pregnancy is and how it was the BEST time of your life... <br />
You all were lucky. <br />
Some books have said IVF pregnancies are different. I don't know if that's the case or what. But I know I have a high pain tolerance and I am still ABSO-FRICKEN-LUTELY miserable. I've already had round ligament pain, which shouldn't start for weeks still. My hips are INSANELY sore. I can't sleep. Nausea when I brush my teeth is one thing, nausea ALL EVENING LONG is another. Progesterone injections don't get any easier, they only get worse. I'm so ready to be done with them! But I know they are important, so I won't result to begging to be taken off of them... And my emotions? HA. Try not to tick me off right now. I get mad and stay mad for DAYS... And no, I don't think that's irrational.<br />
I'm about 7 weeks along, and I still have OHSS bloat. I also evidently have pregnancy bloat. Those two, combined, make me look huge. All the time. I have one pair of jeans that fit... And by fit I mean I can't button them, but I can zip them. That counts for something, right? <br />
<br />
I had the naive thought that every day of pregnancy would be marvelous. I thought I'd look super cute (and still perfectly thin) the day we announced to our families that the IVF worked. I thought I'd be glowing. <br />
Instead, most of the time I'm just sweating. And nauseous. And just miserable. I want to lay in bed, but laying in bed is one of the most uncomfortable things I can do. We went to multiple stores over the weekend to find a body pillow, since pregnant women swear by them... Body pillow.. HA. All it did was make me swear all night long. Maybe it'll come in handy later, but right now it's definitely not for me. <br />
<br />
And you know, no matter how bad each day seems to SUCK... I am still so thankful. I'm thankful that I'm feeling what I'm feeling, because it means things are happening and going well. I'm thankful for the opportunity to even be in this position, because so many aren't so lucky... <br />
And I'm constantly praying for our little babies. Praying for a healthy pregnancy, praying that they are happy and healthy, and thriving. And that all of that continues on. <br />
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<br />
<br />
And to say thank you to all of you, here is A PICTURE<br />
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Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-52713375057229249272012-11-07T12:05:00.001-08:002012-11-07T14:04:34.055-08:00Embryo Transfer!!! This could be one of my favorite posts to date! All about our embryo transfer!!! <br />
<br />
After the egg retrieval I got updates, or "fert reports" daily (excluding Sunday). We went from 21 eggs to 19 that were mature... Of those 19, 10 fertilized normally and became embryos!! On Saturday Dr H called to tell me that of those 10, they were ALL growing well but EIGHT of them were "VERY good quality." Eight?! EIGHT!!!! That's fabulous and more than I was expecting to get such a high remark. Since we had so many that were in such great shape and there were no clear front runners, we were a go for a 5 day transfer! just what I wanted!!! <br />
I got no update Sunday. <br />
And Monday I got the call from Connie to set up the transfer time. I got all of the instructions and then asked about our embryos... <br />
"So, how do they look today?" <br />
"Well we don't get reports on day 4, because they were in a transitional stage so they can't be rated at that point... But as of yesterday they are all FABULOUS. Like, really REALLY great. You make some awesome embryos!!" Ahhh!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!! <br />
"Yeah, I try..." <br />
Connie and I chatted a bit about how every thing that comes out of her mouth ends up coming true, so I told her to please talk more about great things for us! Ha! <br />
<br />
<br />
Yesterday was the day of the 5 day transfer! I was so super excited!! I took it easy during the day and tried not to stress. Focusing on having the best possible environment for the embryo(s). <strong>Staying stress free is really important from this point on.</strong> It's better for the body anyway, but super important for this stage of my cycle.... <br />
<br />
Heading in to the day, we had gone back and forth on how many we wanted to transfer. One? Two? One??? Two??? Danny left the decision up to me, since it's my body that would be carrying them. I told him I wanted two. He said that's fine. So, I knew he was okay with two. But I wasn't going to make the FINAL decision until we were at the transfer and hearing exactly how those embryos were doing, I just had to know he really was okay with whatever I decided. <br />
<br />
Danny and I drove down, eating on the way... and arrived with just a few minutes to spare. I checked in, noticing that the waiting room was completely empty. Connie came out and got us shortly after we arrived. She and I were hangin' crap on Danny as we walked in the back and it really cracked up another of my favorite ladies there. She peeked her head around the corner, waved, and wished us good luck. <br />
We were taken back to the room where the actual egg retrieval was. It's a big sterile room, with so many machines that I wouldn't even begin to understand... And two relaxing beachy pictures on the wall. <br />
Danny got set up in his chair, which he proceeded to WHEEL AROUND THE ENTIRE ROOM looking at anything and everything. Thank goodness he kept his hands to himself! <br />
<br />
I got ready and Connie came in to check my bladder. <br />
"So I don't want to steal Dr H's thunder... but... Okay yes I do. Your embryos are SO FANTASTIC!! They really couldn't be more perfect!! Seriously!!" Ohhhhh YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you God!!! <br />
"Really? You're not just saying that???" <br />
"No. If they weren't like this I would just keep quiet and let Dr H let you know how they are. These are fabulous!" Eeeeeek!!! Go embies go!!!!! <br />
She checked my bladder and it was full but hadn't expanded quite enough to tilt my uterus quite enough. She figured it would be expanded by the time the transfer would happen... <br />
She also asked if I would be okay with an OB student coming in to observe the transfer... Why not? <br />
<br />
A few minutes later Dr H came in to discuss our little embryos. He said four were very good, and that some others might be good enough tomorrow to freeze! He asked how many we wanted to transfer. <br />
"Two, we want to transfer two." <br />
"Alright. Now I'm going to give you some numbers. This is in NO WAY to persuade you or change your mind. But I have to give you these facts... With your age and the amount of embryos you have with high ratings, that makes you a Gold Standard Patient. So here are all the percentages for our Gold Standard Patients..." He went on to tell us the success rates with one vs two embryos transferred, the percentage of twins, etc. I'm not going to share them here, but they were CRAZY. But, ultimately, I went with my gut. <br />
"Okay. Whoa. Okay, well I'm still okay with two." <br />
"Alright. Here is a picture of the best two. This one is 4a___ _______" He's still talking. What's he saying? Their ratings? Look at these BEAUTIFUL blasts!! These are our embryos!! Our future babies!! They DO look perfect!! Oh I love them so much already!!<br />
I clutched the picture, I didn't care if Danny wanted to hold it or get a better look. It was NOT going to leave my hand. <br />
Dr H pushed around on my belly with the sonogram wand thing, seeing what Connie did with the bladder. And the student commented on my "pretty ovaries." Why, thank you nice student lady!! <br />
Then the transfer began. My bladder still didn't expand enough, but with enough pushing (OUCH), they got the proper view. <br />
"Okay, do you see the bright white on the screen?" <br />
"Yeah, I see it." <br />
"That's the catheter. You can see some movement there right now. This part that you see right now will stay right there. The rest of the catheter will be removed, given to the embryologist so he can load the embryos, and then brought back and put back in. That's when the embryos will be transferred into you." Wow!!! <br />
"Oh, and you'll see the embryologist in here, obviously, for all of that. I'm not sure if you've met him?" Sure haven't... But hey, what difference does yet ANOTHER stranger make. He's the babies' first babysitter after all... <br />
"We haven't met him..." <br />
"We used to tell people that they might see a strange person come in during this, but I don't think they liked being called strange..." HA!! THAT is funny!! <br />
<br />
Right on time, the embryologist came in. We all laughed, quietly, but didn't fill him in on the little joke. He was told to load the two best, and then he disappeared again. I didn't look again, I was so focused on the sono screen. <br />
Before I knew it there was movement on the screen again! I clutched Danny's hand. <br />
"The embryos are too small to be seen on this screen. But you WILL see air bubbles. There should be one before and one after the embryos. This will create a sort of flash on the screen so you'll see it happening." Oh WOW!!! <br />
FLASH... Two air bubbles, with a small amount of space in between them... Right there!!! <br />
"Okay, now Brad will take the catheter to be sure both embryos are out, sometimes they get stuck..." No way could one get stuck, that went too well!! <br />
Dr H walked away to check with Brad. <br />
Connie and the student were whispering... <br />
"Did you see him nod? He never does that. I knew, when he did that, that this was perfect. He never shows any emotion!!"<br />
Dr H came back. <br />
"Okay they are both out of the catheter." He started pushing around on my belly with the sono again, printing some pictures. "That's great...." What? What's great?! He walked off again and Connie and the student started talking again... <br />
"He NEVER says anything about transfers, during or after. He said this was great. He's a perfectionist so he's never happy enough with anything. This went BEYOND perfect, for him to be happy with it! And did you see the air bubbles? They are still close together, and just those two. A lot of times you won't see both, or there will end up being more because of the air bubbles messing up, sometimes they spread out. This is just perfect!" Perfect!! YES!!!! <br />
Dr H came back and finished up and we discussed the pregnancy test date. <br />
"You can test at home, but all that we ask is that if you get a negative, don't stop taking the medication. The home tests just aren't always reliable and we don't want to mess anything up." <br />
"Okay." <br />
"Some couples say they won't test, but we want you to know it's okay to." Ha...<br />
"Well we've already bought some..." <br />
Everyone laughed. <br />
"Okay, well good luck!" <br />
<br />
I had to lay for 10 more minutes on the bed, and during this Connie went through all the rules for after the transfer. <br />
"Lots of rest. NO cooking or housework" **points at Danny** "Have someone else do all that. Then after the two days are up, continue to take it easy. No working out. Nothing strenuous." Not. A. Problem. <br />
"Alrighty." <br />
"And, most importantly. If you test at home... YOU BETTER CALL ME OR EMAIL ME!! I want to know asap!!! Don't leave me in the dark here!" Awww, I LOVE HER!!!! <br />
"I will be sure to let you know!" <br />
Connie hugged me, and we had 5 more minutes to lay on the bed and relax... <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I couldn't decide if we should tell everyone that we transferred two. We haven't had a lot of privacy through all this, which is fine considering it's thanks to all of YOU that we are even in this position! But I wanted to keep some things between the two of us. I did want our families to know though, so I sent a picture of our embie picture to our moms. They are their future grandbabies after all. <br />
We ended up posting a picture of the embryos last night on Facebook, telling everyone that we transferred two. <br />
<br />
We are going to test early, at home. But we won't be sharing those results. We don't know WHEN exactly we will be taking that test. And we would like to keep the results between just the two of us for a bit, just like other couples get to NORMALLY. The blood test IS on a specific day. However, the pregnancy isn't considered official until there are multiple blood tests with the levels doubling appropriately... And really even then it's not OFFICIAL OFFICIAL until there's a heartbeat (or two?).... We don't know when we'll be sharing any results. But please, PLEASE understand our want for a bit of normalcy through all of this. We will keep you all updated as soon as it's safe! Or maybe even before then, we don't know. We want to be the ones to make that decision though. <br />
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Now.... Do you want to see our future babies?? I hope they're snuggling comfortably in RIGHT NOW!!!! <3 <3<br />
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<br />Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-35295784658607334782012-11-07T09:03:00.000-08:002012-11-07T09:03:00.486-08:00Egg retrieval!Hey there everyone!!! <br />
I'm so sorry it's been SO LONG since I posted. Things have been BEYOND crazy lately though. <br />
<br />
An update on everything up through last week:<br />
<br />
For those of you who are on our Facebook, you know I was in a little bit of trouble. My body was sort of OVERreacting to the stim meds. Basically, my body was putting the eggs/follicles first... And my health last. The docs (and Danny) were NOT happy with this. We tried lowering my doses... didn't work. So then we started what they call "coasting." Which basically means I was off all meds other than Lupron (which prevents ovulation). It took a while for the coasting to work. Three days as a matter of fact, the absolute LONGEST amount of time that Dr H allows anyone to coast. <br />
<br />
At one of my last monitoring appointments he apologized, sincerely, for me having to go through all of that nonsense. <br />
"I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this, and having to be monitored every day. In hindsight, I should have started you out at an even lower dose, but I had no way of knowing. I already started you out lower than anyone else...." Ha. Leave it to my body to go berserk with a lower dose than he gives ANYONE. <br />
"It's okay. I'm an overachiever, so of course my ovaries are too." <br />
<br />
<br />
Fast forward to FINALLY getting the go ahead to "trigger." My egg retrieval appointment was set up, and the hotel reservations for the night before made. We would be staying in OKC on Halloween night. <br />
It was our year with Faith on Halloween so we picked her up from school, got her ready, and went to my parents' house for the usual Halloween festivities. All while Danny was not feeling quite right. Faith went trick or treating. Danny tried to sleep on the couch while he could. <br />
We took Faith to her mom's a little earlier than normal so we could get on the road... And we headed out.... <br />
<br />
We made it to OKC in good time, checked in to the nice hotel (that we were staying at for FREE thanks to a dear friend <3)... Got to our room.... And Danny proceeded to VOMIT ALL NIGHT LONG. He definitely had the stomach flu! And I didn't want it!!! <br />
<br />
The next morning I woke up and got ready for the egg retrieval! I let Danny sleep as long as possible, it was a long night for him after all.... <br />
<br />
We arrived at the clinic and I was called back to write the check for the anesthesia. Then I went back into the waiting room to wait... <br />
When it was finally time, we were taken back to a different section of the clinic that I'd never been in before. I was prepped and ready to go, when the anesthesiologist came in. This man is supposed to be the best in the state... <br />
We chatted for about 10 seconds about my allergies and what will happen. And then he and Danny started chatting about heating and air and what AC systems are best and how long they last and I was laying there thinking "What the heck?? How did we get here, to this conversation?!" Ha!! <br />
<br />
Before long I was wheeled across the hall to the egg retrieval room. Dr H was there, and we went over what would happen. I was attached to a few machines, and then the stirrups were attached to the bed. <br />
"I'll help you get your legs up here." Help? Why would I need help. I can lift my legs.... <br />
"Okay..." <br />
"Next we _____" <br />
OUT. LIKE. A. LIGHT. <br />
<br />
.........................................<br />
<br />
"Blah blah blah" Huh? What are they saying? <br />
"How many eggs?" <br />
"Blah blah blah." What?? Did she say 24? Oooo 24..... <br />
OUT again.... <br />
"Blah blah blah..." What are they SAYING?! Did we really get 24 eggs?<br />
"How many eggs? 24?" <br />
"No, 21. Which is great!" Ewww, 21. That's not as many as I thought we'd have. Hopefully they are all mostly mature. <br />
"You already asked about the eggs babe..." Did I really? <br />"Danny, shush it. I know." <br />
"It's okay, most girls ask way more than twice... And most HUSBANDS don't get to see all of the recovery when you're waking up, Daniel here just got lucky because he's sick!" YEAH DANNY!!! <br />
<br />
The rest of recovery went okay. I was crampy so I took some pain meds... Big mistake, they made me so tired and nauseous. And we had to ride all the way home with me feeling like that!! <br />
That night I felt a little better, but the new shots (in the tush) HURT. And then I started feeling wonky again. I just wasn't okay. <br />I stayed home from the work the next day. It helped, but I still didn't feel normal. <br />
<br />
Honestly, it's been almost a week and I STILL don't feel 100%. I've been on so many meds to prevent OHSS and infection and progesterone shots now to help the embryos and it's all just making my body crazy. I rarely even take a regular Tylenol for a headache! My body is probably in some form of shock. BUT, things are looking better these days, so that's okay! <3Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999428637278916531.post-43727468189688676782012-10-22T15:49:00.000-07:002012-10-22T15:51:18.332-07:00He is in charge of Stabby Hour....Happy Monday!!! <br />
<br />
Sorry for the lack of posts last week. The days have been an absolute whirlwind these days!!!! <br />
<br />
Quick fundraiser update... There is ONE more going on, and it's the one that was originally just in my group of Brides.com girls. This is now open for EVERYONE until every square is sold. Here is the pic (click on it to make it bigger!) that explains it better than I can!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtYpUVwDvsiTjwWCqIiaMD2g17VF6GV_JRBKabvDpbbNu3hRjm9B8FiMy7bLM8_0lxfyZlNt-xZ8bQj_hjWoc_JFBCyZMNFcnee9f0tqtP682rgTMop1DLa9b69rv8s2gwX8eBplYCEaQ/s1600/31ivf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtYpUVwDvsiTjwWCqIiaMD2g17VF6GV_JRBKabvDpbbNu3hRjm9B8FiMy7bLM8_0lxfyZlNt-xZ8bQj_hjWoc_JFBCyZMNFcnee9f0tqtP682rgTMop1DLa9b69rv8s2gwX8eBplYCEaQ/s320/31ivf.jpg" width="242" /></a></div>
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There aren't many boxes still available (because my Brides girls rock my socks!), but I will post this pic on our Facebook, along with the available numbers. Please COMMENT ON THE PICTURE there, with the numbered box you'd like. Please checks the comments before yours so the number you want isn't already taken! Then Paypal the money ($5/box) to Rena. She is going to take care of all the funds and then give me the profit at the end!! <br />
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The cookie fundraiser is all done now I believe, I should probably double check ;) <br />
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And now for updates on the IVF process....<br />
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Last week I had my baseline appointment, also known as the "suppression check." All was fine and dandy. The sono showed less antral follicles than ever (14 and 10, waaahhh), BUT that just means the Lupron was doing it's job... Suppressing! I hope some more pop up during the stims! <br />
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After the baseline appointment I went over to the Blood Institute for my infectious disease testing. OUCH. Seventy-five dollars, five vials of blood and one HUGE BRUISE later (I'll spare you the details), we were done. My mom and I went out for breakfast and followed that up with some shopping... And getting a little lost in OKC. Hey, it isn't a road trip if we don't get lost at least once, right? <br />
Saturday night we started the stim meds. That meant that the Lupron dose dropped from 10 to 5. The stims are Menopur (1 vial, meaning 75 iu) and Follistim (125 iu). That's three shots a night! All in the stomach! OUCH AGAIN. Saturday night we also had a Halloween party to attend (in case you're interested, we were Christian Grey and Anna Steele-Grey). I did NOT feel good. I'd had dizzy spells from the Lupron leading up to Saturday and I was hoping the stims would make those stop. They didn't. Hot flashes continued as well. I just wasn't a happy camper. We ended up leaving pretty early and I was happy to just go to bed!! <br />
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Last night we switched up the way we did the injections, trying to find what works best for us. The injections went better than they had the night before but WHEW that Menopur BURNS. <br />
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I'll post tomorrow about my appointment I had today. Today's post I really want to talk about my amazing husband.... <br />
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Through all of these injections, Danny has really been a trooper. He is in charge of Stabby Hour. He is doing all the mixing, measuring and stabbing. All I do is stand there and try to breathe... And then mark off my calendar of course (that's my favorite part!). He is really good at everything, despite never doing any injections before (unless you count being on the receiving end of TONS during cancer surgery/chemo/etc). I couldn't be more proud of him! <br />
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The part that makes me the happiest with all of this, is how interested he is in all of it. He asked some questions at the last RE appointment he went with me to. And he's really looking out for me now that injections have started. <br />
Last Wednesday after my appointment I sent him a text telling him how fast it went. His response? "Well, how did it go?" Ohhhh yeah, I guess that's important too. So many guys probably wouldn't care or think to ask. He does. He wanted to make sure everything was still okay. <br />
Saturday night he repeatedly asked how I was doing. He told me, again repeatedly, that it was OKAY to leave early. And made sure I knew that whenever I was ready was fine. <br />
During my hot flashy and dizzy spells during the party, he was right there asking what he could do. I ended up outside for most of the night enjoying the gloriously cool weather. Of course Danny's reaction is "You're not supposed to be around that stuff..." because I was hanging around the cigarette smoke. My caring, loving husband <3 I was outside, not in a closed smokey room, so I knew I was fine. But what caught me off guard with that statement from him, was the fact that I had mentioned that MONTHS ago... about the second hand smoke being bad during IVF, especially during the stims period. I'd read an article on either the RESOLVE or ATTAIN facebook pages out loud to him. Most guys tune out and I half expected him to. Turns out, he didn't. Not only did he listen, he took it to heart. He's looking out for me, so much, even this early on in the process... <br />
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Wonder how he'll be once I'm pregnant!! ;)<br />
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That's all for today, IT'S ALMOST STABBY HOUR!!! Time to go stand, breathe and go to my happy place! Destinyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06873434416737151906noreply@blogger.com0